Codependency And Beyond - Part 10
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Welcome Jane!!!! sounds like you do belong here..Congrats on your 125 days!!!
I don't know if my higher power is trying to teach me to slow down and take care of myself better or what...the last week I have been having dizzy spells, then last night it got really bad, my H phoned 911 and I was taken to the hospital and they checked me out and finally figures out my problem...I have benign positional Vertigo....I was thankful it wasn't something more serious. But this is pretty scarey anyway, I'm not allowed to drive for at least a week..The doctor told me that for most people it goes away after a couple of weeks, but for some it is ongoing and can be very debilitating. So I'm hoping for the best here..its so weird because the last few days I was starting to feel overwhelmed with things again and feeling like I had to be there for everyone again..so I have to take it real easy for now, no choice...which is probably good for me..
I don't know if my higher power is trying to teach me to slow down and take care of myself better or what...the last week I have been having dizzy spells, then last night it got really bad, my H phoned 911 and I was taken to the hospital and they checked me out and finally figures out my problem...I have benign positional Vertigo....I was thankful it wasn't something more serious. But this is pretty scarey anyway, I'm not allowed to drive for at least a week..The doctor told me that for most people it goes away after a couple of weeks, but for some it is ongoing and can be very debilitating. So I'm hoping for the best here..its so weird because the last few days I was starting to feel overwhelmed with things again and feeling like I had to be there for everyone again..so I have to take it real easy for now, no choice...which is probably good for me..
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Join Date: Sep 2007
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((SG)) - wow, the vertigo can be scary - I'm glad you got checked out!! I'm hoping it's a "one-time thing", and glad that you are taking care of you.
((Grateful)) - so, is it a codie trait that some of us don't take our health issues seriously until we don't have much of a choice, or are some of us just stubborn?
I hope the fibrofog lifts soon, and your shoulder and knee continue to heal.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Grateful)) - so, is it a codie trait that some of us don't take our health issues seriously until we don't have much of a choice, or are some of us just stubborn?
I hope the fibrofog lifts soon, and your shoulder and knee continue to heal.Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Amy, I don't know, in my case if it was so much a codie trait as just plain stubborn,arrogant, oblivious about my bodies needs....I have had a very physically active life...riding horses over 5 foot fences at an extended canter, mucking out 40 box stalls at 6 in the morning, and carrying 50 lb feed bags to mention only a few...I was arrogant in that I had too much will and tore off expecting my body to follow..lol...
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Originally Posted by grateful2b 
Amy, I don't know, in my case if it was so much a codie trait as just plain stubborn,arrogant, oblivious about my bodies needs....I have had a very physically active life...riding horses over 5 foot fences at an extended canter, mucking out 40 box stalls at 6 in the morning, and carrying 50 lb feed bags to mention only a few...I was arrogant in that I had too much will and tore off expecting my body to follow..lol...
Today, not doing sick well is, in my case, totally codie. I just realized earlier that I didn't realize that my PTSD was triggered a little by my half-awake-middle-of-the-night fall and I am only just now feeling my feelings, feeling teary...I think when it happened, it scared me a little and I shut down..gonna think on this some more...
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(((Grateful))) - I never appreciated my body, either. I was the one who was taught good "body mechanics" in lifting/turning patients in nursing school but never actually DID it. Now, I'm paying for it.
I also realize that I feel the PTSD has "betrayed" the one thing I thought WASN'T affected by the years of not taking care of me....my mind. I could say it's just "age" but it's only been in the past year that I've had to rely on lists and sticky notes like a lifeline for everyday things.
I do believe most of it, in MY case, is codie-based, as I am stubborn, have always been stubborn and not one to ask for help. I'm now facing the fact that my body, and my mind, have limitations and that I have to accept it...some days easier than others.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I also realize that I feel the PTSD has "betrayed" the one thing I thought WASN'T affected by the years of not taking care of me....my mind. I could say it's just "age" but it's only been in the past year that I've had to rely on lists and sticky notes like a lifeline for everyday things.
