September Sobriety Group Part 2
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Welcom CDawg. I hope it's it too, for your sake.
Cherry, come on back.
I had day one yesterday. Not proud, but what can I do but go forward? Join me...
Backwards is gonna kill me. I've been depressed all day, and not the usual detox at all. Just plain ol' sad. No shakes, no sweats, no nothing but sad.
Is this normal or a really bad sign? It's usually pretty bad for me.
-TB, sober
Cherry, come on back.
I had day one yesterday. Not proud, but what can I do but go forward? Join me...Backwards is gonna kill me. I've been depressed all day, and not the usual detox at all. Just plain ol' sad. No shakes, no sweats, no nothing but sad.
Is this normal or a really bad sign? It's usually pretty bad for me.
-TB, sober
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 39
Well i did it again...... Went out last night going to a buddies house whos in recovery, they wasn't home so i rode around for 20 minutes and said F*** it.......I threw a guys keys from his car into the parking lot ( he had been messing with my 14 year old cusin ) and....needless to say i over reacted........ So sad and feeling helpless.... I really dont know if im going to be able to quit drinking I HAVE TO! I blame me drinking on everything but me.....now i have to deal with his family and mine (who hasnt stopped yelling since i woke up) but i need it i think.. a lil tough love.
BUT I MEAN REALLY WTF.....
TB i feel the same way this morning... I'm sorry is all i can say over and over......
((all things are possible through my higher power)) i repeat that everyday and I messed up......
Day 1 of recovery again.:rotfxko
BUT I MEAN REALLY WTF.....
TB i feel the same way this morning... I'm sorry is all i can say over and over......
((all things are possible through my higher power)) i repeat that everyday and I messed up......
Day 1 of recovery again.:rotfxko
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: BoulderCo
Posts: 111
Welcome back Ranger and TB. Looks like we're all coming back after a slip up.
I think it's important to not beat yourself up for messing up. What's done is done and you can't change it. But you can redeem yourself through your actions right now. Easier said than done for me. I've found I just get trapped in the same old patterns when I dwell on messing up. Also just like a bad boyfriend, now I know what to avoid.
Anyways I'm working on reasons why I need to stop. I'm hoping it'll balance out the boost the Ritalin gives me with studying. I hope it's ok if I post these here. First is that I'm working twords being a doctor and even though I've got years of school ahead. An addict doctor is a disaster waiting to happen. Second, the mood swings I go through and the obsessiveness. Being so tweaked out that I'm cleaning everything and then still seeing dirt and scrubbing until I destroy the floor makes me feel completely insane. Third and yes this is really shallow. All the snorting is destroying my nose and I'm a little obsessive about my looks. So my face being destroyed like this makes me hate myself. I made promise that after a full year of complete sobriety I can get a nose job to fix it. But not before, it'll be my incentive.
I think it's important to not beat yourself up for messing up. What's done is done and you can't change it. But you can redeem yourself through your actions right now. Easier said than done for me. I've found I just get trapped in the same old patterns when I dwell on messing up. Also just like a bad boyfriend, now I know what to avoid.
Anyways I'm working on reasons why I need to stop. I'm hoping it'll balance out the boost the Ritalin gives me with studying. I hope it's ok if I post these here. First is that I'm working twords being a doctor and even though I've got years of school ahead. An addict doctor is a disaster waiting to happen. Second, the mood swings I go through and the obsessiveness. Being so tweaked out that I'm cleaning everything and then still seeing dirt and scrubbing until I destroy the floor makes me feel completely insane. Third and yes this is really shallow. All the snorting is destroying my nose and I'm a little obsessive about my looks. So my face being destroyed like this makes me hate myself. I made promise that after a full year of complete sobriety I can get a nose job to fix it. But not before, it'll be my incentive.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
LR, come on back... :wavey
There's my fear in a nutshell. It will kill me if I don't--risking it when I quit--but staying quit at least I won't die of my own drinking.
