Codependency and beyond - Part 18
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Chino))) - it's pretty amazing when you realize that you don't have to take what's dished out to you. For so long, that's how I felt..like I deserved everything I got because of how bad I messed up.
That was then, this is now. I'm no longer that person, I've made amends, and I've closed that chapter of my book. Pretty cool when I can stand up for myself, and actually BELIEVE that I deserve to be treated like a human being...not someone who is beating herself up.
It comes and goes, but it's getting better, all the time.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
That was then, this is now. I'm no longer that person, I've made amends, and I've closed that chapter of my book. Pretty cool when I can stand up for myself, and actually BELIEVE that I deserve to be treated like a human being...not someone who is beating herself up.
It comes and goes, but it's getting better, all the time.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
well. . . my chaos got going so good tonight it was actually comical.
Tomorrow I am throwing a bbq for a friend's bday. It also happens to be the tat artist's bday. When he saw me on facebook chat, he indicated that he had no plans for his birthday, so I offered to lite the candles twice at our shindig. He started flirting, and with my head all up in the clouds, I went to the drug store for more party stuff.
I started to buy a big box of chocolate for him, and then decided that was old behavior. He never shows up when he says he will, and I shouldnt be spending money on him, so I put the candy down on a different isle then it came from. I walked out of the store and a clerk approached me and said
"mam, I will need that chocolate you just stole". . .
I took of my flannel jacket and tried to hand it to him, stating he could search it as I had stolen nothing, and he said "you put it down your pants"
sooooooooo, I flipped out, pulled my shirt up to my neck, exposing bra and all to the entire parking lot and said with as much venom as this red headed tom boy can muster
"lets see you f****** find it then a**h***" or something to that effect. . .
the clerk looked terrified and ran back in the store. After I calmed down, I went in to apologize. he was in the back, totally shook up, talking to a security guard deciding whether or not to have me arrested probably. I told him my behavior was out of line, pointed to where I had set the chocolates down (you could see the box from where we were), said sorry, and left.
Somewhere between all these weird men popping back into my life, living arrangements changing faster than I can fill out a change of address form,getting or having a job, obviously the Universe is trying to get my attention and tell me something EEEESH
Tomorrow I will work harder on surrender hahaha, now lets go grab todays reading and see what it can tell me
Tomorrow I am throwing a bbq for a friend's bday. It also happens to be the tat artist's bday. When he saw me on facebook chat, he indicated that he had no plans for his birthday, so I offered to lite the candles twice at our shindig. He started flirting, and with my head all up in the clouds, I went to the drug store for more party stuff.
I started to buy a big box of chocolate for him, and then decided that was old behavior. He never shows up when he says he will, and I shouldnt be spending money on him, so I put the candy down on a different isle then it came from. I walked out of the store and a clerk approached me and said
"mam, I will need that chocolate you just stole". . .
I took of my flannel jacket and tried to hand it to him, stating he could search it as I had stolen nothing, and he said "you put it down your pants"
sooooooooo, I flipped out, pulled my shirt up to my neck, exposing bra and all to the entire parking lot and said with as much venom as this red headed tom boy can muster
"lets see you f****** find it then a**h***" or something to that effect. . .
the clerk looked terrified and ran back in the store. After I calmed down, I went in to apologize. he was in the back, totally shook up, talking to a security guard deciding whether or not to have me arrested probably. I told him my behavior was out of line, pointed to where I had set the chocolates down (you could see the box from where we were), said sorry, and left.
Somewhere between all these weird men popping back into my life, living arrangements changing faster than I can fill out a change of address form,getting or having a job, obviously the Universe is trying to get my attention and tell me something EEEESH
Tomorrow I will work harder on surrender hahaha, now lets go grab todays reading and see what it can tell me
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Sunday, April 3, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Acceptance
Surrender to the moment. Ride it out and through, for all it's worth. Throw yourself into it.
Stop resisting.
So much of our anguish is created when we are in resistance. So much relief, release, and change are possible when we accept, simply accept.
We waste our time, expend our energy, and make things harder by resisting, repressing, and denying. Repressing our thoughts will not make them disappear. Repressing a thought already formed will not make us a better person. Think it. Let it come into reality. Then release it. A thought is not forever. If we don't like it, we can think another one or change it. But to do that, we must accept and release the first thought.
