fall

So good to be here reading and interacting again, it provides such comfort and motivation to proceed forward. I can't freely write from my own home, I'm watched, monitored...so sad. I'm a 40 year old woman and it is MY house! You see, I still run and hide, it's ingrained behavior. Not only do I feel judged, I AM judged! And I can only take so much of it.

I wonder about the running sometimes. Sometimes I think I have the right, that it is in my best interest to get away from a bad situation, and when that situation is emotionally charged to the extreme, it seems best to get away. On the flip side, I can see the benefit in standing my ground, saying, "No, I won't take your emotional abuse. I know what is right, I know I am OK in being the person I am." But oh so much easier to run away and hide.

You've all cited many highly regarded books, some I've read, others I am eager to read. It's fantastic to see inspired quotes cited here, just simple ideas that are so far reaching. Food for thought.

Impurrfect, your mention of how your father reacts to your buying the cats treats but not him reminds me of situations I face. People unable to see what you're giving them day after day after day, instead choosing to focus on what they're NOT getting, jealous of what others are. Even something so simple as your cat. Yeah, I face the same situation with my dog. He's a 15-year old bud, always by my side, loyal, grateful, comforting. He deserves his treats and appreciates every one. So nice to give to one who appreciates it...


Grateful to all who are writing here. I wish I could write more, and more freely. For now I'm still restricted...but not for much longer...

Pelican

Good Morning!
Hi there Fall!

Thanks for your honest shares. From reading your posts and your on screen name, I am reminded of a song I love to listen to. It is from Alter Bridge called "Watch Over You". VH1 shows it as a theme song for Celebrity Rehab, here are the opening lines:

"Watch Over You"

Leaves are on the ground
Fall has come
Blue skies turning grey
Like my love

I tried to carry you
And make you whole
But it was never enough
I must go

Love that song!

I hope to have my books soon. If it's okay, I will posts some quotes/ideas from my reading that will offer inspiration. I know the excerpts from Under the Influence posted on this website were a big help to me in getting and staying sober. In my early day, if someone would have handed me a book, I would have been to overwhelmed to pick it up and read. Sometimes little bits of information are all we can digest at a time.

Grateful, I'm happy for the epiphany in your relationship with your daughter. Thanks for sharing!

fall

Good morning Pelican,
I like the Fall association, it's a beautiful season. Gray is underrated. I'm painting a room gray this weekend, that was, so coincidentally, sky blue. A horrible color for a room I think. The slate gray will be so much warmer, more comfortable.

I selected the name Fall originally because I felt, back in September when I joined here, I was falling. Failing. Unable to get a grip. I like the association of changing seasons much better, and it's far more appropriate now.

In small doses. I like the idea of ideas being shared here. Things we discover, an ideal place to share, to learn, to grow. To change for the better. Peaceful New Year!

SerenityGirl

Hi there Fall,Amy and Pelican..I was wondering where you were..I have all of Melodie Beatties books, I have been reading the Language of Letting Go for quite awhile now, its one of the things that have kept me going with no meetings to go to. Ann puts the daily reading on SR everyday, which I read again.
I know what it's like Amy, my a is always making comments, it seems to make me feel guilty, I always get a twinge of guilt out of habit. Then I remember its ok to take care of myself..and be happy.

SerenityGirl

Pelican, I don't think I have heard that song before, but I love the words in it...very appropriate for letting go...

SerenityGirl

Fall, as I've said my first impulse is always to run away, I will definitely leave, go for a walk, when emotions are high.. But when things are calm I have been saying how I feel about things, like what I won't tolerate him saying. I don't want to put up with his BS anymore.....

JMFburns

Hi,

Very much a codependent person here! Just wanted to help to get the 500 posts and will keep checking in.

There has been alot of good info shared here, but almost more than I can take in at once. I'm busy trying to work on detachment, letting go and letting God where my AS is concerned. I acknowledge I have addiction to him and codependency issues to work on as well but it ALL together seems to be much so am just taking small steps as best I can.

grateful2b

Morning All...Welcome JMF!!
((Fall))
I'm sorry that your situation is so difficult....and I think we always have the right to get away from a bad situation..self-preservation being 9/10 ths of the law, donchaknow..lol...and I think we owe it to ourselves ...but I think we can only do our best in any situation and leave the rest...
I glad it will be for not much longer, you are in my thoughts, Fall, hang in there...I am so glad you are here

grateful2b

Pelican, I am so happy for your offer to post some quotes, saying, from your readings! thank you...all are so welcome, I am hoping to see this thread jumping and alive with a flurry of everyone's offerings

:ghug

Impurrfect

(((JMF)))

Good to see you here!! When I first realized I was a codie, I had to absorb it in itty bitty pieces...way to overwhelming. As my friend, Anvil, says..how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I would read a lot, and out of a chapter, maybe one paragraph would sink in.

