Class of August 2013 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
Hi all, just checking in from my hometown where I am sober and headed to bed. Mild cravings around 5-ish but passed quickly.
w2r--wow, not sure I could have done that. Awesome!
Will catch up more when I get home Monday, on iPad and hard to type
Nite all.
w2r--wow, not sure I could have done that. Awesome!
Will catch up more when I get home Monday, on iPad and hard to type
Nite all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 402
My thanks for asking, EternalQ, I'm pleased with where I am right now of course and I'm looking to maintain progress. Mentally I think I'm okay and I think I'm secure enough inside; I have totally amazed myself actually and it's entirely down to SR here.
A week or so back I was rather low and I thought about quitting sobriety but I got through that evening and I think I'm stronger for it and ready for the next thing for life to throw at me.
I'd really like to convert the situation into some more weight loss- I'm not too bad but I'm not quite in shape and need to make a parallel effort...
Best wishes, Sean
A week or so back I was rather low and I thought about quitting sobriety but I got through that evening and I think I'm stronger for it and ready for the next thing for life to throw at me.
I'd really like to convert the situation into some more weight loss- I'm not too bad but I'm not quite in shape and need to make a parallel effort...
Best wishes, Sean
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 257
Yesterday I poured 24 bottles of wine down the drain.
I looked at the bottles in the basement, an idea came to mind. NO way....
then I thought YES LETS DO IT!
Glug glug glug. The stench of alcohol was strong, the wine was dark red.
Looking at the drain I envisioned that as being my mouth. Disgusting, I felt sorry for what I have been putting my liver, kidney, joints, brain through all these years. 2 bottles a day.
Two bottles down the drain looked like a HUGE amount. No wonder I felt like crap in the mornings! The smell like industrial sovent
The 24th bottle. I took a last sip. YUCK. How did I ever convince myself that was a good taste.
I grabbed a tall glass with ice. Poured in my orange san pelligrino, and began a pleasant sober evening.
I looked at the bottles in the basement, an idea came to mind. NO way....
then I thought YES LETS DO IT!
Glug glug glug. The stench of alcohol was strong, the wine was dark red.
Looking at the drain I envisioned that as being my mouth. Disgusting, I felt sorry for what I have been putting my liver, kidney, joints, brain through all these years. 2 bottles a day.
Two bottles down the drain looked like a HUGE amount. No wonder I felt like crap in the mornings! The smell like industrial sovent
The 24th bottle. I took a last sip. YUCK. How did I ever convince myself that was a good taste.
I grabbed a tall glass with ice. Poured in my orange san pelligrino, and began a pleasant sober evening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
I'm SO glad you are all successful in your sobriety. I messed up big time at a wedding and fell right back into my old habits. I got an owi too, and still it didn't stop me from getting wasted at work last night. I'm moving on to the October class, but seriously am so proud to read of your accomplishments! I just wish I was there with you. 
see you around all!
-BBF
see you around all! -BBF
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,791
Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy 
I'm SO glad you are all successful in your sobriety. I messed up big time at a wedding and fell right back into my old habits. I got an owi too, and still it didn't stop me from getting wasted at work last night. I'm moving on to the October class, but seriously am so proud to read of your accomplishments! I just wish I was there with you. see you around all!
-BBF
see you around all! -BBF
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
SeanMC - Diet is a major factor in the shape. Couple things that have helped me:
Try to increase your weight lifting - focus on a few major muscle groups for anaerobic. Squatts, wall sits, pull ups, assisted or not, push ups, etc... Do this Monday, Wed and Friday and your aerobic on the other days.
For diet, try to cut out sugar completely and begin a journal to count calories (its more for you to pay attention than anything else).
Try a smoothie for breakfast, if you want to eat a larger meal try to do it at lunch time. Snack on nuts, fruits etc. I basically go by the idea that if you can pick it eat as much as you want. And then eat a reasonable dinner with a focus on portion control.
Doing all this is hard and I should practice what I preach but if you want the lbs to shed and to get cut this is the best routine. Oh, also add yoga to stretch and lean out the muscles for tone.