You'd think that'd be enough reason for anybody. 2 seizures, I'm not even thirty. And every so often I just fall back into it or something. I'm not even sure, although I have figured out that it's not the same thing each time.
Well detox is going scary well. It's day three and... nothing. I'm kinda lethargic, just sitting here, and I keep having to go into the city and those 3h on the bus are killing me. *nods again* But no shakes after the first day, nothing else but a headache.
I'm either mutating or my body is messing with me. I hope it doesn't get bad in the middle of the week. Got too much to do.
And Cherry, I wrote out a list like that a couple months ago--it was a lot longer--and it is useful: every time I go out, I reread it and realize that if I don't catch myself and sober up quick, I will be like that again. And the funny thing is, when I wrote the list--sober--,most of the things on it seemed like inconveniences to me that I would be happy to be rid of. Every single time I've reread the list--usually drunk--it horrifies me that that's how I have lived for the last few years.
List=Good. Might wanna add some stuff, so you remember how it was like... (you can reread them sober, too, I'd imagine)
Take care y'all, and the others reading this,
Stay sober...
TB, hungry all of a sudden
I really dont know if im going to be able to quit drinking I HAVE TO!
You'd think that'd be enough reason for anybody. 2 seizures, I'm not even thirty. And every so often I just fall back into it or something. I'm not even sure, although I have figured out that it's not the same thing each time.
Well detox is going scary well. It's day three and... nothing. I'm kinda lethargic, just sitting here, and I keep having to go into the city and those 3h on the bus are killing me. *nods again* But no shakes after the first day, nothing else but a headache.
I'm either mutating or my body is messing with me. I hope it doesn't get bad in the middle of the week. Got too much to do.
And Cherry, I wrote out a list like that a couple months ago--it was a lot longer--and it is useful: every time I go out, I reread it and realize that if I don't catch myself and sober up quick, I will be like that again. And the funny thing is, when I wrote the list--sober--,most of the things on it seemed like inconveniences to me that I would be happy to be rid of. Every single time I've reread the list--usually drunk--it horrifies me that that's how I have lived for the last few years.
List=Good. Might wanna add some stuff, so you remember how it was like... (you can reread them sober, too, I'd imagine)
Take care y'all, and the others reading this,
Stay sober...
TB, hungry all of a sudden
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Flint, Michigan
Posts: 52
I'm glad I found this thread 
I'm finding a LOT of support in reading and posting here. So, I'm going to make it a daily thing, or try to. One of our computers got a virus and is offline. I'm being ultra careful with this computer though so I can have my dailies here.
Thank you all, and I'm really glad to be posting with you all
I'm finding a LOT of support in reading and posting here. So, I'm going to make it a daily thing, or try to. One of our computers got a virus and is offline. I'm being ultra careful with this computer though so I can have my dailies here. Thank you all, and I'm really glad to be posting with you all
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Welcome ZeroNowhere! GLad you found us.
Lonelyranger--I can only speak for myself. I certainly didn't get recovery the first, second, or even third time round. Don't beat yourself up. I'm just glad you are still here with us. Keep moving forward.
Lonelyranger--I can only speak for myself. I certainly didn't get recovery the first, second, or even third time round. Don't beat yourself up. I'm just glad you are still here with us. Keep moving forward.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: BoulderCo
Posts: 111
Welcome zero
TB it's definitely a work in progress. I'm sure it'll get longer the more time I go without the drugs. It's difficult at the moment though just because I'm so focused on the benefits it has at school. I'm definitely effected most by the shallow reasons. Even if it sounds really stupid to someone else it's working for me. Another one I've got is that snorting drugs is just disgusting. It turns me into a snotty mess and all the hacking and spitting is not hot. The whole thing makes my skin scrawl to think of how gross I get when I'm snorting a lot. And another one. I used to have a really hot body, but now I just look sick. I can't get my boobs and butt back if I'm using. Hey whatever gives me the kick in the ass right?
