August Sobriety Part 9
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
Nice analogy Anew. You are so kind to animals. haha.
Fortunately, I don't think my wife has put two and two together, so just keep praying she doesn't until everything is unpacked.
No, it has nothing to do with it. I would much rather be home helping her and playing with our daughter. But a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do. My girls still like to eat, so I better make some money. haha.
Fortunately, I don't think my wife has put two and two together, so just keep praying she doesn't until everything is unpacked.
No, it has nothing to do with it. I would much rather be home helping her and playing with our daughter. But a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do. My girls still like to eat, so I better make some money. haha.
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
Originally Posted by bdiddy5522 
Anything we can help you work through PC?
No matter what I do, I need to change my reactions to it. In other words, if you can't beat him, join him is not an acceptable option. I was beginning give up on trying to deal with things and to slip back into old habits. I have put a stop to that!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Someone made a passing comment to me about having a sense of humor, which, I do have. I realize here on the boards we talk about serious subject matter, life and death.
I am so glad to have laughter back in my life. Not drunk silly laughter, but, laughter that comes from within. I can even laugh at myself and the mistakes I make. When I was drinking I could really take offense to so many things that people said and did, even when they weren't intended toward me.
I remember one time, getting into an argument with my husband. He called me a "sloppy drunk". Now, mind you, I didn't argue about being drunk, but, I did argue about being sloppy, and I argued hard in my own defense. How crazy is that!
I am so glad to have laughter back in my life. Not drunk silly laughter, but, laughter that comes from within. I can even laugh at myself and the mistakes I make. When I was drinking I could really take offense to so many things that people said and did, even when they weren't intended toward me.
I remember one time, getting into an argument with my husband. He called me a "sloppy drunk". Now, mind you, I didn't argue about being drunk, but, I did argue about being sloppy, and I argued hard in my own defense. How crazy is that!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,584
Congrats gofish and Nan
PC I really think it is about changing our reactions.
Case in point that may or may not be relevant: my relationship with my parents for example has never been great, but it's the best it's ever been now because I know whats good and right for me and I stick to it.
It's taken a long while but my parents actually have come to respect me more because I've been my own man for the past 3 years.
I hope the same can happen for you
D
PC I really think it is about changing our reactions.
Case in point that may or may not be relevant: my relationship with my parents for example has never been great, but it's the best it's ever been now because I know whats good and right for me and I stick to it.
It's taken a long while but my parents actually have come to respect me more because I've been my own man for the past 3 years.
I hope the same can happen for you
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: over the seas and far away
Posts: 862
100 days today. Seems like just another day. I've been keeping up with the thread, just haven't had anything important to share.
Hope all is well.
Hope all is well.
congrats
and you to bgirrl awesome almost 6 months !
or I can change it. Neither is easy.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 711
Happy Thursday everyone!
I posted last night in another forum about my husband going out of town today through Sunday. It makes me kind of nervous, but part of me wants the alone time. I know I will be very glad for him to be home Sunday- the longest we have been apart in the last ten years is two days.
Anyway, it is a trigger for me to be at home alone. I used to use that opportunity to get sh&* faced. I am not doing that this time. I am headed towards 6 months sobriety and I do not want to go back. I have come a long way. Like people said, I have the tools and I plan on using them.
I am going to a meeting tonight and every day that he is gone. That will keep me grounded. I will keep you guys posted.
What's going on with everyone? PC, are you okay?
I posted last night in another forum about my husband going out of town today through Sunday. It makes me kind of nervous, but part of me wants the alone time. I know I will be very glad for him to be home Sunday- the longest we have been apart in the last ten years is two days.
Anyway, it is a trigger for me to be at home alone. I used to use that opportunity to get sh&* faced. I am not doing that this time. I am headed towards 6 months sobriety and I do not want to go back. I have come a long way. Like people said, I have the tools and I plan on using them.
I am going to a meeting tonight and every day that he is gone. That will keep me grounded. I will keep you guys posted.
What's going on with everyone? PC, are you okay?
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,978
bananagrrrl,
Alone and unstructured time is a trigger for a lot of people. I was at an AA meeting last Sunday where this topic came up. A lot of guys in my group have had trouble on business trips, particularly when they travel alone and are alone in a hotel room at night. I think part of the problem is thinking "I can drink and get away with it and no one will ever know." I know I've had those thoughts when I was away on business. One guy in my group was in international sales and spent a lot of time in Rio De Janeiro which is a couples paradise. He was always alone in a hotel room at night and this really triggered him to get into vodka. Anyway, I think you should have a plan and structure your nights around a lot of activities so that you don't have idle time, AA meetings sound like a good part of that.
