Codependency and beyond - Part 18
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Well the more i think about it the more my father could fit what i know about codependency. My granfather has passed away now so i feel under strain
Positives learning how to avoid rescuing and being rescued although I think I have allowed myself to enter a social relationship where i was dependent on the other persons approval. I have sort of understood before that i was being sociable for this reason [out of fear not desire] and now i think i have a handle on it more, now all i need to know is what to do. this stuff is deep yar - maybe it wasnt why i have been mixing it up with this person idk im confused
Wishing you well Amy, Gypsy Feet, Chino Anna and mrs pink.
hope you are all setting boundaries and keeping to your own hoops and not being afraid of saying no, not rescuing others when they are quite capable, and all that type of codie behaviour. Enjoying that word btw impurrfect codie.:P
Positives learning how to avoid rescuing and being rescued although I think I have allowed myself to enter a social relationship where i was dependent on the other persons approval. I have sort of understood before that i was being sociable for this reason [out of fear not desire] and now i think i have a handle on it more, now all i need to know is what to do. this stuff is deep yar - maybe it wasnt why i have been mixing it up with this person idk im confused
Wishing you well Amy, Gypsy Feet, Chino Anna and mrs pink.
hope you are all setting boundaries and keeping to your own hoops and not being afraid of saying no, not rescuing others when they are quite capable, and all that type of codie behaviour. Enjoying that word btw impurrfect codie.:P
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Oh Kevin - please accept my sympathy in the passing of your grandfather! prayers of comfort and peace for you and all your family during this time of grief!! Please Please Please take really good care of you!!
PINK HUGS my friend!
Rita
PINK HUGS my friend!
Rita
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Hugs to you, Kevin, and you have my thoughts and prayers, too. I'm also echoing the request to please take care of yourself. Grief is a process too, and combined with codie stuff, addiction recovery, you might feel like the world is crashing down on you. Please try to deal with one thing at a time, and give yourself breaks when you feel overwhelmed.
Lisa, good for you! My therapist always reminds me there has to be a tangible consequence with boundaries, or they won't be remembered. You let him know rude behavior is not acceptable and in a way that he'll probably always remember. I'm glad you're sticking close to your sponsor and here
I finally had quiet time last night to talk with my husband. I told him the truth, that I realized I had been holding a grudge all this time and I know it's permeated everything since then, though I never intended that. I let go and we shared a quiet tender moment, devoid of passion, just full of love, understanding and acceptance. It felt like we hit a reset button
Daughter came home after we kicked her out the night before. She was very subdued, said she exchanged babysitting for a place to sleep, and felt sick and exhausted. This morning she IS sick and only time will tell if it's the flu or her Hep C flaring again. I have left over promethazine from my oral surgery so I gave her one, and she'll follow up with her doctor if it lasts longer than a day. I'm just so glad I have them because she gets dehydrated so darned fast and usually ends up in the ER for IV fluids.
By the way, I do not regret booting her for the night. These are her consequences and it will pass
Lisa, good for you! My therapist always reminds me there has to be a tangible consequence with boundaries, or they won't be remembered. You let him know rude behavior is not acceptable and in a way that he'll probably always remember. I'm glad you're sticking close to your sponsor and here
I finally had quiet time last night to talk with my husband. I told him the truth, that I realized I had been holding a grudge all this time and I know it's permeated everything since then, though I never intended that. I let go and we shared a quiet tender moment, devoid of passion, just full of love, understanding and acceptance. It felt like we hit a reset button
Daughter came home after we kicked her out the night before. She was very subdued, said she exchanged babysitting for a place to sleep, and felt sick and exhausted. This morning she IS sick and only time will tell if it's the flu or her Hep C flaring again. I have left over promethazine from my oral surgery so I gave her one, and she'll follow up with her doctor if it lasts longer than a day. I'm just so glad I have them because she gets dehydrated so darned fast and usually ends up in the ER for IV fluids.