Just keep reading, posting, and taking it one day at a time. You've already made some huge progress, so give yourself a pat on the back!

(((Pelican))) - I like the idea of your posting stuff here, too. I used to read, a lot...then I got addicted to SR, and hardly ever open a book

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

grateful2b

warning: long..
ok so, I have over the years, while a caregiver and dealing with chronic pain, put on, shall we say, ahem, more weight than I care to lug around...
for me, it got to the point where i wondered if i would ever be lighter and healthy again...
and I have to say I was really intimated by the daunting task of losing it all...
I felt like I had a mountain in front of me that I didn't think I could climb...
but I really wanted too...
and the thought of anything beating me, haunted me....
and it was beating me...
so, I began last year to think about myself and this 'task'..
got my head ready , so to speak...
did a bunch of work on emotional eating...it was never about quantity...but the stress in my life would send me to the cupboards looking for a little tidbit...and then another....
by the time fall rolled around, my head was on straight about what I had to do...
so how to do it...
I always thought counting calories was a lot of work, frankly..
I got my hands on a Gazelle for the winter months...
Then end of November, I got the bright idea to go with Nutrisystem...the idea of opening the cupboard and grabbing something was ideal...a plan I didn't have to think about..just had to focus on the will...excellent..
got the food on a friday..had diarrhea for three straight days...
FYI..the nutrisystem food was horrid...my bowel freaked at all the preservatives...
I was on the phone on sunday...returned it on monday...got my refund on friday..
good news - I learned about portion control and thought if I can eat that ****, I can do any diet...realized I 'could' do 1200 calories a day and survive...thank you Nutrisystem
so I went to the grocers on monday, got a ton of lean cuisine, a bunch of soups, low fat brakfast stuff
and guess what, I'm counting calories!!!
I have lost 14 lbs...I feel great! this is so easy!
I'm climbing my mountain!!
and I am so darn jazzed about it because I know its a done deal..just got to keep my head down til I reach my goal...
this was beating me until I screwed up the courage and decided I had to love myself enough to put myself first if I was gonna to beat it
heck, I turned down dinner invitations over the Christmas season because I was not gonna let this take second place...this is my turn, my gift to me...

grateful2b

Pelican, I was kinda pooped last night but wanted to add, that I picked up The Language of Letting Go at a time when I was not ready to read it, didn't get too far in before I put it down...just couldn't hear it...
Since I have been on SR and because of Ann's generous daily offerings , I have picked it up again... I, now, keep this book very close...so helpful to me...

SerenityGirl

Good for you, Grateful!!!

grateful2b

Thanks, SG
being heavy over time was starting to affect how I felt about myself, my self-esteem was starting to take a beating

grateful2b

a little chuckle...

Three people , one of whom was co-dependent, were in line to be executed at the guillotine.
The first person stuck his head in the hole, the rope was cut and the blade fell, only to stop inches above the person's neck.
Th executioner saw it as a sign from God and so decided to let the person go.
The next person put his head in the hole, the rope was cut, and again, the blade stopped an inch above the person's neck.
That person too, was released.
As the codependent walked up for his turn at the guillotine, he turned to the executioner and said, " you know, I think I know how to fix that"

GiveLove

G2B, just chiming in to be part of the "lucky 500" here

I am a recovering codependent and I have gotten so much out of reading through this thread. Thanks for starting this garden and tending it!

Hugs,
GL

grateful2b

Thank you, GiveLove I am real glad you came by and thanks so much for you support

grateful2b

We learn to be codependent from others around us. From the time we are born , we see codependent behaviors modeled and taught by an endless string of important people, parents, teachers, siblings, friends, heroes and heroines.

Co-dependency is fundamentally about disordered relationships. These relationships include relationships with our Self, others, and if we can choose, our Higher Power. One of our reasons for being is to get to know ourselves in a deeper, richer, and more profound way. We can do that only if we are truly in relationship with ourselves.

- Excerpt from Codependency by Nicole Lavoie

bodey29

WOW, self discovery happening..oh man. 1 thing at a time. Thanks Teach

grateful2b

Gentle Reminders
by Mitzi Chandler

January 3


Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees or the stars; you have a right to be here.

--from Desirerata

If ever there was a message that codependents need to take to heart, it is the one above.
As children, most of us have had a favorite stuffed animal, one who we loved above all others.
In time , its fur wore thin, it lost a button eye, its seams split and it slowly lost all its stuffing.
But it remained our favorite - all the more because it was imperfect. We loved it to death.
Like a tattered doll, the child within needs our gentleness, our concern, our loyalty. It need to be loved to life.

Today I will treat myself with gentleness