Class of June 2011 Part 10
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Hi guys-
Haven't disappeared - have been good since I've been back.
BBF - I've been there too!!! It sucks to come back and say it, but I think it does keep us from staying there.
I am treating today as my DAY 1 - QUIT THE SMOKES a day early. The past two nights I have had nosebleeds and extremely high blood pressure so I figured I didn't need one more day. I'm making in Day one on Alcohol too (I at least have a few days under my belt, but what's the difference!) I have 1 month until I'm 40 and the year is starting clean and free. I also start with a trainer at the gym on Monday.
I quit counting after my 1st relapse, maybe cause I was seeing it was possible to do it again. Counting days worked the longest for me, so I'm back to counting.
Still wanna stay with the class. I decided since my first sobriety date of June 5th, I have still drank less than I would have in 1 just one week. I can live with that and I feel I AM still committed.
Will write more later. Busy days here lately. I wish you all my love and best -
anna
Haven't disappeared - have been good since I've been back.
BBF - I've been there too!!! It sucks to come back and say it, but I think it does keep us from staying there.
I am treating today as my DAY 1 - QUIT THE SMOKES a day early. The past two nights I have had nosebleeds and extremely high blood pressure so I figured I didn't need one more day. I'm making in Day one on Alcohol too (I at least have a few days under my belt, but what's the difference!) I have 1 month until I'm 40 and the year is starting clean and free. I also start with a trainer at the gym on Monday.
I quit counting after my 1st relapse, maybe cause I was seeing it was possible to do it again. Counting days worked the longest for me, so I'm back to counting.
Still wanna stay with the class. I decided since my first sobriety date of June 5th, I have still drank less than I would have in 1 just one week. I can live with that and I feel I AM still committed.
Will write more later. Busy days here lately. I wish you all my love and best -
anna
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Morning everyone.
Beulah sometimes confusion is the right place to be. I find thinking about all this alcohol stuff can get me in a spin and be quite demoralising at times. Doubt seems to keep me company as often as he can afford the time. As Classical pointed out before we are all different and have different journeys before us, and out of it all we have to work out what is best for us.
Anna I don't think I've ever been sober on a major milestone such as turning 40!
It is great however to be up at 7am on Sunday with a clear head. I have just dropped my daughter off for a 12km fun run. Last week she got her first pay check from her part time job. Ordinary is so special to me these days.
Have a good day everyone.
Beulah sometimes confusion is the right place to be. I find thinking about all this alcohol stuff can get me in a spin and be quite demoralising at times. Doubt seems to keep me company as often as he can afford the time. As Classical pointed out before we are all different and have different journeys before us, and out of it all we have to work out what is best for us.
Anna I don't think I've ever been sober on a major milestone such as turning 40!
It is great however to be up at 7am on Sunday with a clear head. I have just dropped my daughter off for a 12km fun run. Last week she got her first pay check from her part time job. Ordinary is so special to me these days.
Have a good day everyone.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Some heavy thoughts today.
I understand your reasoning Buelah - sometimes it is all a little confusing and sometimes it does all seem a little too much to be 'in recovery'...I think we can over complicate things tho.
If you're like me, drinking is self destructive.
Whatever your desire or thoughts on alcohol and image and peer pressure and all the rest - if, at the end of the day, if the addiction to alcohol makes your life poorer - if it takes from your life - it needs to go.
I hope you'll remember we're here. I still maintain this is the best place to be for anyone struggling
I empathise with you too Classical - for a lot of my drinking life, I could rationalise it wasn't that bad...
The greatest lie your addiction can tell you is that it won't get worse...for the last 7 or so years of my drinking I totally lost control, enjoyment, reputation and respect...
It was sheer hell and I'd wish that on nobody.
If there's one thing I could give everyone it's the surety that our lives don't get worse by giving up alcohol - they get better...and so do we
D
I understand your reasoning Buelah - sometimes it is all a little confusing and sometimes it does all seem a little too much to be 'in recovery'...I think we can over complicate things tho.
If you're like me, drinking is self destructive.
Whatever your desire or thoughts on alcohol and image and peer pressure and all the rest - if, at the end of the day, if the addiction to alcohol makes your life poorer - if it takes from your life - it needs to go.
I hope you'll remember we're here. I still maintain this is the best place to be for anyone struggling
I empathise with you too Classical - for a lot of my drinking life, I could rationalise it wasn't that bad...
The greatest lie your addiction can tell you is that it won't get worse...for the last 7 or so years of my drinking I totally lost control, enjoyment, reputation and respect...
It was sheer hell and I'd wish that on nobody.
If there's one thing I could give everyone it's the surety that our lives don't get worse by giving up alcohol - they get better...and so do we
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
Thanks to every one. Alcohol is not good in my life and I have to find my balance. I will....and I know I need you all to do that. But, for now, I have to find my inner peace so I can accept this journey better than ever.
