Codependency And Beyond - Part 10
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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Thanks ((Grateful)). They are out of samples, so will get some vitamins, with extra B vitamins and carry a jumbo size pack of stickie notes with me for now
I actually have gotten pretty good when I make lists. Went to a store the other night that wasn't ON my list, couldn't figure out why, then realized we don't DO that store any more...I'd just gotten in the habit of going there....sigh. Anvil laughed at me that I didn't follow my LIST!!!
It's thundering here, stepmom has gone to get Brit and pick us up some sandwiches. Dad got another trip...will be driving all night again. He took a 30-min nap and promised to drink an energy drink if he gets tired. I told him I just worry about him, and he said he appreciates that.
Talked to the guy we do the merchandising for..he wanted to know how things were going with me. He and his wife are hurting with all the contracts we lost, too, and he just had his 2nd shoulder operated on. However, he had to tell me how proud he is of me with my school stuff (he's my proctor from now on). I think I have a second dad, and his name is the same as my dad's!!
I slept for 11 hours! I shared the article with Anvil and she, too, was intrigued by the things it pointed out. I'm so excited to know that it's possible to re-train my mind, and have examples of how to do it!!! Makes me feel a little more "in control", and you KNOW that's something we codies just LOVE!!!!!
Tomorrow should be interesting. I haven't been in a mall in years. Can't wait, though..get to spend a whole day with "my kid"!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I actually have gotten pretty good when I make lists. Went to a store the other night that wasn't ON my list, couldn't figure out why, then realized we don't DO that store any more...I'd just gotten in the habit of going there....sigh. Anvil laughed at me that I didn't follow my LIST!!!It's thundering here, stepmom has gone to get Brit and pick us up some sandwiches. Dad got another trip...will be driving all night again. He took a 30-min nap and promised to drink an energy drink if he gets tired. I told him I just worry about him, and he said he appreciates that.
Talked to the guy we do the merchandising for..he wanted to know how things were going with me. He and his wife are hurting with all the contracts we lost, too, and he just had his 2nd shoulder operated on. However, he had to tell me how proud he is of me with my school stuff (he's my proctor from now on). I think I have a second dad, and his name is the same as my dad's!!
I slept for 11 hours! I shared the article with Anvil and she, too, was intrigued by the things it pointed out. I'm so excited to know that it's possible to re-train my mind, and have examples of how to do it!!! Makes me feel a little more "in control", and you KNOW that's something we codies just LOVE!!!!!
Tomorrow should be interesting. I haven't been in a mall in years. Can't wait, though..get to spend a whole day with "my kid"!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Amy, are you still taking B6? Try and find an anti-stress B-multi with the highest amount of B6 you can find..
11 hours!...I am glad
glad to hear about the extra paternal support
Extra prayers tonight for your dad...
11 hours!...I am glad
glad to hear about the extra paternal support
Extra prayers tonight for your dad...
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grrrr, just had an opportunity to take a trip to MN! However, got an e-mail from my cousin, there, and they are still VERY snowbound and the people who LIVE there aren't driving, so I know it's not safe or practical for ME to be driving up there.....darn it! Even dad agreed.
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
grrrr, just had an opportunity to take a trip to MN! However, got an e-mail from my cousin, there, and they are still VERY snowbound and the people who LIVE there aren't driving, so I know it's not safe or practical for ME to be driving up there.....darn it! Even dad agreed.
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((Amy)) sending prayers for your Dad for a safe trip too...
((Grateful)) looks like you are finally getting winter out there!!! Are you enjoying all that snow..We are suppose to get snow tonight too, but then back to rain supposedly tomorrow....
((Grateful)) looks like you are finally getting winter out there!!! Are you enjoying all that snow..We are suppose to get snow tonight too, but then back to rain supposedly tomorrow....
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Originally Posted by SerenityGirl
((Grateful)) looks like you are finally getting winter out there!!! Are you enjoying all that snow..We are suppose to get snow tonight too, but then back to rain supposedly tomorrow....
...and I am enjoying it...it warmed up today, just missed freezing rain:eek ...so got a bit more snow...
