grateful2b

thanks , SG...I started it for selfish reasons borne out of my own needs and I am glad that people are getting something from it...yay!
Happy New Years, SG, have a safe and happy evening, see you in '09

grateful2b

SG, I really appreciate your share...
I am confronting the way I have chosen to respond to a principal relationship(family member) in my life right now and it has left me feeling very fragile and raw , because the roots of this pain go back to childhood, but a huge weight has been lifted from me by acknowleging the connection to my childhood loss.
it is tough to challenge the most important relationships because I think they hold the most risk for loss and are the biggest trigger. but there is such a freedom when we can do so .

SerenityGirl

Thankyou grateful, sorry that you are feeling so fragile right now, what is it that you are dealing with? ((hugs))

grateful2b

SG..
I had a huge realization the other day...
I finally was able to see for the first time how my codependent expectation for my daughter to love me all these years, in the way my family never did, has robbed both of us in our relationship...
it was a huge epiphany for me....hard to admit, acknowledge,
but I feel liberated ....
I have spent the last year leading up to this moment, dealing with my recovery, and getting out of the way of hers, and now I have come face to face with the root of my codie needs.
while I have been learning to own my stuff, I was filtering myself to a small degree still, and now I can be completely honest because I am no longer in denial about my expectations in any way.
make any sense?
anyway it is five days later and I am feeling a bit better....want to tread carefully though, I feel like a new baby, emotionally

grateful2b

I should have explained...I feel like a new baby emotionally, because between my BP2 and the ptsd, its having a much bigger impact emotionally than it would have otherwise, I think...
anyway thats my story and I'm sticking to it
thank you for asking, SG....

SerenityGirl

Grateful, It is so good that you are coming to an understanding of what was happening with your relationship with your daughter, so glad that you are feeling liberated...
I have a very complicated relationship with my youngest daughter also, she has been able to manipulate me for years and play on my guilt to have things her way...so I have been working on not letting her get to me or get pulled into her drama. I know now I can't save her, she has to find her own way. But it is so hard to let go, I have to deal with each thing that comes up, the best I can.

grateful2b

hmmm, yes, mine is very good at the manipulation too, and although I have been able to detach, and let her get on with it (addiction), I feel this new information will allow me to step out more honestly in my own skin where she is concerned and hopefully foster some change in this relationship for both of us by walking with more truth..

grateful2b

I have struggled with the guilt too, and her game of wanting and needing to keep me close, saying she is gonna do this and this and then turning around and continuing with her addiction. I have learned this year to detach( thanks, SR), but it was still tricky emotionally, and now that I am truely no longer an emotional hostage, I am looking forward to 2009. Should be a very interesting year

grateful2b

sorry, guys,I think I just chewed my cabbage twice in a round about way...lol
I am just so jazzed about this breakthrough...long time coming

SerenityGirl

Keep sharing Grateful about your breakthrough!!! I am happy for you...
I wonder where everyone is today, we need to keep this going guys...

SerenityGirl

Codependency arises out of the fallacy of trying to control inner feelings, by manipulating other people and circumstances. I am not sure what book this is from, I had it written down. I found it very interesting.

grateful2b

Thanks, SG, I really appreciate the support
SG, we will just have to keep the homefires burning til everyone wanders back in..

grateful2b

SG, yes, nodding...that was my inner life for so many years...the denial of the void...yikes!

Impurrfect

Sorry I've been MIA today. Tried to get some things done, I've been procrastinating on.

Dad tried to start an argument with me today. I'd stopped and gotten something to eat, while running errands and he said I hurt his feelings because I didn't get him and stepmom something to eat and he always gets me something when he gets them something. Even threw in the fact that I buy the cats treats, but "never" gets him anything.

I blew up at first, but calmed down quickly. Reminded him that stepmom was cooking dinner, so then it was "you can't eat what WE eat?" After explaining that I don't have money to buy 2 extra meals, and pointing out all the times I HAVE called them from the store to see if they need something, or bought my stepmom lunch when he's on the road, he apologized.

I used to get all wrapped up in guilt when he would do this, thinking of all the ways I've screwed up and what I put him through when I was using. Now, I see that he has some issues of his own and he gets to feeling sorry for himself and tries to take it out on me, and I don't allow it any more. He's unhappy about a lot of things in his life, and I keep telling him that I can't fix them and he's the only one who can. I keep trying to teach him about an attitude-of-gratitude but his favorite motto is "if I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all". Add that to a chronically depressed, majorly codie stepmom and it's a challenge in my house.

Other than that, though, I'm doing just great Shared my dinner with my cat, Elvis, and he's asleep and purring. I'm about to go to sleep, too, as my 15-year-old niece and her 2 friends were here last night, running around the house until 6 this morning.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

SerenityGirl

Yes, we can do that!!!keep the homefires going!!!

Pelican

Post #73

Hi all, I'm just skipping through SR before I go to bed for the evening. I am waiting on my order of books to arrive any day now. I ordered "The launguage of letting go" and "Beyond codependency" as well as "Beyond the influence". I'm looking forward to reading.

Have you read any of these?

grateful2b

(((Amy))), I swear you popped into my head today, and I had the feeling that you were due for a hug...sent you one, serious...
sorry things were stressful today but I am happy you are so strong in your recovery for everyones sake at your house...you are 'my' heroine, sweetie

grateful2b

Hi Pelican, good to see you..
I have The Language Of Letting Go..rereading it as we speak
I am trying to get my hands on Beyond Codependency, the one I don't have...haven't read it yet, need to...
I really want to read Beyond The Influence, hear it is really amazing ...

Pelican

Good night Amy and grateful!

Amy, we must have posted at the same time! I'm sorry you walked into chaos this evening. Sounds like you got a handle on your emotions, tho. Good for you!

grateful2b

Night, Night, all...