Love to you all.
Love to you all.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 38
Hello all:
This is day 91 for me so that is a milestone I think. Glad to have this group's input and support, I think it has helped me and I'm thankful.
I am on this work journey right now, 4200 Km away from home. Looks like I maybe required to work 6 weeks 7 days a week, currently I'm gone 14.5 hours/day so this is a long haul. The money is good and the company strongly dislikes us taking a day off so we'll see how it goes. Have done 2 weeks so far. Kind of a weird situation. I offered to have a former coworker travel with me on the work trip. After we left home he kind of mentioned to me that he had $40 to his name. This to get him across Canada and survive for 2 weeks till the first payday. So, I have fronted $1500 for him so far, he has had a payday (two actually) and no money has made it my way yet, this is getting old really fast I must say. That little problem and we are sharing living space is trying my patience a bit. He has money problems, I think his wife likes to spend and she likes to give money to her grown childern that they do not have to give. We'll see how it turns out. He relys on me to get to work and back home each day, a 75 Km one way trip so he kind of has to repay me soon or no more rides!
Anyway things are going good. Not drinking and enjoying work about as much as I normally like work!
LTJimmie
This is day 91 for me so that is a milestone I think. Glad to have this group's input and support, I think it has helped me and I'm thankful.
I am on this work journey right now, 4200 Km away from home. Looks like I maybe required to work 6 weeks 7 days a week, currently I'm gone 14.5 hours/day so this is a long haul. The money is good and the company strongly dislikes us taking a day off so we'll see how it goes. Have done 2 weeks so far. Kind of a weird situation. I offered to have a former coworker travel with me on the work trip. After we left home he kind of mentioned to me that he had $40 to his name. This to get him across Canada and survive for 2 weeks till the first payday. So, I have fronted $1500 for him so far, he has had a payday (two actually) and no money has made it my way yet, this is getting old really fast I must say. That little problem and we are sharing living space is trying my patience a bit. He has money problems, I think his wife likes to spend and she likes to give money to her grown childern that they do not have to give. We'll see how it turns out. He relys on me to get to work and back home each day, a 75 Km one way trip so he kind of has to repay me soon or no more rides!
Anyway things are going good. Not drinking and enjoying work about as much as I normally like work!
LTJimmie
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Jimmie well done on your progress despite the stresses. I hope you can find a way to deal with it all that doesn't come back on you drinking.
It is spring here. I went for a walk by the beach. There were tons of people drinking in the bars "sunday sessions" with all the windows open. I came home and got my BBQ ready for tonights dinner. All in all some triggers for me that I knew I would have to face to stay on the path that I have chosen. There are enough indications that I am getting stronger and I find comfort in that, but in spring I cannot get complacent.
I should have mentioned or reminded you all that my strong opinions I have mentioned in my recent posts come from a position that I really don't see that I cannot afford to take the risk of going back to where I came from. Triggers or not I really want to stay this course for me and my family. I do not believe if I go back it will end well.
Classical you may remember that I could not take a weekend pledge at one stage, my distrust of myself was that low. I am still one day at a time, but I am far more comfortable with that. In fact I see six months in the distance and I know that if I get there I will be breaking my PB in sobriety. It now seem achievable and that I will be doing it, and the fact that I can write that and mean it is no small miracle for me.
Peace to all.
It is spring here. I went for a walk by the beach. There were tons of people drinking in the bars "sunday sessions" with all the windows open. I came home and got my BBQ ready for tonights dinner. All in all some triggers for me that I knew I would have to face to stay on the path that I have chosen. There are enough indications that I am getting stronger and I find comfort in that, but in spring I cannot get complacent.
I should have mentioned or reminded you all that my strong opinions I have mentioned in my recent posts come from a position that I really don't see that I cannot afford to take the risk of going back to where I came from. Triggers or not I really want to stay this course for me and my family. I do not believe if I go back it will end well.
Classical you may remember that I could not take a weekend pledge at one stage, my distrust of myself was that low. I am still one day at a time, but I am far more comfortable with that. In fact I see six months in the distance and I know that if I get there I will be breaking my PB in sobriety. It now seem achievable and that I will be doing it, and the fact that I can write that and mean it is no small miracle for me.
Peace to all.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Morning everyone! It is 7:35 am in Toronto. I'm the only one up so far...sipping a coffee and eating half a bowl of apple cinnamon cheerios - fuel for the 22km run that I have to do shortly. It's only 6 degrees celcius out there right now - my body is rebelling - even though I dug out a running toque and running gloves!
Feeling very good about not drinking these days. The desire to do so has really subsided. I remember when I first started I had to have a drink in my hand at all the usual times and the struggle was figuring out what that drink should be - coke, water, Perrier, near beer. I've noticed that even that has gone away...I pretty much just drink when I'm thirsty now...very liberating.
