Class of October 2010 Sobriety Group Part 3
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
Been off the grid myself, but definitely not out. Just some back to back trips and a few new projects at the office that clients wanted right away. After working 12 to 14 hours behind a computer, I don't want to come home and type so more.
Swan and Hilary. I read your post a couple of days ago, and I wanted to say something profound, but I don't think I am qualified to do so. I am very fortunate that legal matters and death-illness due to addiction were never part of my bottom, but they very well could have been. I escaped all that and considered myself a very fortunate man.
I think I have placed my sobriety on "auto-pilot" for several weeks now and post like yours stop me right on my tracks and make me realized how lucky I am to have chosen sobriety and be here posting with you all. This ain't no dress rehearsal for me anymore. This is for real (sorry R4R). Thank you.
And Swan, great to hear about your new Cannondale. I love the sport and consider cycling a key to living a healthy and sober life. I hope your legal issues resolve them selves painlessly for you. Keep us posted.
Swan and Hilary. I read your post a couple of days ago, and I wanted to say something profound, but I don't think I am qualified to do so. I am very fortunate that legal matters and death-illness due to addiction were never part of my bottom, but they very well could have been. I escaped all that and considered myself a very fortunate man.
I think I have placed my sobriety on "auto-pilot" for several weeks now and post like yours stop me right on my tracks and make me realized how lucky I am to have chosen sobriety and be here posting with you all. This ain't no dress rehearsal for me anymore. This is for real (sorry R4R). Thank you.
And Swan, great to hear about your new Cannondale. I love the sport and consider cycling a key to living a healthy and sober life. I hope your legal issues resolve them selves painlessly for you. Keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Hey Isaiah, nice to see you posting and happy to hear you're not planning to make hanging out at drinking establishments your norm 
Tom, thanks for thoughts on the legal issue - I'm just putting that outta my head and letting my attorney deal with it. I'll do whatever I am required to do once the cookie finally crumbles.
On to more exciting things, i.e. my bike- yeah, I had a BLAST riding it around the lake the other day (small ride, bout 6 miles) but I'm still a bit sick so I going in this weekend to have the shop fix one minor issue on it and I went to the doctors today and wouldn't you know it he put me on antibiotics! I guess I had more than just a cold, or at least he thought I'd been fighting this infection for so long he didn't want to risk me getting really really sick again so I'm taking those now! I wanted to fight it off w/o meds but oh well I'm sick of being sick lol...so I'll take them!
And hopefully start feeling well enough to ride again this Sunday! Will keep you posted on how it goes...
I caught a couple resentments this week, got some good advice on how to deal with them (they say it's the little things that will take you out) and ultimately I just decided to get over them and respond with kindness to the people who sorta snubbed me. Amazingly enough it was just that simple, honestly being nice to them and bam the resentment was gone.
Extremely grateful to be sober today. Some of my colleagues were told today their project is 'going away' and that hopefully other positions in the company will be found for them - likely all of them as my company is doing REALLY good considering the market so it's not a dire situation.
However, that said, if I *was* still drinking oh boy I would have seriously gotten pissed off, thinking "I'm next.." or "my project is next.." - something, some thought that would, as of right now, have no basis in reality and I would have just drank like a fish over this and cursed this company up and down at the bar and talked all kinds of smack about corporate America etc. - so delusional how I (we?) become when under the lash of drugs or alcohol!!!
I hope everyone else is doing great and sliding into home plate this Friday night safe, sane and sober!
Tom, thanks for thoughts on the legal issue - I'm just putting that outta my head and letting my attorney deal with it. I'll do whatever I am required to do once the cookie finally crumbles.
On to more exciting things, i.e. my bike- yeah, I had a BLAST riding it around the lake the other day (small ride, bout 6 miles) but I'm still a bit sick so I going in this weekend to have the shop fix one minor issue on it and I went to the doctors today and wouldn't you know it he put me on antibiotics! I guess I had more than just a cold, or at least he thought I'd been fighting this infection for so long he didn't want to risk me getting really really sick again so I'm taking those now! I wanted to fight it off w/o meds but oh well I'm sick of being sick lol...so I'll take them!
And hopefully start feeling well enough to ride again this Sunday! Will keep you posted on how it goes...
I caught a couple resentments this week, got some good advice on how to deal with them (they say it's the little things that will take you out) and ultimately I just decided to get over them and respond with kindness to the people who sorta snubbed me. Amazingly enough it was just that simple, honestly being nice to them and bam the resentment was gone.
Extremely grateful to be sober today. Some of my colleagues were told today their project is 'going away' and that hopefully other positions in the company will be found for them - likely all of them as my company is doing REALLY good considering the market so it's not a dire situation.
