Tippingpoint

Just checking in. I hit three years on June 13th and it made me think of you guys and this thread that helped me so much back then.

Hope everyone's good. I've been getting on with life and not really thinking of myself as anything other than a person that doesn't drink alcohol.

Dee74

Congrats on 3 years TP - great stuff!

D

Pumpkin Soup

Hi all,

I have to keep this as brief as I can at the moment as in a rush but have been meaning to check in for a while and will come back with a full update soon I promise.

Great to see you got your 3 years TP - I got mine on June 5th and my sobriety is strong, I still go to AA but not as much as I should but it is down to AA that I am still sober no doubt about that.

I have had a lot of things happen to me in the past year but I got over my depression only to be exposed to carbon monoxide poisoning but once that was discovered and I changed my boiler I came back to life with a bang - however it has been a roller-coaster of yin and yang for me the past few months but I won't bore you with the details now.

I am very sorry to tell you that Rory (I cannot remember his SR nickname but he was the other English guy except Chimp and we 'friended' each other in facebook and have had a few messages over the past year or so) has passed away. I do not know the details but it is probably due to this illness. His daughter took over his FB account and has been posting things about him and details of his funeral etc. I have messaged her my sympathy and support if it was connected to this illness but it was difficult to convey in case she did not know about his alcoholism - I just said I knew him through a support website and if she wanted to talk to me more I am here but I have not heard back from her.

I would love to hear from all of you, whatever stage you are at - and if you are still struggling - it is NEVER too late. It can be hard but it is so worth it - you are stronger than you think - I thought I was a weak lazy person - I have proved that not to be the case and so can you. Alcoholism is a very evil disease.

I wish you all the very best and hope to hear from you again.

I will keep coming back here more regularly - now I have a solid, strong sobriety I ought to be giving it back and helping those who are still suffering and this place, along with AA, was a lifesaver for me in the dark still drinking days, and in the early months of my sobriety.

THANK YOU SR AND ALL OF YOU IN HERE FOR HELPING ME GET MY LIFE BACK.

Deb

xx

Dee74

I'm thrilled to see you Deb - congrats on your 3 years too.
I'd be glad to see you around more

I'm absolutely gutted to hear about Rory tho - paddyb, yeah?
Some losses hit you hard.

D

instant

I got a notification when TP posted.

i am sorry to hear about Rory Deb.

I am living a life sober as well. 3 years as well. Time flies. I just got back from band practice. We played a set at an open mike last week and it went well. I am now far more produtive and my marriage and family life is so much better. I am now in the normal weight range and excercise for the fun of it rather than a routine.

Glad to hear you are both well.

Dee i remember when I first came here, you were a guiding light. It's hard in the beginning to believe very much can come of another effort at getting sober. People with time really lead by example. Thanks again.

Pumpkin Soup

Hi guys,

Yes Dee it was paddyb - very very sad, he had just become a grandfather again and his daughter is missing him terribly - at least he still had people who loved and cared for him at the end - whatever the reason was for his death - the lack of mention of cause of death in his daughters posts is indicative that it was due to this disease and his most recent messages to me (months ago) were cries for help but he didn't manage to fight it off.

I wish I was musical instant (Jim?) sorry my memory was bad before I had the CO poisoning and now it is ultra crap! However I am very lucky to have 2 very talented daughter's - my eldest plays bass guitar and piano (self-taught) and many other wierd and wonderful instruments - when she is home from uni I occasionally get the delight of hearing like the likes of Bohemian Rhapsody coming from the piano. She got into Oxford - THE 'Oxford' - Queens College - and is studying chemistry - how the hell she managed that with me being an active drunk during most of her childhood is incredible - or maybe it made her more independent and stronger - I will always have guilt for my neglect of them both during those years but I am making up for it now - every single day I don't pick up a drink.

So its been such a long time - it seems there is only me, Dee, Jim and TP still around in this group - hopefully some more might pop back in because of the email notifications we get.

What have your guys sobriety been like - I can honestly say that once I passed the 3 months mark I did not want to drink again but there have been 2 occasions where I did crave drink - one on Christmas Eve when my boss was horrible to me and my girls were with their Dad and I was going to spend the evening on my own and I seriously thought I was going to get some drink on the way home from work but the moment passed and I had just forgotten about it by the time I got home. The 2nd time was much more serious - one of my new kittens went missing and the grief I felt I could not cope with it and I REALLY wanted to drink, I did not care about the consquences I just wanted to numb the grief. I hung in there, got to a meeting and said out loud that I wanted to drink and that I did not care etc and just the effect of hearing my own voice saying that rubbish cured me, made me realise how ridiculous it would be. I knew drink would not help in any way but it was my first experience of grief in sobriety so a massive test and learning curve. I have since lost the other kitten (her sister) we think they must have been too brave near a fox's den as I get foxes coming in the garden now and then. It was awful but I didnt want to drink this time - I sat with the grief, really felt it (still do), cried a lot but am still alive and sober myself and just grateful for the time I had with them, they were so adorable - I still have their brother and praying he stays safe - he isn't as brave as they were and doesnt venture far from home as far as I know so I hope he manages to have a happy long life with me and my 2 older cats.

Sorry for the length of that but it's good to share these experiences - have any of you come close or felt in danger of drinking in the past 3 years?

Deb

Dee74

Hi deb - yeah it is sad but thanks for letting us know.

After my first year I got pretty settled - which was good cos I'd fought cravings on and off all that year...

but yeah there were some stressful times after that when the idea of a drink came to me...it was just a thought tho and I surfed through it.

I can honestly say now it's been several years since I had a notion to drink, even under some very very stressful conditions, so that's a miracle really .

