Codependency And Beyond - Part 10
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
You are reading from The Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie
December 12
GOD'S WILL
Each day, ask God what God wants us to do today; then ask God to help. A simple request, but so profound and far-reaching it can take us anywhere we need to go.
Listen: all that we want, all that we need, all the answers, all the help, all the good, all the love, all the healing, all the wisdom, all the fulfillment of desire is embodies in this simple request. We need say no more than Thank You.
This Plan that has been made for us is not one of deprivation. It is one of fullness, joy, and abundance. Walk into it.
See for yourself.
Today, I will ask God to show me what God wants me to do for today, and then ask for help to do that. I will trust that is sufficient to take me into light and joy.
December 12
GOD'S WILL
Each day, ask God what God wants us to do today; then ask God to help. A simple request, but so profound and far-reaching it can take us anywhere we need to go.
Listen: all that we want, all that we need, all the answers, all the help, all the good, all the love, all the healing, all the wisdom, all the fulfillment of desire is embodies in this simple request. We need say no more than Thank You.
This Plan that has been made for us is not one of deprivation. It is one of fullness, joy, and abundance. Walk into it.
See for yourself.
Today, I will ask God to show me what God wants me to do for today, and then ask for help to do that. I will trust that is sufficient to take me into light and joy.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Nice post Amy, hugs. Being back in this town is totally part of the plan. I am getting to reunite with friends I had 30 years ago, and ALL of us are/were so screwed up along the way its just amazing.
Annie, this week has been killer for me, because of MY downfall in front of/as it concerns my children. As I read your post I thought "I hope someday downfall is not the word she uses to describe this part of the journey". Of course then it hit me (in tears now=) that I have always called my bad night "the night of the fall", and truly, so much good has already come of it.
We cant see the purpose. In my case, I can hope that the parts of my utter shame and despair over what happened that still seem so negative will also turn out to be o.k. Specifically, it still hurts that my daughter was their to witness my fall, but there is every chance that she learned valuable lessons that night, and it is undeniable that because of that night I live a whole new kind of life, and it is bound to influence her in a positive way.
So for today I am grateful for all that I have, and all that I have learned. I am reminded that everything I am grateful for is a product of my experiences. A higher power far more knowing, forgiving and kind is at work in the lives of all of us, and who am I to doubt.
Off for a day of visits and celebrations, have a lovely Saturday!
Annie, this week has been killer for me, because of MY downfall in front of/as it concerns my children. As I read your post I thought "I hope someday downfall is not the word she uses to describe this part of the journey". Of course then it hit me (in tears now=) that I have always called my bad night "the night of the fall", and truly, so much good has already come of it.
We cant see the purpose. In my case, I can hope that the parts of my utter shame and despair over what happened that still seem so negative will also turn out to be o.k. Specifically, it still hurts that my daughter was their to witness my fall, but there is every chance that she learned valuable lessons that night, and it is undeniable that because of that night I live a whole new kind of life, and it is bound to influence her in a positive way.
So for today I am grateful for all that I have, and all that I have learned. I am reminded that everything I am grateful for is a product of my experiences. A higher power far more knowing, forgiving and kind is at work in the lives of all of us, and who am I to doubt.
Off for a day of visits and celebrations, have a lovely Saturday!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
(((Grateful)) I loved that reading by Deeprak Chopra on Surrender, thankyou, and yesterday's reading was good too...I like the part, Whatever we give energy to we empower, so we must remember to empower the good.
(((Least)) thankyou for your quote also.
(((Amy, Lisa)) I struggled with guilt also for things that happened when I was drinking, I have tried to make up for all that by staying sober and living the best that I can now...my problem now, I think is that I am always feeling I have to be there for my kids no matter what, which has made me feel too responsible for my kids happiness now, which isn't working of course...and is such codie behavior.
Yesterday my one daughter phoned me in the morning with her problems and the other one phoned last night all upset...that all totally drained me, but I want them to know I am there for them, God forbid if I'm not...at least I a better able to let it go and not dwell so much on their problems, I still do, but not for as long, so I am learning something..
(((Annie)) hugs and prayers..
(((Amy)) So glad you had a great visit yesterday with your friends, and I am happy that things worked out for your Dad..
(((Least)) thankyou for your quote also.