TB it's definitely a work in progress. I'm sure it'll get longer the more time I go without the drugs. It's difficult at the moment though just because I'm so focused on the benefits it has at school. I'm definitely effected most by the shallow reasons. Even if it sounds really stupid to someone else it's working for me. Another one I've got is that snorting drugs is just disgusting. It turns me into a snotty mess and all the hacking and spitting is not hot. The whole thing makes my skin scrawl to think of how gross I get when I'm snorting a lot. And another one. I used to have a really hot body, but now I just look sick. I can't get my boobs and butt back if I'm using. Hey whatever gives me the kick in the ass right?
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Welcome ZeroNowhere. 
Cherry, re if it's the hot body that makes you want out... what's wrong with that? It's your own reasons in the end... your problem, your reasons. What matters most to us doesn't always make sense to others.
And re snorting working for you right now in school. This, I can actually relate to in an equally twisted way. I'm in school too, with a double course load and activities. I'm allowed to do that because I did good these past three years... or so they think. I did it all drinking, and not a few beers at the bar. When I sobered up--and I didn't want to, because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle school and newfound sobriety--I had trouble at first. But, honestly (grr), this whole semester so far except for last week I was sober--and I found that I was able to maintain my readings and attend class knowing what was going on. Papers, I haven't had too many of those yet.
I know Ritalin is different, although I don't know how the detox of that is, or how it affects sleep patterns, but once you're through that part, you might find that you're capable of what you thought you couldn't do without the drug. I was very surprised.
'Cause you're right about addiction in the medical field... I had to watch a movie about that in a psych class. While the prof. stared me down the whole time--she had busted me the day before for being drunk.
Yeah, even just typing that, I'm reaffirmed in wanting to be sober.
Take care y'all.
TB, also a work in progress, somewhere around the penciling in stage
Cherry, re if it's the hot body that makes you want out... what's wrong with that? It's your own reasons in the end... your problem, your reasons. What matters most to us doesn't always make sense to others.
And re snorting working for you right now in school. This, I can actually relate to in an equally twisted way. I'm in school too, with a double course load and activities. I'm allowed to do that because I did good these past three years... or so they think. I did it all drinking, and not a few beers at the bar. When I sobered up--and I didn't want to, because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle school and newfound sobriety--I had trouble at first. But, honestly (grr), this whole semester so far except for last week I was sober--and I found that I was able to maintain my readings and attend class knowing what was going on. Papers, I haven't had too many of those yet.
I know Ritalin is different, although I don't know how the detox of that is, or how it affects sleep patterns, but once you're through that part, you might find that you're capable of what you thought you couldn't do without the drug. I was very surprised.
'Cause you're right about addiction in the medical field... I had to watch a movie about that in a psych class. While the prof. stared me down the whole time--she had busted me the day before for being drunk.
Yeah, even just typing that, I'm reaffirmed in wanting to be sober.
Take care y'all.
TB, also a work in progress, somewhere around the penciling in stage
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
Welcome CDawg and ZeroNowhere.
I'm looking at three weeks now, with a slight two-day detour this week when I was at that conference. No problem getting back in the non-drinking saddle, though. I actually wanted a beer today, but as soon as I got water in me it went away - it was thirst.
Zero - I went through your neck of the woods on my way back from the conference this week. There's four of us Michiganders in this thread.
I'm looking at three weeks now, with a slight two-day detour this week when I was at that conference. No problem getting back in the non-drinking saddle, though. I actually wanted a beer today, but as soon as I got water in me it went away - it was thirst.
Zero - I went through your neck of the woods on my way back from the conference this week. There's four of us Michiganders in this thread.
Journey of Recovery
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 621
Welcome CDawg and ZeroNowhere. Glad you are here. For those that are starting over, glad you made it back. It's all ODAAT for all of us.
Today is 3 weeks. The time goes by fast but yet slow. Does that make sense?
I am grateful to be sober today. I got to go see my grandson play football yesterday without a hangover.
