InParticular

We're right here for you Marine.

InParticular

Was stuck inside all day today working on several assignments. Same thing tomorrow. The weather is beautiful. My fault for procrastinating though and now it's crunch time. Was craving a cold beer so bad today. Could taste it. My boyfriend is at his friend's cabin on this little island right now and I have to say I am resenting the drinks he's been sipping on all day. Oh well! I love summer but it this one is tough. Miss summer evenings on the patio, the beach, etc. etc. etc. It still doesn't feel quite right without a drink in my hand. Hopefully one day it will.

Dee74

It will IP...it will

D

Vantrina

Morning Everyone,

Marine, Please remember that your November Ninjas are all here for you. (((Marine)))

Tres, no doubt the drinking cravings and emotions go in cycles and in waves. Like the end of dear friendship or a romantic breakup, our relationship with alcohol has changed dramatically and there has to be a reorganization and a grieving period. (I've been reading a lot on grief and letting go since the demise of my "dearest" friendship.) Not easy. Hang in. When I read your post I thought to myself, "…that used to be me, thinking of eating dinner as an interruption to my buzz." ((sigh)).

Trying to remain upbeat today. Had a great workout yesterday morning and was able to get some swimming in as well. Am trying to appreciate the calm cadence of life right now and not infuse it with any self-created drama. Am going on a purging venture later today. Out with the old, make space mentally and physically for what may come…

Bimm. keep us updated about those eye surgeries, will you? You know if you are not around for a while we will fret. Hope things go well for you.

Let's hope for cooler temperatures today. Happy Sober Sunday Ninjas!

Tres

Hey Marine, we are here for you for sure. I am sure it must be rough. Think of how proud he would be knowing you are getting your life back on track and you are sober! So awesome of you to take control and ownership of your life. I am sending you hugs.

I went to thewomens meeting yesterday. I had no idea I was going to share. My feeling just came pouring out and I started crying in front of everyone. I was embarrassed, slightly, but really didn't care that much. I have to come to terms with myself and dealing with my hubby drinking. After the meeting I had a long talk with my sponser and another lady that was so helpful.

I really have to stop focusing on his drinking. I think about it as much as I did my own. I am watching him, counting drinks and bottles, etc...that's not good. I have to understand he doesn't want to quit and that's not my problem.

InParticular

That's a tough one Tres. My thoughts are with you. Glad you were able to share at your meeting, that takes a lot of strength. You can get through it.

Marine28

Glad you shared Tres. I did the same thing at the one I went to. It just poured out and then I was sobbing. No one cares about the crying- they have all done it. I agree that you can't do anything about your husbands drinking. Remember the serenity prayer.

Tres

thanks for the kind words you guys. I did make it through the weekend fine. I do need to remember the serenity prayer. Had to say it tonight in the kitchen in fact! It was nutty fixing dinner, dogs running around, daughter making messes...etc.

Its all good...thats family.

Not much else going on here. Went to another meeting last night. One of the most popular, giving AA women had died on her motorcycle the day before. So thats what the meeting was about. I even had tears and I didnt know her. She must have been a wonderful person. She drove a big purple Harley and was coming home from a charity ride for abused kids. Someone pulled right out in front of her and she died instantly. I saw the power of all the AA women come together and it was an amazing meeting. I heard about all the lives she had touched with her service work. I felt like I missed out on knowing an amazing spirit.

Tres

oh, my one ding dong friend who still thinks I can drink asked my husband and I to go on a cruise in December. I told her I wasn't ready for a vacation like that and she might want to ask another couple. She says..."its once a year...you can drink for that week..."

She doesn't get it. I should have asked her to try stopping for a week and see if she can do it.

I cant stand to be around her for two hours when she is drinking...let alone a 5 day cruise..!!