I have it easy compared to most who have to commute and drive in the darn stuff....got are the days when I have to slid into a stiff and cold car at seven in the morning, before scapping ice off the windshield.....ahh!
I live in downtown Ottawa and everything I need is within walking distance.....and I don't do the shoveling
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((Grateful)) glad you can ENJOY the snow!!
Just found out dad is taking ANOTHER trip as soon as he completes the other one....sigh. He won't listen to reason, and this will mean 40+ hours with no sleep, unless he can get a nap somewhere.
Brit was complaining about wanting all this money for Christmas shopping and how she "busts her ***working and deserves....." I'm going to remind her that dad and I ALSO work hard and we don't get to just go around and have fun. No, WE pay bills and bail her out when she runs out of money! I already told her that she will NOT be bailed out tomorrow...I don't have it. If she wants to spend $100 on a name brand item, and only has $200, well, she'll have to cut back somewhere.
I'm also reminding myself that I had the exact same attitude at her age...I just didn't "get it" about money. My money was for fun, and mom and dad were supposed to provide everything else. I learned otherwise, and so will she.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Just found out dad is taking ANOTHER trip as soon as he completes the other one....sigh. He won't listen to reason, and this will mean 40+ hours with no sleep, unless he can get a nap somewhere.
Brit was complaining about wanting all this money for Christmas shopping and how she "busts her ***working and deserves....." I'm going to remind her that dad and I ALSO work hard and we don't get to just go around and have fun. No, WE pay bills and bail her out when she runs out of money! I already told her that she will NOT be bailed out tomorrow...I don't have it. If she wants to spend $100 on a name brand item, and only has $200, well, she'll have to cut back somewhere.
I'm also reminding myself that I had the exact same attitude at her age...I just didn't "get it" about money. My money was for fun, and mom and dad were supposed to provide everything else. I learned otherwise, and so will she.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Amy, I gotta tell ya that I think of you every time my mom and brother and I go out to eat after church. My mom is notorious for her 15% tips. She has a little cheat sheet she looks at and leaves exactly what it says. I've seen her leave $3.35 or $5.37, no kidding. My brother and I do what we call "stealth tipping": we leave more money on the table after she's left so she won't see us. She's had fits before when we left more money, insisting she left "enough". But I remember my very brief stint as a waitress years ago and how I was no good at it and how tiny the tips were. My brother also waited tables for years and knows what it's like.
Lately mom has been really stingy with her tips. The bill for our dinner Sunday was $28. The 15% tip was $4.20. She then left three dollars on the table!!! I knew that wasn't enough and I asked her what the tip was on the cheat sheet. She told me and I asked her why she'd only left three dollars. She said, "cause I'm the boss and they're not getting all my money!" !!!!!!!!! WTF???? Brother and I left a good tip on the table after she got up, but I'm wondering if she's not 'losing it', as in early dementia.
We've argued with her about this before but she's getting worse by leaving less than the minimum tip. I think of you when brother and I leave our money, as the servers at our favorite restaurant run their butts off taking care of their customers. I'd be embarassed to death to go there if the only tip they got was mom's lousy ten percent.
I couldn't do that job, not without carrying a loaded gun for the nasty customers who complain and whine. LOL! I'd be telling them to go home and make their own damn dinner if they didn't like our service/food. So I think of you when we eat out on Sundays and always hope your customers aren't miserable tippers like my mom! (((hugs)))
Lately mom has been really stingy with her tips. The bill for our dinner Sunday was $28. The 15% tip was $4.20. She then left three dollars on the table!!! I knew that wasn't enough and I asked her what the tip was on the cheat sheet. She told me and I asked her why she'd only left three dollars. She said, "cause I'm the boss and they're not getting all my money!" !!!!!!!!! WTF???? Brother and I left a good tip on the table after she got up, but I'm wondering if she's not 'losing it', as in early dementia.
We've argued with her about this before but she's getting worse by leaving less than the minimum tip. I think of you when brother and I leave our money, as the servers at our favorite restaurant run their butts off taking care of their customers. I'd be embarassed to death to go there if the only tip they got was mom's lousy ten percent.
