Yeah, he gets defensive. He deserves it, he earned it, he works hard all day etc.
He is definitely an alcoholic - the physically addicted type. It's not just a mental crutch with him. One weekend a few years ago when I confronted him about it and told his family, he "quit" that weekend. Spent it on the couch curled up in a ball. I didn't realize then what was going on, but he was definitely experiencing physical withdrawals. The quitting lasted about a week.
He smokes pot and cigarettes too. I vehemently do not like pot (or any drugs) and I quit smoking 9 years ago.
My son asked me a while ago why I married him. Back then, he was fun and cute (the alcohol and other chemicals hadn't done a number on his looks), and he didn't smoke pot because we were in the Navy and it strictly wasn't allowed. I didn't even know he ever had smoked pot - it wasn't something we discussed. I met him when he was at my command, after being in the Navy's alcohol rehab facility. He was doing his aftercare time before getting new orders (about nine months worth). Not knowing anything back then about alcoholism, I believed that he was sent to the drunk farm (as he called it) because a chief at his old command didn't like that he was sitting on the chief's wife's lap at a party. I highly suspect now that wasn't the reason. After he was sent to another command (we were seperated for a couple of years at differrent bases before we got married), he was arrested for drunk and disorderly on Christmas Eve. I believed him when he told me it was because there was a ship in port and the shore patrol were being jerks.
Ah to have known then what I know now -- yet if I had, I wouldn't have my totally wonderful son and would have missed a lot of good times. Our 20th anniversary is coming up this year. This is why it is so damn hard.
Thanks for listening, guys. I need to get back to my work.
ETA - Brent, I have thought about Al-Anon, for both me and my son. There's a pretty big Alano club in a nearby city, too. I've also thought about getting back into the church. I know I didn't cause it, but I feel so helpless that I can't change it.