By the way, I do not regret booting her for the night. These are her consequences and it will pass
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Kevin,
I am so sorry about the loss of your grandfather. Hugs and prayers for you to get through this difficult time. Be patient with yourself as you deal with your grief.
Chino,
How brave and honest of you. I am so impressed and it's wonderful that you and your husband are embarking on a new era. I hope that your daughter feels better soon, and that it's just the flu.
I am so sorry about the loss of your grandfather. Hugs and prayers for you to get through this difficult time. Be patient with yourself as you deal with your grief.
Chino,
How brave and honest of you. I am so impressed and it's wonderful that you and your husband are embarking on a new era. I hope that your daughter feels better soon, and that it's just the flu.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I'm pretty sure it's the flu! She's pretty warm and sleeping through it all. I'm going to wake her up in a minute, remind her to take her meds and hand her a bottle of gatorade! I don't want to wake her but I know she'll be in a worse world of hurt if she skips a dose and doesn't hydrate. Do I sound like a mom? lol
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Kevin))) - I'm sorry about your grandfather. I know we say "take care of you", and in the beginning, I didn't even know how to DO that, but I kept reading of what others do and it slowly sunk in. FWI, codie recovery hasn't been something I "get" and all's well...not like the addiction where I KNOW I can't smoke crack again, or do anything else that's mood altering.
The more I learn, it seems the more there is to learn, but at least I'm not making the same mistakes, and it seems you are making progress, too.
((Lisa)) - good for you!
((Chino)) - so sorry daughter is sick
Glad you're there to keep her hydrated and, hopefully, out of the ER. When I get sick, Gatorade is about the only thing I can keep down.
Stayed an hour later at work, as there wasn't anyone to do DT, and J, my mgr has been really cool, ever since he made me stay and clean up that one night. He and M let me go grab a cigarette, and I don't have to clock out for a 30 minute break (I may take 10 minutes, tops) and that's pretty cool.
Got to work with a new girl, she's not a youngun, but younger than me. Really nice...initiative, not checking her text messages every 5 minutes, etc. Learned how to stop the darned timer that I'm always getting yelled at about by D, from HER? Asked M, just how it was that I'd been there over a year and was JUST learning about this? He just shrugged and let me know that the store owner does NOT like it, so keep it on the qt. He's finally ordering me a "weekend shirt" (made more like a t-shirt)..have had ONE shirt this entire year and it's a bit faded and stained.
Got Elvis in my lap, purring his little heart out, after eating half the grilled chicken breast I brought home. He's so funny...any paper bag, he is CONVINCED it's McD's and there's chicken in it
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
The more I learn, it seems the more there is to learn, but at least I'm not making the same mistakes, and it seems you are making progress, too.
((Lisa)) - good for you!
((Chino)) - so sorry daughter is sick
Glad you're there to keep her hydrated and, hopefully, out of the ER. When I get sick, Gatorade is about the only thing I can keep down.Stayed an hour later at work, as there wasn't anyone to do DT, and J, my mgr has been really cool, ever since he made me stay and clean up that one night. He and M let me go grab a cigarette, and I don't have to clock out for a 30 minute break (I may take 10 minutes, tops) and that's pretty cool.
Got to work with a new girl, she's not a youngun, but younger than me. Really nice...initiative, not checking her text messages every 5 minutes, etc. Learned how to stop the darned timer that I'm always getting yelled at about by D, from HER? Asked M, just how it was that I'd been there over a year and was JUST learning about this? He just shrugged and let me know that the store owner does NOT like it, so keep it on the qt. He's finally ordering me a "weekend shirt" (made more like a t-shirt)..have had ONE shirt this entire year and it's a bit faded and stained.
Got Elvis in my lap, purring his little heart out, after eating half the grilled chicken breast I brought home. He's so funny...any paper bag, he is CONVINCED it's McD's and there's chicken in it
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Thursday, April 7, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Those Old Time Feelings
I still have bad days. But that's okay. I used to have bad years.
