InParticular

Hi cbcedd, good to hear from you, thanks for checking in with us

Marine, good for you for blocking them. Wtf?

My dog got picked up today so I'm all on my lonesome till thursday. It's weird. Haven't thought about drinking too much.....bf's been gone since last thursday. The cravings haven't been as bad as I thought they might be. Have kept fairly busy, haven't let myself dwell too much on stuff. Tomorrow I'll be busy packing and getting ready for my flight. I f***ing hate flying. I'm already nervous. I guess you could say I have a fear of it. Sucks.

Congrats on your new running buddy, Tres. I love running with my dog, he keeps me company and he loves it, too. It's our special time together. Although sometimes I get annoyed with him if he's too "sniffy", but he doesn't really do that anymore.

Well done on the eight months Vantrina!!! Way to hang in there, you're doing awesome. I always enjoy reading your posts-I'm glad you're here

How're you doing Catfry?

Hi Bimm and anyone else.

CatFry

Hi Ninjas!

I hope all are well : )

I'm pretty good. I've noticed that little things that would normally roll off my back really irritate me lately. I believe it is called "projecting." So I was super irritatable at the end of work yesterday (working in a hospital, I am amazed it doesn't happen every day), and the husband texts me some very formal little text: "what are you trying to move so we can accomondate?"

Doesn't sound bad, but got under my skin like a chigger. See, as soon as I left he had his band/drinking mates move all their equipment (amps, keyboards, drumset, etc) into the basment blocking me from all my books (which he used to incessantly complain about, even though they were neatly on shelves). I asked a bandmate of his to please communicate that this stuff needed to be moved so I could get my stuff (bandmate an old frined of mine too). Basically my husband doesn't talk to me for 4 days, and that is what he wants to know? To top it off when I had nervous-breakdown day the week prior and wound up trying to call him he never got back to me. Days later I heard from him when he had locked his keys into his car and needed help. He said he didn't get back to me because he was annoyed with me. Today I woke up to the text: "Did you get my text? Please confirm." WTF!!

I realize these things are minor, but I am sick of being the bigger person. Generally I try not to sink to his level on petty things, and this is definitely a petty "you didn't call me so I am not going to text you" issue. Throughout this mess I've always called him right back, always with nice things to say. This time I am not responding. He will see I am still alive when he gets home and my books are gone.

Honestly who gets annoyed with books? He knew he was marrying a woman who had worked as a writer and has an English degree in Creative Writing and who was continuing studies in Nursing. Doesn't that scream that I am a person with books!!!

Petty stuff. Still, I got stuck at work late last night and missed an AA meeting I am a regular at and found myself contemplating stopping off at a bar on the way home. I didn't. Initally I was thinking of how he'd complain my sobreity was bad for our relationship and I didn't want him to win (clearly petty stuff has me very angry). In reality, I don't want to loose this battle with myself. So I am clearer in my mind today . . . but still not texting him back ; )

Love to all

CF

Bimm

CF-I hope things are going better for you today...hang in there.

OKAY, today is 8 months sober for me. I feel better now than any time I can remember. No more tremors, no more weird unexplained rashes, no blackouts, blood pressure is getting very close to normal and I'm sure losing 20lbs would help that greatly, and I seem to have tons more energy. I haven't consciously tried to do so, but do sense I've become more tolerant (maybe I'm just delusional).
Saw the Ophthalmologist today and he said my post op on the eye surgery is going very, very, well and don't have to return for two weeks unless problems develop.

Bimm

Tres

Hey everyone,

Where did the week go? I can't believe its Friday and I last posted on Sunday. I had a good week. Not much going on. I am on the zoloft for two weeks and I must say I am feeling good. No depression, for sure. I've been in a great mood all week.

No plans for the weekend, and that's just how I like it.