(((Amy, Lisa)) I struggled with guilt also for things that happened when I was drinking, I have tried to make up for all that by staying sober and living the best that I can now...my problem now, I think is that I am always feeling I have to be there for my kids no matter what, which has made me feel too responsible for my kids happiness now, which isn't working of course...and is such codie behavior.
Yesterday my one daughter phoned me in the morning with her problems and the other one phoned last night all upset...that all totally drained me, but I want them to know I am there for them, God forbid if I'm not...at least I a better able to let it go and not dwell so much on their problems, I still do, but not for as long, so I am learning something..
(((Annie)) hugs and prayers..
(((Amy)) So glad you had a great visit yesterday with your friends, and I am happy that things worked out for your Dad..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lisa)) and ((Annie)) - though this "Ralph", I think, is good for ALL of us, I particularly thought of you two when I read it.
I kept my using away from Brit, but she knew I wasn't around...she knew I was "out there" and never came home. She knew how much dad and stepmom worried about me. I WAS living at home when I relapsed and she was FURIOUS that I was out using and my dad was sitting here, crying. I would say, a year into my recovery, I still had a good deal of guilt.
But as time has gone by, I've watched her and seen how proud she is of me, and the lessons she's learned from MY mistake. The longer I stay clean, the longer she spouts off to others "well, my aunt was on crack and she got HER **** together, so don't tell ME it can't be done!!"..especially her "dad".
BTW, after I told her, the other night, what REALLY went on with the custody battle of her, she no longer wants to have any contact with her "dad" or his parents. Her "dad" is writing that he has $2000 set aside for her to get a car, but she has to come see him to get it. She's now saying "the heck with it...I don't want anything from him". She has a new respect for us.
Okay, here's "Ralph"
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Sweet, profound fulfillment
+++++++++++++++++++
Now is when your past mistakes can be corrected. Now is when
the disappointments can be transcended.
With positive thought, intention and action, you can
transform weakness into strength. With purpose, focus and
commitment, you can manifest dreams into reality.
There is a great abundance of energy available to you in
this very moment. For in this moment you are alive and
filled with the compelling desire to make a difference.
You long to exert your influence precisely because you can.
Your deepest purpose knows that this is its opportunity to
come to life.
Let go of the limitations that you have imagined. Allow your
best possibilities to emerge from your thoughts and efforts.
This is the moment where your most sincere expectations
become real. Expect sweet, profound fulfillment and
experience yourself making it happen.
Ralph Marston
.....................................
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I kept my using away from Brit, but she knew I wasn't around...she knew I was "out there" and never came home. She knew how much dad and stepmom worried about me. I WAS living at home when I relapsed and she was FURIOUS that I was out using and my dad was sitting here, crying. I would say, a year into my recovery, I still had a good deal of guilt.
But as time has gone by, I've watched her and seen how proud she is of me, and the lessons she's learned from MY mistake. The longer I stay clean, the longer she spouts off to others "well, my aunt was on crack and she got HER **** together, so don't tell ME it can't be done!!"..especially her "dad".
BTW, after I told her, the other night, what REALLY went on with the custody battle of her, she no longer wants to have any contact with her "dad" or his parents. Her "dad" is writing that he has $2000 set aside for her to get a car, but she has to come see him to get it. She's now saying "the heck with it...I don't want anything from him". She has a new respect for us.
Okay, here's "Ralph"
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Sweet, profound fulfillment
+++++++++++++++++++
Now is when your past mistakes can be corrected. Now is when
the disappointments can be transcended.
With positive thought, intention and action, you can
transform weakness into strength. With purpose, focus and
commitment, you can manifest dreams into reality.
There is a great abundance of energy available to you in
this very moment. For in this moment you are alive and
filled with the compelling desire to make a difference.
You long to exert your influence precisely because you can.
Your deepest purpose knows that this is its opportunity to
come to life.
Let go of the limitations that you have imagined. Allow your
best possibilities to emerge from your thoughts and efforts.
This is the moment where your most sincere expectations
become real. Expect sweet, profound fulfillment and
experience yourself making it happen.
Ralph Marston
.....................................
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((SG)) - BTW, I LOVE today's reading. I think this is what has helped me, the most, lately to remain so calm...that I know there is a plan and even though I don't know what it IS, whenever I've done my part, things have turned out okay. Things don't always go GOOD, but even when they are bad, I get through and am stronger for it. The best part is, for all of what I consider the bad stuff that's happened to me in my life? I can reach out and help someone else going through it further down the line.