I couldn't do that job, not without carrying a loaded gun for the nasty customers who complain and whine. LOL! I'd be telling them to go home and make their own damn dinner if they didn't like our service/food. So I think of you when we eat out on Sundays and always hope your customers aren't miserable tippers like my mom! (((hugs)))
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You are reading from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
Feelings
December 15
It's okay to have and feel our feelings - all of them.
Years into recovery, we may still be battling with ourselves about this issue. Of all the prohibitions we've lived with, this one is potentially the most damaging and the most long-lived.
Many of us needed to shut down the emotional part of us to survive certain situations. We shut down the part of us that feels anger, sadness, fear, joy, and love. We may have turned off our sexual or sensual feelings too. Many of us lived in systems with people who refused to tolerate our emotions. We were shamed or reprimanded for expressing feelings, usually by people who were taught to repress their own.
But times have changed. It is okay now for us to acknowledge and accept our emotions. We don't need to allow our emotions to control us; neither do we need to rigidly repress our feelings. Our emotional center is a valuable part of us. It's connected to our physical well-being, our thinking, and our spirituality.
Our feelings are also connected to that greatest gift, instinct. They enable us to give and receive love.
We are neither weak nor deficient for indulging in our feelings. It means we're becoming healthy and whole.
Today, I will allow myself to recognize and accept whatever feelings pass through me. Without shame, I will tune in to the emotional part of myself.
Feelings
December 15
It's okay to have and feel our feelings - all of them.
Years into recovery, we may still be battling with ourselves about this issue. Of all the prohibitions we've lived with, this one is potentially the most damaging and the most long-lived.
Many of us needed to shut down the emotional part of us to survive certain situations. We shut down the part of us that feels anger, sadness, fear, joy, and love. We may have turned off our sexual or sensual feelings too. Many of us lived in systems with people who refused to tolerate our emotions. We were shamed or reprimanded for expressing feelings, usually by people who were taught to repress their own.
But times have changed. It is okay now for us to acknowledge and accept our emotions. We don't need to allow our emotions to control us; neither do we need to rigidly repress our feelings. Our emotional center is a valuable part of us. It's connected to our physical well-being, our thinking, and our spirituality.
Our feelings are also connected to that greatest gift, instinct. They enable us to give and receive love.
We are neither weak nor deficient for indulging in our feelings. It means we're becoming healthy and whole.
Today, I will allow myself to recognize and accept whatever feelings pass through me. Without shame, I will tune in to the emotional part of myself.
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect
Just found out dad is taking ANOTHER trip as soon as he completes the other one....sigh. He won't listen to reason, and this will mean 40+ hours with no sleep, unless he can get a nap somewhere.
when I am particularly concerned with someones safety...
I'm also reminding myself that I had the exact same attitude at her age...I just didn't "get it" about money. My money was for fun, and mom and dad were supposed to provide everything else. I learned otherwise, and so will she.
(((Least))) I am sorry you are having one of those days, hon...if it is possible, try and just be there for you as gently as possible...
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I don't know what's wrong with me. For about a week I've been back to feeling down, super tired on the weekend I slept until 11am or later, the past 2 days gone back to bed after I took my Daughter to school and slept until noon. Lots of headaches along with this exhaustion and sadness. Right now I could honestly go back to bed =(
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Originally Posted by Mariposa18
I don't know what's wrong with me. For about a week I've been back to feeling down, super tired on the weekend I slept until 11am or later, the past 2 days gone back to bed after I took my Daughter to school and slept until noon. Lots of headaches along with this exhaustion and sadness. Right now I could honestly go back to bed =(
Depression is anger turned inward.
Also, those headaches are probably stress-related but just to be safe, you might want to check with your doctor to make sure it is not physiological
Suz, I hope you get to feel better soon
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Mariposa, I struggle with depression too. At times, I get an overwhelming to go back to bed in the morning and pull up the covers. Or, I will feel like falling asleep in the middle of the day. I know now that it's depression creeping in again. Be kind to yourself.
Amy, B vitamins are quite amazing. I think it's sad that vitamins are so darn expensive. I continue to pray for your Dad and his tough schedule.