I do believe most of it, in MY case, is codie-based, as I am stubborn, have always been stubborn and not one to ask for help. I'm now facing the fact that my body, and my mind, have limitations and that I have to accept it...some days easier than others.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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oh, hugs, Grateful!
I call my trait "understating" pain and etc...but your story is just about mine.
And, Amy, I so hear you too....and the thing with the PTSD (understandable also for you Grateful)....I hate that! I hate that it takes my mind. I was intelligent had alot of interests, a great vocabulary...now, my memory fails me so badly, it's humiliating to me!
I did learn from you though...to do the lists! Thank you.
I have lost so many memories! But the thing that bothers me the most personally is the loss of words, my vocabulary.
Welcome Jane!
I call my trait "understating" pain and etc...but your story is just about mine.
And, Amy, I so hear you too....and the thing with the PTSD (understandable also for you Grateful)....I hate that! I hate that it takes my mind. I was intelligent had alot of interests, a great vocabulary...now, my memory fails me so badly, it's humiliating to me!
I did learn from you though...to do the lists! Thank you.
I have lost so many memories! But the thing that bothers me the most personally is the loss of words, my vocabulary.
Welcome Jane!
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This discussion has been extremely helpful for me, thank you...
since sharing with you about this, I have realized something very important that ties in with issues around aging and living with disabilities..
I have long ago accepted how my health issues have changed my life, but this fall shook me on so many levels...
It frightened me that a fall could hurt and traumatize me 'so much'...The fibro reacts to the trauma in a total body way...my body went into shock and so did my feelings, with my ptsd on their heels...I have being in denial of how I feel about been taken out so totally by a fall and refusing to recognize how scared and helpless I was feeling and about what this meant for me in my life at this point..still processing it...
Today, for the first time, all of the confusion, denial, and body-shock have lifted...I have more energy, more residual pain, and I feel connected with me and my body again, and the healing process I am in the midst of.. I just feel so much better all round...hadn't meant to talk about this so much but I obviously needed to and I am so glad I did....thank you for listening
since sharing with you about this, I have realized something very important that ties in with issues around aging and living with disabilities..
I have long ago accepted how my health issues have changed my life, but this fall shook me on so many levels...
It frightened me that a fall could hurt and traumatize me 'so much'...The fibro reacts to the trauma in a total body way...my body went into shock and so did my feelings, with my ptsd on their heels...I have being in denial of how I feel about been taken out so totally by a fall and refusing to recognize how scared and helpless I was feeling and about what this meant for me in my life at this point..still processing it...
Today, for the first time, all of the confusion, denial, and body-shock have lifted...I have more energy, more residual pain, and I feel connected with me and my body again, and the healing process I am in the midst of.. I just feel so much better all round...hadn't meant to talk about this so much but I obviously needed to and I am so glad I did....thank you for listening
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AW...Sweet Grateful....you give so much, it's only mutuality that you should also be able to talk about current issues and receive care, concern, tenderness!
I know that stress, mental traumas almost always hit me somatically (in my body) first.
The mind is overwhelmed or "in trouble", it gets shielded so that I can process it in the right time...but my body gives me ALERT signals.
And it can be a vicious cycle or run us through the full course, even if we do understand it.
SO, yes there is a very helpless feeling and an awareness of vulnerability...that is frightening and not entirely irrational.
What if it had knocked you unconscious etc? Do you have one of those life alert systems people wear around their necks? If you were disoriented and taken to the ER, you would not be able to communicate about your conditions and medications.
These things are scary to me too!!!!
I don't have any flags (yet LOL) but I will light a candle and pray over you.
I know it isn't reasonable but I always want the people I care about to not suffer and be pain free.
Maybe when/if you feel like it, maybe we can all chat about PTSD around...as it is so often related to co-dep issues and several of us struggle with it.
