Class of June 2011 Part 10
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Thanks Bratnik!
We want you to succeed and we want you to be part of our group. Your verve and humour are an integral part of our community. We are diminished in your absence.
So stick around and let's do this thing!
d
We want you to succeed and we want you to be part of our group. Your verve and humour are an integral part of our community. We are diminished in your absence.
So stick around and let's do this thing!
d
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 711
The ebb and flow of attendance is totally natural. As we grow, we tend to need things in a different manner versus our early beginnings. Early on I needed this place like I needed air to breath. Now I just post when I can and spend time reading threads - no hurries.
The best news is we always leave the light on. To me, it's a such great comfort.
The best news is we always leave the light on. To me, it's a such great comfort.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Warren - I respect your decision 100% but will not say it doesn't make me sad. I'm selfish, what can I say. You have been instrumental in getting me to come back multiple times and you have been instrumental in keeping me moving toward the same goal.
I do need to clarify one thing - there is not ONE thing on this thread posted that has ever triggered my AV. Controversy is fine, it's healthy, it's my OWN issues with conflict that go back to birth. But I've never read anything that has made me say, gee I'm gonna drink now. Those moments were triggered by my life and my situations and my decisions only. I just needed to make that clear. The thread requires thoughtfulness and discussion and honesty. And that is 100% of what you have given all of us.
xo
I do need to clarify one thing - there is not ONE thing on this thread posted that has ever triggered my AV. Controversy is fine, it's healthy, it's my OWN issues with conflict that go back to birth. But I've never read anything that has made me say, gee I'm gonna drink now. Those moments were triggered by my life and my situations and my decisions only. I just needed to make that clear. The thread requires thoughtfulness and discussion and honesty. And that is 100% of what you have given all of us.
xo
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
failed failure, and peed off, when when will i string more than 5 days together, really sorry class mates, this is now the 4th or 5th replase. i see there was a lot of stress here the last 2 nights as have still been reading, sorry not very strong right now
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Warren, if you have a few busy days then we understand its a good time to take a break if you want to but make sure you come back and say whatever you like, freedom of speech is important for all of us and nothing you can say or will have said is going to cause anyone to pick up a drink. If we are going to have a drink we will find an excuse if we need to but we are all adults and not one of us here I am sure would have the gall to say something someone has said on this website has caused us to drink! We all have a common purpose and that is to try and solve our problems with drink. We are all at different levels and stages with our problems and we all have different paths we are taking. I think in the main we all accept our differences and still wish for us all to stick together and help each other or at least just share our experiences for the good of us all.
TP fantastic pics again thanks.
Papa nico glad you are still here.
Anna - I still have that dream to run by you if you want me to.
Paddy - its hard, bloody hard - just keep trying - still being here and posting shows us that you have the desire to succeed and if you dont give up you have a chance of success. You were doing more AA meetings did you find them helpful at all? Have you taken any numbers or has anyone offered you their number?
Please guys lets all stick with it - I need you all.
TP fantastic pics again thanks.
Papa nico glad you are still here.
Anna - I still have that dream to run by you if you want me to.
Paddy - its hard, bloody hard - just keep trying - still being here and posting shows us that you have the desire to succeed and if you dont give up you have a chance of success. You were doing more AA meetings did you find them helpful at all? Have you taken any numbers or has anyone offered you their number?
Please guys lets all stick with it - I need you all.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Paddy! Don't give up, please, I'm not either. I've had numerous slips too. And while it's hard to come back, (it always takes me some time) - it's GOOD to come back.
And yes, Pumpkin min - I agree with everything you say. We both agree we need honesty and candor here and that can and IS done without anger. LIke I said, nothing here has driven me to drink. Everything here has helped in my quest to stay away. Give me your dream, I'll do my best. has it been on your mind? That could be powerful.
When I came back from my trip I had a very vicious dream - I dreamt I was walking along a river and came across a very big dead elk/deer with big antlers. I walked up to it and prodded it with my foot (no, I would never do this in real life) and it came to life and starting snarling and growling and got up and started chasing me. There is no doubt in my mind that the river was alcohol and the beast was my demon - my prodding at it is my relapsing and it coming to life and chasing me is the demon coming alive to get me.
