One Year and Over Club Part 4
In my Own Little World
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Champaign, IL
Posts: 368
Thank you for the suggestion of meetup.com. I had never heard of it and it was precisely what I was looking for. I've said 100 times over "there's stuff I want to do, but I don't even know where to begin to look." It's perfect. I signed up for 5 groups! Now to wait for events to be posted 
. I'm excited!
As for a higher power, yes him and I spoke of it often. He studied in his youth to become a minister. However, I suffered quite a bit of abuse in my younger days that was all tied to religion, praying and forced to associated it (i.e. was conditioned) with a higher power/God. "It's not me beating you senseless, it's because Jehovah is telling me to." etc. So the issue was never forced. He respected my need for space on that and pushed me when he could and knew that when I quit responding or took a while in responding that the issue was pushed a little too far and he'd back off. He was very good at reading people/me. Anyways, back to the issue, the higher power. I have went from being "there is nothing up there, I don't want to hear about it" to acknowledging again that yes, there is something up there. I don't know what, but...something. Then I went to "having faith" and "trusting in it" whatever "it" is (I did think of God/Him). Just like all the times previous that I have done this in my life, yet once again He let me down. I now have something that I will never get rid of AND have to warn others about...when I even get to that point, if I do. Whatever. So, I am back to my fail safe: I count on no one but those who have proven themselves true around me and myself. Mike was one of those people. I keep my circle of people small for that reason. Too many people have let me down over my life so to get into my circle is tough. But once you’re in there….I will do anything for you, I will give any and everything for you..well you get my drift. So, the long and convoluted answer to your question: yes, there is a higher power that is God. I surely don’t face him with open arms. I don’t even face him at this point. Other higher powers: chaos. Science. Knowledge. We cannot control chaos and that is what everything seeks to be, it is a common known law in science. That is a power greater than myself that I cannot control. Knowledge is limitless. The pool of things for us to find out….we can NEVER wrap our minds around it.
Lastly, (my posts are getting as long as Itchy’s lately – speaking of….has anyone seen him??? Haven’t seen any posts since he said he had a sinus infection) I have a poem up behind my monitor that I read every morning that Mike passed onto me that is about living life and how a person who doesn’t risk anything….has nothing and only a person who risks in life is truly free. It’s a beautiful poem. After Mike passed on, someone else posted a poem in honor of him and I printed that off and put it up next to it. It’s a Native American Prayer.
I give you this one thought to keep –
I am with you still – I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning’s hush
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone –
I am with you still – in each new dawn.
Anon.
. I'm excited!As for a higher power, yes him and I spoke of it often. He studied in his youth to become a minister. However, I suffered quite a bit of abuse in my younger days that was all tied to religion, praying and forced to associated it (i.e. was conditioned) with a higher power/God. "It's not me beating you senseless, it's because Jehovah is telling me to." etc. So the issue was never forced. He respected my need for space on that and pushed me when he could and knew that when I quit responding or took a while in responding that the issue was pushed a little too far and he'd back off. He was very good at reading people/me. Anyways, back to the issue, the higher power. I have went from being "there is nothing up there, I don't want to hear about it" to acknowledging again that yes, there is something up there. I don't know what, but...something. Then I went to "having faith" and "trusting in it" whatever "it" is (I did think of God/Him). Just like all the times previous that I have done this in my life, yet once again He let me down. I now have something that I will never get rid of AND have to warn others about...when I even get to that point, if I do. Whatever. So, I am back to my fail safe: I count on no one but those who have proven themselves true around me and myself. Mike was one of those people. I keep my circle of people small for that reason. Too many people have let me down over my life so to get into my circle is tough. But once you’re in there….I will do anything for you, I will give any and everything for you..well you get my drift. So, the long and convoluted answer to your question: yes, there is a higher power that is God. I surely don’t face him with open arms. I don’t even face him at this point. Other higher powers: chaos. Science. Knowledge. We cannot control chaos and that is what everything seeks to be, it is a common known law in science. That is a power greater than myself that I cannot control. Knowledge is limitless. The pool of things for us to find out….we can NEVER wrap our minds around it.
Lastly, (my posts are getting as long as Itchy’s lately – speaking of….has anyone seen him??? Haven’t seen any posts since he said he had a sinus infection) I have a poem up behind my monitor that I read every morning that Mike passed onto me that is about living life and how a person who doesn’t risk anything….has nothing and only a person who risks in life is truly free. It’s a beautiful poem. After Mike passed on, someone else posted a poem in honor of him and I printed that off and put it up next to it. It’s a Native American Prayer.
