Class Of November 2012 - Part 5
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 1,372
Originally Posted by veryready 
Let me be the first to welcome you back. I think you and Sazzle are the only 2 names I remember from the first night I signed into SR. I couldn't imagine you not being here. Thanks for coming right back and don't ever do that again.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 559
FMFT - pick yourself up and dust yourself off, that's what I did many times. And keep coming back here. I am also still a member of my "old" class. It doesn't matter, as long as you come back.
Doing Business Since 11/3/2012
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,143
Originally Posted by ForMeForThem
... I wanted to numb myself and I did...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 1,372
Nope not an option. Having a few glasses to relax is never going to happen for me either. I can't do it, I drink the whole bottle everytime. Numbing just made it worse anyway, just made me feel sick and gave me more to feel bad about. It is what it is and I need to accept it and focus on the good. Today we got our 1st snow of the season and I went sleigh riding with the kids. Tomorrow I'm getting on the treadmill 
I'm Wide Awake
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 766
FMFT, I am so glad you came back. I am sorry things were so stressful. It's good you came back, owned up to it and are now moving forward. I'm going to workout tomorrow morning so I'll think of you on the treadmill.
Charlee
Charlee
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Southern California
Posts: 365
FMFT - I just wanted to say that your posts have helped me alot. Typically when I relapse I can see it coming days in advance. That feeling is what I have really had to work on this time around because if I even get a hint of that feeling now I need to use every method in my tool box to head it off at the pass... Call my sponsor, a friend, post and get honest, go to a meeting, whatever it takes because I just don't know if I have another run left in me. Thank you for your honesty and I'm really really glad your back...
Doing Business Since 11/3/2012
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,143
Originally Posted by Wifi
I just don't know if I have another run left in me...
I'm Wide Awake
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 766
Good morning to everyone.
I am ready for the holidays to be over. We just have this last weekend, but it seems to me that New Year's Eve is always hyped up way too much and drinking is much more a part of the night. I have found the time after Christmas to be very stressful and melancholy. One one level, being without any extended family is good, but on another, it makes me sad that my kids don't have family-filled holidays like I did as a child. At work, I'm irritated that I have to cover for all the people who are not working and have been unable to get my own work completed.
A lot of this is just learning to deal with things without using alcohol. The purple cloud of happiness has left the building and I now see that I'm going to have to work hard on a new life without alcohol.
Sorry for the whining. It feels better to acknowledge that this path is difficult. I know it is worth it and I plan on sticking with it.
I am ready for the holidays to be over. We just have this last weekend, but it seems to me that New Year's Eve is always hyped up way too much and drinking is much more a part of the night. I have found the time after Christmas to be very stressful and melancholy. One one level, being without any extended family is good, but on another, it makes me sad that my kids don't have family-filled holidays like I did as a child. At work, I'm irritated that I have to cover for all the people who are not working and have been unable to get my own work completed.
A lot of this is just learning to deal with things without using alcohol. The purple cloud of happiness has left the building and I now see that I'm going to have to work hard on a new life without alcohol.
Sorry for the whining. It feels better to acknowledge that this path is difficult. I know it is worth it and I plan on sticking with it.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 559
Yeah, New Years Eve is just one big hype to promote alcohol. I have been scanning the news back home for an "event" to go to, but all are "open bar" and I certainly am not interested in that! My last day of outpatient rehab is 12/31 so will want to celebrate, but I am sure I can find another way. Think I will go to the movies and see Les Miserables. I have seen the show, but the movie is supposed to be awesome. Happy Friday!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 1,372
Originally Posted by Wifi
FMFT - I just wanted to say that your posts have helped me alot. Typically when I relapse I can see it coming days in advance. That feeling is what I have really had to work on this time around because if I even get a hint of that feeling now I need to use every method in my tool box to head it off at the pass... Call my sponsor, a friend, post and get honest, go to a meeting, whatever it takes because I just don't know if I have another run left in me. Thank you for your honesty and I'm really really glad your back...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 1,372
Charlee- I agree, ready for the holidays to be over. Start the new year. The journey is hard sometimes, you said it well about building a life without alcohol, that includes the hard stuff too. It will be easier to form better habits and routines without the holidays consuming us. Well, off to the treadmill. I really don't want to, but I must...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
My father, who was never a big drinker, always called New Year's Eve "amateur night." A night for those who do not know how to drink(insert responsibly). He was a very responsible drinker. A couple of beers on a Saturday night, and a whiskey and ginger on Christmas Eve. Maybe two. It was never a huge deal to me to go out and party in New Year's, though there are a few times that I have.