If it wasn't for ((Grateful)) and ((Anna)) and their ES&H about PTSD, I don't know what I would do. I hate that they HAVE it, but they, and another friend, here, have always been at the other end of my computer or blackberry when I'm struggling, and that is worth more than a million dollars in my checking account.
Dad told me, the other day, that I'm probably Brit's "favorite person". I told him that's because I listened and learned from all the people here and I WORKED at having a good relationship with her.
I tell myself, a zillion times a day, two things: what my mom-Kay always tells me, "God has you in the palm of His hand" and "this is part of the plan...just do your part". For some reason, it's finally sunk in
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
If it wasn't for ((Grateful)) and ((Anna)) and their ES&H about PTSD, I don't know what I would do. I hate that they HAVE it, but they, and another friend, here, have always been at the other end of my computer or blackberry when I'm struggling, and that is worth more than a million dollars in my checking account.
Dad told me, the other day, that I'm probably Brit's "favorite person". I told him that's because I listened and learned from all the people here and I WORKED at having a good relationship with her.
I tell myself, a zillion times a day, two things: what my mom-Kay always tells me, "God has you in the palm of His hand" and "this is part of the plan...just do your part". For some reason, it's finally sunk in
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Hi all, just got back from spending the day with my daughter...it was wonderful!
I am so grateful for the healing that is taking place between us...God is good..
I love Deeprak Chopra, I have quite a few of his books and so I was glad to find something that was codie-related..
Lisa
...I loved your share..I understand....it is hard but I know you will find your way to gentle forgiveness.
Amy Thank you so much for Ralph!
I am glad you are getting a break from the hot flashes....mine were gone for quite a while, then they came back for a while, now they are gone again
SG Thank you for the "Language reading! Trying to shed the feeling that I should always be there for my daughter and the guilt that goes with them, no matter, what took a long time for this codie...be gentle with yourself, SG..you "know" where you need to be, but the emotionally healing takes time,hugs.. you know I am up for a good yack whenever...we can trade stories
Marigold
I miss our thanks button, hope its back soon...
I am so grateful for the healing that is taking place between us...God is good..
I love Deeprak Chopra, I have quite a few of his books and so I was glad to find something that was codie-related..
Lisa
...I loved your share..I understand....it is hard but I know you will find your way to gentle forgiveness.Amy Thank you so much for Ralph!
I am glad you are getting a break from the hot flashes....mine were gone for quite a while, then they came back for a while, now they are gone again
SG Thank you for the "Language reading! Trying to shed the feeling that I should always be there for my daughter and the guilt that goes with them, no matter, what took a long time for this codie...be gentle with yourself, SG..you "know" where you need to be, but the emotionally healing takes time,hugs.. you know I am up for a good yack whenever...we can trade stories
Marigold
I miss our thanks button, hope its back soon...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Amy, I know how hard it is for you to deal with Brit sometimes, but she is so blessed to have you in her life. And, Amy, I think that just being aware of PTSD being in your life, is so important. Before I knew what it was, I would think that I was losing my mind because that was how it felt to me. MG posted this a long time ago. Its long, but it helped me so much with PTSD. Basically it says that you have almost 90 seconds when a memory hits, to decide to dismiss it, before it takes over your mind and body. I use that tool all the time. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html
The guilt that goes with being an addict and a mother is huge. My daughter was 16 when I began to drink and 19 when I became sober, and my son was two years older. He was gentle and forgiving, always. My daughter was judgemental and extremely angrey, full of rage toward me. It took a lot of time and effort to get to a good place with her. I think there will always be regret on my part for what I did, but I try to not focus on it.
Grateful, I am SO glad that you and your daughter are enjoying time together and healing.
The guilt that goes with being an addict and a mother is huge. My daughter was 16 when I began to drink and 19 when I became sober, and my son was two years older. He was gentle and forgiving, always. My daughter was judgemental and extremely angrey, full of rage toward me. It took a lot of time and effort to get to a good place with her. I think there will always be regret on my part for what I did, but I try to not focus on it.
Grateful, I am SO glad that you and your daughter are enjoying time together and healing.
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Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Anna)))-thanks for the link. If I can get through posting this withough falling asleep, I will read it, otherwise will read it tomorrow.
