Class of May 2012 part 20
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Wehav-congratulations on 90 days!!!
So happy for you girrrrrrl xxxxx thanks for your very kind words to me about my job, they really touched me xx
Kitty-it will take time for those feelings of regret and despondency to go, give yourself a while and try to stop beating yourself up. What's important now is that you're back on track. You can do this. I'm with you on the smoking, for me it's harder than drinking too. You're taking on a lot, but it will be SO worth it xxx. As for your friend, if you wanted to confide in him, could you not e-mail or phone him?
FP-you are SO cool. There would be absolutely NO WAY I could EVER present at a conference. I have total respect for you. And it sounds like it turned out some unexpected results if you were able to talk to your boss like that. Truly awesome xxx
Sassy-how are you managing with working part-time this week? I hope you're not pushing yourself too hard so soon after surgery xxx
Right, I'm hoping that things will settle down for me a little bit now. All staff have been spoken to about changes. I'm just wanting to go in, keep my head down and float towards Friday now....ha ha, little chance of that I reckon!xxx
Love to you all x
So happy for you girrrrrrl xxxxx thanks for your very kind words to me about my job, they really touched me xx
Kitty-it will take time for those feelings of regret and despondency to go, give yourself a while and try to stop beating yourself up. What's important now is that you're back on track. You can do this. I'm with you on the smoking, for me it's harder than drinking too. You're taking on a lot, but it will be SO worth it xxx. As for your friend, if you wanted to confide in him, could you not e-mail or phone him?
FP-you are SO cool. There would be absolutely NO WAY I could EVER present at a conference. I have total respect for you. And it sounds like it turned out some unexpected results if you were able to talk to your boss like that. Truly awesome xxx
Sassy-how are you managing with working part-time this week? I hope you're not pushing yourself too hard so soon after surgery xxx
Right, I'm hoping that things will settle down for me a little bit now. All staff have been spoken to about changes. I'm just wanting to go in, keep my head down and float towards Friday now....ha ha, little chance of that I reckon!xxx
Love to you all x
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Good morning, Mayans!
Congrats on 90 days, WeHav!!!
I wanted to share something with all of you that is part of something I wrote on the March thread:
Today is my Day 30 (I just looked it up). I am not really celebrating until I hit 60 days because I did 30 before and want to feel more solid before celebrating this time. But I am quietly very gratified to have made it this far. Not only for staying totally sober, but also for the changes in thinking I am noticing. You are all so supportive but I am asking you to hold the congrats in check :-)
It's like a stuck switch suddenly flipped from on to off. I feel the way I did when I successfully quit for long periods of time before but with an added dash of age thrown in and the realization that my body can't take anymore of this. And unlike when I was much younger, I am no longer suicidal and want to see this life unfold to wherever it takes me. If I were to drink, life would be much shorter and I would miss a lot.
There are many, many alcoholics out there. Not only of the "drink until wasted" variety, but I think there are far more people than we think who are "closet" alcoholics like I was.
I had a very sharp therapist who I started with during a time of great turmoil. After about 8 years of seeing him first twice a week and then once a week, I finally told him about my drinking. He was either 1) totally surprised or 2) knew it and acted totally surprised. I hadn't thought about the 2nd possibility until now. Since substance abuse problems among those of us with a history of childhood sexual abuse is very common, I strongly suspect he had guessed it.
Some of us can manage just enough control to avoid a public spectacle but that doesn't mean we don't have the same problem. I have a friend who is an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in many years. She is very prim and proper and you'd never guess it in a million years. Even today, I could (and not long ago have) nursed one glass of wine for an hour or more. But when alone I could just as easily get wasted. So I can't nurse that single glass because I know where it would inevitably lead.