Resistance and repression will not change a thing. They will put us at war with our thoughts.
We make life harder by resisting and repressing our feelings. No matter how dark, how uncomfortable, how unjustified, how surprising, how inappropriate we might deem our feelings, resisting and repressing them will not free us from them. Doing that will make them worse. They will swirl inside us, torment us, make us sick, and make our body ache, compel us to do compulsive things, keep us awake, or put us to sleep.
In the final analysis, all that we're really called on to do is accept our feelings by feeling them, and saying, Yes, this is what I feel.
Feelings are for the present moment. The more quickly we can accept a feeling, the more quickly we will move on to the next.
Resisting or repressing thoughts and feelings does not change us or turn us into the person we want to be or think we should be. It puts us in resistance to reality. It makes us repressed. Eventually, it makes us depressed.
Resisting events or circumstances in our life does not change things, no matter how undesirable the events or circumstances may be.
Acceptance turns us into the person we are and want to be. Acceptance empowers the events and circumstances to turn around for the better.
What do we do if we're in resistance, in a tug of war with some reality in our life? Accepting our resistance can help us get through that too.
Acceptance does not mean we're giving our approval. It does not mean surrendering to the will and plans of another. It does not mean commitment. It is not forever. It is for the present moment. Acceptance does not make things harder; it makes things easier. Acceptance does not mean we accept abuse or mistreatment; it does not mean we forego boundaries, our hopes, dreams, desires, wants, or ourselves. It means we accept what is, so we know what to do to take care of ourselves and what boundaries we need to set. It means we accept what is and who we are at the moment, so we are free to change and grow.
Acceptance and surrender move us forward on this journey. Force does not work.
Acceptance and surrender - two concepts that hurt the most before we do them.
Today, I will practice accepting my present circumstances and myself. I will begin to watch and trust the magic that acceptance can bring into my life and recovery.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Acceptance
Surrender to the moment. Ride it out and through, for all it's worth. Throw yourself into it.
Stop resisting.
So much of our anguish is created when we are in resistance. So much relief, release, and change are possible when we accept, simply accept.
We waste our time, expend our energy, and make things harder by resisting, repressing, and denying. Repressing our thoughts will not make them disappear. Repressing a thought already formed will not make us a better person. Think it. Let it come into reality. Then release it. A thought is not forever. If we don't like it, we can think another one or change it. But to do that, we must accept and release the first thought.
Resistance and repression will not change a thing. They will put us at war with our thoughts.
We make life harder by resisting and repressing our feelings. No matter how dark, how uncomfortable, how unjustified, how surprising, how inappropriate we might deem our feelings, resisting and repressing them will not free us from them. Doing that will make them worse. They will swirl inside us, torment us, make us sick, and make our body ache, compel us to do compulsive things, keep us awake, or put us to sleep.
In the final analysis, all that we're really called on to do is accept our feelings by feeling them, and saying, Yes, this is what I feel.
Feelings are for the present moment. The more quickly we can accept a feeling, the more quickly we will move on to the next.
Resisting or repressing thoughts and feelings does not change us or turn us into the person we want to be or think we should be. It puts us in resistance to reality. It makes us repressed. Eventually, it makes us depressed.
Resisting events or circumstances in our life does not change things, no matter how undesirable the events or circumstances may be.
Acceptance turns us into the person we are and want to be. Acceptance empowers the events and circumstances to turn around for the better.
What do we do if we're in resistance, in a tug of war with some reality in our life? Accepting our resistance can help us get through that too.
Acceptance does not mean we're giving our approval. It does not mean surrendering to the will and plans of another. It does not mean commitment. It is not forever. It is for the present moment. Acceptance does not make things harder; it makes things easier. Acceptance does not mean we accept abuse or mistreatment; it does not mean we forego boundaries, our hopes, dreams, desires, wants, or ourselves. It means we accept what is, so we know what to do to take care of ourselves and what boundaries we need to set. It means we accept what is and who we are at the moment, so we are free to change and grow.
Acceptance and surrender move us forward on this journey. Force does not work.
Acceptance and surrender - two concepts that hurt the most before we do them.
