Thanks Beating Paws,
I am keeping my eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. Each day I'm sober I see as one step closer towards having a renewed mind. I have been doing my absolute best to stick to living a healthy lifestyle (exercise, diet, meetings) and I have found that it has definitely helped.
Overall I am in much better spirits. I now make a concerted effort to avoid isolation by forcing myself to go out and socialize even when I really don't want to. I have come to find that that the least time I want to do anything but be around people is probably when I need to be around them the most. Every little thing helps.
I'm just really having trouble sharing at the meetings. Just because I feel so "disconnected" from everything that every time I do share I find myself battling to properly express my thoughts and I end up talking the most utter nonsense. Everyone else that seems to share always has something meaningful to share and then there's me, that crazy guy who just can't seem to get his point across. Don't get me wrong I have no feelings of being judged by anyone, I honestly couldn't care less about what anyone else thinks the only reason I share is so that I can see myself getting better. I just so wish I had the clarity to speak my mind in a meaningful way so that I can enjoy the fruits of recovery. So that I can form real, meaningful bonds with the members and have that sense of "unity" that everyone keeps talking about.
On the bright side though, I have had tremendous support from members who consistently keep motivating me to share no matter how far gone I am. I do have an overall sense when I enter the meetings that no one is quick to judge me and I that I indeed do find solace in listening to the other addicts speak. I just feel a lot of the time when I do share, I start losing my train of thought and the more I try to express myself the further I keep on digging myself into my own grave. It can be so downgrading and it causes me to sink further into depression. So much to an extent that I begin to question whether if i'm really in the right frame of mind to share at the meetings at this stage of my recovery. Just until I gain some more clarity on things. I don't know, have any of you had this kind of experience at the meetings?