I doubt that I am genetically an alcoholic (none in my family) but I believe that early heavy drinking (in college and after) altered my brain chemistry so that now I am an alcoholic. I've had enough lengthy "dry" spells to know with certainty that this isn't going to change, ever. So it's high time that I simply accept and live with it. And the true reality is that it's not a deprivation to stop drinking alcohol (or any drug) - it provides a momentary high and then exacts such a very high price for that fleeting feeling. We then spend our lives chasing that fleeting feeling. What a colossal waste! Going there again is simply not an option.
As you've probably guessed, I'm in the process of verbalizing my thinking as a part of cementing my changing attitudes about drinking.
I suspect that now, in my late sixties, I am finally growing up
I'll do shout-outs later today or tomorrow but wanted to share this with all of you, my dear friends.
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
Congrats on 90 days, WeHav!!!
I wanted to share something with all of you that is part of something I wrote on the March thread:
Today is my Day 30 (I just looked it up). I am not really celebrating until I hit 60 days because I did 30 before and want to feel more solid before celebrating this time. But I am quietly very gratified to have made it this far. Not only for staying totally sober, but also for the changes in thinking I am noticing. You are all so supportive but I am asking you to hold the congrats in check :-)
It's like a stuck switch suddenly flipped from on to off. I feel the way I did when I successfully quit for long periods of time before but with an added dash of age thrown in and the realization that my body can't take anymore of this. And unlike when I was much younger, I am no longer suicidal and want to see this life unfold to wherever it takes me. If I were to drink, life would be much shorter and I would miss a lot.
There are many, many alcoholics out there. Not only of the "drink until wasted" variety, but I think there are far more people than we think who are "closet" alcoholics like I was.
I had a very sharp therapist who I started with during a time of great turmoil. After about 8 years of seeing him first twice a week and then once a week, I finally told him about my drinking. He was either 1) totally surprised or 2) knew it and acted totally surprised. I hadn't thought about the 2nd possibility until now. Since substance abuse problems among those of us with a history of childhood sexual abuse is very common, I strongly suspect he had guessed it.
Some of us can manage just enough control to avoid a public spectacle but that doesn't mean we don't have the same problem. I have a friend who is an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in many years. She is very prim and proper and you'd never guess it in a million years. Even today, I could (and not long ago have) nursed one glass of wine for an hour or more. But when alone I could just as easily get wasted. So I can't nurse that single glass because I know where it would inevitably lead.
I doubt that I am genetically an alcoholic (none in my family) but I believe that early heavy drinking (in college and after) altered my brain chemistry so that now I am an alcoholic. I've had enough lengthy "dry" spells to know with certainty that this isn't going to change, ever. So it's high time that I simply accept and live with it. And the true reality is that it's not a deprivation to stop drinking alcohol (or any drug) - it provides a momentary high and then exacts such a very high price for that fleeting feeling. We then spend our lives chasing that fleeting feeling. What a colossal waste! Going there again is simply not an option.
As you've probably guessed, I'm in the process of verbalizing my thinking as a part of cementing my changing attitudes about drinking.
I suspect that now, in my late sixties, I am finally growing up
I'll do shout-outs later today or tomorrow but wanted to share this with all of you, my dear friends.
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Wehav congrats on 90 days!! I'm glad you found your way back to SR too. Good luck with the sweets cutback! Let us know how it goes. Is your work quieting down yet?
Jeni, I'm glad your week is going better than expected.
FP, sorry the turnout for your presentation was small but glad to hear it allowed for some great interaction with your big boss!
Kitty, hang in there! I know the darkness will lift the more days you have sober, so keep plugging away at them. It was very kind of your friend to express his concern. I think even though the office might not have been a place for you to comfortably discuss it with him, the door is now open to discuss it with him in the future, even if by email, like someone said. Big hugs to you.
Saskia, glad you shared that. I think it's great to type out new thought processes to reinforce their presence in your own mind. Out of respect for your request to keep congrats in check, I just to quietly say I'm proud of you for your 30 days and look forward to a little louder congrats on your 60 days
Take care everyone.