Today, I will practice accepting my present circumstances and myself. I will begin to watch and trust the magic that acceptance can bring into my life and recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lisa))) - isn't that sending mixed messages? I'd have bought chocolates for ME
Love today's reading, and will read it again when I get home from church. Dad and stepmom woke me up early, him talking about her staying up all night then sleeping all day. I'm going to stop by the store, on the way home and stock up on ear plugs, again.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Love today's reading, and will read it again when I get home from church. Dad and stepmom woke me up early, him talking about her staying up all night then sleeping all day. I'm going to stop by the store, on the way home and stock up on ear plugs, again.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Well still reading my book - i can see that triangle everywhere! [the karpman drama one!!!!] off to my mothers house this afternoon quite anxious since it will be an opportunity to test out my new me, the new healthy ways i am sprouting.
Still feel a victim of circumstance although i can now see that my actions have created some of that circumstance. Sure wish i wasn't feeling the victim though.
Still feel a victim of circumstance although i can now see that my actions have created some of that circumstance. Sure wish i wasn't feeling the victim though.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lisa))) - BTW, I've done what you did before...said some things, had to apologize, then felt guilty and did something to "make it up".
(((Kevin))) - the more you learn, the more you learn you don't have to be the victim. Sure some things happen that we truly are victims of..natural disasters, illness, etc., but we still have it, within us, to discover what we can do about it. The people in Japan have been victims of an enormous tragedy. However, the survivors can sit around in "victim mode" or they can deal with the feelings that come with what they've been through, and move forward.
I was a victim of 2 armed robberies, developed PTSD from the 2nd one. I went through "victim" mode, but I was so damned angry, that it helped me move past that (along with a LOT of help from everyone here). Then I found out that the same guy who pistol whipped me killed people within 24 hours of hitting me...back to victim mode, but again, everyone here helped me through it. I told the cops who we all thought was behind it, we were right, and the robbers/murderers will never see the light of day outside of bars again.
I also felt the victim when I was a raging codie..I thought I was doing SO much good things, trying to be helpful, and I just wasn't appreciated. Didn't have a clue that I was making the problem worse..I was teaching people how to treat me.
It's hard to get that, at first, but it comes with time and practice.
I got to church, this morning, and wow, it was great to be back. Big butterfly on the bulletin, great sermon about not seeing things that are right in front of us because either we aren't looking, or we're looking somewhere else. And, my twins are back!! Haven't been there in a couple months, so got my hugs
Poor Elvis had a bad morning. First Patches hissed and growled at him, as he was laying on the floor..I scolded her. Within minutes, all 30 pounds of Mots POUNCED on Elvis..I broke it up, Mots had a little black hair in his mouth, a swatch of HIS hair on the floor. I scolded him and told him "I told you to SIT on him when he aggravates you, NOT pounce on him when he's not doing anything!"
Elvis came running to me, like "moooommmmmm, but I didn't DO nothin!!" I gave him lots of snuggles before I headed to church.
Stepmom and dad had "the best day ever" yesterday, so I don't know what's going on. I did tell stepmom the lying had to stop..there's no reason to tell dad "I'm almost home" (from her friends) at 12:30a.m., and I later mention she wasn't home at 4a.m, when I went to sleep. If she wants to spend the NIGHT with her friend, that's fine, just give me the courtesy of the call.
She wants me to take her to get her car "in the morning" (tire). I told her I'd get up a little early for work and take her, but no..I'm not getting up early in the morning.
I'm being lazy today. This will be the last Sunday when I won't be studying for the next 10 weeks, or so.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
(((Kevin))) - the more you learn, the more you learn you don't have to be the victim. Sure some things happen that we truly are victims of..natural disasters, illness, etc., but we still have it, within us, to discover what we can do about it. The people in Japan have been victims of an enormous tragedy. However, the survivors can sit around in "victim mode" or they can deal with the feelings that come with what they've been through, and move forward.
I was a victim of 2 armed robberies, developed PTSD from the 2nd one. I went through "victim" mode, but I was so damned angry, that it helped me move past that (along with a LOT of help from everyone here). Then I found out that the same guy who pistol whipped me killed people within 24 hours of hitting me...back to victim mode, but again, everyone here helped me through it. I told the cops who we all thought was behind it, we were right, and the robbers/murderers will never see the light of day outside of bars again.
I also felt the victim when I was a raging codie..I thought I was doing SO much good things, trying to be helpful, and I just wasn't appreciated. Didn't have a clue that I was making the problem worse..I was teaching people how to treat me.