CF, I remember you are a nurse. Me too. Had to say my goodbyes to a 30 Yo pt who is dying today. They made her a DNR last night. She probably won't make it through the weekend. I didn't want to go see her, but something told me to go. I spent some time with her husband and mom. It really was nice. I felt that they were very glad I came by. She is an inpatient and I work in the outpatient clinic. I have watched her deteriorate for 8 years. I hope she finally is at peace,and pain free.

Dee74

I'm sorry Tres...but I'm glad, like you say, her pain is nearly over.

D

Marine28

Hi - yes, where did the week go? Seems like it was just Sunday. Went to dinner with some ladies and they ordered a few bottles of some really nice red wine. It smelled good, but I just ordered club soda. I was glad that when we left, I was totally clear headed, and one of them said she was feeling "really loopy". The other ladies complained at the choice of restaurant (my choice) being too far from their home because they had a few glasses of wine. I guess if they live close to the restaurant, then theyd drink more??? Jeeez. What is it with people today? What's the matter with " I had a nice time?".

Bimm

Some folks just need to bitch about something instead of focusing on the good stuff in their lives. See, even I bitch about people who bitch...goes to show ya.

Off the the Kassarole Klub tonight.

HAVE A GOOD AND SOBER WEEKEND EVERYONE!

CatFry

Hi Ninjas!

Tres: Sorry to hear about your patient. That is never easy. I am glad you got to be there for the family. That is what a good nurse does.

Marine: People are dorks. I am a dork too ; ) I hope you're doing well.

Everyone: Thanks for tolerating my long rants lately. My husband keeps doing things that reinforce my resolve that leaving was my best option. Caught a movie and a drink with some gal pals tonight; my drink was tonic water with Rose's Lime Juice, no alcohol. I can definitely feel the draw to drink more, to numb myself, as of late. Instead I am trying to work on not leting my emotions come out sideways, as they are apt to do.

Take Care,

CF
Ps. Ironically, as a pediatric nurse, I often work with patients with CF (Cystic Fibrosis). When peeps on SR first started to refer to me as that I was confused ; )

Tres

Had a nice quiet weekend at home. Grilled steak and chicken, went to church, a meeting and bowling .
Also got in a run and swim.

Did some house cleaning...nothing major...I hate cleaning.

Glad to hear you all are doing OK.

I am so glad to be sober. No more wasted energy on thinking about drinking or heavy guilt about how much I drank...

Vantrina

Hi Ninjas,

Had a good weekend; very laid back…calm.

Am recognizing all the subtle improvements to life because of my continued sobriety. Energy level is high, emotional drama is low, everything is less complicated.

Still feeling sad over the loss of my dearest friend, but also realizing I can't do ANYTHING about it. Also remembering that normal people don't care if you drink or not; a person with unaddressed alcohol issues is probably self conscious about their drinking and is not comfortable around people who are not having a glass of wine or a beer. So there you go. #venting

Am experimenting with different seltzers and discovered two enjoyable ones. One is blueberry flavored and is best served chilled. Fun flavor with a great color. The other is coconut. Marine, i so thought of you and your enjoyment of coconut flavored teas. This is a coconut flavored seltzer which (IMHO) tastes dreadful chilled but is enjoyable at room temperature. I really like both. Found them at our local health food store.

Tres, no doubt your visit with the dying woman's family brought much comfort. (I still think back appreciatively to the nurses who made the extra effort to visit with me and my loved ones as death approached. Can't tell you how much recalling the words and presences of those caring, empathetic nurses helped me over the years in dealing with loss.) Your mention of your experience touched my heart.

Bimm, glad to hear both procedures went well.

CatFry, …hang in, you are on the right track. Plus, you sound good, you really do. Like that combo of seltzer & Rose's Line. Will have to try that.

Has anyone ever tried seltzer & bitters? What exactly are bitters? Read somewhere on SR that this is a good option too.

Hope we all have a good and sober day today.

Marine28

Hi - hope everyone had a good weekend.

