Elseware

You sound better already, Kadidee. I'll keep checking in often. You can get through this. Lol! I hate to vacuum, too, but it is nice when you get it done! Getting housework done makes me feel like I'm in control of things. I'm so glad to hear that your parents are there for you. That can mean soooooo much when you can have a good relationship with them. My parents are gone and I miss them. Nobody loves you like your parents.

jaynie04

Kadi....a lot of times when there is a storm on the way I get tense because the barometric pressure shifts suddenly. Sounds dorky, I know, but I think we are more sensitive to those types of external issues early on. You did an AMAZING job of thinking it through to tomorrow. You can tell your family you have taken up surfing! Sending hugs!

advbike

Way to go Kadi. You're doing awesome!

SeanMc

Don't get stung...

w2r

We are all rooting for you Kadi.....

SeanMc is that you in the white suit?

kadidee

Yikes, SeanMc! Is that you in the bee suit?

jaynie04

Whoa, that is soooo cool! I don't know anyone who is a bee catcher.....is that even the right term?

kadidee

Thanks, w2r. Thank you all. The demon has passed on for tonight. Kitchen clean, laundry almost done, trash out, and I even vacuumed. I feel so much better. Turned on just about every light in my house to dispel the darkness in my head. I am so grateful for being able to vent and blab here.

Linnie--have a great time in Mexico! Maybe you should take some pictures of your food to post here like they do on facebook.

Johnny--I hope the mattress buy goes well. A mattress is a big purchase...not as big as a car, but much bigger than a phone. I have a hard time making decisions with big purchases, but it sounds like you have a good idea of what you want. I had to buy a mattress a few years ago and lucked out with finding a Groupon for $50 that took $250 off.

SeanMc

Hi folks, no, actually it isn't me in the bee suit but it is me in last picture kneeling down... I'm not a beekeeper myself but it's quite interesting to watch them and try to understand how brainless creatures can have such intelligence and indeed character and moods.

When it's hot in Britain, which isn't too often, the bees may get fed up of the temperature inside and swarm up into a tree. Hopefully it's not the neighbours' tree and you then lop the branch off and let them crash into a box beneath, and chuck them back in the hive...

All good fun...

George3334

Very cool, Sean! Thanks for posting the pics.

Elseware

Hi friends. I've been thinking about you all today and hoping everyone is having a good day. It is clear and sunny here and warm again although the snow is thick on the mountains. I took my horse out for a ride today and and she was an angel. It was fun but I am so surprised at how wobbly I feel. I was even afraid some of the time. I have a sore behind! Me?!? I have always taken pride in being healthy, strong and tough. I am upset and sad that I have damaged myself this way. I am working on getting my strength back. And it is coming back a little at a time but it sure isn't easy. It's painful getting back up from being so low. I really don't think I'll ever be the same. At this point, I can't even think how I let myself get so wrapped up in pills that I forgot everything else that I value. It's like I went insane or something and now things have come right.

SeanMc

Hi folks

Elsewhere, I was keen on fitness for many years though by my mid-40s now the metabolism has slowed and the shape sadly isn't the same! No joke either. Some guys keep their body better than I have but I do some modest running and swimming now and I think more about diet. I remember riding a horse when I was about 13, good experience...

Hey I have eight weeks sobriety today!

advbike

Congratulations on eight weeks Sean - that's really awesome! Good show!

foolsgold66

Elseware, I'm sorry you aren't getting your rewards physically yet. I'm a little over a decade younger than you and am in pretty rotten shape physically as well, can't exert myself as I would like, pay dearly for hard physical work, feel wobbly, like I might faint sometimes, similar somewhat to you..

There may be 1 or 2 factors beyond my control that I am working on with my doctor but I still gotta own this.

I smoked excessively for 30 years
I drank excessively for 30 years
I didn't exercise regularly

Things are getting better for me very slowly in these areas, but they are improving some, and you and I obviously don't have the exact same experiences.

I was hoping for quicker progress as well. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone in the class in this area...

EternalQ

Sean eight weeks is HUGE!! How does it feel?

w2r

Elsewhere, you have really come a long way!
I'm sure all your strength and energy will return and then some!

8 weeks is fabulous SeanMc

I opened some wine today... 24 bottles in fact.....I had made them.
Poured them down the drain. (cleaning out the basement)

EternalQ

Elseware, we didn't go insane but addiction is insanity and now that the tornado is removed it is painful to look at the damage without getting overwhelmed.

I found that part excruciating. And didn't see why I couldn't just skip over the rebuilding part.

But I will say that the day in and day out of assessment and slowly rebuilding is a big part of why I've never drank again. I don't want to go through withdrawal again but I also don't want to ever have to clean up years of wreckage like I did and am doing now. I can't risk it.

So the pain of our realizations has an upside in that it imprints upon us deeply why we must stay away from tornado alley forever!

EternalQ

Wow w2r, that's amazing! Was it difficult?

EternalQ

Kadi getting through this spot is so impressive.

I have a drinking connection with storms too. Which is strange as I drank nightly no matter the weather. But storms I would stock up. Like some people stock up on bread or milk. I drank in the basement during tornado warnings.

Blows my mind now but just shows us how insane addiction is.
It taught me to be afraid of everything. (Lie #1 to set up.....
......lie #2) It taught me I needed alcohol to survive everything I was afraid of.
Both of those lies are bull.

But abstaining does cause our courage to expand and it sounds like yours just did too! Great job!.

foolsgold66

WHOA! Your attitude is really ramping up now, w2r. Was it hard or did you feel proud, or both. Way to go!

Shame you couldn't give them to someone without a problem, but sometimes for folks like us the quickest removal is the best, even if a bit wasteful.