Codependency And Beyond - Part 10
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You are reading from The Language of Letting go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
Moving on
December 29
Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief.
- Codependent No More
Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it becomes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
Moving on
December 29
Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief.
- Codependent No More
Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it becomes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
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Fantastic reading Grateful...really hits a spot for me. I feel as if a lot in my life is changing right now yet at the same time it's the same and I feel stuck. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's how it feels. It's as if EVERYONE else is moving forward and I"m not. The relationships in my life, some of them feel more complicated than they are worth. I need to weed out which ones I want to work on and which ones are in need of letting go of. All in time I suppose
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Thankyou ((Grateful)) for today's reading, really good one on acceptance...I also checked out that Can you afford not to forgive, excellent..
Thanks also ((Lisa)) for the reading, sounds like you had a great Birthday, so sweet that your doggie was there with you..My first AA meeting was at the Alano Club. It was an all ladies meeting and I remember feeling that I was finally at home. (:
So Glad your feeling better ((Amy))!!!!
((Anna)) that's so nice you were able to spend time with your new grandbaby for Christmas, I know the feeling when I have to say goodbye, I have mixed feelings, sad but also needing time for myself..
((Mariposa)) I'm feeling a little confused myself..feelings all over the place..like Grateful says I'll figure out what I am supposed to learn when its time..
Thanks also ((Lisa)) for the reading, sounds like you had a great Birthday, so sweet that your doggie was there with you..My first AA meeting was at the Alano Club. It was an all ladies meeting and I remember feeling that I was finally at home. (:
So Glad your feeling better ((Amy))!!!!
((Anna)) that's so nice you were able to spend time with your new grandbaby for Christmas, I know the feeling when I have to say goodbye, I have mixed feelings, sad but also needing time for myself..
((Mariposa)) I'm feeling a little confused myself..feelings all over the place..like Grateful says I'll figure out what I am supposed to learn when its time..
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Anna, I am glad to hear you had a wonderful time with your family and grandbabies...I am sorry that they are so far away....I know I would really struggle with that...I must admit, I don't even want to think about my daughter living some where else, although it may be a possibility someday..
Suz, I am glad you had a drama free Christmas...I have been programing for myself, a stress-free Christmas for years, and it has taken successive Christmases to establish boundaries that work for me...it takes time and finding what works for each one of us..
Changing and feeling stuck - makes perfect sense to me....and you are right, Suz, everything in its time...
Now that the holidays have past, isn't it wonderful that we are in recovery and can appreciate the challenges that Christmas stirs up when we can separate what is ours from all the rest..
Lisa, thank you so much for the reading, a good companion to today's Language! ..
Amy, I am glad you are feeling a bit better...I am excited for you, and I continue to pray that your counselling support will be provided
SG, I am glad you are being gentle with yourself
Suz, I am glad you had a drama free Christmas...I have been programing for myself, a stress-free Christmas for years, and it has taken successive Christmases to establish boundaries that work for me...it takes time and finding what works for each one of us..
Changing and feeling stuck - makes perfect sense to me....and you are right, Suz, everything in its time...
Now that the holidays have past, isn't it wonderful that we are in recovery and can appreciate the challenges that Christmas stirs up when we can separate what is ours from all the rest..
Lisa, thank you so much for the reading, a good companion to today's Language! ..
Amy, I am glad you are feeling a bit better...I am excited for you, and I continue to pray that your counselling support will be provided
SG, I am glad you are being gentle with yourself
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(((Suz))) - I know EXACTLY how you feel about changing and feeling stuck! It's how I feel about work and all this lawsuit stuff. I know what I WANT to do, but I'm not at the point where I'm ready to do it yet.
((Lisa)) - I love the reading...needed to see that tonight!!
I do feel better, tonight. Getting out and doing stores...all day long..did help, though I am pretty achy. Dad got exasperated with me as I can't just "hear" directions and remember them, even on a good day; I have to write them down. Right now, my attention span is about 2 seconds
I've tried and tried to explain PTSD, but all that does is worry him more and anger him at my job...sigh. Along with that comes a zillion suggestions of job opportunities and then I feel like I'm not doing enough, when I know I am. I have been slacking on the school, but I'm giving myself permission (or trying to).