—Anonymous
Sometimes, the old feelings creep back in. We may feel fearful, ashamed, and hopeless. We may feel not good enough, unlovable, victimized, helpless, and resentful about it all. This is codependency, a condition some describe as soul sickness.
Many of us felt this way when we began recovery. Sometimes, we slip back into these feelings after we've begun recovery. Sometimes there's a reason. An event may trigger these reactions, such as ending a relationship, stress, problems on the job, at home, or in friendships. Times of change can trigger these reactions. So can physical illness.
Sometimes, these feelings return for no reason.
A return to the old feelings doesn't mean were back to square one in our recovery. They do not mean we've failed at recovery. They do not mean were in for a long, painful session of feeling badly. They just are there.
The solution is the same: practicing the basics. Some of the basics are loving and trusting our self, detachment, dealing with feelings, giving and receiving support in the recovery community, using our affirmations, and having fun.
Another basic is working the Steps. Often, working the Steps is how we become enabled and empowered to practice the other basics, such as detachment and self-love.
If the old feelings come back, know for certain there is a way out that will work.
Today, if I find myself in the dark pit of codependency, I will work a Step to help myself climb out.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Those Old Time Feelings
I still have bad days. But that's okay. I used to have bad years.
—Anonymous
Sometimes, the old feelings creep back in. We may feel fearful, ashamed, and hopeless. We may feel not good enough, unlovable, victimized, helpless, and resentful about it all. This is codependency, a condition some describe as soul sickness.
Many of us felt this way when we began recovery. Sometimes, we slip back into these feelings after we've begun recovery. Sometimes there's a reason. An event may trigger these reactions, such as ending a relationship, stress, problems on the job, at home, or in friendships. Times of change can trigger these reactions. So can physical illness.
Sometimes, these feelings return for no reason.
A return to the old feelings doesn't mean were back to square one in our recovery. They do not mean we've failed at recovery. They do not mean were in for a long, painful session of feeling badly. They just are there.
The solution is the same: practicing the basics. Some of the basics are loving and trusting our self, detachment, dealing with feelings, giving and receiving support in the recovery community, using our affirmations, and having fun.
Another basic is working the Steps. Often, working the Steps is how we become enabled and empowered to practice the other basics, such as detachment and self-love.
If the old feelings come back, know for certain there is a way out that will work.
Today, if I find myself in the dark pit of codependency, I will work a Step to help myself climb out.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Well I suspect my relationship with my father is a codependent one. Today when I rang him he was real crummy to me for no recent reason other than that he was tired so he started chucking verbal stones at me [to 'help' me], pah running me down.
As I am coming to learn even although he is my father happiness is in me so i do not need to take such behavior from anyone, even dad.
I did not allow myself to get nasty and when I had said all I felt was needed and could take no more of his acerbic bottom pushing verbatim I said 'look im going' and hung up.
My mother called back and now hes actually inviting me over later on. Sure I would like to get on with my father but I dont think spending time with him this afternoon and putting my ego into a place where it would feel angry resentful frustrated and attack prone is a good move so if i dont feel that i genuinely want to go i will not
As I am coming to learn even although he is my father happiness is in me so i do not need to take such behavior from anyone, even dad.
I did not allow myself to get nasty and when I had said all I felt was needed and could take no more of his acerbic bottom pushing verbatim I said 'look im going' and hung up.
My mother called back and now hes actually inviting me over later on. Sure I would like to get on with my father but I dont think spending time with him this afternoon and putting my ego into a place where it would feel angry resentful frustrated and attack prone is a good move so if i dont feel that i genuinely want to go i will not
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Originally Posted by kevinlednylon 
Sure I would like to get on with my father but I dont think spending time with him this afternoon and putting my ego into a place where it would feel angry resentful frustrated and attack prone is a good move so if i dont feel that i genuinely want to go i will not
I still have bad days. But that's okay. I used to have bad years.
