tanja

Good Morning All,

General - I hope you celebrated your one year anniversary with something special! I am planning on going out to dinner with my sponsor and friend on my 90 days.

I just read the newcomers section about a gentleman who had only has 3 months to live due to alcoholism. He is just 38 years old. It is unfortunate that this disease soon forgets all the agony it causes and minimizes the fact that this is a life and death battle. I am so grateful to be sober today.

Wishing everyone a delightful and happy saturday

philb

Tanja---I hope your 90 day celebration is really special and I, like General will be looking forward to hearing about those days post 90. General and Geralt, again congratulations on your one year birthdays. Sadsoul, I wish you all the best in continued sobriety and will look forward to hearing about it. Incredibly we are in the final quarter of the year here at work. I don't know how it got here so fast which means 12 hour days and Saturdays like today being at the office at noon until the first of January. Somewhere between that and AA meetings comes this thing I do my best to place in the forefront which is family. So, in not being able to post much these coming days in the last quarter, I'll look forward to continue keeping up with all of you in thought and certainly reading how everyones doing. Have a great weekend.

tanja

Phil - Sorry to hear that you are working so much. I worked in contracting and I remember well the end of the fiscal year. Agencies would be dumping their money and we had to obligate those funds by 30 September. You are such a great inspiration on staying sober!

I attended an AA meeting last night. I had to take a cab and it was pretty costly. It was a good meeting on coming to believe. As is with most meetings, I just listened. The emphasis is on sharing, but I often can't think of anything to share other than my desire to stay sober. When I do have something that is really bothering me - I have shared in the past.

I am hoping that my husband can take my car into the shop and finally get the brakes fixed. I would like to start driving again and get my autonomy back.

It is going to be really nice day in the 70's and I would like to walk all the dogs.

Wishing everyone a peaceful sunday

sadsoul2011

Hello! Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!

Tanja - hope you have a peaceful walk with your dogs. We have beautiful weather here, too! I just LOVE fall!

Philb - Don't work too hard!

Nothing much new to report! Had a nice, normal weekend! Now - back at work and very busy. Live keeps moving along..... Always so nice to do it with a clear head

Geralt

Made it to 1 year

A big thank you to everyone in this thread: tanja, Gerbosko, philb, General, sadsoul, Dee and everyone else (Deserto, Bozboz, Goodcheer, brchgreen and others - I hope that you are doing good, even if you left this thread).

I can't express how important this thread was for me, especially during my first few weeks and months. I couldn't have done it without you, Soberoctobers!

Enemdio

Well done, Geralt. I know it hasn't been easy for you especially with you having stopped smoking as well - a double celebration you deserve it!

Dee74

congratulations Geralt and General
geeze you take a few days off and this thread re-blooms

good to see

D

sadsoul2011

Geralt -

Congratulations on a year! What an wonderful accomplishment!!! We're all really proud to have you as one of the Sobertobers!!!!!

tanja

Geralt,

Congratulations on one full year of freedom You serve as an inspiration to me. As General said you deserve two celebrations! Are you doing anything special to celebrate?

Any advice you can give Sad and me? It is so good to know what to expect. From what I have read and heard the first year is full of very high ups and very high downs.

Hope everyone has a wonderful tuesday

Geralt

Thanks everyone

Tanja it's difficult to give advice, as I took Antabuse during the first few months, so even if I had cravings, I knew I would get very sick if I drank.

Still, I relapsed mentally at the end 2011 and promised myself I would try to drink moderately in a few years.

But then I started noticing all the positive effects of not drinking: from physical changes like the weight loss to the mental changes like more confidence.

After a lot of reading, I became aware that my body had changed from all the drinking due to tolerance and kindling and there would no be moderate drinking ever.

And then there comes the time that being sober isn't so exciting anymore and you realize that it doesn't solve all your problems or bad habits.

That's a difficult time, but it's best to see your sobriety as a strength, not a weakness.

Uhm, that's horrible advice, I don't know how to explain it better though

Enemdio

Geralt, what did you read? I had a few books but nothing that really explained what was happening to me - more about stories of people who had stopped drinking. I'd be grateful for any recommendations.

Geralt

Hi General,

The article that opened my eyes is a normal wikipedia page, but with a lot of info, about kindling.

It describes in great detail which changes occur in your body after several binge periods, just like I had over the last 10 years. Every withdrawal got worse, no matter how long I quit, weeks, months. It was a gradual process, so it was difficult to recognize, especially when my whole mindset was still on "moderation is a mental thing" mode.