Amy, B vitamins are quite amazing. I think it's sad that vitamins are so darn expensive. I continue to pray for your Dad and his tough schedule.
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(((Least))) I'm glad you tip your servers well and think of me...how sweet!! Brit says she couldn't do my job, either!
Thanks for the prayers for dad. He actually got to come home, get some rest, the trip this morning was cancelled, then he got another one and was going to stop by to see my stepbrother.
Brit and I had a great, but long day. I have a confession..when she wanted to go to Macon, where I used, I wanted to look up an old "dope boy" but not for dope....he's a friend, very proud of me being clean and always took care of me. I talked about it with Brit, explained that we would NOT hang around..I just wanted to get his phone number, as I don't visit..just call. The "hood" has changed a lot...no more boys hanging around.
I found one guy, asked were N was, he was suspicious and said "not around". I asked where my XABF was and he said "he died a couple of weeks ago"!!!!! OMG! My heart just sunk. I pulled into the tire store, next door. I used to live in the little shack there. The owner didn't recognize me, so I had to tell him who I was, then he remembered. Apparently XABF either OD'd or bled internally. He died in a crack house.
I never did find N, got a number for his brother, left a message but no one called me back. Anvil had been trying to talk me out of doing this for good reason. She expressed her sympathy but said "now there is nothing for you down there...let it go". I'm sad. Though I know we would never be together again, I still loved him. Brit couldn't believe how "well" I was handling it, but I was numb. Later she asked if I was okay and I told her "I wonder if he knew he was dying? I'm thinking about his 3 boys who lost him years ago". I did show her all the places I'd stayed, and as they are all run down and ratty, I told her "this is how far down your aunt Amy went". She was pretty quiet and just said "wow". At NO TIME was she in danger, nor was I. We just drove through a 2-block area and left.
Turns out the one store we went down there for was closed and we ended up coming all the way back up here and going to the north side of Atlanta. We DID have a really good time and I am blessed that I CAN have this kind of day with "my kid". I've just got to feel these feelings and get through them.
As Tess/Anvil says "there, but for the Grace of God, go I".
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Thanks for the prayers for dad. He actually got to come home, get some rest, the trip this morning was cancelled, then he got another one and was going to stop by to see my stepbrother.
Brit and I had a great, but long day. I have a confession..when she wanted to go to Macon, where I used, I wanted to look up an old "dope boy" but not for dope....he's a friend, very proud of me being clean and always took care of me. I talked about it with Brit, explained that we would NOT hang around..I just wanted to get his phone number, as I don't visit..just call. The "hood" has changed a lot...no more boys hanging around.
I found one guy, asked were N was, he was suspicious and said "not around". I asked where my XABF was and he said "he died a couple of weeks ago"!!!!! OMG! My heart just sunk. I pulled into the tire store, next door. I used to live in the little shack there. The owner didn't recognize me, so I had to tell him who I was, then he remembered. Apparently XABF either OD'd or bled internally. He died in a crack house.
I never did find N, got a number for his brother, left a message but no one called me back. Anvil had been trying to talk me out of doing this for good reason. She expressed her sympathy but said "now there is nothing for you down there...let it go". I'm sad. Though I know we would never be together again, I still loved him. Brit couldn't believe how "well" I was handling it, but I was numb. Later she asked if I was okay and I told her "I wonder if he knew he was dying? I'm thinking about his 3 boys who lost him years ago". I did show her all the places I'd stayed, and as they are all run down and ratty, I told her "this is how far down your aunt Amy went". She was pretty quiet and just said "wow". At NO TIME was she in danger, nor was I. We just drove through a 2-block area and left.
Turns out the one store we went down there for was closed and we ended up coming all the way back up here and going to the north side of Atlanta. We DID have a really good time and I am blessed that I CAN have this kind of day with "my kid". I've just got to feel these feelings and get through them.
As Tess/Anvil says "there, but for the Grace of God, go I".