I am running out of anti-d's, been taking them every-other day and though I'm not sinking into the depreseion like I did the LAST time, I'm sure enough turning back into a scatterbrain!! Luckily, haven't made any major mistakes at work, just ended up having to mop the same floor twice, as I drained water from the steamer pan onto to it twice
I got a good reminder in gratitude, tonight. I have a new regular..a homeless guy named Bobby. He's neat, respsectful, always says he'll pay for what he orders, though I don't charge him for drinks or anything like side items that I can get without my mgr know knowing. He came in tonight..I had seen him on my way to work, standing out on the street, holding up a sign.
He has colon cancer, has been through chemo/radiation and has to have a colostomy next month. I flat-out asked him if he had a home and he says he has a "dry spot" -2 sleeping bags and a tent to use where he stays, under the bridge. No "poor me" in his voice..just matter of fact. the VA is trying to find him a place. He pays, immediately, when I bring his food and makes sure there's a couple extra dollars there for me (he gets some social security and is trying for disability)
He had some sunglasses, tags still on them, and insisted I get a pair..told him I WORK with sunglasses in my 2nd job and have plenty but he insisted and paicked out a pair that he thought wouldlook good on me. I tried them on and he grinned and said "oh HE!! yeah! The table nearby had ovbiously heard of covnversation because they just grinned at his reaction to my taking the sunglasses. I'm the only one whoever asks the name of our homeless people who seem to come in for a few weeks, then we never see them again. I'd rather not charge him anything, but I can tell he is the kind of man that would be offended so I just charge him the least amount possible.
At one time, I would have worried myself sick, figuring a way to rescue Bobby. Tonight I said a prayer for him, made sure he was fed and warm in our restaurant, and if I make enough $$ after taking care of MY stuff, I think I'll go by walmart and by him a pair of extra warm socks or something inexpensive but practical.
Well, I DID fall asleep while typing this. Woke up with the laptop on my lap...am completing this 5 hours later Just got Mots inside and am now going back to sleep.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I am running out of anti-d's, been taking them every-other day and though I'm not sinking into the depreseion like I did the LAST time, I'm sure enough turning back into a scatterbrain!! Luckily, haven't made any major mistakes at work, just ended up having to mop the same floor twice, as I drained water from the steamer pan onto to it twice
I got a good reminder in gratitude, tonight. I have a new regular..a homeless guy named Bobby. He's neat, respsectful, always says he'll pay for what he orders, though I don't charge him for drinks or anything like side items that I can get without my mgr know knowing. He came in tonight..I had seen him on my way to work, standing out on the street, holding up a sign.
He has colon cancer, has been through chemo/radiation and has to have a colostomy next month. I flat-out asked him if he had a home and he says he has a "dry spot" -2 sleeping bags and a tent to use where he stays, under the bridge. No "poor me" in his voice..just matter of fact. the VA is trying to find him a place. He pays, immediately, when I bring his food and makes sure there's a couple extra dollars there for me (he gets some social security and is trying for disability)
He had some sunglasses, tags still on them, and insisted I get a pair..told him I WORK with sunglasses in my 2nd job and have plenty but he insisted and paicked out a pair that he thought wouldlook good on me. I tried them on and he grinned and said "oh HE!! yeah! The table nearby had ovbiously heard of covnversation because they just grinned at his reaction to my taking the sunglasses. I'm the only one whoever asks the name of our homeless people who seem to come in for a few weeks, then we never see them again. I'd rather not charge him anything, but I can tell he is the kind of man that would be offended so I just charge him the least amount possible.
At one time, I would have worried myself sick, figuring a way to rescue Bobby. Tonight I said a prayer for him, made sure he was fed and warm in our restaurant, and if I make enough $$ after taking care of MY stuff, I think I'll go by walmart and by him a pair of extra warm socks or something inexpensive but practical.
Well, I DID fall asleep while typing this. Woke up with the laptop on my lap...am completing this 5 hours later
Just got Mots inside and am now going back to sleep.Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
You are reading from The Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie
December 13
GIVING
Don't be afraid of giving.
For a while, we may need to back off from giving as we learn to discern the difference between healthy giving and caretaking, which leaves us feeling victimized and others feeling resentful.
This is a temporary spot.
To be healthy, to do our part in this spiritual way of life, to be part of the endless cycle of the Universe, guided by our creator, we need to give and receive.
Both parts are important.
What is healthy giving?
This is a fine-lined behavior each of us must seek to understand for ourselves. It is giving that feels good and does not leave us feeling victimized.
It is giving that holds the giver and the receiver in high esteem.