Marine28

Hi guys. I need hugs. I was so sad today I stayed home from work. Thursday is the two year anniversary of my husbands accident. It is worse this year than last. To top it off, I learned there is a Memorial in September for my friend who was killed last week by the drunk. It is out of town and so I asked another friend who,also knew him (better than me)' if I could go with her and her husband. This couple i asked was very good friends of me and my husband. He was even a pallbearer. Their reply was that they think my going to this one will "bring emotions about my husbands death to the surface" and if I can "manage my emotions and focus only on the recently deceased friend"' then I am welcome. How the hell do you manage grief? Only if I am sure I can "manage" my emotions????? WTF???? I think I am writing them off of my friend list. Their comments just made me feel worse. I responded in an email saying not to worry, I wouldn't go so they can breathe easier. Never heard back. It bothers me, but I am trying to forget it.
Someone suggested that I visit my husband's grave at sunrise on Thursday as it will be calm and peaceful and likely only me in the cemetary.then take myself out for a nice breakfast before going into,work. I am considering that. Last year I went right 3pm which was the time of the accident. I need to change my routine. I am afraid I will drink. I have had my share of slips since this group tarted but really need to stay focused . Tired now, took an Ambien to help me sleep. Thanks.

Dee74

I'll be thinking of you Marine - I really believe you can stay strong - staying sober is the way to deal with things - drinking just pushes everything to one side and we never really come to terms with stuff.

Did you ever have any grief counselling?

and yeah - blow those bozos off.

D

InParticular

What horrible people Marine. How unfeeling, I can't believe that. Never mind them. Not worth your trouble. People can be such a**holes.

You feel however you need to feel tomorrow, and anytime. I think going in the morning is a good idea. Make sure you check in with us. We are here for you.

My thoughts are with you.

Bimm

Marine-I gotta go with IP and echo what a couple of asshats you're "friends" are being about this. I think an early morning peaceful visit to the cemetery is a great, but most of all, remember we are all here for you.

Had my first eye surgery on Monday and everything went reasonably well. Back for the other eye this afternoon, so I'll probably be off-line for 24-48 hours. Now I'm not a religious person and most of my friends and acquaintances know that. Nevertheless, that doesn't stop them from making a big point of how they have been praying for me, etc.. I think I hurt one of their feelings when I mentioned that the prayers are nice, but I'd rather she sacrifice a goat for me instead.

Vantrina

Marine,

Know that you are in my thoughts and in the thoughts of everyone here.

The "friends" you spoke about are assholes. Self-centered and limited assholes. Consider it a gift that they showed their true and limited selves to you so you can cut ties and be free of such hurtful and self-serving people without wasting any more of your time and energy. They are not deserving of YOU.

Hope that you will spend Thursday in a way that is best for you. Drinking will only complicate, triplify (new word meaning make situation 3x worse, at minimum), and interfere with your journey of healing your emotions, spirit, and self. In addition, if you drink I guarantee you will be "pissed off" that you broke your sobriety. Just saying.

I admire your strength and all that you have done to get to this point in your life. You are a resilient woman who has loved deeply and is facing the anniversary of the death of a man, your husband, who you loved. Know that even though "we" are not present to physically support you, I know that I speak for all the November Ninjas when I say we will all be thinking of you throughout the day on Thursday and sending you positive and healing thoughts.

You are not alone. ((Marine)).

Vantrina

Bimm,

Glad to hear your surgery went well. Good luck w/#2. Your goat comment made me lol. Nearly choked on my a.m. coffee. lol.

Dee74

glad your surgery went ok Bimm

D

Marine28

Hi everyone and thanks for all the comments.

Yeah, Dee, I did go to grief counseling, but haven't been in a long time. These in person group things are not for me....I did not find it very helpful. Many are older women and men anyway, who lost a spouse just due to old age. I was only 49 when widowed...a different kind of situation, I think. And my husband was killed in a very public accident. All over the news...even made national news in some areas of the country.

Still trying to find my way, to try to move on as my husband would have expected of me. He would expect me to be strong. I have found a lot of comfort in a widow/widower online site - which is so strict about who is on it, that they have to "verify" your spouses death. I am all for that. That way, you KNOW the people you are "chatting" with are in the exact same boat. It has been very good for me.
That said, it's still hard, no matter what.

I have decided to go to the cemetary at sunrise, with my cup of coffee, in my stadium chair, and just sit there with him...till it is time to go to work. He would like that. Very much.

Thanks again and bye for now. Thanks for all of the virtual hugs. It really means a lot.

Tres

Marine, your friends sound like jerks. I say blow them off too. I think you are doing the right thing by going to the gravesight in the morning. I will be thinking of you.

We all care for you here and you can count on us.

Dee74

sounds like a good simple and beautiful thing to do Marine
I'm sure all of us here will be there supporting you in spirit

D

Bimm

Marine-Thinking of you this morning. I hope your visit to the cemetery brought you peace, comfort and remembrances of cherished memories.
Bimm