Co-dependents anonymous
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Originally Posted by Pelican 
If we get HistoryTeach to break up the helpful info into smaller posts, we could hit 500 before midnight!:bounce
Be careful what you wish for,
You will surely get it!
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
Well I definitely need this!!! I have all of Melodie Beatties books and I especially love The Language of Letting Go..I have been working on my codependency on my own, so thank God for this thread....thanks so much grateful
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,401
Originally Posted by historyteach
Any of these sound familiar???
It's too much to absorb in one sitting. So, I'm closing my eyes and peeking with one at the "later stages" of codependency. It makes me wonder about the recent "awakening" of my addiction. I'm not sure that I really want to look all that closely (I'm sure that fit in somewhere in the first tome description). All the same, this will be an interesting topic to follow and, therefore, I'm subscribing to it. Besides, I just had to respond. I felt this grave responsibility to help the thread get to 500
(couldn't resist... besides, it's somewhat true). Thanks for starting it, Grateful2b.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Thank God we aren't having to count the number of times we answered "that's me", to the text from "Teach". Too too scary, and lost count anyway.
Good thread and here's my bit towards the 500 goal.
Good thread and here's my bit towards the 500 goal.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 95
I finally read Beattie's "Co-Dependent No More." It delineated what it is to be codependent and I see how I am so much that, and how my own thinking has led me to the entrapment I've found myself in my whole life. All my life I've sought to simply be accepted, for it to be OK to be myself. It's never seemed that way, so I sought to be the person others wanted me to be, so to be OK in their eyes. It seemed a tolerable compromise. But living that way for 40 years I can see how it is NOT! Sacrificing yourself for the wants and expectations of others may fool them for awhile, but you can't live that way for a lifetime. Eventually it catches up with you.
I'm still struggling with making my life my own. I still allow the expecations and wants of others to control me. As of now, I'm just holding my breath, waiting for the next couple weeks to pass. Because then everything changes. I'll be living alone. My home will be my own. I have vowed to myself to finally take charge of my own life, live for myself and not for others. It's sad to be still waiting after all this time, but I'm trying to be "nice" about the way I go about moving forward. I just hope to not be taken advantage of in the meantime. I'm here asking for a place to write about what's ongoing, perhaps to find encouragement. Maybe just to write.
I'm still struggling with making my life my own. I still allow the expecations and wants of others to control me. As of now, I'm just holding my breath, waiting for the next couple weeks to pass. Because then everything changes. I'll be living alone. My home will be my own. I have vowed to myself to finally take charge of my own life, live for myself and not for others. It's sad to be still waiting after all this time, but I'm trying to be "nice" about the way I go about moving forward. I just hope to not be taken advantage of in the meantime. I'm here asking for a place to write about what's ongoing, perhaps to find encouragement. Maybe just to write.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
Oh my goodness, Fall, you are talking about me, I feel exactly the same way..I want so bad to take charge of my own life finally, stop just living for others, I have been taking small steps towards that, but I am not sure what it all looks like yet...I am so glad that you are sharing with us and hope we can encourage you along the way..(hugs)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Well, I'm late in joining, but count me in
I'm much better at being a recovering codie, now, but I was a true codie for a long, long time, and I truly think it fueled my addiction. I couldn't deal with the pain of dealing with my A's and other people, just KNEW it was my fault, so I tried to numb the pain. I always figured if there was a WWIII, it would be my fault.
I read all of Melodie Beattie's books, and practically LIVE on the friends/family forum, so have gotten much better. Doesn't mean I don't slip, though, but at least I recognize it, now, and can get back on track a lot faster.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm much better at being a recovering codie, now, but I was a true codie for a long, long time, and I truly think it fueled my addiction. I couldn't deal with the pain of dealing with my A's and other people, just KNEW it was my fault, so I tried to numb the pain. I always figured if there was a WWIII, it would be my fault.
I read all of Melodie Beattie's books, and practically LIVE on the friends/family forum, so have gotten much better. Doesn't mean I don't slip, though, but at least I recognize it, now, and can get back on track a lot faster.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 95
Good to meet you SerenityGirl. I think small steps are the best way to go. Steady progress towards a goal. Maybe you're like me also in the way where I bottle up and then explode when I can't take it any more. "Exploding" meaning: retreating to drug use, running away, and hurtful demise of relationships. If only I knew how to take charge at each small step along the way maybe those explosions could be prevented.
"CoDependent No More" shows us what we are and how detrimental our ways of dealing (or not dealing) with matters important to us are to us and to those around us. But it doesn't do it for us. We need to realize our own path and act on it. That, of course, is the hard part...
It's so much easier to retreat. But that gets us one step back, not forward.
Here's to moving forward, with determination.
"CoDependent No More" shows us what we are and how detrimental our ways of dealing (or not dealing) with matters important to us are to us and to those around us. But it doesn't do it for us. We need to realize our own path and act on it. That, of course, is the hard part...
It's so much easier to retreat. But that gets us one step back, not forward.
Here's to moving forward, with determination.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 95
Oh, my, yes. That's so true what you write Amy. Codependency is fuel for addiction. Numb it away. Escape. I look forward to reading into friends/ fammily forum. I'm looking for connections for support, encouragement. Direction. I can see such easy slip back into active drug use without it. Thanks for the mention.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
[QUOTE=Impurrfect;2041734] I couldn't deal with the pain of dealing with my A's and other people, just KNEW it was my fault, so I tried to numb the pain. /QUOTE]
Amy, so true, I have kind of backed into my understanding of myself as a codie...