It is giving based on a desire to do it rather than from a sense of guilt, pity, shame, or obligation.
It is giving with no strings attached. Or it is giving based on a clean, direct contract.
Whether it is giving of our time, efforts, energy, comfort, nurturing, money, or ourselves, it is giving that we can afford.
Giving is part of the chain of giving and receiving. We can learn to give in healthy ways; we can learn to give in love. We need to keep an eye on our giving, to make sure it has not crossed the line into caretaking. But we need to learn to give in ways that work for us and others.
Today, God, guide me in my giving. Help me give to others in healthy ways. Help me give what feels right, what feels good, what feels clean, and I can afford.
December 13
GIVING
Don't be afraid of giving.
For a while, we may need to back off from giving as we learn to discern the difference between healthy giving and caretaking, which leaves us feeling victimized and others feeling resentful.
This is a temporary spot.
To be healthy, to do our part in this spiritual way of life, to be part of the endless cycle of the Universe, guided by our creator, we need to give and receive.
Both parts are important.
What is healthy giving?
This is a fine-lined behavior each of us must seek to understand for ourselves. It is giving that feels good and does not leave us feeling victimized.
It is giving that holds the giver and the receiver in high esteem.
It is giving based on a desire to do it rather than from a sense of guilt, pity, shame, or obligation.
It is giving with no strings attached. Or it is giving based on a clean, direct contract.
Whether it is giving of our time, efforts, energy, comfort, nurturing, money, or ourselves, it is giving that we can afford.
Giving is part of the chain of giving and receiving. We can learn to give in healthy ways; we can learn to give in love. We need to keep an eye on our giving, to make sure it has not crossed the line into caretaking. But we need to learn to give in ways that work for us and others.
Today, God, guide me in my giving. Help me give to others in healthy ways. Help me give what feels right, what feels good, what feels clean, and I can afford.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
(((Grateful)) I am happy for you that you and your daughter had a wonderful day together.
(((Amy)) That is so sweet that you are helping out Bobby, there is a fellow I know too, Ernie, he's not homeless, but he is a serious alcoholic and has cancer also..I always make sure I stop and talk to him and ask how he's doing...
(((Amy)) That is so sweet that you are helping out Bobby, there is a fellow I know too, Ernie, he's not homeless, but he is a serious alcoholic and has cancer also..I always make sure I stop and talk to him and ask how he's doing...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 346
((((Everyone))) Thank you always for your gentle, wise counsel when I rant here. It is truly the only place I can go where I feel heard, understood, not judged...but counseled to keep the faith and keep the healing process going.
I'm sorry I can't add my thumbs up to a lot of the readings, but for some reason that button is missing from my page.
I went to my school Christmas party last night. Mostly boring...but found out that that football coach who verbally attacked me in the hall a couple of months ago is going blind. Apparently the ms he has is attacking his eyesight and he asked another teacher (who shared this with me) "What kind of job can I get if I go blind?"
Things kind of fell into perspective for me....and it made me really hold on to the quote my daughter read to me which goes something like this:
"Be extra kind, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." Plato
I like that.
Love you all
Annie
I'm sorry I can't add my thumbs up to a lot of the readings, but for some reason that button is missing from my page.
I went to my school Christmas party last night. Mostly boring...but found out that that football coach who verbally attacked me in the hall a couple of months ago is going blind. Apparently the ms he has is attacking his eyesight and he asked another teacher (who shared this with me) "What kind of job can I get if I go blind?"
Things kind of fell into perspective for me....and it made me really hold on to the quote my daughter read to me which goes something like this:
"Be extra kind, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." Plato
I like that.
Love you all
Annie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Annie)) - my "thank you" button is gone, too. That's sad about that coach, and I love the quote your daughter told you...so true.
((SG)) I love today's reading. Giving, for me, IS still an "iffy" thing - sometimes I can see that I'm doing it because I'm expecting something in return, but I'm getting better at recognizing it and don't do it as often.
I actually grew up, MUCH happier at giving than recieving. My favorite Christmas was the year that I could surprise my mom with several of these little collector bunnies (we still have them, thanks to stepmom)...I had made her a cabbage patch doll, had a bunny in her lap, and had given her a few other gifts, each one had a bunny along with it. At the time, they were about $20 each..now they are around $100? To see the delight in her face was the greatest gift I could have received...I didn't care if I got ANYTHING!!!