I want to throw something out there for opinions/comments. I was on the AA forums/chat rooms and keep hearing things like "AA is not for people who NEED to be here, it's for people who WANT to be here." "You shouldn't be here if you NEED to be here, you should WANT to be here."

Here's my thought. I don't want to stop drinking, I just wish I could have an occasional glass of wine, or a martini, but I CAN'T. I can't stop when I start. I wish there was a way I could control it, but I can't. I don't WANT to be in AA or even SR. I NEED to be here ... it's what helps me keep from drinking.

Am I just getting hung up on the words? Need/Want? Maybe I am being too sensitive.

Tres

Hey Marine, I was just at an AA meeting and a lot of women said they did not want to be there in the beginning. But after they started working the program and getting to know other women, they did want to be there.

I hope that helps. I know I never wanted to be there, but now its getting easier to go. I am getting to know some of them and its nice.

Marine28

Good point, Tres!

Dee74

I don't know much about AA Marine, but I think they're trying to make the point you need to want to be recovered cos wanting to be that way, and being happy sober, is the best and most lasting motivation.

It certainly has been for me.

It took me a long time to get to that point tho - I didn't want to stop drinking either...now I never want to go back to drinking.

It's a process

D

Vantrina

Thinking that the "want" in the original post may reflect having a "desire" to stop in addition to recognizing a "need" to stop drinking?

I started working a program because I recognized the "NEED" but it was my "WANTING" to live a better, healthier, & sober life that brought me here in the first place.

Good discussion btw.

CatFry

This is a good discussion!

I think a lot of the colloquialisms of AA are what you make of them. I've got a friend from the rooms who is 30 years sober, and an amazing person, but how she and I interpret how to use AA to stay sober is completely different. Though I respect her, and her time sober, her methods (5 meetings a week, one AA social event a week, & one speaker meeting a week, etc) would never work for me. AA is there as a tool for us to use. It is up to us to interpret how.

Don't pay too much attention to anyone who says their way is the only way. Your way is the only way for you. Even if you don't want your situation, you want it to change. That's my interpretation of "wanting it."

Toodles : )

Tres

Happy Wednesday everyone. This is a good conversation. Everyone definitely has their own tools for sobriety. I think that's great. I think also there will be times in life where you use the tools differently. Maybe you may need more meetings, or more or less SR, therapy, whatever.

I say do whatever you need to do stay sober.

Have a good night

Marine28

Thanks for the comments! The info I saw also bugged me cuz someone was on there reaching out for help and they were basically being told to go away until they WANTED to be there. This person had a really sad story and it took all I had not to tell the people posting where to get off. That doesn't usually stop me, so I guess my new daily meditation is calming me down! LOL!

InParticular

Hey everyone. Well I made it through my first sober wedding. It was lovely but very different without booze. Luckily it was a pretty moderate crowd, there wasn't any heavy drinking going on or anything, but I still wasn't as at ease in the crowd of strangers as I am used to being.

I've known that I needed to stop drinking for a loooong time. I guess it was finally really wanting to that made the difference? I don't know, there's so much jargon in the recovery community. Like tres says, whatever works. I don't agree with anyone being turned away who is reaching out for help though.

My brother is a really bad alcoholic who recently fell off the wagon again and is going into rehab AGAIN. He's been in and out of jail a few times. I know he wants and needs to quit. But he can't, he needs serious help. Sometimes wanting it isn't even enough. Everyone is different.

cbcedd

Not much going on here. My sober drink of choice is a specific type of ginger beer. I like the bite that it has to it. My problem as of late is that I am starting to smoke cigars. I quit smoking nearly 4 (maybe 5?) years ago. Started with the cigars when golfing this summer and now I find myself smoking them more and more. Not sure if this is my "addictive" voice looking for something else. Anyways, no issues with not drinking right now. Made it through a long vacation weekend with no pangs to drink.

Regarding the AA language/sayings: I agree with Dee; they are what you make them. I don't attend AA but have read the material. Some of it is pretty harsh, depending on how you take it.