Hope that helps,
JD
Try to increase your weight lifting - focus on a few major muscle groups for anaerobic. Squatts, wall sits, pull ups, assisted or not, push ups, etc... Do this Monday, Wed and Friday and your aerobic on the other days.
For diet, try to cut out sugar completely and begin a journal to count calories (its more for you to pay attention than anything else).
Try a smoothie for breakfast, if you want to eat a larger meal try to do it at lunch time. Snack on nuts, fruits etc. I basically go by the idea that if you can pick it eat as much as you want. And then eat a reasonable dinner with a focus on portion control.
Doing all this is hard and I should practice what I preach but if you want the lbs to shed and to get cut this is the best routine. Oh, also add yoga to stretch and lean out the muscles for tone.
Hope that helps,
JD
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Bblackbirdflyy !!! I am so happy to see your funny little black avatar back on my screen!! I have been wondering and wondering about you. I am just so glad you've come back. You were such a support to me back in August. I am about 5 weeks out and feeling much better than when you last heard from me. And now I hope I can be a support to you. I am starting to get my strength back and finding my way a little at a time. It's been a process of rebuilding that I hope will not waver. So far I am ok and I know you can be ok, too.
Jdooner, that is some good advice and I am headed out for a hike this afternoon. My hardest thing is to eat right. My appetite is still non existent although I have put back on a couple of pounds. I think I look much better. Just still so weak. But...better than last week!
W2r! That is amazing how you got rid of your wine like that. Not many people would have been able to do it. I am so glad that wine went down the sink instead of down you! You got through a tough step!
Jdooner, that is some good advice and I am headed out for a hike this afternoon. My hardest thing is to eat right. My appetite is still non existent although I have put back on a couple of pounds. I think I look much better. Just still so weak. But...better than last week!
W2r! That is amazing how you got rid of your wine like that. Not many people would have been able to do it. I am so glad that wine went down the sink instead of down you! You got through a tough step!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 402
Hi there jdooner, thanks a bunch for those thoughts.
You know I've hardly done any in the last 18 months whereas it used to be every few days. I wonder if there's a connection there with this crazy body fat...
Good one, seriously, I eat chips and ice-cream quite often and will take that instead of a good veg meal sometimes. Let's see what I can do...
Okay, they do them at the canteen here.
Actually I do meditation and I know a dozen asanas but I've never really been into yoga, even though I think there are classes here (in Chinese).
It does, a lot I can assure you. I had a very desirable body for 25 years but in the last few it's really slipped. I don't expect to look like I'm 20 but I think things can be improved and I'm making a list of your thoughts- you seem to understand this. Best, Sean
Try to increase your weight lifting
For diet, try to cut out sugar completely.
Try a smoothie for breakfast
yoga
Hope that helps
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
Thank you elsewhere! I like your new avatar and I'm glad to hear you are on week 5 and doing well!
I'm still tired from Saturday night. I'm just trying to keep my head above water at the moment. I decided to quit my other job completely. My last day there will be on Sunday. The temptation and availablity alcohol is just too much.
I'm still tired from Saturday night. I'm just trying to keep my head above water at the moment. I decided to quit my other job completely. My last day there will be on Sunday. The temptation and availablity alcohol is just too much.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
blackbird, so glad to see you back! Yes, please do stay in our class too. You can take two classes...twice the support
So I'm back from my hometown and had a nice visit with my parents and other family. Going home is always a mixed bag--it's great to reconnect, but also churns up some weird childhood stuff.
I've been in a fairly low-key constant state of 'I want to drink' for the past couple of days, with some brief respites of 'so glad I'm not drinking'. This concerns me because it's 7 weeks now/50 days today. I saw a couple of happy threads in the newcomers forum about '50 days' or '6 weeks' and I wonder why I don't feel as joyful. I guess I can't compare. I'm hoping that I'm just going through a stage.