—Anonymous
AMEN & AMEN!!!! I believe I will repost this on my FB status! I love it!
Mr. Pink & I have decide that defnitely Kaileigh needs some professional counseling. She and I had a long drive home the other nite from going out to eat & she started crying again. I asked her if she wanted to share with me why she was crying. She said I miss my momma.
So we talked about it; for over an hour. She said she doesn't like to cry in front of anyone so she tries really hard to NOT to; she said somedays she sits in class and looks @ everyone there and wonders if they realize how lucky they are because they still have their momma.
She said "ReeRee nobody knows how I feel ~ nobody is like me - without their momma!!"
I said "You are exactly right my honey - only you know how you feel, but ReeRee will listen anytime and you can cry in front of me and PawPaw anytime you want too!"
And then I explained what a counselor was; someone she could talk to about her feelings, and thoughts, someone who had other people, kids that had lost parents, friends, brothers & sisters - because there are other people like her - even if they aren't at her school.
She wants to go -
It's time.
No really it's pass time.
I have also been examining some things in my own heart, mind and thought process ~ It makes me angry, sad and scared when everyone says
"Kaileigh is so lucky to have you" "She needs you so much" "you are so perfect for her" blah, blah, blah,. . .
These words actually make me sick to my stomach. . . but I wasn't exactly sure why?????
I know now. . .
These are some of the same things I heard and was told about my ex, and my step-daughter Ash. . . and we all know how well that worked out. . .
I can't "SAVE" anyone. . . I am powerless! I loved them, I did everything you were "suppose" to do before and after recovery ~ it didn't do anything. . .
They made their own choice and regardless of what was suppose to happen . . . I was still blamed by others because of their failures.
It was not my blame to carry ~ I struggle to not take it on.
BUT this is a innocent little precious child. . .
Oh Dear God, please please don't put this responsibility of her outcome on my shoulders ~ I'm not worthy and I can't. I AM POWERLESS!!!!
I have NO control over what will happen ~ don't give me thanks and kuddos for this for the balance in that is then you must take the blame if all doesn't work out well ~
Those are my thoughts and struggles today ~
Thank you for allowing me to vent so much on this lately - I truly feel as I have been "hogging" our thread ~ tis just the Path I walk these few months ~ For I know the Sunshine of Recovery and Balance shall soon return to my thoughts ~ my inner peace, serenity & sanity is Firmly grounded!
Thanks & PINK HUGS to all!
Rita
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((YAY))) Kevin!!!
(((Rita))) - I totally "get" what you're feelings are now. You're right...little (((Kaleigh))) does need a counselor, IMO, and I'm glad she's willing to go. However, I don't think you would have realized this, nor taken the step if you hadn't been through what you've gone through with the ex and ((Ash)) so it still looks like progress to me.
You're looking at the past, and wanting something different and better for ((Kaleigh)) and you're taking steps to do that. You've surrendered...YOU can't make her life all better, but you CAN help her to find a way to make her OWN life better, and she's young so you're getting a head start.
Just read about Japan's other earthquake...praying people from THIS coast are heading to higher grounds.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
(((Rita))) - I totally "get" what you're feelings are now. You're right...little (((Kaleigh))) does need a counselor, IMO, and I'm glad she's willing to go. However, I don't think you would have realized this, nor taken the step if you hadn't been through what you've gone through with the ex and ((Ash)) so it still looks like progress to me.
You're looking at the past, and wanting something different and better for ((Kaleigh)) and you're taking steps to do that. You've surrendered...YOU can't make her life all better, but you CAN help her to find a way to make her OWN life better, and she's young so you're getting a head start.
Just read about Japan's other earthquake...praying people from THIS coast are heading to higher grounds.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Kevin, I think you're doing great!
I couldn't find the words and thankfully you did, Amy
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
You're looking at the past, and wanting something different and better for ((Kaleigh)) and you're taking steps to do that. You've surrendered...YOU can't make her life all better, but you CAN help her to find a way to make her OWN life better, and she's young so you're getting a head start.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Good afternoon, all!!!!