Jeni, I'm glad your week is going better than expected.
FP, sorry the turnout for your presentation was small but glad to hear it allowed for some great interaction with your big boss!
Kitty, hang in there! I know the darkness will lift the more days you have sober, so keep plugging away at them. It was very kind of your friend to express his concern. I think even though the office might not have been a place for you to comfortably discuss it with him, the door is now open to discuss it with him in the future, even if by email, like someone said. Big hugs to you.
Saskia, glad you shared that. I think it's great to type out new thought processes to reinforce their presence in your own mind. Out of respect for your request to keep congrats in check, I just to quietly say I'm proud of you for your 30 days and look forward to a little louder congrats on your 60 days
Take care everyone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Good Morning All,
HRB - That elephant picture for FP was perfect! The picture of the puppy is just priceless. Everytime I look at it I get a big smile. Thank you so much for posting them.
Jeni - I am so glad to hear that your day worked out and that you were give chocolates, replacement tissues and deep apolagies. I think it is evident to everyone how dedicated, kind and selfless you are with regard to the children. They are so lucky to have such a great advocate.
FP - I had no doubt that your presentation would go well. It sounds like it turned out for the best with fewer people there. It's great that you had one-on-one time with the boss to discuss future plans with the job. I think that is so important to discuss with employees to give them value and input.
WeHave - Congratulations on 90 days of sobriety
7 You have worked hard and what a wonderful milestone! Your discipline is amazing in foregoing that icecream until the week-end
Kitty - I echo what OLL has said. Try and let go of any feelings of shame or discomfort. It is wonderful that you have a friend that cares for you so much. It does open up an opportunity for a new dialogue and deeper friendship with him even if it is at a later date.
Sas - It is wonderful to hear you sounding so positive. I always love reading your posts. Kudos to you on changing your thinking and posting about your feelings. I so agree with the fleeting feelings of drinking and the horrible price that it exacts. I appreciated that because I must never forget that fact.
Wishing everyone a wonderful Thursday!
HRB - That elephant picture for FP was perfect! The picture of the puppy is just priceless. Everytime I look at it I get a big smile. Thank you so much for posting them.
Jeni - I am so glad to hear that your day worked out and that you were give chocolates, replacement tissues and deep apolagies. I think it is evident to everyone how dedicated, kind and selfless you are with regard to the children. They are so lucky to have such a great advocate.
FP - I had no doubt that your presentation would go well. It sounds like it turned out for the best with fewer people there. It's great that you had one-on-one time with the boss to discuss future plans with the job. I think that is so important to discuss with employees to give them value and input.
WeHave - Congratulations on 90 days of sobriety
7 You have worked hard and what a wonderful milestone! Your discipline is amazing in foregoing that icecream until the week-end Kitty - I echo what OLL has said. Try and let go of any feelings of shame or discomfort. It is wonderful that you have a friend that cares for you so much. It does open up an opportunity for a new dialogue and deeper friendship with him even if it is at a later date.
Sas - It is wonderful to hear you sounding so positive. I always love reading your posts. Kudos to you on changing your thinking and posting about your feelings. I so agree with the fleeting feelings of drinking and the horrible price that it exacts. I appreciated that because I must never forget that fact.
Wishing everyone a wonderful Thursday!
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 3 MONTHS MILESTONE, WEHAV!!!
Mammoth's young niece put on a special sunny-bright dress in honor of your phenomenal sober accomplishment! Thank you for being a continuing source of high fives and terrific advice to all of us boaters. So much love to you, sober mate!
elephant-in-a-dress.jpg
(A quiet and respectful congratulations to our treasured iPad G-ma Sas on her freakin' awesome 30 days! Big hugs of love to you, sober sis! A special elephant awaits you on your upcoming 60.