I'm still like that..dad has a hard time trying to get me anything for Christmas, so I will come up with one thing I want Brit, of course, has a long list, but she's already told me I didn't have to give her anything because she knows my money situation.
I love to give from the heart. Once I learned to let go of expectations, giving is like giving MYSELF a gift!
I forgot to mention that in the first few hours at work, yesterday, we had the "old" crew...those of us who have been there forever. I was in the section everyone hates, and I wasn't complaining; even the menopausal maniac was in a good mood. I mentioned "hey, we've got the old crew here, isn't this GREAT!!!" We laughed, joked, and there was NO bickering or fighting over tables. Anvil says my good mood is wearing off on everyone...I don't know that I'm that powerful, but I'm doing my part!
I go in today, with a guy from 1st shift who is a royal pain in the butt. I've talked to my mgr and my boss about him, and am going to set some boundaries when I get there. He'll either work WITH me and the rest of us, or he's going to have a bad day. THIS recovering codie has her purple hula hoop fully intact, and she is NOT in the mood to deal with chaos!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((SG)) I love today's reading. Giving, for me, IS still an "iffy" thing - sometimes I can see that I'm doing it because I'm expecting something in return, but I'm getting better at recognizing it and don't do it as often.
I actually grew up, MUCH happier at giving than recieving. My favorite Christmas was the year that I could surprise my mom with several of these little collector bunnies (we still have them, thanks to stepmom)...I had made her a cabbage patch doll, had a bunny in her lap, and had given her a few other gifts, each one had a bunny along with it. At the time, they were about $20 each..now they are around $100? To see the delight in her face was the greatest gift I could have received...I didn't care if I got ANYTHING!!!
I'm still like that..dad has a hard time trying to get me anything for Christmas, so I will come up with one thing I want
Brit, of course, has a long list, but she's already told me I didn't have to give her anything because she knows my money situation.I love to give from the heart. Once I learned to let go of expectations, giving is like giving MYSELF a gift!
I forgot to mention that in the first few hours at work, yesterday, we had the "old" crew...those of us who have been there forever. I was in the section everyone hates, and I wasn't complaining; even the menopausal maniac was in a good mood. I mentioned "hey, we've got the old crew here, isn't this GREAT!!!" We laughed, joked, and there was NO bickering or fighting over tables. Anvil says my good mood is wearing off on everyone...I don't know that I'm that powerful, but I'm doing my part!
I go in today, with a guy from 1st shift who is a royal pain in the butt. I've talked to my mgr and my boss about him, and am going to set some boundaries when I get there. He'll either work WITH me and the rest of us, or he's going to have a bad day. THIS recovering codie has her purple hula hoop fully intact, and she is NOT in the mood to deal with chaos!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 346
Love the giving reading for today. I have been so struggling with that one...because much of my codie behavior has been controlling people through giving...and then feeling martyred when I don't get what I want back.
So, I've been trying to withhold doing things with strings attached...but that feels too selfish.
Finding that balance is difficult.
Annie
So, I've been trying to withhold doing things with strings attached...but that feels too selfish.
Finding that balance is difficult.
Annie
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
((Annie)) I know what you mean, I struggle with finding a balance too..I have to really think about it before I do something for someone to make sure I have the right motives..it has always been hard for me to say no, because I am a people pleaser..I am trying to learn to give from my heart not just to make myself feel better or because I feel guilty...
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
Clear Thinking
December 14
Strive for clear thinking. Many of us have had our thinking clouded by denial. Some of us have even lost faith in ourselves because we've spent a degree of time in denial. But losing faith in our thinking isn't going to help us. What we need to lose faith in is denial.
We didn't resort to denial - either of someone else's problem or our own - because we were deficient. Denial, the shock absorber for the soul, protects us until we are equipped to cope with reality.
Clear thinking and recovery don't mean we will never resort to denial. Denial is the first step toward acceptance, and for most of our life, we will be striving to accept something.
Clear thinking means we don't allow ourselves to become immersed in negative or unrealistic expectations. We stay connected to other recovering people. We go to our meetings, where peace of mind and realistic supports are made available. We work the Steps, pray, and meditate.
We keep our thinking on track by asking our Higher Power to help us think clearly - not by expecting Him, or someone else to do our thinking for us.
Today, I will strive for balanced, clear thought in all areas of my life.