I know that stress, mental traumas almost always hit me somatically (in my body) first.
The mind is overwhelmed or "in trouble", it gets shielded so that I can process it in the right time...but my body gives me ALERT signals.
And it can be a vicious cycle or run us through the full course, even if we do understand it.
SO, yes there is a very helpless feeling and an awareness of vulnerability...that is frightening and not entirely irrational.
What if it had knocked you unconscious etc? Do you have one of those life alert systems people wear around their necks? If you were disoriented and taken to the ER, you would not be able to communicate about your conditions and medications.
These things are scary to me too!!!!
I don't have any flags (yet LOL) but I will light a candle and pray over you.
I know it isn't reasonable but I always want the people I care about to not suffer and be pain free.
Maybe when/if you feel like it, maybe we can all chat about PTSD around...as it is so often related to co-dep issues and several of us struggle with it.
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SG,
I hope your vertigo clears up quickly. It sounds scary, but it's definitely time to listen to your body and take it easy.
Grateful,
I was also someone who just went full tilt and did everything and never paid attention to my body. I truly believed that my determination would take care of everything. Of course, it doesn't work that way, and I have found myself forced to slow down and listen to my body.
Jane,
My codependency resulted in me becoming an addict too. I was in deep denial about my codependency and just pushed forward through my life, until things just got to be too obvious to deny anymore.
Amy,
I am still sending you positive thoughts for a good outcome with the lawyer.
I realized today that I am getting a good lesson boundaries at work and it's been frustrating. I am lucky enough to be able to work part time. The scheduling is done weekly and can be anytime from 9am to 10pm, 7 days a week. So...if I have an appointment anytime, I have to ask for the time off ahead of time in case I might be scheduled that day.
. Since Dylan was born, I have been primed to jump in and babysit anytime I am asked. I LOVE doing that. It fills me with joy and peace and everything good. But, add that to other stuff like getting the car repaired, blah, blah, and my boss is not at all happy with me. I WANT her to be happy with me. I am learning that it's more important that I be happy with me and my schedule, rather than trying to please her.
I hope your vertigo clears up quickly. It sounds scary, but it's definitely time to listen to your body and take it easy.
Grateful,
I was also someone who just went full tilt and did everything and never paid attention to my body. I truly believed that my determination would take care of everything. Of course, it doesn't work that way, and I have found myself forced to slow down and listen to my body.
Jane,
My codependency resulted in me becoming an addict too. I was in deep denial about my codependency and just pushed forward through my life, until things just got to be too obvious to deny anymore.
Amy,
I am still sending you positive thoughts for a good outcome with the lawyer.
I realized today that I am getting a good lesson boundaries at work and it's been frustrating. I am lucky enough to be able to work part time. The scheduling is done weekly and can be anytime from 9am to 10pm, 7 days a week. So...if I have an appointment anytime, I have to ask for the time off ahead of time in case I might be scheduled that day.
. Since Dylan was born, I have been primed to jump in and babysit anytime I am asked. I LOVE doing that. It fills me with joy and peace and everything good. But, add that to other stuff like getting the car repaired, blah, blah, and my boss is not at all happy with me. I WANT her to be happy with me. I am learning that it's more important that I be happy with me and my schedule, rather than trying to please her.
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I phoned my mom and dad today (anyway)...sigh....my father was very happy to hear from me and talk with both me and honey.
With tears, I report....my mom has no recall at all of that last horrible, hurtful phone conversation.
It is becoming like relating to a child....bring up something I know is a fond memory from 1959, ( I sang Chantilly Lace to her and she sounded like a girl again telling me that she didn't have a ponytail tho) she loves it etc...if she starts going off track, distract her again, if that isn't enough tell her I so much do not want to bicker, I love her, honor her...it is fielding a mine field...but so very sad. I can't talk about it much now, because it keeps bringing tears. I am not afraid of her death. It is the state she is in now.
And I realize my dad needs support.