It's hard to get that, at first, but it comes with time and practice.
I got to church, this morning, and wow, it was great to be back. Big butterfly on the bulletin, great sermon about not seeing things that are right in front of us because either we aren't looking, or we're looking somewhere else. And, my twins are back!! Haven't been there in a couple months, so got my hugs
Poor Elvis had a bad morning. First Patches hissed and growled at him, as he was laying on the floor..I scolded her. Within minutes, all 30 pounds of Mots POUNCED on Elvis..I broke it up, Mots had a little black hair in his mouth, a swatch of HIS hair on the floor. I scolded him and told him "I told you to SIT on him when he aggravates you, NOT pounce on him when he's not doing anything!"
Elvis came running to me, like "moooommmmmm, but I didn't DO nothin!!" I gave him lots of snuggles before I headed to church.
Stepmom and dad had "the best day ever" yesterday, so I don't know what's going on. I did tell stepmom the lying had to stop..there's no reason to tell dad "I'm almost home" (from her friends) at 12:30a.m., and I later mention she wasn't home at 4a.m, when I went to sleep. If she wants to spend the NIGHT with her friend, that's fine, just give me the courtesy of the call.
She wants me to take her to get her car "in the morning" (tire). I told her I'd get up a little early for work and take her, but no..I'm not getting up early in the morning.
I'm being lazy today. This will be the last Sunday when I won't be studying for the next 10 weeks, or so.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
indeed it is Amy, because I have mixed feelings. I wouldnt feel right about only having gifts for one out of two of the birthday people AND, as much as he isn't dating material, he is really cute and still sends me a little. . .
My bet is he doesnt show up and we get to eat the chocolate
My bet is he doesnt show up and we get to eat the chocolate
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
Big butterfly on the bulletin, great sermon about not seeing things that are right in front of us because either we aren't looking, or we're looking somewhere else.
And I've seen butterflies everywhere today. I know they are special to you, Amy. For me, they'll always represent necessary struggle and darkness before the dawn
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Lisa, I have lost my temper at times too and I know it doesn't feel good. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
So, new boss, Dorky Matthew has been around for a couple of months now and he makes me anxious. I sense that he is not saying what he thinks about me. I like things out in the open as much as possible and the vibe I get from him is not that at all. Today was just the two of us for 3 hours and it was stressful just being around him. My mind starts to work overtime (codie behaviour) wondering what is he really thinking, what does that comment mean...
So, new boss, Dorky Matthew has been around for a couple of months now and he makes me anxious. I sense that he is not saying what he thinks about me. I like things out in the open as much as possible and the vibe I get from him is not that at all. Today was just the two of us for 3 hours and it was stressful just being around him. My mind starts to work overtime (codie behaviour) wondering what is he really thinking, what does that comment mean...
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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((Lisa)) - enjoy the chocolate
((Chino)) - good point, I didn't see what I didn't want to see, either, but at the same time, I didn't see what WAS there...other options. Sheez, I was pretty darned blind
((Anna)) - I'm sorry you're getting bad vibes from your boss. I could sense the change in things at work when M was gone for a week, and it wasn't good. I hope things get better.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
((Chino)) - good point, I didn't see what I didn't want to see, either, but at the same time, I didn't see what WAS there...other options. Sheez, I was pretty darned blind
((Anna)) - I'm sorry you're getting bad vibes from your boss. I could sense the change in things at work when M was gone for a week, and it wasn't good. I hope things get better.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Anna, in the rooms they tell me "its none of your business what other people think."
to tired to finish thought darn it. I am emotionally drained. My room mate was up til 4am loud and drunk so I didnt sleep, and I ran around all day today getting things ready and then threw a big birthday party. It was a huge success for my newcomer friend
AND, the tat artist didnt show. He didnt bother calling. His gift is in my car
So, I deleted and blocked him from facebook, I already took his number out of my phone a couple of weeks ago. I want to go to his mother and ask her if she raised him with ANY manners, uhg.
