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Class of October 2010 Sobriety Group Part 3

Old 01-14-2011, 05:14 PM
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Class of October 2010 Sobriety Group Part 3

Keep it going guys
the old thread is here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-20.html

D
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Old 01-14-2011, 05:19 PM
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Jeez Dee, I was just sharing what happened earlier today, no need to go crazy and start a new thread!!!!!

J/k I see that it was #500....
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Old 01-14-2011, 05:24 PM
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Originally Posted by swansong
Some kind of weird crap happened today...made me think of one of TDC's old posts, although I don't recall the specifics of his...

For a 'second' the thought of getting off the train where the wine bar is hit me, sounded seductive because we guys always pick up beautiful women as soon as we have a drink in our hands right?!?! and then I was bitter, sorta ashamed, and I guess a bit scared that I even had the thought of going to the wine bar.

Anyhow, I'm home safely now - figured I would share that with you guys and get it out of my head. I suppose I should know better than to think as a human with an organ in my skull whose primary function is to create thoughts, that this would happen eventually but it kinda makes me feel fugly cuz I felt like maybe it was a reflection of my program which I feel I've been doing a really great job with...

Well, I guess I can be grateful because it was fleeting, I didn't own the thought, didn't take action on it and it passed.

Hope everyone else is doing good! Peace.
I dunno about anyone else but I sometimes get thoughts - not very often and not ones with any imperative - but thoughts nonetheless.

I drank for 20 years - my drinking defined me - others may disagree but I don't think it's any reflection on my recovery I can still get the odd thought.

It's not what flashes of thought I may have, it's what I do with it that counts IMO

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Old 01-14-2011, 05:25 PM
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LOL it was a good post Swan
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Old 01-14-2011, 05:37 PM
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Thanks dee. I'm not happy to hear you still have the 'thoughts' from time to time, but I am happy to hear it's not abnormal for that to occur.

Yeah, I don't think it's any reflection on my program. I've been on here (SR), I've been in AA since my first day back, I have commitments and am working the steps, I've been exercising again and I just quit smoking - if I don't smoke tonight (which, like drinking, I have no plans to) than today will make 2 days w/o cigarettes again. It was impairing my health WAY to much to let it linger much longer, no association with old friends, praying in the morning and before bed, being a good employee and not calling in sick on my moody days, calling others in the fellowship, etc. - I've really been trying to do 'everything' different than how I did this in 08' and checked back out. That, however, I not only saw coming- I thoroughly *thought* it through and simply decided I had enough time away from liquor and was 'cured' and could go drink again.

So I'm chalking it up to 35 years of drinking vs. 80ish days of not drinking, my thoughts are gonna be crazy from time to time and move on. Thanks for the feedback man, much appreciated, good to know it isn't just me (I'm sure if I share about this at a meeting I'll hear the same from some of the old timers too....I should know better than to think it wasn't going to happen eventually, I guess since it hadn't so far I didn't see it coming).

Ok, much needed meeting time!
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Old 01-14-2011, 06:10 PM
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SWAN,

Congrats, you really are working your program hard. I appreciate determination.

You remind of a story: If there are three birds on a wire and one of them decides to fly away, how many birds do you have left=3. Just because one decides to fly away does not mean it flew away.

Drinking thoughts can be uncomfortable, scary and can come out of nowhere, but having a though and taking action are two different things.

Come to think of it, I have not had a drinking dream in quite a while. I used to have one or two a week the first few weeks. Not that I miss them.

No sense in being bitter or ashamed, unless you break down and fly away.
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Old 01-14-2011, 11:14 PM
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Hey TDC,

Thanks for the post man. The feedback I got in person tonight was 100% consistent with what you and Dee stated....esp. the part about discarding the emotion of ashamed or a 'bad program' if it comes up, that's definitely just my mind working against itself and has nothing good to offer my recovery.

