Black

Hi guys, looking in quite a bit but to be honest still having booze once a week on a Saturday night. Mind is not on this right now to much sickness around for me to concentrate on quitting completely, very busy all the time with sick folk so no time to booze either.

as we all know now the pattern will emerge at some stage again. will join a new monthly group when i get my act together. nice to see most of you still here and doing so well with your sobriety good luck and stick with it you are all brilliant.

Marcher13

Heya Black, good to see you.

Marchers, it's going to be 10C tonight -- North might wanna drop in for his summer holiday. Nighty night Marchers.

Duffster

Thank you all for the advice regarding my niece. I'm trying to look back and remember where I was at her age and the only people I had expressing any concern were my parents. No one at that age wants to listen to their parents but it did plant the seed and it was enough to get me to check out a few meetings. And, Toots, this is where your advice to send here is great because I remember everyone in the meetings telling me I looked to "healthy" to have a problem - and the stories were hard for me to relate to at that age - not to mention how scary to walk in to those first meetings. But here she may find something that resonates with her. Anyway, it's better coming from me than her parents or her brothers who tend to be bossy, poor thing.

Toots, I was thinking just yesterday that I'd be doing all the packing. My hubby not only gets grumpy about it but he's terrible at it! I moved our last house when I was 8 months pregnant in the middle of south florida summer - miserable. Am looking forward to having it over with and getting settled in.

Sassy, it does take a lot of work, this recovery stuff! I am so glad to hear you doing whatever it takes right now - it is the most important thing for all of us. Oh and you were one of the women I hated when I was pregnant! I kept waiting for that glow but I was just huge and miserable. BP, I'm sure you're already glowing - most women do feel better when they hit the 2nd tri. Hang in there! Lots of ginger snaps

Chuff, it does feel great to be at this point. Luckily, my parents modeled a sober life for me so I do know what it looks like and I know how it can be done. I've given up all of the angst and struggle that came with it for me in the beginning. I have no problem telling the world - I don't drink.

Black, you've had a rough time of it. You're still here, though - you'll get there when you're ready.

Hoping a great day for everyone!

Saskia

Black, I understand where you are. It has taken almost a year for me but it can happen if you are very stubborn and don't give up. I needed to try different things and learn to make my own choices. Some worked, some didn't and some partially. Although we all have some of the same demons, the exact same thing doesn't work for all!

Duffster, I hear you about the pregnancy thing, lol! After about 20 miscarriages I was so ecstatic to be past 3 months that I almost didn't notice any discomfort. I was on cloud 9 but came back to earth with a thud for my last month when I was huge (everyone told me I looked like I was going to have twins). And I was miserably uncomfortable. I was most ready to be done with it. I couldn't drive for the last month (belly hit the steering wheel) and could only fit into 1 maternity dress that looked like it was made by Omar the Tentmaker. Then I produced a single 5 lb 15 oz baby -- the rest was all fluid

Hi Marcher. We had about freezing temps last night so that means you had perfect weather for North's summer holiday, lol!

S

chuff1

Hey Black
Nice to hear from you again, come back when you are ready, but in the meantime.......stay close

Mick x

360shoes

Hi Everybody!

Nice to hear from all of you who have been away. I understand the getting busy. I've really put an effort in to try to get my life back in order. I was laughing the other day to a friend because I felt close to a panic attack but really it was just normal anxiety. Amazing how you feel nervous when you actually give a sh*t about things now. It wasnt really even anxiety. It was just that all new feeling of caring about myself and others around me. At first, I thought about how icky it felt and I understood why I drank. Immediate relief from caring. Then I figured out that was all it was. When you care about yourself and others its pretty normal to feel anxious hoping everything turns out alright for things that matter. It passes and then you go right back into get 'er done mode. The ups and downs level off pretty quickly now. Yeah.

I now remember what kept me sober all those years ago. I went through all this adjusting too back then but then I remembered the part about all the work I had to put into getting my life back. Then I got it back. And it was good. Then I went several years not wanting to lose it. Then I forgot and took it for granted about what I had and fooled myself into believing I could drink like a normal person. Then it gradually all fell apart...again.

Some stuff was easier this time around and some stuff was or is harder. I knew for a fact life was better not drinking because I lived it. It was a blessing to know. But when I let it all go I found that my body being older made it so much harder to actually quit this time around. Physically it sucked way more than when I was 28. I'm not as optimistic as I use to be and I've had to adjust around that one too.

I don't know. I feel like I'm passed the part of it ever being an option now. It's done. Over. Now I get to just work on me and doing everything I can to just keep going the way I want to live now. Not an easy task some days but nothing I can't deal with.

Plus, if I learned anything. I don't want to go through all this again. I know it will be triple hard. I can't press my luck.

It's really not so much about the drinking now. It's about all the work I've put into being happy and balanced with some self respect sprinkled in. I feel I have moved into phase 2. The obsession to drink has lifted. I've done enough work on myself to reap a few rewards here and there. I can see how it will now just get better and better.

I'll bet it's like training for your 5k Toots! First you have to convince yourself to even try to do it. Then you give it a go but somewhere deep done you are not certain you can really do it. But you try. Then you hurt like heck, fall down even a couple times, but get back up and try again. And then pretty soon you move past the pain and hit the point of ok...I can do this..I'm actually seeing the benefits of it..some parts have gotten easier but to reach my goal I have to keep pushing myself..and then when you hit it...you have to move that goal to a longer distance because a 5k will just seem to easy and you will take it for granted.