So 4 Michiganders Purplecat? Neat!
I hope everyone has a good sober day today.
Today is 3 weeks. The time goes by fast but yet slow. Does that make sense?
I am grateful to be sober today. I got to go see my grandson play football yesterday without a hangover.
So 4 Michiganders Purplecat? Neat!
I hope everyone has a good sober day today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Nevada City, Ca.
Posts: 14
Hello CDawg and ZeroNowhere - welcome to the group. Its day 18 for me. Saw a cardiologist a couple of days ago - my results are normal so far, unlike the cardiac episode I had when I was drinking. They can't say if the drinking caused it but the one thing for sure is that more alcohol won't help. That is helping to keep me sober. I love the outdoors, working out, etc. and I won't accept having a bad heart in exchange for something as mundane as a six pack of Coors a day. Enjoy the autumn everyone and stay positive!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 219
Good day all, Day 18 for me to. All is good except I am bagged everyday cuz my sleeping sucks...and I think I have a bit of a cold or something so that might be contributing to my sluggishness. Went for a nice 4 hour ride yesterday which was great...but I was bagged when I got back...I want to go riding again today but I am sooo bagged...totally sucks. I think I am just going to rest today, maybe...but it's so nice out I might just go for a quick ride, but once I get out there I am fine and will stay out for hours, I should really just rest, except resting is boring lol. Oh well, I could have worse problems.
Sorry to hear about the relapse LR...hang in there, all you can do is keep on trying...you can do it!! Hi to everyone else and to any newcomers...sorry, I haven't read all the threads...to tired. You can all do it...just keep trying. Have a great sober day!!
Sorry to hear about the relapse LR...hang in there, all you can do is keep on trying...you can do it!! Hi to everyone else and to any newcomers...sorry, I haven't read all the threads...to tired. You can all do it...just keep trying. Have a great sober day!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bowling Green KY
Posts: 275
today is day 20 for me. i honestly do not want a drink. i feel great physically as i have started doing some small amount of exercise. every time i have any little craving (and they are getting fewer and fewer) i pick up my 20 lb. dumbells and do a few sets with them.
this has had two effects, it seems to knock back any craving and is getting me toned up like i haven't been in some time. i'm not a big guy, 5'11...170. but when i'm drinking i get a real 'vodka chic' look. just too thin. in the small amount that i have quit i have probably put on 5 lbs. and all of it good. i'm fortunate that i have a decent metabolism or all of the sweet tea i've been drinking would have put 20 lbs on me.
i also went to church for the first time in over a year. (christmas and easter at my wife's church) my oldest son asked me to go because his fiance was singing. in my typical fashion i wouldn't commit to it but said 'i might come'. i'm glad i did. no miracles from on high but there was a spiritual sense that i needed to help fill some of my emptiness from no longer drinking.
definitely not committing to going next week but i might end up there again. it can in no way hurt me as far as i can see. i ran into folks i haven't seen in the last 5 years since i quit going. this is a very large dynamic non-judgemental church. had anyone asked where i had been i was going to tell them i've been attending the 'first church of smirnoff' for the last 5 years. fortunately nobody asked me that question.
i look back at the things i did before i became an alcoholic and i want to get back to that level. i look back at how much i've spent on vodka through those years and it makes me ashamed at how much better that money could have been spent.
i know this is long but i needed to get it out. i thank everyone at s.r. for if it were not for them i would have never quit. oh...the toxicity that i was at following the last 3 day weekend is what made me quit but it's through the strength i've received from s.r. that has kept me quit through these 20 days.
i thank everyone on here for their honesty and i hope and wish everyone that wants to quit and stay quit will have the strength to do so.
sincerely,
a fallen man.
this has had two effects, it seems to knock back any craving and is getting me toned up like i haven't been in some time. i'm not a big guy, 5'11...170. but when i'm drinking i get a real 'vodka chic' look. just too thin. in the small amount that i have quit i have probably put on 5 lbs. and all of it good. i'm fortunate that i have a decent metabolism or all of the sweet tea i've been drinking would have put 20 lbs on me.