Honestly that was the first time (my first 15ish days were a bitter mess - I don't even know what I was thinking if I even was thinking) that I can recall in the last 82 days where there was me, plus a drink - in a thought in my mind! - now that it's happened, I am starting to remember getting sober in 08' and yeah I had thoughts (and dreams, not yet this time with drinking, plenty of regular old nightmares but they have gone away more or less). But like you guys said, it's how we respond to those thoughts that is important.

Thanks for the kind words guys. Time to kick back and watch some tv, sober! :P
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Old 01-15-2011, 02:08 PM
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Originally Posted by tomdecelt View Post

You remind of a story: If there are three birds on a wire and one of them decides to fly away, how many birds do you have left=3. Just because one decides to fly away does not mean it flew away.
Gonna have to remember this one TDC, I'll try to pass it along to the next person that needs to hear it. Great analogy/story..
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Old 01-15-2011, 05:28 PM
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Hi my octoberian friends!

Today is day 101! Kind of missed the 100 milestone... so figured I'd squeak it in here!

Dee... Very, very well said ("I'm not saying I'm a saint LOL but I'm not the same person I used to be - I can't see how anyone who throws themselves into this journey can be.")
We can't stay the same, if so, we're still in denial about life... life is about change and we all have made the decision to change for the better and give back in any way we can... to those around us and (the great thing) to each other here!

Swan - Yeah, no harm in having those fleeting thoughts, the harm would be in giving in. Sort of like something that flitted through my mind a few days ago... It's not a sin to fear something, it's a sin to give in to the fear. Being a Christian my mind works on issues as either sin issues or heart issues... but the theory is the same. Sometimes, I get all frustrated because anxiety flares up or I get afraid of my own shadow at times, then I realize that, if I don't give into it, it doesn't have power of me... it just wants me to believe it does. Same with alcohol... to me anyway...

I doing really good. Went out to eat with a friend and then shoe shopping (I have to take a friend because I'm odd fashion-challenged female how hates shopping... talk about an oxymoron... anyway, on the way there, I really felt a desire to drink and ALMOST start to think about it when I said no to myself. It's not going to rule over me.

Isaiah.... hope you getting settled even more. So, did you break the date and go celebrate the friends soberiety?

Have a great night everyone....
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Old 01-15-2011, 06:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Really4Real View Post
I'm not the same person I used to be - I can't see how anyone who throws themselves into this journey can be.")
It is so strange to see this cause about an hour ago I had one of those "moments of clarity" where I realize that I am going through a lot of changes.

I talk about my kids a lot. The fact is that I have "defined" myself as my "kid's Dad" for the past 20 years. Well my daughter is living out of town in school, in her own apartment, and she is now dating a young man that seem to be in her life every day (changing our family dynamics), and my son will be leaving the house soon to go to college, so I feel that I need to "redefine" myself and my relationship with my wife.

I will always be "Dad" to them, but they will not be in our lives on a day to day basis.

I have changed a lot in the past 100+ days and what I realized is that I always knew in my mind that some day I would shape up, and it seems to me that the moment is now and I am just becoming the person I always tough I was going to be. Happy, healthy, content in my own skin.

Sobering up was always in my grand plan and maybe it was just a question of timing, and the timing is now.

I just feel very comfortable in sobriety. The questions is: Am I changing because I am living free of alcohol addiction, or am I eliminating alcohol from my life because I needed to change from within and living plastered was interfering with that?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Congrats on the 100 days, R4R
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Old 01-15-2011, 06:40 PM
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I often wondered why I 'got it' when I did.
I guess I nearly died, but I'd had close shaves before too...

I guess I lean towards the second idea TDC, at least for today LOL.

Without bringing religion into it, I believe it was meant to be - I'd travelled far enough down to want to change my course, and the time was right...

D
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Old 01-15-2011, 08:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I believe it was meant to be - I'd travelled far enough down to want to change my course, and the time was right...D
I go back to the belief that we create our own destinies. I subscribe to the idea that if you want something bad enough (even sobriety) you can accomplish it.