I think this is all about pushing myself to my limits and then moving beyond.

Just me.

Saskia

Shoes, I do believe you have nailed it! I've been through more years sober now than on the alcohol but it is always a risk. It does get harder the more times I quit and I simply don't want to do this again. Thanks for what you wrote. It totally resonated for me.

Lots of love and hugs,
Sass

Babs1234

Shoes,Saskia----you guys are right on. I quit for 3 years and don't really understand what happened to me. Other than that AV came back and said you have been through a lot losing your parents and your husband having a heart attack that you can and deserve to have just one sip of vodka. Well, you know the rest of the story.
thanks for sharing---I don't go to AA anymore cause they don't contriubute
to your conversation they just listen. I need someone to tell me to straighten up and tell me that life isn't just about ME all the time. I can't express enough how thankful I'm for this thread.

bryangt

360--we go thru that a lot in new found sobriety--it takes time to deal with the things that we normally would use drinking to escape or numb. We have to re-learn or learn how to deal with feelings and emotions all over again because now we RAW!

chuff1

Thanks Shoes
Agree 100% with your last post.
Mick x

chuff1

P.S.

Your so right why would you want to go through all this again??!!

Mick x

1Dayatatyme

I thought I would chime in as well... As you might have read in my early posts, I got clean and sober in 1999 and had over ten years of recovery. After I got in an auto accident, I became addicted to my prescribed pain pills. Withdrawal in March was physical he double toothpicks.... in fact, it reminded me of being in labor with my three children... the pain was horrible, I knew from reading other people 's experiences it would end, and I would eventually give birth to a clean and sober me.
I stole a saying I used to hear in 12 step meetings, and adapted it to my situation: " I may have another relapse in me, but I am too old
to make it through another recovery."
I have to say, I have a few hours before I return to work (which is crazy town)
after 6 days off... honestly, I am experiencing separation anxiety knowing that I will only have one or two stolen minutes to check in and read any posts on Sober Recovery... it is amazing how much my recovery has depended on the support, caring and experience of folks I have never met... how much happiness being here has brought me, how much hope I have been given through other's words..

Dee74

Hope you didn't freeze to death Marcher.....

I hear ya Shoes.

I returned to drinking many times - for many reasons...not wanting to change, not wanting to be different, not wanting to admit something like this could beat me...and an inability to handle life, and myself, sober.

I also confused abstinence with control.

When I finally got sober and stayed that way, I found I changed...sure early recovery sucked...but it wasn't the scary thing I thought it would be - in many ways I re-became someone I'd forgotten about for many years.

I've become very fond of that re-me and his funny little life.
I don't want to give that up ever again

D

NewDay79

Hi guys,

Almost at day 60. I find myself yearning for "something" and I automatically assume that "something" is alcohol.

Now I am coming to an understanding that it is not alcohol I yearn for, it's many different things.

It seems like my mind goes on autopilot and just assumes its alcohol I want.

Note to brain: there are other ways to get my needs met
Additional note to brain: alcohol stop working for you a long time ago

Marcher13

Good morning Marchers.

This has hit me big time, strangely enough the caring about myself. As some of you might have picked up I'm not a high maintenance girly girl but for about six weeks I've been spending quite a lot of money on me. Just some new winter clothes and new fresh makeup (don't use much of that). I've started looking after my nails which I've never done, brushing my short hair thoroughly and that sort of thing. I haven't looked after myself so well since I was a teenager.

Next thing you know we'll have Marcher13 strutting the red carpet in her lace up shoes!

Look after yourselves.

tootsl1

It seems that as we get a little further along the road, and the physical and mental addiction to alcohol eases, and we begin to break the patterns of habit; we then start to see the differences in the person we are sober, in so many posts in the last 24 hours, the common thread is that we are 'meeting' ourselves anew. This can be a scary, enjoyable, unique situation. Like an old friend suddenly reappeared in our life and we need a little time to relearn their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses. I find thins rather fascinating!

Happy sober day all, Newday, great going sweetie

chuff1

Good Afternoon Marchers

Just a quick check-in from chuffland.
All is well, positive attitude still flows.
Hope all is well guys, have a great day

Mick x

Juneprottey

Afternoon everyone I'm still battling away have cut down significantly and although I drank last night I now now I won't for quite a few days, getting there slowly hubby found out Ai was doing the online AA meetings they were helping me but he doesn't like the fact they are online would rather I did f2f so I need to get myself a car to get to local ones as buses are cr4p here I know it's not great but I had no alcohol all weekend it was great no hangover no sleeping in got loads and loads done has to be the future for me xxx

Marcher13

Good for you re the weekend June. One of the things I find is how much more time there seems to be in the day. I'm a fairly typical working middle aged woman but suddenly I have some spare time and I'm way less harried so I get loads done, I get up early and there is time left for me.

Maybe write down what you liked about the weekend? It might be helpful when you are about to pick up.

Saskia

Good evening, Sober Marchers!

I seem to have my schedule messed up today so am finally getting around to posting. Things look pretty quiet in March-land!

I'm rapidly recuperating and hope to start back to work next week.

Lots of love and hugs to all!
Sass