Also reading about tolerance helped me to understand how I changed from a 1-3 beer person into a 20+ beers a day/night person. There was no way my liver suddenly would lose the ability to eliminate alcohol from my body.

Another clue was that in my direct family, there were heavy-drinkers/alcoholics like my grandmother and grandfather from my mother's side and non-drinkers like my aunt and my sister. In the drinking part of the family there was no one, except for my mother, who could moderate and never get drunk. There was even a distant uncle who drank himself in just a period of weeks. So genetics play a big part too.

Then it hit me what I was actually doing. I wasn't trying to moderate, I just wanted to get drunk. I was and always will be addicted to the feeling alcohol gave me, "the buzz". But it took me more and more amounts of alcohol to reach that stage and even then that feeling lasted shorter.

And then the conclusion was simple: alcohol doesn't work for me and never will.

The sad truth is that I am replacing that "buzz" with the "buzz" from physical activity or calm it down with the anti-anxiety meds. I have to find out where that desire comes from. But even if there is no answer, physical activity is a great substitute. I also plan to quit Valium in 2013, either at home or at rehab. The withdrawal effects will be bad but it can be done.

Ehm, this post about literature got a bit off track but I wanted to share this for quite some time.

tanja

Geralt,

You gave excellent advice. I have heard it in AA and many times here that stopping drinking does not magically make your life better. But, like you - I have noticed subtle changes and getting back to my old self.

I don't think that physical activity as a substitute to addictive behavior is sad at all. Exercise is a great tool to alleviate stress, anxiety, increase energy and mood and best of all raise your endorphins! I try to exercise every day. It just makes me feel better.

The literature on kindling is pretty frightening. I do know that alcohol hits women seven times harder then men.

I am so glad that you are doing so well. You are an amazing man!

Gerbosko

Today is my one year sober. I'd post more but don't feel comfortable doing so.

Stay strong Tanja.

Congratulations to the people reaching their one year sobriety.

Enemdio

Congrats on a full year, Gerbosko

tanja

Geborsko - Congratulations on one year sober7 What a tremendous accomplishment!

Thank you so much for your constant support and encouragement. Just nine days to go to reach my 90 days! I cannot wait

philb

Really wanted to jump in today to say congratulations Gerbosko and Geralt on passing the one year milestone! Congratulations to you too Tanja. Great continued success Sadsoul and of course you too General. My eyes are crossed from spreadsheets and excel! Have a great week.

sadsoul2011

Hello to all! It is great to hear how everyone is doing. The insight is awesome!!!!!

I'm hanging in but having such a hard time with a spouse that still drinks (*a lot*). Do any of you guys have that to deal with? I would love some insight. It is a struggle to handle! I'm just rambling but I'm so incredibility frustrated. I want to scream@!!!!! But anyway...

Hope everyone is having a great night

tanja

Sad - I had to deal with a husband that drinks alcoholically and it led to many a relapse. I simply don't want it in the house. What has helped me so much has been the support of my husband. He knows how desperately I do not want to drink and how miserable it makes me. When he did drink - he would do so in another room so that I didn't see it. I also requested that he get rid of the remnants after drinking. I didn't want to see the empty beer cans. Another idea might be a small refrigerator for your husband with a lock so you can't access it. Another woman in AA that had a spouse that drank managed by getting out of the house and away from the alcohol.

I hope this helps

philb

Its not even 5 am and I'm not preparing for a flight to Tahiti but work but I wanted to post briefly because what you said Sad was so poignant as always. Sad...nobody else in my house drank/drinks alcoholically and I think everything Tanja said was so important and true. First just from my perspective the support is so important. To be able to tell someone in an intimate situation how important this is for your own survival and to get acknowledgement if you can of that fact. Secondly again as Tanja said I think a request to have it removed from the house or out of sight or locked away if it somehow has to be there is not unreasonable nor is a request to ask them not to drink in front of you if you are struggling. My spouse didn't drink alcoholically just socially but it was well understood I couldn't be near it on a daily basis and if it was anywhere in the vicinity I would go on some hunt for it. It just couldn't be there in my case. Friends and family drink in their own homes but not in mine. In really polite, honest speak, they all know it was killing me and it was like having arsenic in the house but I wanted to consume it. A sit down discussion at this end worked, my needs were not just respected...my desires to become sober were enthusiastically encouraged and its gone. I can't speak for anyone else but I would not have stayed sober (I dont think) if it remained in my home within my close proximity. I still have weird feelings when I drive past our local liquor store that scare me. I really wish you well I understand its a struggle of huge proportions. I hope you will keep posting. Really great post too Tanja