Obviously, some of the lessions HP is trying to teach me is to trust my feelings that what I'm doing is right, that it's okay to let my dad worry about me and not feel like I have to "fix" it, and to LET IT GO!!!!
I HAD been doing better, and I still think this is chemical and once the anti-d gets back in my system I'll do better, so this is out of my control. It's still hard, though, when you're your own mind wants to argue with you!
I did get all my stores done, and have the day off tomorrow!! Dad's going to court with stepmom to see if she can get off probation without going to substance abuse classes (they can't afford them, and she's never tested positive for anything other than what she is prescribed), then they go to bankruptcy court next Wed. He's also not getting any work, so I'm having sympathy pains for him. I know...I can't control it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Lisa)) - I love the reading...needed to see that tonight!!
I do feel better, tonight. Getting out and doing stores...all day long..did help, though I am pretty achy. Dad got exasperated with me as I can't just "hear" directions and remember them, even on a good day; I have to write them down. Right now, my attention span is about 2 seconds
I've tried and tried to explain PTSD, but all that does is worry him more and anger him at my job...sigh. Along with that comes a zillion suggestions of job opportunities and then I feel like I'm not doing enough, when I know I am. I have been slacking on the school, but I'm giving myself permission (or trying to).Obviously, some of the lessions HP is trying to teach me is to trust my feelings that what I'm doing is right, that it's okay to let my dad worry about me and not feel like I have to "fix" it, and to LET IT GO!!!!
I HAD been doing better, and I still think this is chemical and once the anti-d gets back in my system I'll do better, so this is out of my control. It's still hard, though, when you're your own mind wants to argue with you!
I did get all my stores done, and have the day off tomorrow!! Dad's going to court with stepmom to see if she can get off probation without going to substance abuse classes (they can't afford them, and she's never tested positive for anything other than what she is prescribed), then they go to bankruptcy court next Wed. He's also not getting any work, so I'm having sympathy pains for him. I know...I can't control it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Me again. This prayer was in my daily reading and I liked it, wanted to pass it on.
Dear Lord …
Thank you for the discontent
in my life:
the disappointments,
the pain.
the sad times,
the trying times,
the tough times,
the failures,
the many setbacks,
as well as all the good times,
and all the many successes.
For without feeling sorrow and pain,
I never would have searched for
answers to life's problems,
healing for the sick,
hope for the discouraged,
comfort for the sorrowing,
or relief for the lonely.
And without experiencing failure
and discouragement,
I never would have searched for
better ways for doing things.
and thus improving everything I do.
Pain was thus a holy motivator,
God's messenger in disguise,
that made me stretch and grow.2
Thank you, God, for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen.
Dear Lord …
Thank you for the discontent
in my life:
the disappointments,
the pain.
the sad times,
the trying times,
the tough times,
the failures,
the many setbacks,
as well as all the good times,
and all the many successes.
For without feeling sorrow and pain,
I never would have searched for
answers to life's problems,
healing for the sick,
hope for the discouraged,
comfort for the sorrowing,
or relief for the lonely.
And without experiencing failure
and discouragement,
I never would have searched for
better ways for doing things.
and thus improving everything I do.
Pain was thus a holy motivator,
God's messenger in disguise,
that made me stretch and grow.2
Thank you, God, for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen.
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990
Laying The Foundation
December 30
The groundwork has been laid.
Do you not see that?
Don't you understand that all you have gone through was for a purpose?
There was a reason, a good reason, for the waiting, the struggle, the pain, and finally the release.
You have been prepared. The same way a builder must first tear down and dig out the old to make way for the new, your Higher Power has been cleaning out the foundation in your life.