D

Pumpkin Soup

Dee, I remember you telling me about urge surfing in my dark days and you gave me a link and it really helped me a lot - I practice mindfulness now and it is very similar to that x

Dee74

Yeah it's a form of mindfulness I think Deb

D

instant

Sorry to hear about Rory. i think his struggle on the boards, in combination with my brother struggling impacted how serious this thing is.

I have been enjoying life a lot now- I am far busier and achieved things I would have never dreamt about. I do "feel" like a drink reasonably frequently but it doesn't really bother me, and it's not intense- usually it is the 'desire' to party of have a break from myself- on weekends. I tend to put it in the same category of other health problems- I get back pain but mostly just put up with it etc. Just 'knowing' really helps and I am certain if I stared drinking I would lose a lot and maybe not get back. I still feel like I got a 'get out of jail free' card and this a new chance at life- I feel I have got good times a head of me.

In a way I do not have time to drink- those days I wasted with hangovers and the mental torment!!

I now have a number of active interests that keep my mind busy and I can lose myself when I want to

Pumpkin Soup

You are amazing Jim - hobbies you love certainly help and having a job you love - which I now do have makes such a difference - Jim if my memory is correct, you have done this on your own with the help of SR is that right? SR was fantastic for me but I needed the extra help of people face to face which I found in AA. I struggled for a long time with the 'god' side of it but you really don't need to be religious, just spiritual and I have my own higher power now who I talk to a lot - it is a combination of the universe and a mini-me that sits on my shoulder that is basically my conscience and I call it Mr Blue Sky - sorry if I am repeating myself - I forget who I have told about it - this recent faith I have managed to find that I can really sort of believe in has increased my joy of life so much and that has only been in the past few months. My current hobby is solar lights in my garden - it looks like a jungle in the daytime but at night it's like a fairy light magical place and I love it - I have just brought 200 more to put around another one of me trees this morning xx

instant

Yes Deb. Just SR. It helped that my sister gave up around the same time- we talk about it when we see each other. I have found I need to keep my mind busy otherwise I get restless, and brood- the other thing is having little challenges

I am now a lot more social and more relaxed around others

jim

Pumpkin Soup

Yep me too - I have only just started to reach out to people again, old friends and new - I was in isolation for the last 5 of my drinking years and the 1st 2 1/2 years of my sobriety due to depression and CO poisoning - I have found out I am not alone and as soon as I made the move and started arranging social events I realised I have lots of friends and I am not alone x

bblackbirdflyy

Hi Pumpkin, instant, TP! Back at it again! I have 2 weeks. You are quite an inspiration to me! I could have three years of sobriety by now sheesh! But the past is in the past. I'm going to stick to it this time. So just hello and best wishes!

very sorry to hear about Rory. Paddyb.

Pumpkin Soup

Hi Blackbird and congrats for getting back on the case. We are all in the same boat its all about today, getting our heads on the pillow one day at a time without taking a drink. I think it gets easier as time goes by but we are all only an arms length away from a drink. I have just got back from a holiday in Cornwall and the thought popped into my head as it occasionally does from time to time but its just habit and easy to bat away now. Keep posting we all want to help you and if you are struggling we may be able to help. It's fab that after all this time you still have this thread to come to for encouragement and to celebrate each new day you are free from the demon. xxx

Tippingpoint

4 years coming up soon and for some reason I felt compelled to check in.

PaddyB - I remember well following along with some of his drunken postings. All that pain and helplessness and being helpless to help him. I found it quite upsetting to see him in that way even though he was really just a stranger on the Internet. I knew that he was walking the edge of disastour but there was nothing any of us could do. Very sad to hear that he didn't make it.

Pumpkin - I still have dreams about drinking. I had a particularly insidious one the other night. In the dream I was still sober with my family and at work and with friends but I had intermittently been drinking in private and was amazed to find that it didn't make me crave alcohol at all. I could just drink and get drunk and then go back to normal the next day. ...

That AV can sure be sneaky.

Instant...love that you're in a band! I bought myself a new guitar recently and have been playing quite a bit. The guitar is an acoustic...solid wood made by a Canadian company - Norman Guitars. They're sort of a poor man's Martin. Sounds great to me!

I've been doing a lot of cycling...really worked hard at it this past winter. I rode indoors with a coach and got quite a bit fitter. I dropped about 10 pounds and now weigh the same as I did when I was 21 - 172 pounds. When I was drinking I weighed about 200 lbs.

Tippingpoint

One of things that made me quit was the example of my father...I didn't want to turn out like him for my kids. Out of the blue he quit drinking about a year ago...amazing. I like to think that I had something to do with his decision, but he would never tell me that. When I asked him why he quit he just said that he had had enough and that he supposed he should have quit years earlier...he's almost 70 now. He lives with my Mother and Sister and her daughter so I'm very happy for all of them...he was a bit of a cranky drunk to have on the couch in your house every evening.

I get a bit nostalgic around the anniversary dates. I think I come back for a bit of a booster shot if you will. Strengthen my commitment. Remind myself of the state I was in when I came here in June 2011. Stories like Rory's are a solemn reminder for all of us.

Chimp

Hi,

I am Chimp. I am 49 weeks sober today. Three more to a year. Five years since I first came on here, June 2011.

Let me tell you all, it and you are worth it.

You have all been in my thoughts, always.

xxx

instant

Gee it seems like a party in here Chimp. Great to hear the news. I remember when the idea making it to a year was like swimming to the moon.

I am still kicking on, now i am learning the piano to keep busy as well as afew other projects. SR and all its great people has been wonderful to help me get to where i am.

Chimp

A year today. A year sober today. Brilliant and life is so much better. It truly is worth it.