i also went to church for the first time in over a year. (christmas and easter at my wife's church) my oldest son asked me to go because his fiance was singing. in my typical fashion i wouldn't commit to it but said 'i might come'. i'm glad i did. no miracles from on high but there was a spiritual sense that i needed to help fill some of my emptiness from no longer drinking.
definitely not committing to going next week but i might end up there again. it can in no way hurt me as far as i can see. i ran into folks i haven't seen in the last 5 years since i quit going. this is a very large dynamic non-judgemental church. had anyone asked where i had been i was going to tell them i've been attending the 'first church of smirnoff' for the last 5 years. fortunately nobody asked me that question.
i look back at the things i did before i became an alcoholic and i want to get back to that level. i look back at how much i've spent on vodka through those years and it makes me ashamed at how much better that money could have been spent.
i know this is long but i needed to get it out. i thank everyone at s.r. for if it were not for them i would have never quit. oh...the toxicity that i was at following the last 3 day weekend is what made me quit but it's through the strength i've received from s.r. that has kept me quit through these 20 days.
i thank everyone on here for their honesty and i hope and wish everyone that wants to quit and stay quit will have the strength to do so.
sincerely,
a fallen man.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 27
I am 7 days sober today - and just had an experience I did not expect!
So tonight I go to do some home work for a night class I am taking which involves a good deal of drawing.
So first I think - wow this would go a lot quicker if I had a little wine in me to loosen me up! But I get past that and then start drawing.... and it is going really well and I am getting so excited because things are coming together and I start to get sort of hyped up and drawing and then I am done, and I am still totally hyped up.
I start to freak out because normally I would have some wine to relax me to come down after a high like that. But - that is not on the table so I literally feel like I am going to puke because I am so wound up from drawing. How can that be? Shouldn't drawing be relaxing - well funny that huh? I am thinking about it and I used alcohol for that all the time - whenever I was too ramped up and could not come down.
Sort of a manic self medicating thing? Has this happened to anyone else?
So - I instead I made myself a cup of tea and decided to post to SR. Gosh - and I thought getting thru saturday night was bad! This was actually more difficult because I was totally not prepared for it!
So tonight I go to do some home work for a night class I am taking which involves a good deal of drawing.
So first I think - wow this would go a lot quicker if I had a little wine in me to loosen me up! But I get past that and then start drawing.... and it is going really well and I am getting so excited because things are coming together and I start to get sort of hyped up and drawing and then I am done, and I am still totally hyped up.
I start to freak out because normally I would have some wine to relax me to come down after a high like that. But - that is not on the table so I literally feel like I am going to puke because I am so wound up from drawing. How can that be? Shouldn't drawing be relaxing - well funny that huh? I am thinking about it and I used alcohol for that all the time - whenever I was too ramped up and could not come down.
Sort of a manic self medicating thing? Has this happened to anyone else?
So - I instead I made myself a cup of tea and decided to post to SR. Gosh - and I thought getting thru saturday night was bad! This was actually more difficult because I was totally not prepared for it!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 39
GJ serenitea, use that built up hyperness to do some work outs or something ne-thing but drink, dont do what i did..
back on day 3 again... if i could kick my own ass i would.... Looking back i threw away my week of sobriety just for another 3 days of withdrawls and sleeplessness....So here it is 1.5 hrs before i have a long 10 hr work day.... maybe i can use this as another step in my recovery and look on how i felt and for how long it lasts. no matter how long i binge... 1 day or 1 week i still feel just as bad.... I can't help but to think of what i've heard so many times; the definition of insanity, Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.. O well maybe next time instead of saying imma stay home maybe i should do it.
back on day 3 again... if i could kick my own ass i would.... Looking back i threw away my week of sobriety just for another 3 days of withdrawls and sleeplessness....So here it is 1.5 hrs before i have a long 10 hr work day.... maybe i can use this as another step in my recovery and look on how i felt and for how long it lasts. no matter how long i binge... 1 day or 1 week i still feel just as bad.... I can't help but to think of what i've heard so many times; the definition of insanity, Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.. O well maybe next time instead of saying imma stay home maybe i should do it.