However, that said, if I *was* still drinking oh boy I would have seriously gotten pissed off, thinking "I'm next.." or "my project is next.." - something, some thought that would, as of right now, have no basis in reality and I would have just drank like a fish over this and cursed this company up and down at the bar and talked all kinds of smack about corporate America etc. - so delusional how I (we?) become when under the lash of drugs or alcohol!!!
I hope everyone else is doing great and sliding into home plate this Friday night safe, sane and sober!
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
I'm still on the grid also
Just trying to keep low and quiet so I don't fall of the edge - meaning the edginess I feel inside... but I'm still pretty much shutdown on the emotional side -- I guess it's a mild depression thing going on.
Going out with a friend today to a chocolate festival at an area high school or something. Not really much into chocolate or sweets, but it sounds like a nice diversion. Took yesterday off work just to chill out. At first I was kind of wondering if that was a good idea, because in the past I would take a vacation day and end up drinking myself into oblivion in cases like this. I didn't this time I just looked at the calendar and realized that I have to make it to tomorrow at midnight and I'll have 4 months in. Good... a goal!
Isaiah - Yeah, everything passes sooner or later... I've learned that it's better to actually go through the 'junk' instead of stuffing it back down or denying it. And there is always hope, sometimes all we need is a little help in seeing it. Glad you were able to have some fun at that bar... Just would caution you not to let your guard down - I think we both know (and probably all of us knows) the dangers of giving in a moments notice.
Supremes - yeah, can't even begin to picture you singing their songs
Swan - I really hope you get over that sickness this time! Dang - it's just been going on wayyyyy to long. Seems like doctors are prescribing antibiotics a little easier these days. I think it's because the 'common' cold isn't just a common cold anymore... Get plenty of rest -- and vitamin C
Have a great weekend everyone!
Just trying to keep low and quiet so I don't fall of the edge - meaning the edginess I feel inside... but I'm still pretty much shutdown on the emotional side -- I guess it's a mild depression thing going on.
Going out with a friend today to a chocolate festival at an area high school or something. Not really much into chocolate or sweets, but it sounds like a nice diversion. Took yesterday off work just to chill out. At first I was kind of wondering if that was a good idea, because in the past I would take a vacation day and end up drinking myself into oblivion in cases like this. I didn't this time
I just looked at the calendar and realized that I have to make it to tomorrow at midnight and I'll have 4 months in. Good... a goal!Isaiah - Yeah, everything passes sooner or later... I've learned that it's better to actually go through the 'junk' instead of stuffing it back down or denying it. And there is always hope, sometimes all we need is a little help in seeing it. Glad you were able to have some fun at that bar... Just would caution you not to let your guard down - I think we both know (and probably all of us knows) the dangers of giving in a moments notice.
Supremes - yeah, can't even begin to picture you singing their songs
Swan - I really hope you get over that sickness this time! Dang - it's just been going on wayyyyy to long. Seems like doctors are prescribing antibiotics a little easier these days. I think it's because the 'common' cold isn't just a common cold anymore... Get plenty of rest -- and vitamin C
Have a great weekend everyone!
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
Sitting in front of the computer instead of watching the Superbowl. My wife invited her sister over and kids. I am doing my thing and ignoring them downstairs. Can't get into the game, but then, I am not trying to hard.
These days in my world, it is a lot more fun to do something than to watch other people do it. But the Superbowl..... no big deal to me, except that it would have been a perfect excuse to get loaded in the old days. As if I ever needed an excuse on any given Sunday.
I have come a long way in the past four months, and can't be happier for it.
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Swan, you may have to start posting in the kicking asphalt thread if you keep up with the cycling. Isa, are you doing any jogging~running in Portland yet?
R4R, don't get to close to that edge. It is a long way down that cliff.
These days in my world, it is a lot more fun to do something than to watch other people do it. But the Superbowl..... no big deal to me, except that it would have been a perfect excuse to get loaded in the old days. As if I ever needed an excuse on any given Sunday.
I have come a long way in the past four months, and can't be happier for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Swan, you may have to start posting in the kicking asphalt thread if you keep up with the cycling. Isa, are you doing any jogging~running in Portland yet?
R4R, don't get to close to that edge. It is a long way down that cliff.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Originally Posted by tomdecelt 
These days in my world, it is a lot more fun to do something than to watch other people do it. But the Superbowl..... no big deal to me, except that it would have been a perfect excuse to get loaded in the old days. As if I ever needed an excuse on any given Sunday.
I have come a long way in the past four months, and can't be happier for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have come a long way in the past four months, and can't be happier for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
And yep, Super bowl was always a VERY easy excuse to get sloshed. But as you noted, on Sunday's nothing special was ever really needed to get messed up!