So far, we only have plans to stay in with the kids. Sometimes a neighbor party materializes, but it might be my turn, lol. Not doing it this year. That event has always included children in the neighborhood and been pretty tame.
FMFT, I too have a confession.
After our party last night, where I did not drink, I had to drive home in very slippery conditions. I was stressed out, there was only 5 beers in the house and I knew I could only have 2, or maybe 2.5, since dh would want some. So I had a beer while he shoveled the driveway. After the second, the AV was alive telling me I needed more. But I could not have it. Dh shared the last beer with me. He was sleepy and had had a bit too much(no surprise there). So, he was of no support. I had even recently asked him to stop me from drinking if I wanted to. So, it is not his fault I did it, but he is clearly going to be a passive player in this struggle I face.
I am not feeling awful or filled with regret. I feel like I was not impressed with the feeling it gave me, annoyed that I then felt like I needed more, and like I wasted the calories. I am annoyed that I broke my "run" of days, but I am not a big days person, and had long decided that once I was past 30 days, I was not going to focus on counting.
Just generally unimpressed, so hopefully that will be helpful in my confidence that I do not need to drink, and really, it is not all the fun I once though it was. I am not missing out on anything, but gaining time, clarity and health.
So, it is what it is, I am being honest and I learned something in the process of sobriety.
I do want to stay with the group, if it is okay. It is the only support I have. This and the under 30 days crew.
Another thing i have figured out, and I hope it does not offend anyone, is that I am spending too much time here. I am reading often, even when not posting. I am finding that obsessing over not drinking so often in my day is making me focus on drinking just as often. They go together. I feel like I need to check in, but fill my time with more real life activity. I am having too many cravings and thoughts about drinking, and had a couple of drinks due to that.
I need to change something. I am going to try to get to the things around my house, read my stack of books, be more engaged with my children, get back to my exercising and try to actively put some joy back into my life. Being so sick right after quitting drinking has had me so down and tired and low energy. I think it has made me depressed. I need to actively try to change that.
So far, we only have plans to stay in with the kids. Sometimes a neighbor party materializes, but it might be my turn, lol. Not doing it this year. That event has always included children in the neighborhood and been pretty tame.
FMFT, I too have a confession.
After our party last night, where I did not drink, I had to drive home in very slippery conditions. I was stressed out, there was only 5 beers in the house and I knew I could only have 2, or maybe 2.5, since dh would want some. So I had a beer while he shoveled the driveway. After the second, the AV was alive telling me I needed more. But I could not have it. Dh shared the last beer with me. He was sleepy and had had a bit too much(no surprise there). So, he was of no support. I had even recently asked him to stop me from drinking if I wanted to. So, it is not his fault I did it, but he is clearly going to be a passive player in this struggle I face.
I am not feeling awful or filled with regret. I feel like I was not impressed with the feeling it gave me, annoyed that I then felt like I needed more, and like I wasted the calories. I am annoyed that I broke my "run" of days, but I am not a big days person, and had long decided that once I was past 30 days, I was not going to focus on counting.
Just generally unimpressed, so hopefully that will be helpful in my confidence that I do not need to drink, and really, it is not all the fun I once though it was. I am not missing out on anything, but gaining time, clarity and health.
So, it is what it is, I am being honest and I learned something in the process of sobriety.
I do want to stay with the group, if it is okay. It is the only support I have. This and the under 30 days crew.
Another thing i have figured out, and I hope it does not offend anyone, is that I am spending too much time here. I am reading often, even when not posting. I am finding that obsessing over not drinking so often in my day is making me focus on drinking just as often. They go together. I feel like I need to check in, but fill my time with more real life activity. I am having too many cravings and thoughts about drinking, and had a couple of drinks due to that.
I need to change something. I am going to try to get to the things around my house, read my stack of books, be more engaged with my children, get back to my exercising and try to actively put some joy back into my life. Being so sick right after quitting drinking has had me so down and tired and low energy. I think it has made me depressed. I need to actively try to change that.
Doing Business Since 11/3/2012
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,143
Originally Posted by rochele
I feel like I was not impressed with the feeling it gave me, annoyed that I then felt like I needed more
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: UT
Posts: 161
Good morning Rochele. I hope you will stay here with the Novies and me because I need your support and perspective, my twin. SR is really the only place I feel safe to express myself since I am not a AA meeting person.
Stress is the biggest trigger of all for me, maybe that's the case for all of us.
It's good that you are not beating yourself up over this, but learned something and that you have a plan/rationale in mind to cope in the future situations.