Just a brief break in the chaos here.....hard to explain how the last year of a graduate program can be, but I'm putting in some reallllly long, stress-filled hours right now (I know, I'm such a whiner!) :rotfxko
Kevin, I'm soooo sorry to hear about your grandfather. My sincerest condolences for your loss.
Amy, I hope that Miss Brit finds a better way soon....or that you find a way into your own home soon!!!! How's the dental plan coming along?
Chino, that was a fantastic moment to have with Mr. Chino! Hoping and praying for more wonderful days ahead!
(((Rita))) I'm sorry you have felt uncomfortable when people tell you how lucky Kaileigh is to have you in her life. I don't think anyone intends to make you the ruler of her universe and controller of her entire life. Just provide her with a loving home and help teach her to be a self-reliant young woman with excellent personal boundaries! Sounds like that is off to a good start!!
Lisa, sorry about tatt man and TW (sounds like comic book characters!).
Have a great Thursday everyone!!!!!
Just a brief break in the chaos here.....hard to explain how the last year of a graduate program can be, but I'm putting in some reallllly long, stress-filled hours right now (I know, I'm such a whiner!) :rotfxko
Kevin, I'm soooo sorry to hear about your grandfather. My sincerest condolences for your loss.
Amy, I hope that Miss Brit finds a better way soon....or that you find a way into your own home soon!!!! How's the dental plan coming along?
Chino, that was a fantastic moment to have with Mr. Chino! Hoping and praying for more wonderful days ahead!
(((Rita))) I'm sorry you have felt uncomfortable when people tell you how lucky Kaileigh is to have you in her life. I don't think anyone intends to make you the ruler of her universe and controller of her entire life. Just provide her with a loving home and help teach her to be a self-reliant young woman with excellent personal boundaries! Sounds like that is off to a good start!!
Lisa, sorry about tatt man and TW (sounds like comic book characters!).
Have a great Thursday everyone!!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,600
Rita, I think we understand that you can't make things right for Kaileigh and you certainly can't fix things in her life. She is on her own journey and it's the journey that her soul has chosen. You are in her life as a guide and a mentor, and you're doing an amazing job.
HG, thanks for stopping by.
HG, thanks for stopping by.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Rita, when we buried my husband, I was so grateful for my recovery. I was grateful for the strength and calm I was able to bring. I was able to offer my view on spirituality, and the help a HP can give.
I didnt save my husband. I cant take away my daughters incredible loss. I can only bring my experience, strength and hope to all of my daily situations.
It is hard to see any "good luck" and that little girls situation. She has had a rough start to life. I firmly believe that having someone who has a connection with a higher power,who loves her dearly and who strives for spiritual progress is a blessing in her life.
You, my dear, are a blessing in her life, as you are in mine.
I didnt save my husband. I cant take away my daughters incredible loss. I can only bring my experience, strength and hope to all of my daily situations.
It is hard to see any "good luck" and that little girls situation. She has had a rough start to life. I firmly believe that having someone who has a connection with a higher power,who loves her dearly and who strives for spiritual progress is a blessing in her life.
You, my dear, are a blessing in her life, as you are in mine.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((HG)) - good to see you!! Heck, I'm struggling enough with prereq's in school, can't even imagine graduate school! I'm going to the dentist Tue. morning for 2 fillings on teeth that I'm keeping. Will ask them my account status, at that time. Don't know when the cousins were sending the money, so will just ask where it stands.
Looks like I probably won't qualify for vacation, at work, either (can I say McD's franchise store's benefits SUCK?!) I would have had to average 32 hours a week, and we know there were months when I was lucky to get 20-something hours, so I'll just plan to have the major work done on one of my days off and take an extra day off. I did find out they do use gas, there, and I sure hope that's part of my fee they've quoted. Had that when I had my wisdom teeth chiseled out, and all I remember was looking at the clock, thinking "I've been here for hours and that clock has only moved 10 minutes". No pain until all the lidocaine wore off. If I can't get it, will just tough out the lidocaine.