I was thinking the SAME exact thing earlier today!!!! In just 105 days things have come a long, long way inside of me and I too couldn't be any happier. Lots of work still to do, but the progress thus far I feel very grateful for. It hasn't all been easy, but like you and everyone here we work through the pain and on the other side are fields of growth we get to walk through and appreciate.
Incidentally my sponsor asked me to help him take some books to the psych ward with him earlier, we walked inside and this lady was walking towards us- me hauling a dolly with boxes full of books and she stares right at me and say's 'dont #@$%ing look at me' - never having set foot in a psych ward before I had no idea what was happening and thought she was joking and I must know her from somewhere so ironically I stared back!!! Well of course she said it again, 'dont #@$%$ing look at me!!!' - so I just looked down at my feet and kept walking. Later my sponsor said wow, I've never seen that before but get used to it if you intend to volunteer here. Which I do, I feel as though trying to carry the message of hope is more than worthwhile.
I don't want to blow anyone's anonymity but that lady who was clearly very sick in the psych ward was just one example of alcoholism wreaking havoc and destruction in people's lives....I saw another 'person' earlier today in utter misery just STRUGGLING trying so very hard to put those first few days together and pull themselves back from the jaws of madness. It hurts to see and is a powerful reminder of just where this illness, madness, disease whatever you want to call it can and probably will take me if I ever go back to drinking again.
But I have not gone back, have zero intention of going back, and am thrilled to see what miracle tomorrow will bring in sobriety!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
And yes, once I kick this cold finally and start riding on a regular basis I'll post in the work out thread and roll with you all over there!
Isa, R4R, Carribean, Akasha and whomever else I'm forgetting, post up and let us know how you are all doing and what's going on in your worlds!!!
Peace!
Isa, R4R, Carribean, Akasha and whomever else I'm forgetting, post up and let us know how you are all doing and what's going on in your worlds!!!
Peace!
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Hey All - Happy Monday!
TDC - It's not really that far going down the cliff... in my mind, coming back up would be much farther.
Swan - Glad you're feeling better...
Today is 4 months for me! I did watch the game and had pizza and na stuff. It was good... better yet that Green Bay won
All in all, it was an okay weekend.
Have a great day all.
TDC - It's not really that far going down the cliff... in my mind, coming back up would be much farther.
Swan - Glad you're feeling better...
Today is 4 months for me! I did watch the game and had pizza and na stuff. It was good... better yet that Green Bay won
All in all, it was an okay weekend.
Have a great day all.
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
Just moving right along. Work is keeping me busy. I have three out of town extended weekends, all family related, in the month of FEB. I am trying to do as much as I can in the 3 and 4 days I am in the office each week.
I do check into SR several times a day. I think I turned the corner when I stopped "romanticizing" alcohol and took it for what it is POISON.
I get up every morning and start my day with at least an hour of exercise, sometimes more, pushing me out of my comfort zone (136 miles on the bike last week), and spend my mindless time focusing on fitness rather than booze. So far I am down 10 lbs since my last relapse. Lets see, that was 133 days ago.
Got to keep on moving. See you all.
I do check into SR several times a day. I think I turned the corner when I stopped "romanticizing" alcohol and took it for what it is POISON.
I get up every morning and start my day with at least an hour of exercise, sometimes more, pushing me out of my comfort zone (136 miles on the bike last week), and spend my mindless time focusing on fitness rather than booze. So far I am down 10 lbs since my last relapse. Lets see, that was 133 days ago.
Got to keep on moving. See you all.
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Yeah.... I think if we get any slower in here, they'll have to put a slow moving vehicle sign on us
Anyway, I'm here. Been busy at work and home. Therapy session went ok last night... at least my therapist said it did - I'm moving right along from what he can see. If he says I'm ok, I must be ok - I just don't like myself much when I get so on edge about everything... angry and mean just isn't 'me'. But it will pass and I'll be stronger for it... I now know that I can feel very very terrible inside and still NOT drink! I can choose not to drink. And yes, sometimes - when the thought runs through my mind and I'm feeling the force of long-buried emotions I want to drink... but that part of me is growing weaker and the part of me that doesn't want to is growing stronger.
Ok, there's my two and a half cents
Have a great day everyone
Anyway, I'm here. Been busy at work and home. Therapy session went ok last night... at least my therapist said it did - I'm moving right along from what he can see. If he says I'm ok, I must be ok - I just don't like myself much when I get so on edge about everything... angry and mean just isn't 'me'. But it will pass and I'll be stronger for it... I now know that I can feel very very terrible inside and still NOT drink! I can choose not to drink. And yes, sometimes - when the thought runs through my mind and I'm feeling the force of long-buried emotions I want to drink... but that part of me is growing weaker and the part of me that doesn't want to is growing stronger.
