Elseware

Serenity, I'm so glad you made it thru that difficult Friday! That must have been a real challenge and you made it and the whole weekend, too. I'm happy for you. I had a decent weekend myself but had some persistent cravings. Nothing too bad. I just stayed with it and kept noticing and kept on just doing what I was doing until they went away. One thing I'm noticing is that I'm cold all the time. I feel like I need something to "warm me up". I know a couple things that would do that so what I did instead was to get out some winter clothes and put them on. It's still September and I'm wondering how I'm going to make it through the winter?! Oh well. I guess I don't need to worry about that today. Maybe you could make some specific plans for this Friday coming up. So you'll have other things to think about when the next craving Friday hits.

Dee74

I'm so glad you resisted too Serenity - drop in as much as you need to

D

kadidee

Wow, Serenity, that sounds like some intense cravings. You just exercised your resistance muscles in a big way and that's going to help you the next time those cravings come around.

kadidee

This really helped me today. I was at the end of a meeting nearing 5 p.m. and felt some urges coming on. Deep down, I knew I wasn't going to give in, but they were more acute than I've felt in a couple weeks. And weirdly, even though I don't feel them as often anymore, they were terribly familiar...it was like my head was taking me back to that comfy foggy space and I wanted to go home to zone out.

Tried to figure out what I was feeling. It was a mixture of being overwhelmed and kind of lonely I think. And maybe scared that I'm not good at my job. General malaise and insecurities. I went back to my office and wrote down on a sticky note everything I need to do tomorrow and then felt more grounded. Thank the universe for whoever invented sticky notes.

EternalQ

Serenity I'm glad to hear you're still sober!

At a certain point I decided that urgent thoughts of drinking were not my urgency. They were my addiction's urgency. I have the rest of the day, the rest of the year, the rest of my life to decide if I'll drink again, I told myself. What's the rush?

It's not MY rush I decided. It's the addiction's rush.

Addiction knows if it doesn't make me feel:
.... it must happen NOW
....or make me worry that I will NEVER have another chance
... and I'll NEVER have any fun
...and I'll be the ONLY one who doesn't drink....
...and any other version of an "All or nothing gotta have it now" thinking
Then I won't drink.

If you haven't tried it, try it next time. Ask "What's the rush?"

You can always decide to drink tomorrow. But you'll never want to. Youll always wake up relieved you didn't.

Congratulations everyone on your journey!

EternalQ

Wow Kadi, that's really powerful.

w2r

Last night I was low energy, with a dull headache.
AV was letting me know all evening that one glass of wine would return me to normal within minutes.

I know enough now that although I would feel better, I'd rather enjoy the headache than the thought of giving up my progress. And I'd feel bad in the morning instead!

Way to go Serenity! nice to hear you have so many days of success now.
Kadi you seem to be developing some very useful skills.
Elsewhere, I think our metabolisms are trying to find their way back to normal.
Being chilly probably feels better than feeling like total crap! hehehe

Dee..thanks for nudging us in the right directions!

Andrea, just picked up 2 cases of san pelligrino, about to get out the ice and crack one open!
Jdooner sounds like a breakthrough to tranquility. Sean, you made it through the letdown unscathed! And Advbike...5 weeks, I'm so envious.

We are a great group.....Johnny, hows it going in your corner of the world??

Dee74

no worries w2r

D

SeanMc

Hi folks; hey I was a bit low last night with things and I thought about having a drink, which I haven't really done for a long while. But I just walked home past the supermarket and all back to normal... Any problems I can then say are not-drink related.

Good to see the encouraging posts below.

Elseware

SeanMC. I am glad you made it through your rough patch. I am not surprised, though. You have been a rock these past few weeks. You have much fortitude and there are bound to be some difficulties as there are in everyone's life. You strike me as a very determined guy and give me much hope that I can be determined, too. Very good getting past the market and getting back on track, my friend!

Elseware

Johnny, I hope you're reading and just not posting because we are all still here for you and sure would like to hear from you!

Ornithology

Day 37 and life is good. I found a social worker who volunteers with SMART Recovery who lives about an hour from my home. She is willing to meet with me one-on-one to review the tools provided in the SMART Recovery Handbook. We meet next week for the first time.
Blood pressure has dropped 45 points, I've lost 16 pounds and am now skinny, I'm running/walking every morning, and my wife continues to be fully supportive of my efforts.

I'm reminded of that moment of realization in the Wizard of Oz when the Good Witch tells Dorothy she could have gone home from Oz whenever she wanted by just clicking her heels. My 34 years of drunkenness could have ended whenever I wanted it to; all I had to do was stop drinking.

Serenity1972

I see many of us have been craving a drink lately, but are staying strong and fighting the urge until it passes which is a huge achievement in itself. Congrats to all that have won the battle.

