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Old 09-04-2017, 01:18 PM   #21 (permalink)
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P.S I am sorry about my poor grammar, I find it very challenging now to articulate myself in a coherent manner. Something I never had an issue with in the past
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Old 09-04-2017, 02:05 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Hang on, brett.

Give your body time to heal.

I am one for whom meds make things worse, not better. Keep seeking and be patient.

Good nutrition is super important for rebuilding, so do as much research as you can to support your body and mind.
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Old 09-04-2017, 05:22 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Hi Brett, I'm sorry to hear you've continued to struggle. It's so important to have supportive people around you, so I hope you can find a better sponsor. I've dealt with None of this is your fault. None. I've dealt with unsupportive and judgmental sponsors too. Remember they are just humans who bring their own baggage into the relationship, which we all are. You are not doing anything wrong, you just need to find someone who understands and supports you. There are good people out there.
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Old 09-06-2017, 03:52 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Well I have heeded everyone's advice about good nutrition so this is a brief summary of what i'm on. I eat 3 healthy, balanced meals a day however I do drink a lot of coffee (about 6 cups a day) which I do think is a lot and that I should cut down on it .

I've done some research online about some supplements that can give me that extra boost of nutrients I might be lacking for rebuilding to speed up the recovery process. I'm currently on an assortment of vitamins and minerals listed as follows :-

- Vitamin B Complex (necessary for energy and cognition)
- Magnesium (Supports relaxation, sleep, and nervous system functioning) ,
- A-Z Multi Vitamin (compensates for weak spots in your diet and repairs
deficiencies you might not know about)
- Triple Strength Omega Complex Oil (helps regenerate brain tissure, improves mood),
- 5-HT1 (Serotonin booster)

If there is anything else anyone could recommend that has helped then please leave you're suggestions below! Thank you!
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Old 09-06-2017, 06:18 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I think you're doing great Brett. Personally it did help me to cut down on caffeine. Be patient and stick with it, recovery and a healthy lifestyle doesn't promise immediate results but gradually you'll notice a difference. Get to meetings and socialize too, being around others does wonders for my morale.
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Old 09-13-2017, 12:00 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Hey Brett,

I'm just an internet stranger but I hope that sharing my story will help you a little bit.

This year I've gone through almost exactly what you've described but I can feel myself getting better. It's not straight line better -- some days are really crappy, others are good, and others are all over the place -- but it's a huge improvement over what I would call "rock bottom". Nobody told me that "rock bottom" might come after getting sober...

For the first 4 - 6 weeks after quitting, I was a little anxious, but nothing too bad, but after that, anxiety, depression, brain fog, and paranoia started creeping up. It got worse and worse until one night about 3 and a half months out I had the most terrifying night of my life. Felt like a void opened up under me and I was just trapped in darkness. I started having panic attacks and couldn't sleep for almost a week. Checked myself into an inpatient psych unit (honestly the best decision I've ever made). They said bipolar disorder but the drugs they gave me didn't help at all (zyprexa, ativan, and lithium), so I dropped the drugs and have been trying to fight through things on my own.

I'm about 8 months out and if it weren't for a couple of slip-ups, I think I'd be close to where I was before I drank. You will get better. Stay in touch with your doctors and make sure to ask for help if you feel like things are getting out of control, but keep an eye on the light at the end of the tunnel because it's real and you'll get there. And I know they're the doctors and I'm just an internet stranger, but I've gone through withdrawals that most of them never have, and I think that some of the emotional instability that accompanies sobriety might be getting attributed to bipolar disorder rather than your brain trying to recalibrate itself after substance abuse. I guess if that's what bipolar disorder is then I've got it too, but it's weird that it seems to be clearing up with time.

Also caffeine caused my anxiety to go bananas. I didn't think about it as being another drug I was hooked on but it definitely made things worse. Made me more anxious which led to more depression and isolation. Ask your doctor about tapering down and kicking it if you can. The brain fog will lift with time after getting rid of this too (after another withdrawal -- woof).

Sending good vibes your way -- take care of yourself, lean on your friends and family who care about you, talk to doctors, hang on for what can be a bumpy ride, and let nature take care of itself. You have only brighter days ahead.
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Old 09-14-2017, 06:29 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Thanks Beating Paws,

I am keeping my eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. Each day I'm sober I see as one step closer towards having a renewed mind. I have been doing my absolute best to stick to living a healthy lifestyle (exercise, diet, meetings) and I have found that it has definitely helped.

Overall I am in much better spirits. I now make a concerted effort to avoid isolation by forcing myself to go out and socialize even when I really don't want to. I have come to find that that the least time I want to do anything but be around people is probably when I need to be around them the most. Every little thing helps.

I'm just really having trouble sharing at the meetings. Just because I feel so "disconnected" from everything that every time I do share I find myself battling to properly express my thoughts and I end up talking the most utter nonsense. Everyone else that seems to share always has something meaningful to share and then there's me, that crazy guy who just can't seem to get his point across. Don't get me wrong I have no feelings of being judged by anyone, I honestly couldn't care less about what anyone else thinks the only reason I share is so that I can see myself getting better. I just so wish I had the clarity to speak my mind in a meaningful way so that I can enjoy the fruits of recovery. So that I can form real, meaningful bonds with the members and have that sense of "unity" that everyone keeps talking about.