I'm also too aware that I still need to work through anger issues from abusive marriage. I left him in 2006...it's been 7 years! Since I have stopped drinking little things are coming back crystal clear...smells, sounds, conversations, etc. I imagine that if I hadn't been drinking in increasing amounts all these years since I left, then I might have worked through some of this more. I don't want to give him anymore of my time, of my self, and I'm frustrated because to 'work through it' means to think about it and give it time. I just feel so behind, like move on already. But it's still there. I was listening to a book on tape on the drive back and there was a scene where a girl was grabbed up by her hair and dragged around. Then, crystal clear, I am back in that house. I can see everything...titles of books on the bookshelf, the colors of the rug, broken glass on the floor...urgh. It's like these images come flooding back and I can't stop them and then I get so gd angry and I daydream about hunting him down and castrating him. Or I'll have a daydream where I wish I would have called the police and had him locked up.
Sorry to vent. I have to transform this anger and resentment into something like forgiveness and peace. I have to do something about this eventually because I hate the ugly part in me that still wants revenge. I think at a deep level, I want my power back, but I took my power back when I left. So maybe it's about trying to feel more empowered in my daily life now.
Sorry for the downer post, lol. I am currently not depressed, just wanted to share what's been on my mind the past couple of days, in part to be honest with myself that I still need to work on this stuff. We have tomorrow off from school too so I'm going shopping for fall clothes and need to clean out the guest bedroom that has become a big messy closet due to lack of guests.
So I'm back from my hometown and had a nice visit with my parents and other family. Going home is always a mixed bag--it's great to reconnect, but also churns up some weird childhood stuff.
I've been in a fairly low-key constant state of 'I want to drink' for the past couple of days, with some brief respites of 'so glad I'm not drinking'. This concerns me because it's 7 weeks now/50 days today. I saw a couple of happy threads in the newcomers forum about '50 days' or '6 weeks' and I wonder why I don't feel as joyful. I guess I can't compare. I'm hoping that I'm just going through a stage.
I'm also too aware that I still need to work through anger issues from abusive marriage. I left him in 2006...it's been 7 years! Since I have stopped drinking little things are coming back crystal clear...smells, sounds, conversations, etc. I imagine that if I hadn't been drinking in increasing amounts all these years since I left, then I might have worked through some of this more. I don't want to give him anymore of my time, of my self, and I'm frustrated because to 'work through it' means to think about it and give it time. I just feel so behind, like move on already. But it's still there. I was listening to a book on tape on the drive back and there was a scene where a girl was grabbed up by her hair and dragged around. Then, crystal clear, I am back in that house. I can see everything...titles of books on the bookshelf, the colors of the rug, broken glass on the floor...urgh. It's like these images come flooding back and I can't stop them and then I get so gd angry and I daydream about hunting him down and castrating him. Or I'll have a daydream where I wish I would have called the police and had him locked up.
Sorry to vent. I have to transform this anger and resentment into something like forgiveness and peace. I have to do something about this eventually because I hate the ugly part in me that still wants revenge. I think at a deep level, I want my power back, but I took my power back when I left. So maybe it's about trying to feel more empowered in my daily life now.
Sorry for the downer post, lol. I am currently not depressed, just wanted to share what's been on my mind the past couple of days, in part to be honest with myself that I still need to work on this stuff. We have tomorrow off from school too so I'm going shopping for fall clothes and need to clean out the guest bedroom that has become a big messy closet due to lack of guests.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Kadidee, "Forgiveness comes about when you stop trying to make it be different than it was." I heard Oprah Winfrey say that once and it really spoke to me. It enabled me to stop hurting about some stuff I had been carrying with me for 40 years. This one little phrase helped me do that. I know phrases like this can sound trite but this one helped me feel much better about some awful, hurtful things in my past. Maybe it can help you, too. I'm so sorry you had to go through such an ugly time with someone who was supposed to love you. It is so hard to try and make sense out of things like this because it makes no sense. That's why it's so crazy-making. It wasn't your fault.
I know how you feel about the drinking. I feel the same way. I was expecting to be all better by now and I'm so NOT. I'm still just trying to make it through each day. But barely just making it the last few days. I'm trying to carve out a life from totally new feelings. Most of which are difficult and and sickly feeling. I just keep thinking about Deeker and everybody else who has more time than I do. I'm thinking that this right here is going to be some of our most difficult times. One thing I know for sure, is that in the long run, taking pills or drinking is not going to make this better. But it would sure be a relief right this minute. It's just a matter of what do you REALLY want? I know what I want but I would sure like to feel some joy right about NOW?! Let's all stick together when the going is rough and not use. Well find our way. At least other people have. We either do this unknown part or start using again and we know where that leads.