Alone and unstructured time is a trigger for a lot of people. I was at an AA meeting last Sunday where this topic came up. A lot of guys in my group have had trouble on business trips, particularly when they travel alone and are alone in a hotel room at night. I think part of the problem is thinking "I can drink and get away with it and no one will ever know." I know I've had those thoughts when I was away on business. One guy in my group was in international sales and spent a lot of time in Rio De Janeiro which is a couples paradise. He was always alone in a hotel room at night and this really triggered him to get into vodka. Anyway, I think you should have a plan and structure your nights around a lot of activities so that you don't have idle time, AA meetings sound like a good part of that.
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
Originally Posted by bananagrrrl
I posted last night in another forum about my husband going out of town today through Sunday. It makes me kind of nervous, but part of me wants the alone time. I know I will be very glad for him to be home Sunday- the longest we have been apart in the last ten years is two days.
Anyway, it is a trigger for me to be at home alone. I used to use that opportunity to get sh&* faced. I am not doing that this time. I am headed towards 6 months sobriety and I do not want to go back. I have come a long way. Like people said, I have the tools and I plan on using them.
PC, are you okay?
My husband has decided that he wants to drink rum and cokes now, because he liked the rum in Jamaica. He started this a few weeks ago. However, he's not giving up the beer so he's mixing. It seems like his drinking is escallating - he came home last week from his (work) golf league visibly tipsy, my son said (I had to work late that day), which is at least a half hour drive home. He already has one DUI on his record, from about 18 years ago, and he doesn't need another - or heaven fobid to hurt someone.
He's not fun to live with now - not violent or anything, but sour and unhappy. I'm really getting worried, about him and also about my son and I having to live with him. My son said he's glad it's just the two of us this weekend. Since the rum drinking started, he's been getting a lot of unnecessary flack from his father.
I don't know what to do. I do know having a beer won't help, though. I'm really beginning to hate this alcohol stuff.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 711
I am sorry, Purple Cat.
What does your husband say when you talk about his drinking with him? Does he become defensive?
My husband drinks beer every day. I don't think he is an alcoholic, but I think he drinks too much beer. Do you think your husband is an alcoholic?
What does your husband say when you talk about his drinking with him? Does he become defensive?
My husband drinks beer every day. I don't think he is an alcoholic, but I think he drinks too much beer. Do you think your husband is an alcoholic?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
PC- alcohol ruins a lot of lives. It is one of those things I wish had never been invented and wasn't so socially acceptable. Unfortunately, it is so we just have to deal with it. Have you looked into al-anon at all? It might be helpful in your case. Just remember, you didn't cause, can't control it, and can't cure it.
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
Yeah, he gets defensive. He deserves it, he earned it, he works hard all day etc.
He is definitely an alcoholic - the physically addicted type. It's not just a mental crutch with him. One weekend a few years ago when I confronted him about it and told his family, he "quit" that weekend. Spent it on the couch curled up in a ball. I didn't realize then what was going on, but he was definitely experiencing physical withdrawals. The quitting lasted about a week.
He smokes pot and cigarettes too. I vehemently do not like pot (or any drugs) and I quit smoking 9 years ago.
My son asked me a while ago why I married him. Back then, he was fun and cute (the alcohol and other chemicals hadn't done a number on his looks), and he didn't smoke pot because we were in the Navy and it strictly wasn't allowed. I didn't even know he ever had smoked pot - it wasn't something we discussed. I met him when he was at my command, after being in the Navy's alcohol rehab facility. He was doing his aftercare time before getting new orders (about nine months worth). Not knowing anything back then about alcoholism, I believed that he was sent to the drunk farm (as he called it) because a chief at his old command didn't like that he was sitting on the chief's wife's lap at a party. I highly suspect now that wasn't the reason. After he was sent to another command (we were seperated for a couple of years at differrent bases before we got married), he was arrested for drunk and disorderly on Christmas Eve. I believed him when he told me it was because there was a ship in port and the shore patrol were being jerks.
Ah to have known then what I know now -- yet if I had, I wouldn't have my totally wonderful son and would have missed a lot of good times. Our 20th anniversary is coming up this year. This is why it is so damn hard.
Thanks for listening, guys. I need to get back to my work.
ETA - Brent, I have thought about Al-Anon, for both me and my son. There's a pretty big Alano club in a nearby city, too. I've also thought about getting back into the church. I know I didn't cause it, but I feel so helpless that I can't change it.
He is definitely an alcoholic - the physically addicted type. It's not just a mental crutch with him. One weekend a few years ago when I confronted him about it and told his family, he "quit" that weekend. Spent it on the couch curled up in a ball. I didn't realize then what was going on, but he was definitely experiencing physical withdrawals. The quitting lasted about a week.
He smokes pot and cigarettes too. I vehemently do not like pot (or any drugs) and I quit smoking 9 years ago.