I think its interesting that you had the beer when your dh was out of sight. What did he say when he came in from shoveling and saw that you were having a beer?
I didn't have a plan when this happened to me. I relapsed (after 6 mon sobriety) when I was all by myself too. I think I was lonely and I must have been testing myself to see if I could have just one or so, and that nobody would know. After telling just about everyone I knew that I wasnt drinking any more, I started to feel really guilty about my "slip" and then stressing over it. I had one glass that 1st night and 2 the next. You know the rest of the story. It took a year and a half of hiding my drinking from everyone I cared about to get me back here. I was even driving 25 minutes to another town to buy my wine so no one would see me and dropping my empties into trash bins at gas stations or whereever! Pretty grim! I dont want to go back to that. It's a big movitator for me now, plus I am not falling asleep at 7 pm every night while watching TV and waking up 3 hours later wondering who may have called me during that time. Living without guilt is so great!
Reading and posting on SR takes a lot of time. I decided that the November 2012 support thread is just about all I can really handle. I read a number of the "newcomers" threads last night....its time consuming, emotional and hard not to respond. I don't know how our DEE does it!
If you continue to feel depressed much longer, you might want to talk to your doc. I deal with chronic depression and have been taking meds for it for a long time. EVery now and then I think I don't need the meds; I am always WRONG! Plus alcohol cancelled the effectiveness of antidepressants when I was drinking. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!
Sorry about all this rambling on about "me", but I really want you and FMFT to stay with us here.
I continue to learn from you and all the other November peeps. Confession is good for the soul!
Stress is the biggest trigger of all for me, maybe that's the case for all of us.
It's good that you are not beating yourself up over this, but learned something and that you have a plan/rationale in mind to cope in the future situations.
I think its interesting that you had the beer when your dh was out of sight. What did he say when he came in from shoveling and saw that you were having a beer?
I didn't have a plan when this happened to me. I relapsed (after 6 mon sobriety) when I was all by myself too. I think I was lonely and I must have been testing myself to see if I could have just one or so, and that nobody would know. After telling just about everyone I knew that I wasnt drinking any more, I started to feel really guilty about my "slip" and then stressing over it. I had one glass that 1st night and 2 the next. You know the rest of the story. It took a year and a half of hiding my drinking from everyone I cared about to get me back here. I was even driving 25 minutes to another town to buy my wine so no one would see me and dropping my empties into trash bins at gas stations or whereever! Pretty grim! I dont want to go back to that. It's a big movitator for me now, plus I am not falling asleep at 7 pm every night while watching TV and waking up 3 hours later wondering who may have called me during that time. Living without guilt is so great!
Reading and posting on SR takes a lot of time. I decided that the November 2012 support thread is just about all I can really handle. I read a number of the "newcomers" threads last night....its time consuming, emotional and hard not to respond. I don't know how our DEE does it!
If you continue to feel depressed much longer, you might want to talk to your doc. I deal with chronic depression and have been taking meds for it for a long time. EVery now and then I think I don't need the meds; I am always WRONG! Plus alcohol cancelled the effectiveness of antidepressants when I was drinking. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!
Sorry about all this rambling on about "me", but I really want you and FMFT to stay with us here.
I continue to learn from you and all the other November peeps. Confession is good for the soul!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Originally Posted by Nikkipoo
Good morning Rochele. I hope you will stay here with the Novies and me because I need your support and perspective, my twin. SR is really the only place I feel safe to express myself since I am not a AA meeting person.
Stress is the biggest trigger of all for me, maybe that's the case for all of us.
It's good that you are not beating yourself up over this, but learned something and that you have a plan/rationale in mind to cope in the future situations.
I think its interesting that you had the beer when your dh was out of sight. What did he say when he came in from shoveling and saw that you were having a beer?
I didn't have a plan when this happened to me. I relapsed (after 6 mon sobriety) when I was all by myself too. I think I was lonely and I must have been testing myself to see if I could have just one or so, and that nobody would know. After telling just about everyone I knew that I wasnt drinking any more, I started to feel really guilty about my "slip" and then stressing over it. I had one glass that 1st night and 2 the next. You know the rest of the story. It took a year and a half of hiding my drinking from everyone I cared about to get me back here. I was even driving 25 minutes to another town to buy my wine so no one would see me and dropping my empties into trash bins at gas stations or whereever! Pretty grim! I dont want to go back to that. It's a big movitator for me now, plus I am not falling asleep at 7 pm every night while watching TV and waking up 3 hours later wondering who may have called me during that time. Living without guilt is so great!