After finally getting out the door, had a marvelous day doing stores. Paid my car payment first, which put me behind, but one of the mgrs said "your boss was in a bit ago". Really? I knew K had set up glasses in a new store I'll be doing, had to ask her husband something anyway, and mentioned it. He said "oh yeah, she stopped in a few stores down there and said they looked great"
It was gorgeous weather, had my music cranked up, and just thoroughly enjoyed being out. Now I'm home, textbook is looking at me, so time to start on chapter 2.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Looks like I probably won't qualify for vacation, at work, either (can I say McD's franchise store's benefits SUCK?!) I would have had to average 32 hours a week, and we know there were months when I was lucky to get 20-something hours, so I'll just plan to have the major work done on one of my days off and take an extra day off. I did find out they do use gas, there, and I sure hope that's part of my fee they've quoted. Had that when I had my wisdom teeth chiseled out, and all I remember was looking at the clock, thinking "I've been here for hours and that clock has only moved 10 minutes". No pain until all the lidocaine wore off. If I can't get it, will just tough out the lidocaine.
After finally getting out the door, had a marvelous day doing stores. Paid my car payment first, which put me behind, but one of the mgrs said "your boss was in a bit ago". Really? I knew K had set up glasses in a new store I'll be doing, had to ask her husband something anyway, and mentioned it. He said "oh yeah, she stopped in a few stores down there and said they looked great"
It was gorgeous weather, had my music cranked up, and just thoroughly enjoyed being out. Now I'm home, textbook is looking at me, so time to start on chapter 2.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Friday, April 8, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Self Care
I don't precisely know what you need to do to take care of yourself. But I know you can figure it out.
—Beyond Codependency
Rest when you're tired.
Take a drink of cold water when you're thirsty.
Call a friend when you're lonely.
Ask God to help when you feel overwhelmed.
Many of us have learned how to deprive and neglect ourselves. Many of us have learned to push ourselves hard, when the problem is that were already pushed too hard.
Many of us are afraid the work wont get done if we rest when were tired. The work will get done; it will be done better than work that emerges from tiredness of soul and spirit. Nurtured, nourished people, who love themselves and care for themselves, are the delight of the Universe.
They are well timed, efficient, and Divinely led.
Today, I will practice loving self-care.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Self Care
I don't precisely know what you need to do to take care of yourself. But I know you can figure it out.
—Beyond Codependency
Rest when you're tired.
Take a drink of cold water when you're thirsty.
Call a friend when you're lonely.
Ask God to help when you feel overwhelmed.
Many of us have learned how to deprive and neglect ourselves. Many of us have learned to push ourselves hard, when the problem is that were already pushed too hard.
Many of us are afraid the work wont get done if we rest when were tired. The work will get done; it will be done better than work that emerges from tiredness of soul and spirit. Nurtured, nourished people, who love themselves and care for themselves, are the delight of the Universe.
They are well timed, efficient, and Divinely led.
Today, I will practice loving self-care.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet
...
I didnt save my husband. I cant take away my daughters incredible loss. I can only bring my experience, strength and hope to all of my daily situations.
...
I didnt save my husband. I cant take away my daughters incredible loss. I can only bring my experience, strength and hope to all of my daily situations.
...
Lisa, your ES&H are wonderful things to share with your daughter!
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
...
Looks like I probably won't qualify for vacation, at work, either (can I say McD's franchise store's benefits SUCK?!)
... Yes, yes you certainly can.
It was gorgeous weather, had my music cranked up, and just thoroughly enjoyed being out. Now I'm home, textbook is looking at me, so time to start on chapter 2.
Looks like I probably won't qualify for vacation, at work, either (can I say McD's franchise store's benefits SUCK?!)
... Yes, yes you certainly can.