I give you this one thought to keep –
I am with you still – I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning’s hush
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone –
I am with you still – in each new dawn.
Anon.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Welcome Dave!!!!! And congrats! . There are some stale donuts and coffee somewhere around here...weve been slacking on keeping them fresh lately
Me, I'm very stressed right now. Friend drama, money troubles, job stuff and a milestone birthday. Dreamt last night that I was doing heroin...I didn't feel any effects but I was worried about the cops busting me. How weird is that?
I will get through it....somehow...might be a different person by the time I'm done.
. There are some stale donuts and coffee somewhere around here...weve been slacking on keeping them fresh latelyMe, I'm very stressed right now. Friend drama, money troubles, job stuff and a milestone birthday. Dreamt last night that I was doing heroin...I didn't feel any effects but I was worried about the cops busting me. How weird is that?
I will get through it....somehow...might be a different person by the time I'm done.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Welcome aboard, Dave!! Really happy to have you here!
LF, that is a really weird dream. Maybe you did such a good job hardwiring yourself to be repulsed by alcohol that even in nightmares you can't do it, and your subconscious is forced to start in on crazy heroin thoughts? Or maybe it's just a random misfire of synapses. I can never figure out most of my dreams... In any case, I hope the real world calms down real soon.
Lotus, you signed up for five groups on meetup??!! I am blown away, seeing as I have yet to do one. I did revisit the site for the first time in a while after mentioning it, and saw some interesting stuff... so time to take some inspiration from you. I hereby vow to sign up for at least one thing by next week!
Not tonight, though. I am crushingly tired after just three hours sleep following last night's concert. It was insanely good. Totally worth the 220-mile solo round trip. They don't allow alcohol on the main floor of the club, so I scored myself a spot in the front row while most of the folks were busy getting a pre-show drink. By my count that's Sobriety Benefit No. 11,256...
LF, that is a really weird dream. Maybe you did such a good job hardwiring yourself to be repulsed by alcohol that even in nightmares you can't do it, and your subconscious is forced to start in on crazy heroin thoughts? Or maybe it's just a random misfire of synapses. I can never figure out most of my dreams... In any case, I hope the real world calms down real soon.
Lotus, you signed up for five groups on meetup??!! I am blown away, seeing as I have yet to do one. I did revisit the site for the first time in a while after mentioning it, and saw some interesting stuff... so time to take some inspiration from you. I hereby vow to sign up for at least one thing by next week!
Not tonight, though. I am crushingly tired after just three hours sleep following last night's concert. It was insanely good. Totally worth the 220-mile solo round trip. They don't allow alcohol on the main floor of the club, so I scored myself a spot in the front row while most of the folks were busy getting a pre-show drink. By my count that's Sobriety Benefit No. 11,256...
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I had a relapse even though I knew it was coming, I seemed to just be dragged into it like a zombie. I kept thinking I deserved one, just one and that I could stop after that one and only. Yeah we all know how that works. I didn't even make a half vast attempt to restrain myself I just dove in and was slamming one, then two, then one after the other non-stop for hours. I could feel the buzz before I knocked off the first three or four.
My rationalization is that it won't hurt me as it is much less harmful than smoking. Now how dumb is that. It has been almost a month long binge and I am starting to try to wean myself off again and that never works. So I will try to quit again cold turkey maybe tomorrow. I can't stop as easily as last time. It does get harder with each relapse. <sigh>
Welcome Frances, and Dave! One year is sure a long time for us when we start but seems to be flying upon us faster as the months go by. Congrats Least on your long time, and Murray and Lyddie, both of you with 20 months is great. T is a month or so behind you guys and I am two months so right now am at 18 months!
Let's all get a big
!!
Now maybe I can motivate myself to stop eating those dang mints 24/7 again. I am a mintaholic and thought I had it licked but relapsed again.
LB glad you had your friend for awhile and realize what you had in him. LF and everyone part of why I have been gone is that I have been doing what R&A has been . . . just doing.