I can really relate to Buelah and Classical's uneasiness at the thought of giving up alcohol forever. We haven't had the dramatic fall from grace often required for clarity of thought on the value of lifelong sobriety! It's so easy to romanticize all those years of drinking and lovingly think of all the good times that we've had - and forget about the bad ones of course. I am feeling stronger and more committed to sobriety than I ever have through these nearly 100 days now and yet I can easily empathize with Classical and Buelah.
Alright...gotta get out there for my run. I have found inspiration. Terry Fox runs are happening all across Canada today. I will do my run with Terry Fox in mind and it will inspire me!
Feeling very good about not drinking these days. The desire to do so has really subsided. I remember when I first started I had to have a drink in my hand at all the usual times and the struggle was figuring out what that drink should be - coke, water, Perrier, near beer. I've noticed that even that has gone away...I pretty much just drink when I'm thirsty now...very liberating.
I can really relate to Buelah and Classical's uneasiness at the thought of giving up alcohol forever. We haven't had the dramatic fall from grace often required for clarity of thought on the value of lifelong sobriety! It's so easy to romanticize all those years of drinking and lovingly think of all the good times that we've had - and forget about the bad ones of course. I am feeling stronger and more committed to sobriety than I ever have through these nearly 100 days now and yet I can easily empathize with Classical and Buelah.
Alright...gotta get out there for my run. I have found inspiration. Terry Fox runs are happening all across Canada today. I will do my run with Terry Fox in mind and it will inspire me!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Most Isolated City in the World
Posts: 108
Hello everyone
Good to see some of the original are still around and being strong. An unbelievable 87 days for me and I have done about 100 meetings, all of which have made me feel stronger and have convinced me it is the only way forward for myself.
I have learnt so very much and have given myself over to admitting I know nothing, I am teachable and I will try anything to remain sober.
The thing that has really helped me is to stop thinking about myself and give myself to helping others.
I wake every morning with a smile on my dial and dont jump up and start running but thank my higher power for another wonderful day, read my daily readings and meditate for 30 minutes. Then I begin my day slowly and surely an I remain on the beam most of the time.
I must admit the days I dont wake like this but get up and start running, my day quickly goes to the pack and I revert back to that totally reactive personality who blames everyone and everything for the wrongs of the world.At least I can recognise this now for being what it is and adjust myself accordingly, some days I start my day all over again a few times.
Its progress not perfection Im after.
I will always be thankful for sober recovery.com as it was where I first came to on that terrible morning after my last drunk. This group itself was responsible for much of my strength in the beginning.
Thank you and good luck to you all.
Good to see some of the original are still around and being strong. An unbelievable 87 days for me and I have done about 100 meetings, all of which have made me feel stronger and have convinced me it is the only way forward for myself.
I have learnt so very much and have given myself over to admitting I know nothing, I am teachable and I will try anything to remain sober.
The thing that has really helped me is to stop thinking about myself and give myself to helping others.
I wake every morning with a smile on my dial and dont jump up and start running but thank my higher power for another wonderful day, read my daily readings and meditate for 30 minutes. Then I begin my day slowly and surely an I remain on the beam most of the time.
I must admit the days I dont wake like this but get up and start running, my day quickly goes to the pack and I revert back to that totally reactive personality who blames everyone and everything for the wrongs of the world.At least I can recognise this now for being what it is and adjust myself accordingly, some days I start my day all over again a few times.
Its progress not perfection Im after.
I will always be thankful for sober recovery.com as it was where I first came to on that terrible morning after my last drunk. This group itself was responsible for much of my strength in the beginning.
Thank you and good luck to you all.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Spain
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by instant 
I cannot afford to take the risk of going back to where I came from. Triggers or not I really want to stay this course for me and my family. I do not believe if I go back it will end well.
All those "ideas" were the very reason why I kept drinking during years. So, no more. I give no more credit to those "ideas", inspired my AV. They are irrational. Their only purpose is to keep me drinking. If a substance (any substance) is harming you severely, would you keep consuming it? If the answer is yes, you are an addict.
I have no more time. I'll try to post later.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Good afternoon my friends.
Raquell good to see you are doing so well and congrats on your days.
TP its also great to see you are feeling more positive and Classical - those "glimmers" of hope are important - hang on to them. They are your angels of light - fighting away the devil of darkness that is the AV.
Ive just come back from a wonderful inspiring thought provoking meeting. The speakers chair was mainly focused on the spiritual awakening side of the programme and there were some good interesting shares coming back and I also shared and he gave me a kiss and said thankyou to me for what I said afterwards which has made me feel even more fantastic. Lovely to be kissed by a gorgeous looking younger man on a Sunday afternoon, he is gay so no further projections in my mind in any inappropriate direction but still something to be grateful for
I STILL FEEL HAPPY AND ENERGETIC!!!!!! I cant express how wonderful this is for me. I wish I could give it to you all to feel. I have everything I need and I am grateful for it. I dont mind working hard to keep it. It is so worth it.