On the bright side though, I have had tremendous support from members who consistently keep motivating me to share no matter how far gone I am. I do have an overall sense when I enter the meetings that no one is quick to judge me and I that I indeed do find solace in listening to the other addicts speak. I just feel a lot of the time when I do share, I start losing my train of thought and the more I try to express myself the further I keep on digging myself into my own grave. It can be so downgrading and it causes me to sink further into depression. So much to an extent that I begin to question whether if i'm really in the right frame of mind to share at the meetings at this stage of my recovery. Just until I gain some more clarity on things. I don't know, have any of you had this kind of experience at the meetings?
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Old 09-14-2017, 08:08 AM   #28 (permalink)
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I had trouble sharing in early recovery too. One thing I discovered is that sharing does not always come in the form of speech, we can share with our hands and hearts too. I am very good with my hands but a very quiet person by nature so
people know me as the guy who takes out the trash, makes coffee, cleans tables, etc. For over 12 years I have made a point of humbly serving and helping others in order to take the focus off my woes.

I continue to seek only progress and will never achieve perfection.
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Old 09-17-2017, 06:35 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Brett,I felt like every time I wanted to say something at a meeting I was too busy trying how to figure out how and what to say ,so I didn't say anything for about six months.
Now,at ten months, I make myself say things, feel like they are somewhat disjointed, but feel like it was good for me. It took a long time. Sometimes I still just say "I'm pooky and I'm happy to be sober"
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Old 09-18-2017, 01:34 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Wellbutrin can cause bad anxiety in some. It worked like a charm for me, as long as I take a mood stabilizer with it, which in my case is lamictal. I'm a diagnosed Bipolar II, and took lamictal for about 3 years. Tapered off of it under a psychiatrist's care, and felt OK. Looking back on it, the first time my drinking went out of control was after I stopped taking it, and has been up and down with my semi-extreme mood swings.

Going off psych meds should be done under the care of a psychiatrist, and one that has experience with addiction. It can be dangerous to stop medications cold turkey, as well as extremely unpleasant. Untreated bipolar disorder can be EXTREMELY dangerous. It's a purely chemical condition and responds very well to medication. Untreated bipolars have a high risk of suicide, substance abuse, psychotic episodes, impulsive behavior, grandiosity, inability to sleep, and that's just the manic side. Full-blown manic episodes generally end one of three ways, jail, hospitalization, or death (sound familiar)? Bipolar depression also has a much higher risk of suicide than unipolar depression, psychotic episodes, and substance abuse. They can go off their meds and feel fine, until an episode hits, and actually that's not an uncommon progression in the disease.

I'm not suggesting any specific treatment other than talking to an addiction specialized psychiatrist before making any medication changes or if you are unmedicated and have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I've encountered some outright hostility towards medication from a few members at my AA meetings. I let it go right through me, because I feel that this is complete ********, and my doctor knows more than randos at meetings. This has only happened in isolated cases, AA nor the vast majority of its members would suggest that all medication is bad, but I do see a BIAS with a lot of 12 step advocates against psych meds. They can be overprescribed, but they can also be lifesavers with proper administration.
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Old 09-26-2017, 02:40 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Hello everyone,

I am happy to now say that the fog has dissipated quite substantially. I literally woke up this past Saturday and I felt like I had my clarity back again. It was as if
a veil had been lifted from my eyes and I am finally beginning to see hope in everything now. My ability to think clearly and make sound judgments has improved significantly. My communication has improved a lot too, I no longer find it as hard to find the right words to say anymore, the words just flow very naturally now. Just when I thought I had lost my vocabulary I now realize it was always there, hidden somewhere in my mind. My brain just didn't allow me to access to it at the time. The fog is still however present but not nearly as debilitating as it was before. I'm just so happy that I finally have my mind back and I
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Old 09-26-2017, 03:09 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Jus read your entire thread Brett and am so very happy for you. You are inspirational.
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Old 09-26-2017, 03:25 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Hello everyone,

I am happy to now say that the fog has dissipated quite substantially. I literally woke up this past Saturday and I felt like I had my clarity back again. It was as if
a veil had been lifted from my eyes and I am finally beginning to see hope in everything now. My ability to think clearly and make sound judgments has improved significantly. My communication has improved a lot too, I no longer find it as hard to find the right words to say anymore, the words just flow very naturally now. Just when I thought I had lost my vocabulary I now realize it was always there, hidden somewhere in my mind. My brain just didn't allow me to access to it at the time. The fog is still however present but not nearly as debilitating as it was before.

I'm just so friggin happy that I finally have my mind back and I can become a productive member of society again. Of course I have to pay my respect firstly towards my higher power, the AA program and the fellowship that surrounds it. I have never had such overwhelming understanding and support from the members inside the rooms, this program has truly opened my eyes towards living a new spiritual existence and I am truly convinced that my higher power has helped restore me back to sanity.

Secondly to all the addicts that have offered their opinions on the Sober Recovery forum, you're encouraging responses and invaluable advice helped give me hope that I was not the only one experiencing the torment of PAWS. That there truly was light at the end of the tunnel. I really thought in all the midst of the debilitating confusion and depression I was experiencing that I had become permanently insane, that I would be mentally disabled and be a vegetable for the rest of my life. I remember feeling so hopeless at stages, having fleeting thoughts of wanting to use and suicide were evidently present. But I heeded everyone's advice, I trusted the others that were here before me. I bit the bullet and I pushed through. I exercised when it hurt, I changed my diet when it didn't suit me, I forced myself to socialize when I just wanted to be alone, I puzzled my way through brain games when I couldn't comprehend them, I tried to think less of myself and more about others, I prayed to God even when I thought He had abandoned me but most of all I had to learn to be patient. Time heals everything. For anyone that is still suffering from the post acute withdrawals that this horrible disease brings, you're not alone. Things will get better as long as you don't use. I am living proof that it will! The brain indeed can heal itself.
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Old 09-26-2017, 03:59 AM   #34 (permalink)
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I'm really glad things are looking up Brett

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