I wasn't careful and got all of what I wished for . . .all at once! I decided it was time to rewire my tractor as it has old wiring that I should have replaced years ago. Now I am going through and redoing my electrical connector box and making up 2-0- cables for the battery terminals and 10 ga. wire for the ignition system and starter circuits with 12 ga. and 14 on the coil and distributor, ignition switch and lights. I forgot how relaxing turning a wrench can be. Especially when I can take my own sweet time with it. I moved my dirt pile last year and am almost out of dirt again. It's almost Spring and time for me to start filling in holes from stumps rotting down and to cut up and burn the dead trees that fell from the drought. Had some pretty big ones die. I am fine and glad to see all of the gang is too.
My rationalization is that it won't hurt me as it is much less harmful than smoking. Now how dumb is that. It has been almost a month long binge and I am starting to try to wean myself off again and that never works. So I will try to quit again cold turkey maybe tomorrow. I can't stop as easily as last time. It does get harder with each relapse. <sigh>
Welcome Frances, and Dave! One year is sure a long time for us when we start but seems to be flying upon us faster as the months go by. Congrats Least on your long time, and Murray and Lyddie, both of you with 20 months is great. T is a month or so behind you guys and I am two months so right now am at 18 months!
Let's all get a big
!!Now maybe I can motivate myself to stop eating those dang mints 24/7 again. I am a mintaholic and thought I had it licked but relapsed again.
LB glad you had your friend for awhile and realize what you had in him. LF and everyone part of why I have been gone is that I have been doing what R&A has been . . . just doing.
I wasn't careful and got all of what I wished for . . .all at once! I decided it was time to rewire my tractor as it has old wiring that I should have replaced years ago. Now I am going through and redoing my electrical connector box and making up 2-0- cables for the battery terminals and 10 ga. wire for the ignition system and starter circuits with 12 ga. and 14 on the coil and distributor, ignition switch and lights. I forgot how relaxing turning a wrench can be. Especially when I can take my own sweet time with it. I moved my dirt pile last year and am almost out of dirt again. It's almost Spring and time for me to start filling in holes from stumps rotting down and to cut up and burn the dead trees that fell from the drought. Had some pretty big ones die. I am fine and glad to see all of the gang is too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Hey Dave! welcome to the "Overs". Great job on getting here.
LF...this too shall pass, I can relate to everything happening at once and feeling slammed on all sides by crap. When it happened for me funnily enough I too had a crazy dream where I found myself drunk like never before. It was just stress and worry. Hugs to you hun.
R&A... that is a good reason to be tired!
I am tired, but that is because I have been doing loads as always. Work, work, gym, teaching literacy, making jewellery, being a mum(the most important bit), swimming, steering group meetings etc etc etc............
But I am happy tired. Rock on my Overs friends because....well just because you can!
LF...this too shall pass, I can relate to everything happening at once and feeling slammed on all sides by crap. When it happened for me funnily enough I too had a crazy dream where I found myself drunk like never before. It was just stress and worry. Hugs to you hun.
R&A... that is a good reason to be tired!
I am tired, but that is because I have been doing loads as always. Work, work, gym, teaching literacy, making jewellery, being a mum(the most important bit), swimming, steering group meetings etc etc etc............
But I am happy tired. Rock on my Overs friends because....well just because you can!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Itchy.....
I am sorry to hear that mate, although I am a little confuzzled......you had a relapse or you now have 18months?
I know you can pick your self up, dust yourself off and start again.....we have all done so before. I hope tomorrow is the day that you do so again....and for good.
We are all here and all(I am sure) behind you, cheering you on, please know that.
Hugs coming to you.
I am sorry to hear that mate, although I am a little confuzzled......you had a relapse or you now have 18months?
I know you can pick your self up, dust yourself off and start again.....we have all done so before. I hope tomorrow is the day that you do so again....and for good.
We are all here and all(I am sure) behind you, cheering you on, please know that.
Hugs coming to you.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
LF: Sorry to hear about your stress. I've been having some major dental work done and I don't have full insurance coverage, so I know what it's like to stress over bills. I did my taxes online for the first time this year and got both my state and federal refund back in a week, so that's come in handy Hope you have a Happy B-day (the big 4-0, correct?). Just remember, "this too shall pass".
Hope everyone has a good weekend. Don't forget to set those clocks ahead!
Hope you have a Happy B-day (the big 4-0, correct?). Just remember, "this too shall pass".Hope everyone has a good weekend. Don't forget to set those clocks ahead!