Clear Thinking
December 14
Strive for clear thinking. Many of us have had our thinking clouded by denial. Some of us have even lost faith in ourselves because we've spent a degree of time in denial. But losing faith in our thinking isn't going to help us. What we need to lose faith in is denial.
We didn't resort to denial - either of someone else's problem or our own - because we were deficient. Denial, the shock absorber for the soul, protects us until we are equipped to cope with reality.
Clear thinking and recovery don't mean we will never resort to denial. Denial is the first step toward acceptance, and for most of our life, we will be striving to accept something.
Clear thinking means we don't allow ourselves to become immersed in negative or unrealistic expectations. We stay connected to other recovering people. We go to our meetings, where peace of mind and realistic supports are made available. We work the Steps, pray, and meditate.
We keep our thinking on track by asking our Higher Power to help us think clearly - not by expecting Him, or someone else to do our thinking for us.
Today, I will strive for balanced, clear thought in all areas of my life.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
SG, thank you for the reading, and thank you for supporting me and doing the readings on the weekend...I appreciate it so much hugs..
I have always been very free in my giving, Altruistic is a word you could use to describe an aspect of my nature..it has been a challenge to separate the good bits of my giving from my codie people pleasing ways
Anna, that link on PTSD was amazing, thank you!
Annie, that is one of my favorite quotes, thank you..I am sorry for the coach..there but for the grace of God/Higher Power go I...and yet I also believe that he will experience many blessings through his journey with losing his sight.
Amy, I have a great visual of you striding into work with your purple hula hoop a -swinging, a determined look in your eye and a trail of sparkles swirling behind ...lol
I have always been very free in my giving, Altruistic is a word you could use to describe an aspect of my nature..it has been a challenge to separate the good bits of my giving from my codie people pleasing ways
Anna, that link on PTSD was amazing, thank you!
Annie, that is one of my favorite quotes, thank you..I am sorry for the coach..there but for the grace of God/Higher Power go I...and yet I also believe that he will experience many blessings through his journey with losing his sight.
Amy, I have a great visual of you striding into work with your purple hula hoop a -swinging, a determined look in your eye and a trail of sparkles swirling behind ...lol
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Anna)) I agree with ((Grateful)) - just finished the link to that article on PTSD and it WAS amazing. I'm still laughing about the spray wand at the car washing causing a skull fracture, though - that would be me
So the jerk didn't work today..yippeee!! He got someone else to work for him, someone I like and the guy who verbally abused me also worked, but we are getting along okay now. I e-mailed Anvil, at some point, alll down and out about not making enough money. I e-mailed her again, when I got home and gave her permission to smack me the next time I do that...when will I learn?!?!? I HAVE ENOUGH!!! Sheez!!!
I wanted to make $100. After 4 hours, I was a long, long way from that..saw no chance of getting even close. After my last table, I had $99. J has been on good behavior, asked how much I would charge him to roll all the silverware and take him home, I said "$10" and he handed it to me
I did look up at the sky, say "Thanks, I appreciate it"!!
I've been really, really tired. Figure I need to add a multi-vitamin to my daily regimen. I'm low on my anti-d, have about 3 left and forgot to put them in my purse, so don't know how many days I've missed because I'm a scatterbrain again. I'm not going through the severe depression/anxiety I went through the last time I ran out of them, so had considered just staying off of them and seeing if the scatterbrain stuff gets better.
However, after reading that article, I'm thinking that's not such a good idea. My dr. thinks I need to be on it, and I need to stop thinking I know more than him. I go to sleep, easy enough, but wake up early, can't concentrate, and a few other symptoms of "low serotonin" so will call him today to see if they have some more samples.
I think it's a resentment - I resent the fact that I have to take a medicine to be "normal" because of the stupid robbery. I'm going to start using the suggestions in the article, though...my mind is already spinning.
Work was pretty good, overall. A had a party of 10, with a lot of kids who had just come from Chuck-E-Cheese. As much as I love kids, these were horrible. They were right next to MY party and I had to do some evasive maneuvers, carrying trays of food and drinks. The parents didn't seem to mind that their kids were running all over, crawling on the floor, etc. One little girl, about 3, tipped over in her chair, then was swinging from the bars we have around that section of the dining room. I told her to stop...mom glared at me and I said "these bars can come loose and end up on her head...I'm trying to protect your child". She calmed down and said thank you. I have NEVER been so glad to see kids leave in my life!