Have you ever watched a builder at construction? When he begins his work, it looks worse than before than before he began. What is old and decayed must be removed. What is insufficient or too weak to support the new structure must be removed, replaced, or reinforced. No builder who cares about his or her work would put a new surface over an insufficient support system. The foundation would give away. It would not last.
If the finished product is to be what is desired, the work must be done thoroughly from the bottom up. As the work progresses, it often appears to be an upheaval. Often, it does not seem to make sense. It may appear to be wasted time and effort, because we cannot see that the final product yet.
But it is important that the foundation be laid properly if the fun work, the finishing touches, is to be all that we want it to be.
This long, hard time in your life has been for laying of groundwork. It was not without purpose, although at times the purpose may not have been evident or apparent.
Now, the foundation has been laid. The structure has been solid. Now, it is time for the finishing touches, the completion.
It is time to move the furniture in and enjoy the fruits of the labor.
Congratulations, You have had the patience to endure the hard parts. You have trusted, surrendered, and allowed your Higher Power and the Universe to heal and prepare you.
Now; you shall enjoy the good that has been planned.
Now; you shall see the purpose.
Now; it shall all come together and make sense.
Enjoy.
Today, I will surrender to the laying of the foundation - the groundwork - in my life. If it is time to enjoy the placement of the finishing touches, I will surrender to that, and enjoy that too. I will remember to be grateful for a Higher Power that is a Master Builder and only has my best interests in mind, creating and constructing my life. I will be grateful for my Higher Power's care and attention to detail's in laying the foundation - even though I become impatient at times. I will stand in awe of the beauty of God's finished product.
Laying The Foundation
December 30
The groundwork has been laid.
Do you not see that?
Don't you understand that all you have gone through was for a purpose?
There was a reason, a good reason, for the waiting, the struggle, the pain, and finally the release.
You have been prepared. The same way a builder must first tear down and dig out the old to make way for the new, your Higher Power has been cleaning out the foundation in your life.
Have you ever watched a builder at construction? When he begins his work, it looks worse than before than before he began. What is old and decayed must be removed. What is insufficient or too weak to support the new structure must be removed, replaced, or reinforced. No builder who cares about his or her work would put a new surface over an insufficient support system. The foundation would give away. It would not last.
If the finished product is to be what is desired, the work must be done thoroughly from the bottom up. As the work progresses, it often appears to be an upheaval. Often, it does not seem to make sense. It may appear to be wasted time and effort, because we cannot see that the final product yet.
But it is important that the foundation be laid properly if the fun work, the finishing touches, is to be all that we want it to be.
This long, hard time in your life has been for laying of groundwork. It was not without purpose, although at times the purpose may not have been evident or apparent.
Now, the foundation has been laid. The structure has been solid. Now, it is time for the finishing touches, the completion.
It is time to move the furniture in and enjoy the fruits of the labor.
Congratulations, You have had the patience to endure the hard parts. You have trusted, surrendered, and allowed your Higher Power and the Universe to heal and prepare you.
Now; you shall enjoy the good that has been planned.
Now; you shall see the purpose.
Now; it shall all come together and make sense.
Enjoy.
Today, I will surrender to the laying of the foundation - the groundwork - in my life. If it is time to enjoy the placement of the finishing touches, I will surrender to that, and enjoy that too. I will remember to be grateful for a Higher Power that is a Master Builder and only has my best interests in mind, creating and constructing my life. I will be grateful for my Higher Power's care and attention to detail's in laying the foundation - even though I become impatient at times. I will stand in awe of the beauty of God's finished product.
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Wow...tryin' to play catch up today!
((((SG)))), I'm sorry that there was drama at Christmas, but it sounds as though you and your DD made the very best of it. I hope and pray that the relationship between H and DD will improve!
I got to spend time with my new step grandson at Christmas, too, ((Anna)). I don't get to see him very often even though they live in town, so it is a blessing when it happens!
((Mariposa)) all those complicated relationship decisions don't need to be made in a day....give yourself time to figure out what works best for you.
Lisa!!!!!