)
Mammoth's young niece put on a special sunny-bright dress in honor of your phenomenal sober accomplishment! Thank you for being a continuing source of high fives and terrific advice to all of us boaters. So much love to you, sober mate!
elephant-in-a-dress.jpg
(A quiet and respectful congratulations to our treasured iPad G-ma Sas on her freakin' awesome 30 days! Big hugs of love to you, sober sis! A special elephant awaits you on your upcoming 60.
)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Good evening, dear Mayans!
Thank you for your respect for my wishes for a quiet celebration this time and thank you for your good wishes! I'm happy to really celebrate 60 because I think I will feel more solid and steady by that point. I am trying to be careful not to shout out fom the rooftops because I realize only too well how easy it can be to crash and burn. I do not believe that will happen this time, but I don't want to underestimate (or over-estimate) the AV.
It's the end of my first two 1/2 days at work this week and I plan to be back up to full steam next week.
Have a peaceful and happy evening to all.
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
Thank you for your respect for my wishes for a quiet celebration this time and thank you for your good wishes! I'm happy to really celebrate 60 because I think I will feel more solid and steady by that point. I am trying to be careful not to shout out fom the rooftops because I realize only too well how easy it can be to crash and burn. I do not believe that will happen this time, but I don't want to underestimate (or over-estimate) the AV.
It's the end of my first two 1/2 days at work this week and I plan to be back up to full steam next week.
Have a peaceful and happy evening to all.
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Hey Sas,
Way to go on 30 days! Im saving the celebration pic for a month from now
Kitty, I found letting some people around me know very helpful to me being able to stay sober. I think it made me accountable and got people off my back about drinking too. No one really knows the extent of my "problem" except my partner. Others know varying degrees based on how close I am to them and if I will be around alcohol with them. I hope you can keep in touch with your friend. A year is way too long and this may have been a gift (him seeing your phone).
AFM, I've been windsurfing the past 3 days. I love it! My first time was a lesson Monday and I went to buy a used one off craigslist Monday night. Yesterday I was windsurfing with dolphins. Today I sailed to Viscaya (an old mansion). I wish I had a waterproof camera. There have been many many falls and my knees are bruised but I have not had so much fun in a long time. Tomorrow I am going with a friend from work.
Well out for a long jog now.
Take care Mayans.
Way to go on 30 days! Im saving the celebration pic for a month from now
Kitty, I found letting some people around me know very helpful to me being able to stay sober. I think it made me accountable and got people off my back about drinking too. No one really knows the extent of my "problem" except my partner. Others know varying degrees based on how close I am to them and if I will be around alcohol with them. I hope you can keep in touch with your friend. A year is way too long and this may have been a gift (him seeing your phone).
AFM, I've been windsurfing the past 3 days. I love it! My first time was a lesson Monday and I went to buy a used one off craigslist Monday night. Yesterday I was windsurfing with dolphins. Today I sailed to Viscaya (an old mansion). I wish I had a waterproof camera. There have been many many falls and my knees are bruised but I have not had so much fun in a long time. Tomorrow I am going with a friend from work.
Well out for a long jog now.
Take care Mayans.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
(said in a whisper voice), sassy saskia, congrats on 30 days... we'll party for your 60... :-)
rock,that puppy is super cute, thank you! lovelovelove pics.
fpI always look forward to your pics, and you certainly didn't disappoint! loved her frilly frock...
tanja, you always say the sweetest things. work is going alright. busy but fun. going on a 3 day campout for the holiday. then it's a final week of school group crazy followed by over two months of summer camp crazy. that's the mother of all crazy!
jeni,you too, as always, say the nicest things. thank you. glad your week is winding down so you can take a mental breather.
everything is good in wehavland. done packing for the campout. my partner has been really insecure the last coupe of days and I find I get frustrated about it after a while. it's like, "how many times can I say I love you and you are great until you finally believe me?" so in a way back to wondering what part of all this is me, what is her stuff that I can be supportive but draw the line when the train starts to board for crazytown. that was an exaggeration it's just more like nothing I can say will help "town." ok, 'nuff said.