Reading and posting on SR takes a lot of time. I decided that the November 2012 support thread is just about all I can really handle. I read a number of the "newcomers" threads last night....its time consuming, emotional and hard not to respond. I don't know how our DEE does it!
If you continue to feel depressed much longer, you might want to talk to your doc. I deal with chronic depression and have been taking meds for it for a long time. EVery now and then I think I don't need the meds; I am always WRONG! Plus alcohol cancelled the effectiveness of antidepressants when I was drinking. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!
Sorry about all this rambling on about "me", but I really want you and FMFT to stay with us here.
I continue to learn from you and all the other November peeps. Confession is good for the soul!
Stress is the biggest trigger of all for me, maybe that's the case for all of us.
It's good that you are not beating yourself up over this, but learned something and that you have a plan/rationale in mind to cope in the future situations.
I think its interesting that you had the beer when your dh was out of sight. What did he say when he came in from shoveling and saw that you were having a beer?
I didn't have a plan when this happened to me. I relapsed (after 6 mon sobriety) when I was all by myself too. I think I was lonely and I must have been testing myself to see if I could have just one or so, and that nobody would know. After telling just about everyone I knew that I wasnt drinking any more, I started to feel really guilty about my "slip" and then stressing over it. I had one glass that 1st night and 2 the next. You know the rest of the story. It took a year and a half of hiding my drinking from everyone I cared about to get me back here. I was even driving 25 minutes to another town to buy my wine so no one would see me and dropping my empties into trash bins at gas stations or whereever! Pretty grim! I dont want to go back to that. It's a big movitator for me now, plus I am not falling asleep at 7 pm every night while watching TV and waking up 3 hours later wondering who may have called me during that time. Living without guilt is so great!
Reading and posting on SR takes a lot of time. I decided that the November 2012 support thread is just about all I can really handle. I read a number of the "newcomers" threads last night....its time consuming, emotional and hard not to respond. I don't know how our DEE does it!
If you continue to feel depressed much longer, you might want to talk to your doc. I deal with chronic depression and have been taking meds for it for a long time. EVery now and then I think I don't need the meds; I am always WRONG! Plus alcohol cancelled the effectiveness of antidepressants when I was drinking. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!
Sorry about all this rambling on about "me", but I really want you and FMFT to stay with us here.
I continue to learn from you and all the other November peeps. Confession is good for the soul!
I did not go get the beer because he was no there. I might have even asked him to fetch it for me if he were. he was simply outside shoveling. There is really no support from him to stop drinking. He is my enabler, really. He actually bought me a bottle of wine I was considering having, and did not. we actually brought it to the party when I did not drink that one over the holidays.
This is after I cried and begged for his help with my awful hangover on the day after Thanksgiving.
Nope. He is not going to make me be sober. Only I can. Only I will. I wish he would do it too, though. I will not leave while the kids are young. It would break their hearts. we do not fight. But our life feels so empty. We drank together, and if i do not drink, I sit and watch him drink, basically. Yuck.
So, yeah, depressed. Short story on meds. I had some bad reactions to a few. Just did not feel any real difference after settling on one. Weaned off it on my own. I try to exercise and that helps. But the winter and lack of fresh air and sunshine takes its toll, I do think. I know my doc worries about my stress and anxiety and would love to have me on something.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: UT
Posts: 161
So, yeah, depressed. Short story on meds. I had some bad reactions to a few. Just did not feel any real difference after settling on one. Weaned off it on my own. I try to exercise and that helps. But the winter and lack of fresh air and sunshine takes its toll, I do think. I know my doc worries about my stress and anxiety and would love to have me on something.[/QUOTE]
Were you drinking while on the meds? Did you give them enough time to kick in? Did you tell you doc that you didnt feel any different when you were on one that you didnt have a reaction to? Maybe there's something new out there that would work for you.
I think you need a hug :ghug3
Were you drinking while on the meds? Did you give them enough time to kick in? Did you tell you doc that you didnt feel any different when you were on one that you didnt have a reaction to? Maybe there's something new out there that would work for you.
I think you need a hug :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Thanks Nikki. I did see a prescribing psychiatrist for several months and was on something for a couple of years. Just did not do much for me. The ones i reacted badly to were very bad. Symptoms that had me in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. They tell me it was panic attacks, but I never had one until I took Prozac, and it hit me 6 weeks into it.
I really would rather try to deal with my depressive issues naturally. But it does get hard to get off my ass sometimes and get going! The nature of depression...
I really would rather try to deal with my depressive issues naturally. But it does get hard to get off my ass sometimes and get going! The nature of depression...
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