I'm so proud and happy for you....what an incredible accomplishment! And yes, HP does occasionally have quite the little sense of humor...
((((Amy)))) I'm praying for sleep and peace for you. I know that my life seems much more difficult when I am sleep-deprived. Exercise helps me, but I know that walking and standing are difficult for you right now....maybe swimming? I hope that the path will become clear and the way forward will soon be revealed!!!!
Grateful, thank you, again, eternally, for this thread and for the readings!!!! How is your daughter?
I've been trying very hard to learn whatever lesson is before me now, but just don't seem to be making much progress. My MIL has been to the ER, hospital, and now is undergoing rehab at a nursing home. She was originally thought to have had a heart attack that turned out to be bronchitis. Then she really did have a stroke. Mr. HG is the only one of her 4 children who live near her....so her care and any immediate decisions fall to him. We update the other three siblings regularly with e-mails, and I guess they thought we were complaining or not doing a good job. So.......my two SIL's decided that they were going to move her to an apartment in Princeton, NJ (where the oldest sister lives) with a round the clock, live-in care giver. Mr. HG objected that moving their mother now might just finish her off, and sending her to live in a one-bedroom apartment with a woman she does not know sounded like a rather hasty and poorly planned idea. Since these two women are a wall of words with whom it is impossible to get in a word of one's own.....I sent an e-mail to them (and the other brother) explaining our concerns and objections.
Hmmmmm......as you can imagine, I then became the B**** and have been accused of things that are patently untrue, and Mr. HG has been on the receiving end of several vicious barrages from his sisters.
For now, things have at least calmed down. We are not likely to object to the move if my MIL is allowed to stabilize and the move is more thoroughly planned out. I think it would be wonderful if the older of the two SIL's really wants to spend this remaining time with her mother. I'm just horrified that all of this has caused such a rift in the family. Oh.....and my A stepson was released from another county jail on the day after Christmas and has been sending Mr. HG manipulating, guilt inducing e-mails in an attempt to come and live with us....yay?!
Things aren't all bad, though. All seems to be calming down with the In-laws, and Mr. HG and I are leaving New Year's Day to visit my folks for a few days.
I hope everyone has a wonderful start to the New Year!!!!! Hugs and love to all!
HG
((((SG)))), I'm sorry that there was drama at Christmas, but it sounds as though you and your DD made the very best of it. I hope and pray that the relationship between H and DD will improve!
I got to spend time with my new step grandson at Christmas, too, ((Anna)). I don't get to see him very often even though they live in town, so it is a blessing when it happens!
((Mariposa)) all those complicated relationship decisions don't need to be made in a day....give yourself time to figure out what works best for you.
Lisa!!!!!
I'm so proud and happy for you....what an incredible accomplishment! And yes, HP does occasionally have quite the little sense of humor...((((Amy)))) I'm praying for sleep and peace for you. I know that my life seems much more difficult when I am sleep-deprived. Exercise helps me, but I know that walking and standing are difficult for you right now....maybe swimming? I hope that the path will become clear and the way forward will soon be revealed!!!!
Grateful, thank you, again, eternally, for this thread and for the readings!!!! How is your daughter?
I've been trying very hard to learn whatever lesson is before me now, but just don't seem to be making much progress. My MIL has been to the ER, hospital, and now is undergoing rehab at a nursing home. She was originally thought to have had a heart attack that turned out to be bronchitis. Then she really did have a stroke. Mr. HG is the only one of her 4 children who live near her....so her care and any immediate decisions fall to him. We update the other three siblings regularly with e-mails, and I guess they thought we were complaining or not doing a good job. So.......my two SIL's decided that they were going to move her to an apartment in Princeton, NJ (where the oldest sister lives) with a round the clock, live-in care giver. Mr. HG objected that moving their mother now might just finish her off, and sending her to live in a one-bedroom apartment with a woman she does not know sounded like a rather hasty and poorly planned idea. Since these two women are a wall of words with whom it is impossible to get in a word of one's own.....I sent an e-mail to them (and the other brother) explaining our concerns and objections.