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
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thanks for the readings, I am still here=) I have a lot going on right now, both scheduling wise and emotionally. I've written 5 or 10 big posts lately only to delete them =) I am doing well, and I am totally submersed in my recovery right now, but what a trip this ride is when it picks up speeds haha.
I am looking forward to a post-holidays lull, I hope there is one!
"the baby" and my nephew on thanksgiving.
I am looking forward to a post-holidays lull, I hope there is one!
"the baby" and my nephew on thanksgiving.
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Location: Atlanta
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(((Lisa))) "the baby"" is gorgeous, and your nephew is adorable!!
I'm doing a little better, but I know I haven't processed grief overnight. I realized, last night I am also re-grieving the ex's mama, who's picture I look at every day because she gives me strength. She always told me she loved me, no matter what, and to take care of ME, no matter what he did....sigh.
BTW...how about pm'ing me and tell me how you posted the picture - I went to photobucket and can't get the "new and improved" program figured out!?!?! I clicked to copy the image thing, like I did, before, and it does NOTHING!
Will head out soon to do stores.
I'm glad you're working on your recovery...yes, it IS one heckuva ride but well worth it!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm doing a little better, but I know I haven't processed grief overnight. I realized, last night I am also re-grieving the ex's mama, who's picture I look at every day because she gives me strength. She always told me she loved me, no matter what, and to take care of ME, no matter what he did....sigh.
BTW...how about pm'ing me and tell me how you posted the picture - I went to photobucket and can't get the "new and improved" program figured out!?!?! I clicked to copy the image thing, like I did, before, and it does NOTHING!
Will head out soon to do stores.
I'm glad you're working on your recovery...yes, it IS one heckuva ride but well worth it!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
Taking Care Of Ourselves Emotionally
December 16
What does it mean to take care of myself emotionally? I recognize when I'm feeling angry, and I accept that feeling without shame or blame.
I recognize when I am feeling hurt, and I accept those feelings without attempting to punish the source of my pain. I recognize and feel fear when that emotion presents itself.
I allow myself to feel happiness, joy, and love when those emotions are available. Taking care of myself means I've made a decision that It's okay to feel.
Taking care of my emotions means I allow myself to stay with the feeling until it's time to release it and go on to the next one.
I recognize that sometimes my feelings can help point me toward reality, but but sometimes my feelings are deceptive. They are important, but I do not have to let them control me. I can feel, and think, too.
I talk to people about my feelings when that's appropriate and safe.
I reach out for help or guidance if I get stuck in a particular emotion.
I'm open to the lessons my emotions may be trying to teach me. After I feel, accept, and release the feeling, I ask myself what it is I want or need to do to take care of myself.
Taking care of myself emotionally means I value, treasure, explore, and cherish the emotional part of myself.
Today, I will take care of myself emotionally. I will be open to, and accepting of, the emotional part of myself and other people. I will strive for balance by combining emotions with reason, but I will not allow intellect to push the emotional part of myself away.
Taking Care Of Ourselves Emotionally
December 16
What does it mean to take care of myself emotionally? I recognize when I'm feeling angry, and I accept that feeling without shame or blame.
I recognize when I am feeling hurt, and I accept those feelings without attempting to punish the source of my pain. I recognize and feel fear when that emotion presents itself.
I allow myself to feel happiness, joy, and love when those emotions are available. Taking care of myself means I've made a decision that It's okay to feel.
Taking care of my emotions means I allow myself to stay with the feeling until it's time to release it and go on to the next one.
I recognize that sometimes my feelings can help point me toward reality, but but sometimes my feelings are deceptive. They are important, but I do not have to let them control me. I can feel, and think, too.
I talk to people about my feelings when that's appropriate and safe.
I reach out for help or guidance if I get stuck in a particular emotion.
I'm open to the lessons my emotions may be trying to teach me. After I feel, accept, and release the feeling, I ask myself what it is I want or need to do to take care of myself.
Taking care of myself emotionally means I value, treasure, explore, and cherish the emotional part of myself.
Today, I will take care of myself emotionally. I will be open to, and accepting of, the emotional part of myself and other people. I will strive for balance by combining emotions with reason, but I will not allow intellect to push the emotional part of myself away.
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