My son asked me a while ago why I married him. Back then, he was fun and cute (the alcohol and other chemicals hadn't done a number on his looks), and he didn't smoke pot because we were in the Navy and it strictly wasn't allowed. I didn't even know he ever had smoked pot - it wasn't something we discussed. I met him when he was at my command, after being in the Navy's alcohol rehab facility. He was doing his aftercare time before getting new orders (about nine months worth). Not knowing anything back then about alcoholism, I believed that he was sent to the drunk farm (as he called it) because a chief at his old command didn't like that he was sitting on the chief's wife's lap at a party. I highly suspect now that wasn't the reason. After he was sent to another command (we were seperated for a couple of years at differrent bases before we got married), he was arrested for drunk and disorderly on Christmas Eve. I believed him when he told me it was because there was a ship in port and the shore patrol were being jerks.
Ah to have known then what I know now -- yet if I had, I wouldn't have my totally wonderful son and would have missed a lot of good times. Our 20th anniversary is coming up this year. This is why it is so damn hard.
Thanks for listening, guys. I need to get back to my work.
ETA - Brent, I have thought about Al-Anon, for both me and my son. There's a pretty big Alano club in a nearby city, too. I've also thought about getting back into the church. I know I didn't cause it, but I feel so helpless that I can't change it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Good afternoon all...
PC-my hubby is a beer drinker, not every day, but, every weekend with the occasional week night thrown in.
For my, not drinking, yet being around someone who over indulges is hard...and it is hard at times not to be consumed with thinking about it, and resenting his drinking.
I have found Al-Anon to be helpful..I also read some of Melodie Beatties books..you can look them up if you are interested. Co-Dependent No More helped me alot.
It is sad to think that a family is suffering from addiction to anything. I would somehow always think and hope that others would find their way to sobriety if their losing their family, or their live even were the bottom line...sadly for so many it isn't.
I am not experiencing what you are exactly...but, I know too well the feelings you describe..just keep taking care of you.
Enjoy this weekend break from the situation with your son., I hope it is a good one for you.
PC-my hubby is a beer drinker, not every day, but, every weekend with the occasional week night thrown in.
For my, not drinking, yet being around someone who over indulges is hard...and it is hard at times not to be consumed with thinking about it, and resenting his drinking.
I have found Al-Anon to be helpful..I also read some of Melodie Beatties books..you can look them up if you are interested. Co-Dependent No More helped me alot.
It is sad to think that a family is suffering from addiction to anything. I would somehow always think and hope that others would find their way to sobriety if their losing their family, or their live even were the bottom line...sadly for so many it isn't.
I am not experiencing what you are exactly...but, I know too well the feelings you describe..just keep taking care of you.
Enjoy this weekend break from the situation with your son., I hope it is a good one for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Philadelphia, PA area
Posts: 335
KC checking in. Been AWOL for a few days because so busy at work. Anyway, PC - have to stick my nose into something that is probably not my business, but I will do it anyway. You have an obligation to protect your son and keep him safe. Safe does not necessarily always mean physically safe. Mentally safe as well. His comment to you that he is glad it is just the two of you home alone without his Dad says a lot. Just remember that - your first priority is his safety. Don't have any other advice to give, just want you to remember that.
I am sure I said enough already.
KC
I am sure I said enough already.
KC
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 711
Morning guys and gals,
I had a good meeting last night and then a peaceful evening at home watching my all time favroite trash tv- Real Housewives of NYC.
I got a good nights sleep and I am glad it is Friday. Planning to go to the outlets after work to get some new duds.
I had a good meeting last night and then a peaceful evening at home watching my all time favroite trash tv- Real Housewives of NYC.
I got a good nights sleep and I am glad it is Friday. Planning to go to the outlets after work to get some new duds.
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
Originally Posted by KC1
KC checking in. Been AWOL for a few days because so busy at work. Anyway, PC - have to stick my nose into something that is probably not my business, but I will do it anyway. You have an obligation to protect your son and keep him safe. Safe does not necessarily always mean physically safe. Mentally safe as well. His comment to you that he is glad it is just the two of you home alone without his Dad says a lot. Just remember that - your first priority is his safety. Don't have any other advice to give, just want you to remember that.
I am sure I said enough already.
KC
I am sure I said enough already.
KC
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
FRIDAY! The sun is shining for the first time in two weeks here and it is a beautiful day. I got up early this morning and opened the blinds, make a pot of coffee and sat on our deck and did my daily devotions and meditation. I gotta say, it is probably the most perfect way in ever to start a day.
So what does everyone have planned for the weekend? We have a 2 year olds birthday party to go to on Saturday. Other than that just get more stuff done around the house. I pray you all have a blessed weekend.
Thinking of you Banana- stay strong. You can do this!
So what does everyone have planned for the weekend? We have a 2 year olds birthday party to go to on Saturday. Other than that just get more stuff done around the house. I pray you all have a blessed weekend.
Thinking of you Banana- stay strong. You can do this!
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