Hmmmmm......as you can imagine, I then became the B**** and have been accused of things that are patently untrue, and Mr. HG has been on the receiving end of several vicious barrages from his sisters.
For now, things have at least calmed down. We are not likely to object to the move if my MIL is allowed to stabilize and the move is more thoroughly planned out. I think it would be wonderful if the older of the two SIL's really wants to spend this remaining time with her mother. I'm just horrified that all of this has caused such a rift in the family. Oh.....and my A stepson was released from another county jail on the day after Christmas and has been sending Mr. HG manipulating, guilt inducing e-mails in an attempt to come and live with us....yay?!
Things aren't all bad, though. All seems to be calming down with the In-laws, and Mr. HG and I are leaving New Year's Day to visit my folks for a few days.
I hope everyone has a wonderful start to the New Year!!!!! Hugs and love to all!
HG
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((((HG))))
I just ached for you as I read through the bottom portion of your thread..
This is such a challenging situation for everyone on so many levels...and siblings tend to react in a different ways depending on their relationship to the parent, their pain and their "role" in the family dynamic comes to the fore..
I think your concerns are appropriate; they would be mine as well...your mother is the one, the focus should be on with her medical care the priority, and it would be the best case scenario if one of you was appointed to head up her care, but as with most situations, it is never that easy...
I have been through this with both parents, and with my dad, I was his primary caregiver and liason with his medical doctors, and that worked well, even though I did not escape sibling misplace anger and fear.
With my Mom, she was 60 miles away and my sister was taking care of getting her what she needed. It wasn't the best situation, but I chose to support my sister in what she was doing, and stayed out of the way...I miss some time with my mom, but we had our time, and although it started out well the sibling dynamics got a bit sticky....
My choice was to say goodbye to my mom; she went very quickly, and let go of all the rest, and that was, for me, the best I could do..
I don't know what your position is with your siblings regarding your mom and her care...but you will encounter anger and fear, as everyone is struggling, concerning their mom...its not about you...do what you truly can to ensure your mom's best care...and let what you can't control, go..it will get crazy with or without you..
Prayers for you, your mom, and your family
I just ached for you as I read through the bottom portion of your thread..
This is such a challenging situation for everyone on so many levels...and siblings tend to react in a different ways depending on their relationship to the parent, their pain and their "role" in the family dynamic comes to the fore..
I think your concerns are appropriate; they would be mine as well...your mother is the one, the focus should be on with her medical care the priority, and it would be the best case scenario if one of you was appointed to head up her care, but as with most situations, it is never that easy...
I have been through this with both parents, and with my dad, I was his primary caregiver and liason with his medical doctors, and that worked well, even though I did not escape sibling misplace anger and fear.
With my Mom, she was 60 miles away and my sister was taking care of getting her what she needed. It wasn't the best situation, but I chose to support my sister in what she was doing, and stayed out of the way...I miss some time with my mom, but we had our time, and although it started out well the sibling dynamics got a bit sticky....
My choice was to say goodbye to my mom; she went very quickly, and let go of all the rest, and that was, for me, the best I could do..
I don't know what your position is with your siblings regarding your mom and her care...but you will encounter anger and fear, as everyone is struggling, concerning their mom...its not about you...do what you truly can to ensure your mom's best care...and let what you can't control, go..it will get crazy with or without you..
Prayers for you, your mom, and your family
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((HG)) - your post makes me grateful to be an only child, though I've told dad that if he didn't write a will, and he had anything left to GET, I would probably be fighting with one of his brothers, and possibly his mom (I think she'll live to 100 at the rate she's going ) but he says he doesn't have anything and won't write one.
I do understand the sibling thing, though. Mom went through it with her daddy, and I sort of went through it when Brit's mom, Tina died. Since I was a nurse, at the time, my stepmom would not listen to ANYONE other than me or the doctor. This severerly hurt my stepsister, Teresa. I'd dealt with so many families in similar situations, but not my own, that it was hard. I dealt with it by going back into "nurse" mode and big time codie behavior. I tried to take care of everybody.