I need you guys too. I would have never made it this far without you. I don't plan on quitting!
And yes, Pumpkin min - I agree with everything you say. We both agree we need honesty and candor here and that can and IS done without anger. LIke I said, nothing here has driven me to drink. Everything here has helped in my quest to stay away. Give me your dream, I'll do my best.
has it been on your mind? That could be powerful. When I came back from my trip I had a very vicious dream - I dreamt I was walking along a river and came across a very big dead elk/deer with big antlers. I walked up to it and prodded it with my foot (no, I would never do this in real life) and it came to life and starting snarling and growling and got up and started chasing me. There is no doubt in my mind that the river was alcohol and the beast was my demon - my prodding at it is my relapsing and it coming to life and chasing me is the demon coming alive to get me.
I need you guys too. I would have never made it this far without you. I don't plan on quitting!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I had a speech lined up...but you guys - especially Leo PS and Bratnik - basically said everything I was going to say - thank you Deb and Anna and Leo
Rory - I think half the battle is never giving up...as long as you keep coming back I believe we're never that far away from success - although it may seem that way right now.
Think about what else you need to do mate - do you need more meetings, more support, less stress, changes in your social life?
you're fighting - but keep up the work mate...
you can do this
and Warren - I hope any absences are fleeting...
D
Rory - I think half the battle is never giving up...as long as you keep coming back I believe we're never that far away from success - although it may seem that way right now.
Think about what else you need to do mate - do you need more meetings, more support, less stress, changes in your social life?
you're fighting - but keep up the work mate...
you can do this
and Warren - I hope any absences are fleeting...
D
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Anna Rory. A few years ago when I was moderating / concerned about my drinking / trying to quit I kept a little running tally that calculated a percentage of how many of my days were sober days. I did it for months on end. It did keep a balanced view and stopped my from throwing it all in on the basis of the way I felt on a given day. Like Rory the weekends were times where I struggled the most, but at times I did keep my drinking down to three days a week. I did learn things during that struggle.
Have a sober, controversy free day everyone.
Have a sober, controversy free day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
I found telling my dearest friend very liberating.....if anyone has a period of struggling, support from someone that truly cares about you and knows you is a blessing.
Glad every thing is quiet on the forum front. I can't say it enough. Agree to disagree. And if you disagree, it ends at that. Simple, easy. I've also said the hard part of black and white is how we interpret the written word. You can't hear my tone, see my facial expression, or watch my body movement. So, what you read, and what I may mean can be totally different things. We all have to remember that as well.
Last time I checked, we all have a goal to be sober. Classical - right now your goal is to be sober. And if some day you decide to drink again, then maybe you don't have as big a problem as you think. Or as Pumpkin said....yet hasn't happened yet. I don't want yet. I like stopping now. I know as of today I'm not drinking. 24 hours a day is good enough by me. That's how I got as far as I did in the first 60 days.
Still taking a break - won't post as much. But, just want to let you know, harmony is key here. Every one needs each other - WHETHER WE AGREE OR NOT.
Take care every one.
Glad every thing is quiet on the forum front. I can't say it enough. Agree to disagree. And if you disagree, it ends at that. Simple, easy. I've also said the hard part of black and white is how we interpret the written word. You can't hear my tone, see my facial expression, or watch my body movement. So, what you read, and what I may mean can be totally different things. We all have to remember that as well.
Last time I checked, we all have a goal to be sober. Classical - right now your goal is to be sober. And if some day you decide to drink again, then maybe you don't have as big a problem as you think. Or as Pumpkin said....yet hasn't happened yet. I don't want yet. I like stopping now. I know as of today I'm not drinking. 24 hours a day is good enough by me. That's how I got as far as I did in the first 60 days.
Still taking a break - won't post as much. But, just want to let you know, harmony is key here. Every one needs each other - WHETHER WE AGREE OR NOT.
Take care every one.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I spent a lot of my first year here a fightin and a feudin LOL
I have an idea why that was but I'll spare you all the cod psychology...I got peaceful eventually.