I did a lot of work over the years, was doing twelve step work(spiritual) before I knew about twelve steps...
when my A was deep in addiction, that is when my co-dependence awoke with a vengeance, what a painful, painful time....
now in recovery, I look back through my younger life, and I see, the pain I was in and the shame I felt and the never being ok.
It is a blessing to be able to see the whats and whys of it all, and to understand and be compassionate and loving with myself, and to experience the wholeness, that understanding evokes..
Amy, so true, I have kind of backed into my understanding of myself as a codie...
I did a lot of work over the years, was doing twelve step work(spiritual) before I knew about twelve steps...
when my A was deep in addiction, that is when my co-dependence awoke with a vengeance, what a painful, painful time....
now in recovery, I look back through my younger life, and I see, the pain I was in and the shame I felt and the never being ok.
It is a blessing to be able to see the whats and whys of it all, and to understand and be compassionate and loving with myself, and to experience the wholeness, that understanding evokes..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 37
I fit probably most of what historyteach posted about. This is no surprise as when I was in therapy the counsellor said I was codependant. I've just never seen it spelled out like that. I feel there is something seriously wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it.
Looks like for 2008 I'm gonna end up with 3 mos. sober out of 12 when you add it all up. I'm approaching day 28 on NYE this go round. Alcohol is only a part of my problem I guess.
" In the later stages of codependency, codependents may:
Feel lethargic. Absolutely
Feel depressed.Absolutely
Become withdrawn and isolated.Absolutely
Experience a complete loss of daily routine and structure.Yes
Abuse or neglect their children and other responsibilities.Other responsibilities, Yes
Feel hopeless.Absolutely
Begin to plan their escape from a relationship they feel trapped in.I think I hate relationships
Think about suicide.Yes
Become violent.No
Become seriously emotionally, mentally, or physically ill.Yes
Experience an eating disorder (over - or under eating).Yes
Become addicted to alcohol or other drugs "Yes
Looks like for 2008 I'm gonna end up with 3 mos. sober out of 12 when you add it all up. I'm approaching day 28 on NYE this go round. Alcohol is only a part of my problem I guess.
" In the later stages of codependency, codependents may:
Feel lethargic. Absolutely
Feel depressed.Absolutely
Become withdrawn and isolated.Absolutely
Experience a complete loss of daily routine and structure.Yes
Abuse or neglect their children and other responsibilities.Other responsibilities, Yes
Feel hopeless.Absolutely
Begin to plan their escape from a relationship they feel trapped in.I think I hate relationships
Think about suicide.Yes
Become violent.No
Become seriously emotionally, mentally, or physically ill.Yes
Experience an eating disorder (over - or under eating).Yes
Become addicted to alcohol or other drugs "Yes
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Des, congratulations on day 28th!
glad to see you here, welcome..
for me finding out I was a codie was liberating, I always knew something was wrong and couldn't seem to get at 'it'
finally...there WAS a reason for so much pain, now I knew WHAT was wrong...
Des, have you seen or read any of Melody Beattie's books? Co-dependent No More is her first one and one of the best handbooks on co-dependency in my opinion...
glad to see you here, welcome..
for me finding out I was a codie was liberating, I always knew something was wrong and couldn't seem to get at 'it'
finally...there WAS a reason for so much pain, now I knew WHAT was wrong...
Des, have you seen or read any of Melody Beattie's books? Co-dependent No More is her first one and one of the best handbooks on co-dependency in my opinion...
Last edited by grateful2b; 12-30-2008 at 10:14 AM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by grateful2b
Des, congratulations on day 28th!
glad to see you here, welcome..
for me finding out I was a codie was liberating, I always knew something was wrong and couldn't seem to get at 'it'
finally...there WAS a reason for so much pain, now I knew WHAT was wrong...
Des, have you seen or read any of Melody Beattie's books? C0-dependent No more is her first one and one of the best books on co-dependency in my opinion...
glad to see you here, welcome..
for me finding out I was a codie was liberating, I always knew something was wrong and couldn't seem to get at 'it'
finally...there WAS a reason for so much pain, now I knew WHAT was wrong...
Des, have you seen or read any of Melody Beattie's books? C0-dependent No more is her first one and one of the best books on co-dependency in my opinion...
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
(((Des)))
I understand....
I used the word liberating because it explained so much of the pain I had been experiencing all my life and why I acted and reacted in my interpersonal relationships as I did and why I chose to numb myself and get lost in addiction for a time...still had a ton of work to do but at least I knew who the enemy/monster was
I 'hope' you continue to post here and share what you feel comfortable with as you explore this new information you have been given...
hang in there..:ghug3, Grateful
I understand....
I used the word liberating because it explained so much of the pain I had been experiencing all my life and why I acted and reacted in my interpersonal relationships as I did and why I chose to numb myself and get lost in addiction for a time...still had a ton of work to do but at least I knew who the enemy/monster was
I 'hope' you continue to post here and share what you feel comfortable with as you explore this new information you have been given...
hang in there..:ghug3, Grateful
Last edited by grateful2b; 12-30-2008 at 11:00 AM.
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