It was gorgeous weather, had my music cranked up, and just thoroughly enjoyed being out. Now I'm home, textbook is looking at me, so time to start on chapter 2.
Chino, how is your daughter today? Flu or something else?
Oh well, I'm off to work some more!!! Hugs, HG
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Yes i know its all about me me me but im real stretched, my grandfather died 2 days ago and i [pretty much at the same time] am discovering just some of what made me codependent.
I think my father has done at least some of it. I totally relate to melody beattie when she says we were taught not to trust ourselves when we have a thought or feeling and get told its inappropriate or confront a lie or inconsistency and get told we are crazy.
My father has done this many times. Hapless hopeless and useless was one of his expressions, about me, his son. Ignorant and arrogant was another one of his.
I have always suspected this did me no good but i really feel rocked like i could cry
I think my father has done at least some of it. I totally relate to melody beattie when she says we were taught not to trust ourselves when we have a thought or feeling and get told its inappropriate or confront a lie or inconsistency and get told we are crazy.
My father has done this many times. Hapless hopeless and useless was one of his expressions, about me, his son. Ignorant and arrogant was another one of his.
I have always suspected this did me no good but i really feel rocked like i could cry
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Kevin))) - crying is not only okay, it's often something we just need to do. Science has proven, somehow, it helps release some of the "stressing chemicals" or something like that. I just know I'm right there with you, but for a different reason.
My damned "need to be perfect" is raring it's ugly head again. Studied, what I THOUGHT was an easy chapter, go to the test and don't have a clue what the first answer is, and it was neither in the book OR the slides, and I spent too much time looking for the answer. Got to question 4 and was notified I only had one minute left.
I made a 20 Brought my average down to 60, though she hasn't given us credit for the discussion forums.
I have 30 pages to read/study on Infectious Disesase...read the first few pages and it is extremely detailed and though I know about most of the disease, do NOT know their incubation times, etc. This was in just the first 2 pages.
I'm working 2-10 tonight, 2-11 tomorrow night and this quiz has to be done by Sunday night. I don't have enough time in my days, it seems. Cutting back on sleep makes me cranky and depressed.
However, I will do my best. Just need a C average to keep my grant and I'm going in with a 4.0, and I don't think one class is going to drop it that far.
Just frustrated. I DID learn, if you don't know the answer or a quick way to find it, go to the next one and, if I have time, go back and make an educated guess. Just got spoiled on the last class like this...book was easier to find stuff in, always ended 30-question/30-minute tests in half the time, and was given the correct answers at the end (THIS instructor doesn't do that).
Funny how the feelings of fear, failure and frustration can come back so easily I'll be okay, though, I'll bounce back because I always do. For now, though? Blech.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
My damned "need to be perfect" is raring it's ugly head again. Studied, what I THOUGHT was an easy chapter, go to the test and don't have a clue what the first answer is, and it was neither in the book OR the slides, and I spent too much time looking for the answer. Got to question 4 and was notified I only had one minute left.
I made a 20
Brought my average down to 60, though she hasn't given us credit for the discussion forums. I have 30 pages to read/study on Infectious Disesase...read the first few pages and it is extremely detailed and though I know about most of the disease, do NOT know their incubation times, etc. This was in just the first 2 pages.
I'm working 2-10 tonight, 2-11 tomorrow night and this quiz has to be done by Sunday night. I don't have enough time in my days, it seems. Cutting back on sleep makes me cranky and depressed.
However, I will do my best. Just need a C average to keep my grant and I'm going in with a 4.0, and I don't think one class is going to drop it that far.
Just frustrated. I DID learn, if you don't know the answer or a quick way to find it, go to the next one and, if I have time, go back and make an educated guess. Just got spoiled on the last class like this...book was easier to find stuff in, always ended 30-question/30-minute tests in half the time, and was given the correct answers at the end (THIS instructor doesn't do that).
Funny how the feelings of fear, failure and frustration can come back so easily
I'll be okay, though, I'll bounce back because I always do. For now, though? Blech.Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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