Journey of Recovery
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 621
Welcome Dave to our humble abode and a big Congrats on one year!
Happy belated birthday LF!!!!!!
7 Hoping your stress becomes less.
Itchy, you're a Minta What???!!!!! I had to read a coupla times. Scared me for a minute there. Congrats on your 18 months!
Happy belated birthday LF!!!!!!
7 Hoping your stress becomes less.Itchy, you're a Minta What???!!!!! I had to read a coupla times. Scared me for a minute there. Congrats on your 18 months!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Yes, Itchy, please clarify. Glad to see you have your sense of humor about mints and all, but are you serious about having a real relapse? You seemed to be so fully in love with the idea of never, ever drinking again.
I hope it's a joke... but then again, it's not really something to joke about. I'm confused and concerned...
I hope it's a joke... but then again, it's not really something to joke about. I'm confused and concerned...
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I have not relapsed with alcohol or tobacco.
Noooo!
Most of you here should remember my weight gain from quitting drinking AND smoking from the previous undie onedies group, as my good friend Manz called it? It was a real sugar addiction to those starlight mints. I was really eating a 12-14 oz bag of them a day and a little more. 1 pound of processed sugar. I am a mintaholic! There oughtta be an MA!
:rotfxko
Sorry for those that didn't catch that immediately, even from my revealing the mint addiction in the post.
Thanks so much for the concern folks and I did not intend that to happen past the humorous first part of the post.
I was not kidding about relapsing and going on a mint binge. I lost about 20 of the 50 pounds I gained and then did the old "I can control it/myself" bit just like with alcohol. I bought them, then started buying two bags so I would not run out. I ate them, last night, and finished off the bag even though I wanted to leave some for today. I actually substituted mints for the two addictions I quit. Now I am like an alcoholic as I can't go near them or have just one. I love doctor's offices that have them when I am not eating them at home. ( I grab five or six and pocket the rest for some sugar high later)
I have now gone one morning without but already know I will pickup. I am not joking about the mint/sugar addiction.
I have not relapsed with alcohol or tobacco.
But the image below causes me to crave more than alcohol did when I quit. Seriously.
Noooo!
Most of you here should remember my weight gain from quitting drinking AND smoking from the previous undie onedies group, as my good friend Manz called it? It was a real sugar addiction to those starlight mints. I was really eating a 12-14 oz bag of them a day and a little more. 1 pound of processed sugar. I am a mintaholic! There oughtta be an MA!
:rotfxko
Sorry for those that didn't catch that immediately, even from my revealing the mint addiction in the post.
Thanks so much for the concern folks and I did not intend that to happen past the humorous first part of the post.
I was not kidding about relapsing and going on a mint binge. I lost about 20 of the 50 pounds I gained and then did the old "I can control it/myself" bit just like with alcohol. I bought them, then started buying two bags so I would not run out. I ate them, last night, and finished off the bag even though I wanted to leave some for today. I actually substituted mints for the two addictions I quit. Now I am like an alcoholic as I can't go near them or have just one. I love doctor's offices that have them when I am not eating them at home. ( I grab five or six and pocket the rest for some sugar high later)
I have now gone one morning without but already know I will pickup. I am not joking about the mint/sugar addiction.
I have not relapsed with alcohol or tobacco.
But the image below causes me to crave more than alcohol did when I quit. Seriously.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I have been overhauling my 1958 restored Ford 601 Workmaster Tractor wiring harness and doing a lot of yard work and have not been online at all for a couple of weeks except for emails and these posts. Gotta run again as NAPA has the wire and connectors I want so I can get it finished tomorrow. It stopped getting spark over the winter and would not start when i needed it one day. It was a short but rather than chase them all over every time it sits or won't start, with a possibility of damage from a short, I tore it down and removed all the old six volt regulators and snipped wires, and redid all the wire runs with one wire instead of the many connectors used in the past. Then all will be in plastic wire loom and secured in clamps.
Once again sorry. NO alcohol relapse here.
Once again sorry. NO alcohol relapse here.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Itchy your a trip I thoroughly enjoy your posts. Sugar addiction is a big deal I know people who's moods get great affected by consuming it to much,or not consuming enough. I am a newly diagnosed diabetic so it has been an up hill battle trying to break a bunch of self destructive eating habits. Sometimes I take two steps forward & 3 backwards.
Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend
Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend
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