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
Good Morning SR family class of Sept .... glad to see were all here and doing the best we can ..
Welcome all newcommers , were so glad your here and look forward to reading your posts and getting to know a lil bout you.
Cath you out there somewheres? Ive been thinkin bout you and havnt seen you post in a few days . hope your doing ok and stickin to your sober guns .
Wasnt to much of an eventful weekend which to be honnest was nice for a change , chillaxin at home with the hubbie and doing nuttin much , Hunting Season opens here soon and it will be a bit busy at work , no more weekends off for while , so was a good restful wknd . lots of time to reflect and be greatful to so many things
Weeknds are hard for many , to me its just another day ending in Y . I dont need or didnt need the weekends to have an excuse to drink . I had many reasons to drink any day of the week .. esp happy hours .. But now im able to enjoy my weekends doing fun and exciteing sometimes new things .. Blessed lving in a small community wheres theres many towns just like this one all around and they always got something going on in form of festivals , centianials , what ever be it . Its been a great summer and sad to see it leave , it was IMO way to short ! well just wanted to drop in and say hi and show support to all of you .. keep up the good work ODAAT. or less if thats what you require , dont knock your selfs out over something from the other day . as someone said recently , its DONE its OVER and you cant change it . just move forward and learn from it ! ~ huggles , Endzy~
Welcome all newcommers , were so glad your here and look forward to reading your posts and getting to know a lil bout you.
Cath you out there somewheres? Ive been thinkin bout you and havnt seen you post in a few days . hope your doing ok and stickin to your sober guns .
Wasnt to much of an eventful weekend which to be honnest was nice for a change , chillaxin at home with the hubbie and doing nuttin much , Hunting Season opens here soon and it will be a bit busy at work , no more weekends off for while , so was a good restful wknd . lots of time to reflect and be greatful to so many things
Weeknds are hard for many , to me its just another day ending in Y . I dont need or didnt need the weekends to have an excuse to drink . I had many reasons to drink any day of the week .. esp happy hours .. But now im able to enjoy my weekends doing fun and exciteing sometimes new things .. Blessed lving in a small community wheres theres many towns just like this one all around and they always got something going on in form of festivals , centianials , what ever be it . Its been a great summer and sad to see it leave , it was IMO way to short ! well just wanted to drop in and say hi and show support to all of you .. keep up the good work ODAAT. or less if thats what you require , dont knock your selfs out over something from the other day . as someone said recently , its DONE its OVER and you cant change it . just move forward and learn from it ! ~ huggles , Endzy~
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Morning y'all.
Endzy, nice...
Serenitea (I like your name) (and welcome, I haven't seen you) I get that energy that you describe too. Tea sounds like a good idea. What I do is exercise in the day so that I'm physically tired, and just lay down in the dark and hope I sleep it off--even in the afternoon. It works, but not always, I admit, but it's the best I've came up with so far.
LR, that, or you can go out hard for a week and get next to nothing for symptoms save tired. I think it's relapse roulette... Making us not want to risk it...
Yeah, I think we're supposed to learn that lesson.
Well, I'm 4 days sober. Again. If I cross this threshhold into 5, then I will be in a place I've only been 4 times before in the last 20 years. When I say it like that it looks mighty pitiful. 80 days sober in 20 years. Longest stretch about 40--I'm just gonna call it 40.
Heck, I don't even care about the days in the end. I just like the being sober, but I can't seem to stay wanting it so I end up just trying to compete with myself for days. I mean, my life doesn't get any better or anything, but I can blur everything out by being drunk or I can selectively blur out the bad parts by being sober. Yeah, this is insane. I really do like being sober.