I learnt a lot from the guys I used to disagree with tho - even if we still don't exactly see eye to eye
sharing opinions is how this place rolls - but ultimately all of us have to listen to our hearts
D
I have an idea why that was but I'll spare you all the cod psychology...I got peaceful eventually.
I learnt a lot from the guys I used to disagree with tho - even if we still don't exactly see eye to eye
sharing opinions is how this place rolls - but ultimately all of us have to listen to our hearts
D
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I spent a lot of my first year here a fightin and a feudin LOL
I have an idea why that was but I'll spare you all the cod psychology...I got peaceful eventually.
D
I have an idea why that was but I'll spare you all the cod psychology...I got peaceful eventually.
D
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
Morning peeps
I am going to stick around and thank you for all your support, please dont think i am weak for keep failing, i just have to try harder and not listen to my AV, that keeps telling it will ok to drink, i want just a stress free life with no panic, and i know that will only come from not drinking
Peace, Paddyb
I am going to stick around and thank you for all your support, please dont think i am weak for keep failing, i just have to try harder and not listen to my AV, that keeps telling it will ok to drink, i want just a stress free life with no panic, and i know that will only come from not drinking
Peace, Paddyb
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I'm thinking about all the other steps I have not looked at. Moral inventory etc. I was upset with the boss today (he reneged on a deal, by email) and I felt like retaliating. I had a suitable "real" issue picked and had a plan. It didn't fit with the chapter in a book I am reading on a mindfulness approach to recovery- so I did the exercise suggested to maintain equanimity. I am enjoying this recovery stuff.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Morning all.
Still feeling ok - not quite as "up" as I was at the weekend but very grateful to be feeling "normal" and not down or anxious.
Instant do you mind sharing what the exercise involved? I am still doing step 4 - which so far has involved writing out all my resentments and looking deeply into them and my part in any harm done, selfishness etc. My next task is to do similar with my fears which I have yet to start. I dont think I have many that come to my mind without thinking too deeply - just spiders, pain and public speaking (like doing a chair at a meeting which I would like to think I can do one day - Im slowly getting better at sharing but sitting in front of the room and talking about me for 20 or so mins fills me with dread).
Its a very interesting and I believe worthwhile process from what others have told me although I would like to complete this step as soon as possible as being in the middle of it is possibly not the wisest place to be when I am trying to tackle depression as well.
Paddy - glad you are sticking around, no matter how many hurdles you will get there in the end. Keep at it!
Anna - my dream, cutting out alot of detail, involved me really needing to go to the toilet (for a poo) and having to go on one with saloon style doors in the middle of a house and there were a load of kids watching me. I was really angry and trying to express to my best friend who could also see me how frustrated I was by pulling faces but she just couldnt seem to get the fact I needed her to get the kids away so I could relax and do my poo!!!!
Its quite a comical one I know and very me - there was alot more to it than that but Ive lost most of it now. Im having very vivid dreams every night again but the one above I remember alot of quite clearly still whereas the others I just get little flashbacks.
Been to see my doc this morning, I am to stick with the prozac as I have been taking for another month then go back to review again to make sure I am on the right thing for me. Its still early days but I have definately improved a hell of alot. Im just not sure what the right "normal" is for me and I guess I maybe have never known this bearing in mind my life was almost always influenced by alcohol for the last 30 years!
Still feeling ok - not quite as "up" as I was at the weekend but very grateful to be feeling "normal" and not down or anxious.
Instant do you mind sharing what the exercise involved? I am still doing step 4 - which so far has involved writing out all my resentments and looking deeply into them and my part in any harm done, selfishness etc. My next task is to do similar with my fears which I have yet to start. I dont think I have many that come to my mind without thinking too deeply - just spiders, pain and public speaking (like doing a chair at a meeting which I would like to think I can do one day - Im slowly getting better at sharing but sitting in front of the room and talking about me for 20 or so mins fills me with dread).
Its a very interesting and I believe worthwhile process from what others have told me although I would like to complete this step as soon as possible as being in the middle of it is possibly not the wisest place to be when I am trying to tackle depression as well.
Paddy - glad you are sticking around, no matter how many hurdles you will get there in the end. Keep at it!