My problem is that several times in the past few years I stopped wanting sobriety bad enough, and steered off course, even after being sober months at a time (a couple of times, right after 100 days).

This time around, I am really settling into sobriety quite comfortably.
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Old 01-15-2011, 10:44 PM
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Same here, several SEVERAL 'attempts' in my lifetime. Some of 30 days, one for 5.5 months, many for times in between those two.

Each time, it's exactly as you said TDC, for whatever reason I would simply 'stop' wanting sobriety bad enough. Religion or creators of own destiny aside, therein lays one of (probably everyone here at SR too..or most I would think) our common threads- we just stopped wanting it bad enough in the past.

Why? Don't know. Things got really good or really bad. Not really worth spending the energy trying to figure out why I couldn't realize that sobriety as a way of life was a precious gift and keep my gratitude for it first and foremost in my life. Best just to do that now I think...be grateful every single day that we are sober and remember just how much we want this thing. Happy to be on this journey with everyone here at SR just as much as the people I see in person everyday, definitely a personal journey, yet still the kind to be shared/enjoyed with others.

One thing that I hear and sometimes gives me the shivers is people who put together 5, 10, sometimes 20 years and go back out. Actually, I should say it 'used' to give me the shivers. Now I just think to myself that's exactly why it's so important to keep this as a the top priority in my life.

R4R- congrats on 100, that's huge! Way to go!!
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Old 01-15-2011, 11:26 PM
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congarts R4R 100 days is a real achievement
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Old 01-16-2011, 05:10 AM
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Everyone sounds so great!

I made it through the move. I'm tired.

I read my horoscope the other day and it said "You have some amazing things going on for you right now, why do you keep trying to sabotage it". In so many words.

It struck me, because that's what I would do. Things are going great, must find a way to fark it up.

Work is good, I left my abusive boss, home is good, we've finally moved our kids have a great family home now.

Nothing I would dare risk by drinking.

Plus, with the new mortgage, I couldn't afford it anyway. LOL
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Old 01-16-2011, 09:12 AM
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Hey Radiance, glad to hear you're doing well!

Interesting horoscope indeed...! Glad you've decided not to sabotage things this time!!!

Let's all stay ever vigilant, long term. I was thinking last night I'm going to have a few different ways of taking the 'pulse' on my sobriety and even as time goes on I'll continue to be a part of SR. I figure if the thought crosses my head (and I'm not out of town, traveling, etc.) that I haven't posted on SR in a least a week then something's 'up' with my recovery.....just another way of trying to make sure my subconscious doesn't reassert itself after sometime has passed and things are 'going' well.
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Old 01-16-2011, 07:47 PM
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I need to try to get back here more often too. It grounds me.
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Old 01-16-2011, 07:59 PM
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Hey friends,

Been a while since I've popped in. My move went great. I've been getting my place set up, meeting with agencies and exploring. Today I met a woman who runs this amazing non-profit, that was actually a big influence on my decision to become Catholic , and we're meeting this week to see if I can join (fingers crossed; super excited.)

Had a sad moment yesterday. At about 9am I was waiting at the bus stop where a guy was drinking HG beer out of his coat - real drunk. We got to talking and I said if he wanted he could come with me to the hospital to get sobered up safely. He agreed, said he wanted to stop, but about a mile before the stop he decided to get off the bus. Reminded me just how severe alcoholism can be.

Hope to read up more soon. Posting from my phone and I can only see 1 - 3 words on a line from your posts, not very doable. Anyway, still alive, still sober and happier than I've been in a long time. Yay!
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Old 01-16-2011, 08:04 PM
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good to hear from you both Raindance and Isaiah

D
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Old 01-17-2011, 10:44 AM
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Glad your 'moves' went well Isaiah and Raindance!

I prefer not to think much about all the other times I 'quit'. This is the one that counts now. I want to make it count, this time.

Thanks all for the congrats... I'm feeling pretty good about my sobriety. Pretty much liking it, except for those days when I feel like a time bomb ready to explode at some unsuspecting spouse :^)

See y'all later....
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