If it weren't for Tina's nurse (another Tina), who MADE me sit in a chair by my Tina's bed and get some sleep, I would have never slept.
At this point, dad and I are the ones taking care of stepmom. It angers me, at times, as when she got locked up, my stepbrother told me "do whatever you have to do to get my mom out of jail"..excuse me? Where are YOU when she's sick? Where are YOU when dad needs money for bail? I did tell him he still owed my dad money and he'd best be sending it NOW..he sent part of it. At least she and Teresa are getting along better (they weren't speaking for a while), but the physical demands still fall on dad and I.
BTW, they went to court today and stepmom DOES have to complete the substance abuse classes...26 of them at $22/each. Personally, I think her AND dad would benefit, but I have no doubt stepmom will sit through them and think "that's not me". If they can get a 2nd opinion that says she doesn't have to go, the PO will let her not go and she will be off probation. It's the money that is concerning dad.
Me? I got woke up early as he was trying to get her out the door. They brought home my favorite biscuits'n'gravy breakfast, and then I took a long, long nap. Got Mots curled up in a darned suitcase on my floor, but he's happy. I'm feeling better and not letting the stress around the house get past my bedroom door.
Oh, and don't remember if I posted it here, but I got another notice from the IRS...my application has been approved for another position. Now, I'm just waiting to get info on proceeding with the application process..hopefully, soon...fingers crossed.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
) but he says he doesn't have anything and won't write one.I do understand the sibling thing, though. Mom went through it with her daddy, and I sort of went through it when Brit's mom, Tina died. Since I was a nurse, at the time, my stepmom would not listen to ANYONE other than me or the doctor. This severerly hurt my stepsister, Teresa. I'd dealt with so many families in similar situations, but not my own, that it was hard. I dealt with it by going back into "nurse" mode and big time codie behavior. I tried to take care of everybody.
If it weren't for Tina's nurse (another Tina), who MADE me sit in a chair by my Tina's bed and get some sleep, I would have never slept.
At this point, dad and I are the ones taking care of stepmom. It angers me, at times, as when she got locked up, my stepbrother told me "do whatever you have to do to get my mom out of jail"..excuse me? Where are YOU when she's sick? Where are YOU when dad needs money for bail? I did tell him he still owed my dad money and he'd best be sending it NOW..he sent part of it. At least she and Teresa are getting along better (they weren't speaking for a while), but the physical demands still fall on dad and I.
BTW, they went to court today and stepmom DOES have to complete the substance abuse classes...26 of them at $22/each. Personally, I think her AND dad would benefit, but I have no doubt stepmom will sit through them and think "that's not me". If they can get a 2nd opinion that says she doesn't have to go, the PO will let her not go and she will be off probation. It's the money that is concerning dad.
Me? I got woke up early as he was trying to get her out the door. They brought home my favorite biscuits'n'gravy breakfast, and then I took a long, long nap. Got Mots curled up in a darned suitcase on my floor, but he's happy. I'm feeling better and not letting the stress around the house get past my bedroom door.
Oh, and don't remember if I posted it here, but I got another notice from the IRS...my application has been approved for another position. Now, I'm just waiting to get info on proceeding with the application process..hopefully, soon...fingers crossed.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,529
HG,
I'm sorry for your difficult situation with your mother-in-law.
It's amazing to me, how quickly things can turn nasty, when there is a family crisis. Hopefully your mother-in-law will be able to make the move, and it is a positive thing that all the siblings are making an effort to help, even though it's causing some dissention.
I'm sorry for your difficult situation with your mother-in-law.