Anna - my dream, cutting out alot of detail, involved me really needing to go to the toilet (for a poo) and having to go on one with saloon style doors in the middle of a house and there were a load of kids watching me. I was really angry and trying to express to my best friend who could also see me how frustrated I was by pulling faces but she just couldnt seem to get the fact I needed her to get the kids away so I could relax and do my poo!!!!
Its quite a comical one I know and very me - there was alot more to it than that but Ive lost most of it now. Im having very vivid dreams every night again but the one above I remember alot of quite clearly still whereas the others I just get little flashbacks.
Been to see my doc this morning, I am to stick with the prozac as I have been taking for another month then go back to review again to make sure I am on the right thing for me. Its still early days but I have definately improved a hell of alot. Im just not sure what the right "normal" is for me and I guess I maybe have never known this bearing in mind my life was almost always influenced by alcohol for the last 30 years!
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Classical
Getting so close to 100 is so exciting it's making me count each day! And day 100 also means I'll pick up my project manager at the airport and experience the holiness of Beethoven's Ninth. That's exactly what I need right now: a sublime musical, spiritual experience.
Yesterday ended up being a great "work" day, covering almost 1/3 of my text. Hopefully today will be just as productive even though I have to teach late this afternoon and all evening. I'd love nothing more than informing the investors on Friday at our meeting that I've finished the last draft.
My sleeping is still not that great, but I'm managing to get a few hours of deep sleep where I dream, so I guess that's enough?
I hope everyone is having a good week already. I do have one question, though: Where in the heck is Chimp? I hope his AV hasn't convinced him to drink up before his thirtieth birthday and start all over.
Classical
Yesterday ended up being a great "work" day, covering almost 1/3 of my text. Hopefully today will be just as productive even though I have to teach late this afternoon and all evening. I'd love nothing more than informing the investors on Friday at our meeting that I've finished the last draft.
My sleeping is still not that great, but I'm managing to get a few hours of deep sleep where I dream, so I guess that's enough?
I hope everyone is having a good week already. I do have one question, though: Where in the heck is Chimp? I hope his AV hasn't convinced him to drink up before his thirtieth birthday and start all over.
Classical
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Morning!
Got up 45 minutes early than is my practice today. Makes a big difference to my mornings...I can actually enjoy them! Might have to make this a regular thing.
Just time for a quick pic and then I have to run.
This is a night time shot of my oldest boy jumping in the pool. There's a speed light shooting through a light diffuser to his left providing illumination and freezing the action. I have another flash on camera that I'm bouncing off the fence to my right to give a warm fill to his near side.
Hope you like it.
Got up 45 minutes early than is my practice today. Makes a big difference to my mornings...I can actually enjoy them! Might have to make this a regular thing.
Just time for a quick pic and then I have to run.
This is a night time shot of my oldest boy jumping in the pool. There's a speed light shooting through a light diffuser to his left providing illumination and freezing the action. I have another flash on camera that I'm bouncing off the fence to my right to give a warm fill to his near side.
Hope you like it.
Last edited by Tippingpoint; 09-20-2011 at 04:45 AM. Reason: clarification
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Pumpkin the chapter is about the "four limitless qualities" (because the fruits grow without limit). The qualities are loving kindness, compassion, appreciative joy and equanimity. It's based on Buddhist teachings. The exercise involves imagining sending gifts of these things in an energy force. The recipient can be any aspect of yourself, others or circumstances in general or in relationships.
In my case I attempted to feel compassionate towards my boss, and our current circumstance but was dismayed to discover I experienced that as pity towards him, and hence became more aware my sense of superiority and righteous anger towards him on this issue.Whilst my attempt was ham fisted it diffused an unproductive response and I benefited from not getting caught in a trap of negativity. I do wonder if I know the difference between compassion and pity.
If that is not clear it is because I am not clear on it.
In my case I attempted to feel compassionate towards my boss, and our current circumstance but was dismayed to discover I experienced that as pity towards him, and hence became more aware my sense of superiority and righteous anger towards him on this issue.Whilst my attempt was ham fisted it diffused an unproductive response and I benefited from not getting caught in a trap of negativity. I do wonder if I know the difference between compassion and pity.
If that is not clear it is because I am not clear on it.
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