I know how you feel about the drinking. I feel the same way. I was expecting to be all better by now and I'm so NOT. I'm still just trying to make it through each day. But barely just making it the last few days. I'm trying to carve out a life from totally new feelings. Most of which are difficult and and sickly feeling. I just keep thinking about Deeker and everybody else who has more time than I do. I'm thinking that this right here is going to be some of our most difficult times. One thing I know for sure, is that in the long run, taking pills or drinking is not going to make this better. But it would sure be a relief right this minute. It's just a matter of what do you REALLY want? I know what I want but I would sure like to feel some joy right about NOW?! Let's all stick together when the going is rough and not use. Well find our way. At least other people have. We either do this unknown part or start using again and we know where that leads.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,791
@bblackbird - quitting that job sounds smart, hope it doesn't cause you other problems tho.
@kadidee - glad the trip went well, don't overthink - have you had any counseling on that past abuse?
I'm good but my landscape is filled with things right now that used to make me want to drink.
My work - my project is busy rearranging deck chairs on the titanic..
Wife's work - on official furlough as she works for a govt. contractor.
My long awaited vacation to sleep sober to the sound of waves on the beach is cancelled for caution due to the furlough above.
The good news is these things are not causing me to want to drink - managing it all just as well as can be, communication with wife is back to top notch.
Be well all.
I choose not to drink today.
@kadidee - glad the trip went well, don't overthink - have you had any counseling on that past abuse?
I'm good but my landscape is filled with things right now that used to make me want to drink.
My work - my project is busy rearranging deck chairs on the titanic..
Wife's work - on official furlough as she works for a govt. contractor.
My long awaited vacation to sleep sober to the sound of waves on the beach is cancelled for caution due to the furlough above.
The good news is these things are not causing me to want to drink - managing it all just as well as can be, communication with wife is back to top notch.
Be well all.
I choose not to drink today.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
I have another full-time job... So I'm in fine shape there, thanks for the concern foothold. I'm pretty relieved I don't have to go back after this weekend.
I have court for the owi I recieved while I was drinking tomorrow morning. I feel like such a loser. Weird part is that everyone is so supportive, "oh that could happen to anyone" "my brothers had two" "drink drink drink drink drink anyway". And I'm over here feeling like dirt. Anyway.
Avoided going out to eat with friends. Boozing friends, so They are mad at me. So thankful for my boyfriend. He's so supportive always. I'm eating some ... Yes... Ice cream and am thoroughly creeping myself out watching the haunted. (Animal planet ghost show) 2 days down, a lifetime to go.
I have court for the owi I recieved while I was drinking tomorrow morning. I feel like such a loser. Weird part is that everyone is so supportive, "oh that could happen to anyone" "my brothers had two" "drink drink drink drink drink anyway". And I'm over here feeling like dirt. Anyway.
Avoided going out to eat with friends. Boozing friends, so They are mad at me. So thankful for my boyfriend. He's so supportive always. I'm eating some ... Yes... Ice cream and am thoroughly creeping myself out watching the haunted. (Animal planet ghost show) 2 days down, a lifetime to go.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,791
Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy
Foolsgold, autocorrect!
Never saw it till you said something. A blessing and a curse. I have mine set so it just makes little squiggles below then I choose whether to fix....
FG for short works fine....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
Originally Posted by Elseware
"Forgiveness comes about when you stop trying to make it be different than it was."
When I was cooking dinner tonight, it occurred to me that when I get in a negative loop, I can turn my attention toward concrete things that I am grateful for. So, this evening, I'm grateful for cooler temperatures. It's in the 70s down here! And I'm grateful that I'm off work tomorrow so that I can get things done. And then that leads to I'm grateful to have a job, seeing as we're in the middle of a government shut down. I hope that none of you reading are being affected by the shutdown and that it gets resolved soon.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