It's amazing to me, how quickly things can turn nasty, when there is a family crisis. Hopefully your mother-in-law will be able to make the move, and it is a positive thing that all the siblings are making an effort to help, even though it's causing some dissention.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
hmm, well, i know you are trying to be helpful (codies often are=), but in my experience with my 4 grandparents, spouses had to tread very lightly, even if they were totally involved. my dad has been with his girlfriend for 5 or 6 years at least, and she is a nursing student. She liked my grand dad quite a bit, but my sister and my aunt would rage if she were allowed to voice anything about the care of gramps. Because I was his live in caregiver, I would simply email the same letter to all 3 sibs and tell them what the situation was, and they 3 would pow wow about what to do.
it was still hard
Todays reading: Boy, I sure dont feel like bringing furniture in yet, but it is good to know that is the eventual goal=)
it was still hard
Todays reading: Boy, I sure dont feel like bringing furniture in yet, but it is good to know that is the eventual goal=)
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by grateful2b 
I don't know what your position is with your siblings regarding your mom and her care...but you will encounter anger and fear, as everyone is struggling, concerning their mom...its not about you...do what you truly can to ensure your mom's best care...and let what you can't control, go..it will get crazy with or without you..
Prayers for you, your mom, and your family
Prayers for you, your mom, and your family
...prayers for you, Mr. HG and all concerned...
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
Affirming The Good
December 31
Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful.
- Beyond Codependency
Wait, and expect good things - for yourself and your loved ones.
When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best, the very best life and love have to offer, the best God and His universe have to send. Then open your hands to receive it. Claim it, and it is yours.
See the best in your mind; envision what it will look like, what it will feel like. Focus, until you can see it clearly. Let your whole being, body and soul, enter into and hold onto the image for a moment.
Then, let it go. Come back into today, the present moment. Do not obsess. Do not become fearful. Become excited. Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are, and all you will become.
Wait, and expect good things.
Today, when I think about the year ahead, I will focus on the good that is coming.
Affirming The Good
December 31
Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful.
- Beyond Codependency
Wait, and expect good things - for yourself and your loved ones.
When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best, the very best life and love have to offer, the best God and His universe have to send. Then open your hands to receive it. Claim it, and it is yours.
See the best in your mind; envision what it will look like, what it will feel like. Focus, until you can see it clearly. Let your whole being, body and soul, enter into and hold onto the image for a moment.
Then, let it go. Come back into today, the present moment. Do not obsess. Do not become fearful. Become excited. Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are, and all you will become.
Wait, and expect good things.
Today, when I think about the year ahead, I will focus on the good that is coming.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
I want to seek elegance rather than luxury, refinement rather than fashion. I will seek to be worthy more than respectable, wealthy and not rich.
I will study hard, think quietly, talk gently, and act frankly. I will listen to stars and birds and babes and sages, with an open heart, I will bear all things cheerfully, do all things bravely. await occasions and hurry never.
In a word, I will let the spiritual, unbidden, and unconscious, grow up through the common.
- William Ellery Channing
I want to thank everyone who has supported this thread, all who have come and shared generously their experience, strength, and hope....this thread exists because of all of you and I am thankful for what you bring with you when you come to our little corner of SR...it has been my great pleasure to get to know all of you...
I want to wish everyone a Happy and peaceful New Year and the very highest good, Higher Power has in store for your life...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 346
Happy New Yearf
Today, when I think about the year ahead, I will focus on the good that is coming.[/QUOTE]
I will try SO HARD to hang on to the above quote. 2009 was a very difficult climax to about 5 years of misery.
My son said to me the other day, "I feel like my life is a consolation prize." It struck a chord with me. I've felt the same.
In 2010, I will attempt to believe that my (and my family's) lives are worthy and meaningful...and that there is good for us.
Thank you all for being my ray of hope through a really hard time. I pray that I can return the favor.
The happiest of new year's to you all.
Annie
I will try SO HARD to hang on to the above quote. 2009 was a very difficult climax to about 5 years of misery.
My son said to me the other day, "I feel like my life is a consolation prize." It struck a chord with me. I've felt the same.
In 2010, I will attempt to believe that my (and my family's) lives are worthy and meaningful...and that there is good for us.
Thank you all for being my ray of hope through a really hard time. I pray that I can return the favor.
The happiest of new year's to you all.
Annie
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