With tears, I report....my mom has no recall at all of that last horrible, hurtful phone conversation.
It is becoming like relating to a child....bring up something I know is a fond memory from 1959, ( I sang Chantilly Lace to her and she sounded like a girl again telling me that she didn't have a ponytail tho) she loves it etc...if she starts going off track, distract her again, if that isn't enough tell her I so much do not want to bicker, I love her, honor her...it is fielding a mine field...but so very sad. I can't talk about it much now, because it keeps bringing tears. I am not afraid of her death. It is the state she is in now.
And I realize my dad needs support.
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(((Live))))
Annie, when I moved up here only 5 short months ago, i was still picturing all manner of horrible things happening to "the baby". Then someone suggested I try praying, and every day on my way to work I would ask God to please, please help me stop obsessing that my daughter was going to die.
Its gone. For the first time since she was born, I don't play out the scene endlessly in my mind. I know it was my way of trying to be "prepared for the worse", but when john died I learned the very valuable lesson that it doesnt matter how prepared you think you are, death hurts, bad. So even though I learned that lesson then, it took another 10 years for me to learn the way to let go.
I am SO grateful not to be in that turmoil anymore, and all of the thanks go to my HP, and you wonderful people here on SR who constantly teach me the ways of the spirit.
Annie, when I moved up here only 5 short months ago, i was still picturing all manner of horrible things happening to "the baby". Then someone suggested I try praying, and every day on my way to work I would ask God to please, please help me stop obsessing that my daughter was going to die.
Its gone. For the first time since she was born, I don't play out the scene endlessly in my mind. I know it was my way of trying to be "prepared for the worse", but when john died I learned the very valuable lesson that it doesnt matter how prepared you think you are, death hurts, bad. So even though I learned that lesson then, it took another 10 years for me to learn the way to let go.
I am SO grateful not to be in that turmoil anymore, and all of the thanks go to my HP, and you wonderful people here on SR who constantly teach me the ways of the spirit.
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((Grateful)) - I understand, somewhat, about being so frightened at how much a fall could traumatize you. When I tore the ligament in my hip, I panicked...what if this led to permanent problems with me walking? How would I work or take care of me? The vulnerability, in me, at least triggers the PTSD victim stuff and it became a huge ordeal, yet I kept saying "it's JUST a ligament, Amy....chill out!!!!" Thank you for putting into words, what I was going through.
((Live)) - I'm glad you spoke with your mom and dad, though I'm sorry that your mom's memory is failing. My grandmother, for years, would ask me "do you remember when..." about stuff when I was 2 years old, and I would say "I was a BABY, NO, I don't remember" but in the end I would just humor her. She was also a very bitter, angry person when I was younger, but mellowed after my mom's death (mom was her baby).
((Anna)) - I truly think there are quite a few of us codie-turned-addicts out there, but some aren't lucky enough to have realized it. I'd hate to think where I'd be, if I were still the raging codie I was.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Live)) - I'm glad you spoke with your mom and dad, though I'm sorry that your mom's memory is failing. My grandmother, for years, would ask me "do you remember when..." about stuff when I was 2 years old, and I would say "I was a BABY, NO, I don't remember" but in the end I would just humor her. She was also a very bitter, angry person when I was younger, but mellowed after my mom's death (mom was her baby).
((Anna)) - I truly think there are quite a few of us codie-turned-addicts out there, but some aren't lucky enough to have realized it. I'd hate to think where I'd be, if I were still the raging codie I was.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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oh, Live, I am sorry, hon...I pray often that my daughter is not left dealing with losing her mom in that way...its all I ask..
My prayers for you and your family, and prayers of serenity for you.
(((Live)))
Thank you for your kinds words to me, Live...they wrapped me like a warm blanket...
My prayers for you and your family, and prayers of serenity for you.
(((Live)))
Thank you for your kinds words to me, Live...they wrapped me like a warm blanket...
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