I was doing so well in turning my life and will over, I was so serene hahaha, tomorrow is another day =)
to tired to finish thought darn it. I am emotionally drained. My room mate was up til 4am loud and drunk so I didnt sleep, and I ran around all day today getting things ready and then threw a big birthday party. It was a huge success for my newcomer friend
AND, the tat artist didnt show. He didnt bother calling. His gift is in my car
So, I deleted and blocked him from facebook, I already took his number out of my phone a couple of weeks ago. I want to go to his mother and ask her if she raised him with ANY manners, uhg.
I was doing so well in turning my life and will over, I was so serene hahaha, tomorrow is another day =)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Amy thanks for your lovely comments.
I guess it will all come to me in time. Anyone who knows me well here will see the change and likely know about the book I am reading on codependent habits, and I think how to retrain and break them.
I have enjoyed codependent no more alot so far so I hopeful as I believe having done a chapter or so on victim persecutor and numerous verbatim illustrations of this ms beattie [the author] is now turning her direction as to the more explanations as to why we tend towards rescuing others so fingers crossed.
So much is changed <shakes head> I keep thinking of 'in the hoop' that someone told me here. Oh for sure i now understand and exercise detachment but thankyou (Anna)
So yeah sounds like your cats are fighting Amy yes.. Is this something you want to discuss. Doeseth one haveth some plans or ideas on how to increase the probability of this type of behavior happening less?
I do like to hear about church but i don't go.
Happy Monday to you all. Live long, and prosper.
I guess it will all come to me in time. Anyone who knows me well here will see the change and likely know about the book I am reading on codependent habits, and I think how to retrain and break them.
I have enjoyed codependent no more alot so far so I hopeful as I believe having done a chapter or so on victim persecutor and numerous verbatim illustrations of this ms beattie [the author] is now turning her direction as to the more explanations as to why we tend towards rescuing others so fingers crossed.
So much is changed <shakes head> I keep thinking of 'in the hoop' that someone told me here. Oh for sure i now understand and exercise detachment but thankyou (Anna)
So yeah sounds like your cats are fighting Amy yes.
. Is this something you want to discuss. Doeseth one haveth some plans or ideas on how to increase the probability of this type of behavior happening less?I do like to hear about church but i don't go.
Happy Monday to you all. Live long, and prosper.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Hello my precious friends ~
Such a busy life ~ I miss visiting and checking in with all of you!
To our new friends - sometimes on this journey of recovery/healing and grow - it gets hard and then it gets a little well - harder - but it's so worth it - don't give up - YOU are truly worthy of the Peace, Serenity, Grace and Love that we discover along the path.
My thoughts & prayers are still with you Annie
Live - I pray you are able to join us soon!
Lisa, Amy, Chino & Anne ~ Keep taking GOOD CARE of YOURSELVES!! Each of you have such strength & courage - it truly is helping me today!!
Friday I was able to go to a f2f meeting ~ the first time many many months - oh it was so precious and wonderful! I enjoyed every moment!
The rest of the weekend was chaos, and all that goes along with it ~ But we made it thru ~
Asking for your prayers as this week (when Mr Pink Acres isn't working nites & is a little better to sit down & talk to) I'm going to talk to him about asking Kaileigh's family dr about referral to a counselor for her. We had gotten to where she wasn't crying much any more - now since she is seeing her dad everynow and then - she is crying almost every nite ~ even in her sleep and a lot during the day.
Just not sure what to do anymore - would like to tell her dad to GO AWAY and never come back - but not really sure that's the best thing either????
Just at the point ~ I think we need some professional help.
So tired of being the one that has to say "NO" all the time! (in reality I know that I don't say "no" all the time - it just feels that way)
PINK HUGS to all
Rita
Such a busy life ~ I miss visiting and checking in with all of you!
To our new friends - sometimes on this journey of recovery/healing and grow - it gets hard and then it gets a little well - harder - but it's so worth it - don't give up - YOU are truly worthy of the Peace, Serenity, Grace and Love that we discover along the path.
My thoughts & prayers are still with you Annie
Live - I pray you are able to join us soon!
Lisa, Amy, Chino & Anne ~ Keep taking GOOD CARE of YOURSELVES!! Each of you have such strength & courage - it truly is helping me today!!
Friday I was able to go to a f2f meeting ~ the first time many many months - oh it was so precious and wonderful! I enjoyed every moment!