Raquell good to see you are doing so well and congrats on your days.
TP its also great to see you are feeling more positive and Classical - those "glimmers" of hope are important - hang on to them. They are your angels of light - fighting away the devil of darkness that is the AV.
Ive just come back from a wonderful inspiring thought provoking meeting. The speakers chair was mainly focused on the spiritual awakening side of the programme and there were some good interesting shares coming back and I also shared and he gave me a kiss and said thankyou to me for what I said afterwards which has made me feel even more fantastic. Lovely to be kissed by a gorgeous looking younger man on a Sunday afternoon, he is gay so no further projections in my mind in any inappropriate direction but still something to be grateful for
I STILL FEEL HAPPY AND ENERGETIC!!!!!! I cant express how wonderful this is for me. I wish I could give it to you all to feel. I have everything I need and I am grateful for it. I dont mind working hard to keep it. It is so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
I had a really strong run...after all my whining about the cold! 1:44:05 for 22k and never really came under stress. It was almost easy. Bodes well for the marathon.
Nice to see you doing so well Raquell!
Nice to see you getting kissed by young, handsome men Pumpkin!
Nice to see you doing so well Raquell!
Nice to see you getting kissed by young, handsome men Pumpkin!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Spain
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by Buelah
What is so important about having a drink even socially?
Buelah, we will miss you. Take a rest and then let us know how are you.
Bratnik, congratulations on your decision to quit tobacco. In respect of alcohol, keep trying. During five or six years, I tried weekly to quit alcohol, without success. But one day, the miracle happens...
Honestly, I have no desire to drink never more. I dont think alcohol is something evil. I remember the pattern of drinking of my father, for example. He drank one or two glasses of wine at the dinner. That was all. This pattern of drinking is very healthy.
But I didn't drink like him. The idea is simple: Alcohol has caused a lot of damage to me. Poor decisions, lost opportunities, hangovers, anxiety, fear, depression, poor performance in work, poor health, anger, wasted time... the list would be endless. On the contrary, sobriety offers me peace, good health, energy, optimism... so I choose sobriety. It is better. It is the logical decision.
I don`t expect anything from alcohol. Alcohol does not offer anything to me. Now I reject also the buzz, that only lasts a couple of hours, is illusory, and the bill I have to pay is too expensive.
I can understand fully those who relapse. They try to stop drinking but they fail. I was there many times. But I failed because of my weakness and because I didn't know how to overcome cravings.
But honestly, I have difficulty in understanding those who, having suffered because of alcohol, keep thinking that they lose something if they don't drink. It does not sound logical. It is addictive thinking.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Raquell when I see the full moon I think of you. We are all one. Well done on 87 days. I hope the blessings of sobriety continue to multiply for you.
Mariano you are blessed with clarity of thought. If you don't mind I am going to borrow a quote from you for my signature line.
TP I wish you steely resolve as you enter the final stages of your preparation.
Mariano you are blessed with clarity of thought. If you don't mind I am going to borrow a quote from you for my signature line.
TP I wish you steely resolve as you enter the final stages of your preparation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Spain
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by Raquell
Hello everyone
I wake every morning with a smile on my dial and dont jump up and start running but thank my higher power for another wonderful day, read my daily readings and meditate for 30 minutes. Then I begin my day slowly and surely an I remain on the beam most of the time.
I wake every morning with a smile on my dial and dont jump up and start running but thank my higher power for another wonderful day, read my daily readings and meditate for 30 minutes. Then I begin my day slowly and surely an I remain on the beam most of the time.
-----------
For an alcoholic, alcohol offers nothing and takes away everything. Special occasions are much more special, interesting and fun being sober. Perhaps we thought that drinking makes us funny, interesting or fancy. It is not true. A drunk is a "pain in the neck", clumsy, possibly unpolite, rude and selfish. That is how others really saw us when we were drunk, although they never said nothing. There is no glamour. Lately, I have been watching some drunks... Probably I looked like them... This is a good exercise: watching how drunks act. Perhaps we were like some of them... It is impossible romanticize that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Spain
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by instant
If you don't mind I am going to borrow a quote
Originally Posted by Pumpkin Soup
I STILL FEEL HAPPY AND ENERGETIC!!!!!! I cant express how wonderful this is for me. I wish I could give it to you all to feel. I have everything I need and I am grateful for it. I dont mind working hard to keep it. It is so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Ms. Pumpkin Soup - The élan that you clearly feel is palpable in your post! I'm delighted for you. You've worked so hard. You deserve this!
Thank you for the encouragement on my training - very nice of you to say.
Thank you for the encouragement on my training - very nice of you to say.
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