Ok, there's my two and a half cents
Have a great day everyone
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
R4R, happy to hear you're staying strong and have a good therapist to work with you.
Akasha, I know the two months off were probably good for having time to focus on recovery but the economy is still pretty rough so maybe the job is a good thing? Just a thought...
Tom- Glad to hear you're getting so much out of your exercise routine! 136 miles is awesome! I'll hopefully start reporting on my miles too and yes I was thinking the other day (so it's ironic that you chose those exact words) that in a couple years I may be in position X with my life, and I had a mental flash of being in position X without alcohol and thought well that is never how I envisioned it (marriage, a home owner, whatever right) and then the thought occurred to me- what's the big deal? Alcohol is just liquid poison to me - would I not find happiness if I find a woman to marry and could not have a glass of draino while she drank wine? Hell no! Once I thought about it like that all the 'romance' that alcohol carries with it disappeared yet again.
Alcohol = poison! Simple yet profound.
Ok, I've gotta shave and shower - today's my first day in court and you know what, that is A-OK because I woke up sober and I'll be sober when I go to bed tonight regardless of what happens in-between - keeping it just that simple has worked thus far, no reason it won't work on days with unusual challenges as long as I remain grateful for my sobriety.
See you all tonight or tomorrow!
Akasha, I know the two months off were probably good for having time to focus on recovery but the economy is still pretty rough so maybe the job is a good thing? Just a thought...
Tom- Glad to hear you're getting so much out of your exercise routine! 136 miles is awesome! I'll hopefully start reporting on my miles too
and yes I was thinking the other day (so it's ironic that you chose those exact words) that in a couple years I may be in position X with my life, and I had a mental flash of being in position X without alcohol and thought well that is never how I envisioned it (marriage, a home owner, whatever right) and then the thought occurred to me- what's the big deal? Alcohol is just liquid poison to me - would I not find happiness if I find a woman to marry and could not have a glass of draino while she drank wine? Hell no! Once I thought about it like that all the 'romance' that alcohol carries with it disappeared yet again.Alcohol = poison! Simple yet profound.
Ok, I've gotta shave and shower - today's my first day in court and you know what, that is A-OK because I woke up sober and I'll be sober when I go to bed tonight regardless of what happens in-between - keeping it just that simple has worked thus far, no reason it won't work on days with unusual challenges as long as I remain grateful for my sobriety.
See you all tonight or tomorrow!
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: A Much Happier Place!
Posts: 91
hi everyone, quick post..hope you are all well. ps thank for all the sympathy comments re the funeral but really not necessary. He was a colleagues nephew and I didnt know him, just thought it was sad to see addiction at its worse!! Thanks anyway
Swan hope today goes well for you. You are in my thoughts. Tom glad to hear that you are busy workwise..in Ireland the property market has completely crashed...so terrible, thank god we built at the right time. Glad to hear your doing well and you sound very positive. R4R hope you have come away from the edge..not sure I can really help you as I am there myself..so lets just hold on to each other and not go near the edge. My husband in 40 next month and I have planned a surprise trip away and honestly in my mind I am reasoning why I wouldnt have some champange on that trip. Its just the 2 of us, no responsibilities etc etc That old reasoning is going on a lot in my brain lately. Not sure why now?? I just dont feel very motivated at the moment and everthing seems such an effort...I didnt exercise this week as weather very bad and rural road conditions dangerous. Excuses Excuses I hear you cry... I know I know..Have hit a bit of a low...mental note to self...get positive tomorrow Night all
ps...sad really that there are only so few of us left on this thread...I often wondered what happened to our original classmates and was this the same for other months threads?? I often wondered what happened to Mickinmind...he was so so positive at one stage. Anyway just waffling
Swan hope today goes well for you. You are in my thoughts. Tom glad to hear that you are busy workwise..in Ireland the property market has completely crashed...so terrible, thank god we built at the right time. Glad to hear your doing well and you sound very positive. R4R hope you have come away from the edge..not sure I can really help you as I am there myself..so lets just hold on to each other and not go near the edge. My husband in 40 next month and I have planned a surprise trip away and honestly in my mind I am reasoning why I wouldnt have some champange on that trip. Its just the 2 of us, no responsibilities etc etc That old reasoning is going on a lot in my brain lately. Not sure why now?? I just dont feel very motivated at the moment and everthing seems such an effort...I didnt exercise this week as weather very bad and rural road conditions dangerous. Excuses Excuses I hear you cry... I know I know..Have hit a bit of a low...mental note to self...get positive tomorrow
Night all ps...sad really that there are only so few of us left on this thread...I often wondered what happened to our original classmates and was this the same for other months threads?? I often wondered what happened to Mickinmind...he was so so positive at one stage. Anyway just waffling
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