The rest of the weekend was chaos, and all that goes along with it ~ But we made it thru ~
Asking for your prayers as this week (when Mr Pink Acres isn't working nites & is a little better to sit down & talk to) I'm going to talk to him about asking Kaileigh's family dr about referral to a counselor for her. We had gotten to where she wasn't crying much any more - now since she is seeing her dad everynow and then - she is crying almost every nite ~ even in her sleep and a lot during the day.
Just not sure what to do anymore - would like to tell her dad to GO AWAY and never come back - but not really sure that's the best thing either????
Just at the point ~ I think we need some professional help.
So tired of being the one that has to say "NO" all the time! (in reality I know that I don't say "no" all the time - it just feels that way)
PINK HUGS to all
Rita
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Poor little Kaileigh! Rita, it sounds like counselling would be a good idea for her. She's lucky to have you looking out for her.
Lisa, I'm glad your party was a success and that you're stepping away from the TW.
Lisa, I'm glad your party was a success and that you're stepping away from the TW.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
please NO more kuddos for me, no you're doing a great thing - or anything like that - because I'm pretty sure I'm failing miserably!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm the mean one!!
I feel awful!
Two weeks ago she wanted to start decorating the extra room & starting sleeping in there - so we started working on it - THEN her Dad started coming around - and she started crying at nite again, wanting to sleep in bed with us. I said no, Mr. Pink wanted to give in to her.
I would go by her side, scratch her back, comfort her and give her reassurance but let her sleep in her bed that is at the foot of ours.
It's been a fight every nite!!!
Then Saturday nite after the ER visit (which is a long story - basically she hit her head against a pole, was with her other grandmother - was suppose to be with Dad but grandma made him bring her to her because he was running around with "drinking buddy" with her in the vehicle so I had to go meet them at hospital to sign papers for treatment. Kaileigh wanted to come home with me.)
after we got home from ER - I let her sleep with me - for follow up from head injury - then last nite - she went to get in bed with me (Mr. Pink is working nites) I said "No, Honey you can sleep in your own bed. ReeRee is right here."
She got up several times during the nite trying to get in bed, each time I would help her get in bed, scratch her back, comfort her - but she just cried all nite - even in her sleep.
I know I'm not suppose to give in - It's not healthy for a 7 yr old (she'll be 7 this month) to sleep in the same bed with us - not to mention how hard it is too sleep 3 ppl in a queen size bed -
BUT GEEZ I'm tired of always being the one to say NO or to correct her or to make her do her homework or to go to bed on time, or do this or you can't do that or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
it's a wonder she doesn't hate me - cause I surely hate me most of the time!
I'm the mean one!!
I feel awful!
Two weeks ago she wanted to start decorating the extra room & starting sleeping in there - so we started working on it - THEN her Dad started coming around - and she started crying at nite again, wanting to sleep in bed with us. I said no, Mr. Pink wanted to give in to her.
I would go by her side, scratch her back, comfort her and give her reassurance but let her sleep in her bed that is at the foot of ours.
It's been a fight every nite!!!
Then Saturday nite after the ER visit (which is a long story - basically she hit her head against a pole, was with her other grandmother - was suppose to be with Dad but grandma made him bring her to her because he was running around with "drinking buddy" with her in the vehicle so I had to go meet them at hospital to sign papers for treatment. Kaileigh wanted to come home with me.)
after we got home from ER - I let her sleep with me - for follow up from head injury - then last nite - she went to get in bed with me (Mr. Pink is working nites) I said "No, Honey you can sleep in your own bed. ReeRee is right here."
She got up several times during the nite trying to get in bed, each time I would help her get in bed, scratch her back, comfort her - but she just cried all nite - even in her sleep.
I know I'm not suppose to give in - It's not healthy for a 7 yr old (she'll be 7 this month) to sleep in the same bed with us - not to mention how hard it is too sleep 3 ppl in a queen size bed -
BUT GEEZ I'm tired of always being the one to say NO or to correct her or to make her do her homework or to go to bed on time, or do this or you can't do that or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
it's a wonder she doesn't hate me - cause I surely hate me most of the time!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Rita, we all know that being a parent (which is in effect what you're doing) is not a popularity contest. My husband travelled a lot when my kids were growing up. I became the meanie who enforced the rules and he was the conquering hero who came home with presents. I hated it, but I have good kids. You're doing the right thing by sticking to the rule you made. It's best for Kaileigh and you and Mr. Pink.
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