Well, anyways, I'm obviously confused somewhere, 'cause if I like being sober, no reason I should have given it all up a couple weeks ago. And didn't even just go out for a minute... 8 or 9 bottles, I'm not even sure. At least if I'd caught myself, I might have understood better. But I went all the way and kept going, knowing what I was doing. Who the He- does that?
-TB, thoroughly confused but not drinking
Endzy, nice...
Serenitea (I like your name) (and welcome, I haven't seen you) I get that energy that you describe too. Tea sounds like a good idea. What I do is exercise in the day so that I'm physically tired, and just lay down in the dark and hope I sleep it off--even in the afternoon. It works, but not always, I admit, but it's the best I've came up with so far.
LR, that, or you can go out hard for a week and get next to nothing for symptoms save tired. I think it's relapse roulette... Making us not want to risk it...
Yeah, I think we're supposed to learn that lesson.
Well, I'm 4 days sober. Again. If I cross this threshhold into 5, then I will be in a place I've only been 4 times before in the last 20 years. When I say it like that it looks mighty pitiful. 80 days sober in 20 years. Longest stretch about 40--I'm just gonna call it 40.
Heck, I don't even care about the days in the end. I just like the being sober, but I can't seem to stay wanting it so I end up just trying to compete with myself for days. I mean, my life doesn't get any better or anything, but I can blur everything out by being drunk or I can selectively blur out the bad parts by being sober. Yeah, this is insane. I really do like being sober.
Well, anyways, I'm obviously confused somewhere, 'cause if I like being sober, no reason I should have given it all up a couple weeks ago. And didn't even just go out for a minute... 8 or 9 bottles, I'm not even sure. At least if I'd caught myself, I might have understood better. But I went all the way and kept going, knowing what I was doing. Who the He- does that?
-TB, thoroughly confused but not drinking
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 33
goddam it i made it to 10days sober then went on a week of drinking. Is as though when i try and sober up everything bad starts to happen. This is what happened before it all went to crap this time.
A guy at who I'd known for 5+years didnt show up for work, I later find out that the owners of the business decided that he wasnt perfoming and decided it was better they part ways. Great except the owners lie for a week about what really happened and dont tell management (who I am part of) what really has happpened.
To top it off with my daughter (7years old_ goes in to hopsital for an operation to diagnose if she is allergic to gluten (on top of her type 1 diabetes). This I can deal with as I was prepared for this. My son broke his arm a week ago and was also booked in for a checkup on the same day at the same childrens hospital.
This is where it all went to crap. As my daughter was going under for her op I took my son 1 floor down for his checkup for his arm. Guess what. They looked at the new xray and rushed him into theatre to have his arm rebroken. So spent the whole day in hospital didnt have a thing to eat as me and my wife were looking after the 2 kids. And then the worst thing was this was our 9th wedding annervisery.
I hope to get back on the sober wagon again tommorow but am worried as every time i get sober bad things in life seem to happen.
A guy at who I'd known for 5+years didnt show up for work, I later find out that the owners of the business decided that he wasnt perfoming and decided it was better they part ways. Great except the owners lie for a week about what really happened and dont tell management (who I am part of) what really has happpened.
To top it off with my daughter (7years old_ goes in to hopsital for an operation to diagnose if she is allergic to gluten (on top of her type 1 diabetes). This I can deal with as I was prepared for this. My son broke his arm a week ago and was also booked in for a checkup on the same day at the same childrens hospital.
This is where it all went to crap. As my daughter was going under for her op I took my son 1 floor down for his checkup for his arm. Guess what. They looked at the new xray and rushed him into theatre to have his arm rebroken. So spent the whole day in hospital didnt have a thing to eat as me and my wife were looking after the 2 kids. And then the worst thing was this was our 9th wedding annervisery.
I hope to get back on the sober wagon again tommorow but am worried as every time i get sober bad things in life seem to happen.
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