Bobby didn't come in tonight, and he wasn't at the exit ramp. I think I have enough $$ to get his socks after buying myself a new bra. Got school and the credit card paid.
I was outside, a cop drove by on the other side of the 4-lane highway, hit the "woot-honk-honk" siren thingie and scared the heck out of me..I waved. He went up, made a u-turn and pulled into our parking lot, and I yelled "you scared me to death!" I thought he was going through the drive thru, but he just drove through the parking lot....keeping an eye on us. Very comforting.
Elvis is laying on me, purring away. I get today to rest, tomorrow I take Brit Christmas shopping and am looking forward to it. That girl is my heart...can't put it into words, how much that kid means to me.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
So the jerk didn't work today..yippeee!! He got someone else to work for him, someone I like and the guy who verbally abused me also worked, but we are getting along okay now. I e-mailed Anvil, at some point, alll down and out about not making enough money. I e-mailed her again, when I got home and gave her permission to smack me the next time I do that...when will I learn?!?!? I HAVE ENOUGH!!! Sheez!!!
I wanted to make $100. After 4 hours, I was a long, long way from that..saw no chance of getting even close. After my last table, I had $99. J has been on good behavior, asked how much I would charge him to roll all the silverware and take him home, I said "$10" and he handed it to me
I did look up at the sky, say "Thanks, I appreciate it"!!
I've been really, really tired. Figure I need to add a multi-vitamin to my daily regimen. I'm low on my anti-d, have about 3 left and forgot to put them in my purse, so don't know how many days I've missed because I'm a scatterbrain again. I'm not going through the severe depression/anxiety I went through the last time I ran out of them, so had considered just staying off of them and seeing if the scatterbrain stuff gets better.
However, after reading that article, I'm thinking that's not such a good idea. My dr. thinks I need to be on it, and I need to stop thinking I know more than him. I go to sleep, easy enough, but wake up early, can't concentrate, and a few other symptoms of "low serotonin" so will call him today to see if they have some more samples.
I think it's a resentment - I resent the fact that I have to take a medicine to be "normal" because of the stupid robbery. I'm going to start using the suggestions in the article, though...my mind is already spinning.
Work was pretty good, overall. A had a party of 10, with a lot of kids who had just come from Chuck-E-Cheese. As much as I love kids, these were horrible. They were right next to MY party and I had to do some evasive maneuvers, carrying trays of food and drinks. The parents didn't seem to mind that their kids were running all over, crawling on the floor, etc. One little girl, about 3, tipped over in her chair, then was swinging from the bars we have around that section of the dining room. I told her to stop...mom glared at me and I said "these bars can come loose and end up on her head...I'm trying to protect your child". She calmed down and said thank you. I have NEVER been so glad to see kids leave in my life!
Bobby didn't come in tonight, and he wasn't at the exit ramp. I think I have enough $$ to get his socks after buying myself a new bra. Got school and the credit card paid.
I was outside, a cop drove by on the other side of the 4-lane highway, hit the "woot-honk-honk" siren thingie and scared the heck out of me..I waved. He went up, made a u-turn and pulled into our parking lot, and I yelled "you scared me to death!" I thought he was going through the drive thru, but he just drove through the parking lot....keeping an eye on us. Very comforting.
Elvis is laying on me, purring away. I get today to rest, tomorrow I take Brit Christmas shopping and am looking forward to it. That girl is my heart...can't put it into words, how much that kid means to me.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
I'm low on my anti-d, have about 3 left and forgot to put them in my purse, so don't know how many days I've missed because I'm a scatterbrain again. I'm not going through the severe depression/anxiety I went through the last time I ran out of them, so had considered just staying off of them and seeing if the scatterbrain stuff gets better.
However, after reading that article, I'm thinking that's not such a good idea. My dr. thinks I need to be on it, and I need to stop thinking I know more than him. I go to sleep, easy enough, but wake up early, can't concentrate, and a few other symptoms of "low serotonin" so will call him today to see if they have some more samples.
I think it's a resentment - I resent the fact that I have to take a medicine to be "normal" because of the stupid robbery. I'm going to start using the suggestions in the article, though...my mind is already spinning.
As for the learning curve on PTSD...I have had it many years, and I, too struggle with the med thing, especially since my choice was always alternative, first. It was hard...It is one thing to take the meds and another thing to appreciate the breadth and depth of PTSD on our lives...
I now realize this and I am still learning so much about it and me
Have a lovely day with Brit
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