on a pure confessional note... I was going through my old backpack getting ready for the campout. I haven't used it since I was home for Christmastime. I found an empty, little vodka bottle. when I was home, I went from relaps-ing to fully there. I never even really liked vodka, I just liked that it got me drunk faster than wine and was easier to hide. yep, in writing it sucks just as bad to see as it does in my head. I had no desire to drink, didn't get nostalgic for alcohol in any way. it was pure shame, really. I can't believe I let myself get there again just in January. yikes! this disease is truly cunning, baffling, powerful.
take care, mayans! I really am in a good mood, just felt like I should put that stuff out to the universe to release it I suppose... love you all.
p.s. and great big welcome to anyone looking on who would like to join this merry band!
rock,that puppy is super cute, thank you! lovelovelove pics.
fpI always look forward to your pics, and you certainly didn't disappoint! loved her frilly frock...
tanja, you always say the sweetest things. work is going alright. busy but fun. going on a 3 day campout for the holiday. then it's a final week of school group crazy followed by over two months of summer camp crazy. that's the mother of all crazy!
jeni,you too, as always, say the nicest things. thank you. glad your week is winding down so you can take a mental breather.
everything is good in wehavland. done packing for the campout. my partner has been really insecure the last coupe of days and I find I get frustrated about it after a while. it's like, "how many times can I say I love you and you are great until you finally believe me?" so in a way back to wondering what part of all this is me, what is her stuff that I can be supportive but draw the line when the train starts to board for crazytown. that was an exaggeration it's just more like nothing I can say will help "town." ok, 'nuff said.
on a pure confessional note... I was going through my old backpack getting ready for the campout. I haven't used it since I was home for Christmastime. I found an empty, little vodka bottle. when I was home, I went from relaps-ing to fully there. I never even really liked vodka, I just liked that it got me drunk faster than wine and was easier to hide. yep, in writing it sucks just as bad to see as it does in my head. I had no desire to drink, didn't get nostalgic for alcohol in any way. it was pure shame, really. I can't believe I let myself get there again just in January. yikes! this disease is truly cunning, baffling, powerful.
take care, mayans! I really am in a good mood, just felt like I should put that stuff out to the universe to release it I suppose... love you all.
p.s. and great big welcome to anyone looking on who would like to join this merry band!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
I too am glad it is Friday, but I am not looking forward to the day. Work drama has been reignited and is at an all time high. I have been made out to be a liar regarding some important things. Most people know I am honest to a fault so I'm hoping that's enough to keep me from being the sacrificial scapegoat.
I updated my résumé last night. I need to write a cover letter. There's not many job postings but I'm thinking of just sending it to various places and asking them to keep it on file should a position open up. I dunno. I know I'm not happy in the general career field though and it seems like a lot of money to start all over. I feel stuck. But I know people make job and career changes all the time. People across the world! They open their own businesses! So I have to believe I am capable of making changes. Ok enough rambling from me. Thanks for being here to ramble to.
I updated my résumé last night. I need to write a cover letter. There's not many job postings but I'm thinking of just sending it to various places and asking them to keep it on file should a position open up. I dunno. I know I'm not happy in the general career field though and it seems like a lot of money to start all over. I feel stuck. But I know people make job and career changes all the time. People across the world! They open their own businesses! So I have to believe I am capable of making changes. Ok enough rambling from me. Thanks for being here to ramble to.
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Yes, a very welcome TGIF after a long work week. This morning started off roughly... Mate Pach was just diagnosed with kidney failure. Ugh. Not sure of the degree of damage, yet. Still waiting for final blood tests. I'm heading over there to offer comfort and assistance. I could surely use your prayers and hopes for good news to come.
Wishing everyone the best of health. Love and hugs to all.
Wishing everyone the best of health. Love and hugs to all.
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