The cravings are really starting to scares the crap out of me. I do fairly well throughout the week. I did have a few cravings in the beginning throughout the week which was odd but those have been few and far between lately. It is just the Friday madness which has me up in arms. I do have a plan every weekend to stay sober, but for some reason on Friday's my cravings are getting more intense. I do believe a lot of it has to do with me being tired and stressed out from a hard work week. I am exhausted by the time I get home at the end of the week. I still take the long way home on Friday's to avoid the corner liquor store and that has helped. It as least gets me home where I can hunker down and deal with the beast. I just wonder if this feeling will ever go away (I read that it does so I guess time will tell)? I know that I am still early on in my sobriety, but it would be nice not to have to fight this battle every Friday evening. It is just as exhausting as drinking was but now I get the benefit of waking up sober which is awesome. But, I keep thinking that since my drinking pattern was concentrated on the weekends maybe that is where my problem lies? I binged the entire weekend (24/7) and than sobered up during the week only to relapse every Friday over and over again for 8 years. Do any of you think this is why I am having such a hard time shaking this monster every Friday? I really don't want to drink ever again. It is such a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde scenario. I feel like I have a double personality when these cravings hit. I don't want to drink but the beast tells me I should. I guess I should count my lucky stars that the cravings aren't daily. I guess I am just venting at this point......I am sorry guys.

Ornithology - Way to go on day 37. I am glad you found additional support to help with your recovery. You are doing a great job and I see major success coming your way. I love your analogy regarding your moment of realization.

Elseware

Serenity, I can hear the frustration and pain in your heart when you discuss this Creepface coming on to you every Friday. Eww! It's almost like an actual entity when you describe it. I think it's a good thing that you are identifying when this ass shows up for you. This way it will be unable to catch you unaware. And I think that's a good start. It's really like turning your back on an old lover to whom you're still attracted. You know very well all he's gonna do is rip your heart out again. But the tug is still there. Got to pass on him......know what I mean? Keep on turning your face to the light!

w2r

Ornithology, what a terrific post!
That should be posted to the community at large. When you remove all the other issues, it is basically that simple.

Serenity, I'm the same way on Friday. EternalQ had a great post some time ago in the august class, about how a certain pattern is so well established, that it is more the pattern we are dealing with than the "craving" alone. (hope I'm not too far off eternalQ)

So I think we need to be the architect of a strong new pattern. (maybe have a nap the moment we get home). Then have new activities in the evening we are well rested for and that don't trigger thoughts of drinking.

I'm losing weight as well. I'm down 5 lbs. Another 5 and I'm at my ideal weight when I was an active marathon runner. I guess its all those wine calories that are gone.

Its nice to feel so much better during the day, but I find there is also a general tiredness all the time. Is this your experience as well?

Elseware

W2r, tired is my middle name those days. Elseware, the Tired. That's me.

SeanMc

Elseware, hey thanks for those thoughts. A couple of months ago I was up to one bottle of 55% a day and I couldn't leave it alone day or night. Now although some problems remain of course the advantages and what I'm getting done in life are clear. I've quite surprised myself that I could do this so I'm really looking to stay in this position where I am and not going back to the nonsense again.

I hope you're doing okay today.

Serenity I do believe a lot of it has to do with me being tired and stressed out from a hard work week. This the same with me. The other day I'd done a few very good days days work for my job before a few days off for the national day over here and was disappointed in various ways with the response or lack of it from the management, and my students.

They're all okay but don't have the passion I do, they don't see what I see about the subject matter- everything is a dreary mobile phone or a brainless game of basketball. The experience of this listlessness makes me withdraw into myself and in the past I'd try and blot the alienation with a bottle in my room.

But it's possible to deal with things much better than that- the hell with problems we can't do anything about and don't let them affect what we can do. That's how I see it anyway.

Dee74

do you feel it gets a little easier each Friday Serenity?

D

kadidee

Orinthology, I love the Wizard of Oz analogy. It makes so much sense. Back in May, I started making some positive changes like getting off of facebook, cutting off cable, and going back to the gym, but I didn't see the big elephant right in front of me: wine! Looking back, it seems obvious, but at the time I thought 'well, I can't stop drinking...it's the only way I can 'relax'.

w2r and Elseware, I've been tired too. Even when I get to bed at a decent hour and sleep 7-8 hours (sometimes 9 hours!), I have such a hard time getting up in the morning. I felt so groggy over coffee this morning and thought, wow, if I'm this tired now, how did I ever get up and get through every day after a bottle of wine the night before? Sheesh.

Serenity, I'm thinking of you. I'm sorry that the cravings seem to be getting more intense. I wonder why that's happening now and not during the first few weeks (maybe this is a Dee or EQ question). At least you recognize it--you give it less power by being aware. You got through last Friday and you WILL get through this Friday too. Could being anxious about it be making it worse? From what so many posters say on SR, it does get better. You will not have to deal with this forever. Please keep posting and talking about it.

I think my pink cloud has popped. Today I had to bite my tongue so as not to be snippy with a couple of students who are getting on my last nerve. I can't decide if they are actually being annoying or if I'm just generally annoyed these days. I don't really want to drink but feel edgy. On the upside, my car stalled on the way to work and I went straight to the car place after work. They couldn't take me so will try again tomorrow. If I were drinking, I'd just live in denial, then have a freak out panic attack when it didn't start all together.

Missing you, Johnny. No matter what is going on over there, we're always here for you.

SeanMc

Kind-of funny... I often can't decide either. It's similar to criticism, either it's justified or not justified, or somewhere in the middle, and it can be hard to say.