Gilmer

That's really cool, MB! A sign from above that you're going to make it!

pavaoiztarza

Rainbow is also a sign of a covenant between Noah and God.

Gilmer

I was kind of hinting at that when I said "from above." I am confident that our beloved MB is in the palm of His hand.

HeadLump

I think it's a sign that miracles have reached your heart, MB The magic was always there, you just weren't able to see it - now you feel it in all its glory

MidnightBlue

Thank you, friends)

Second day feeling almost ok - just sometimes light-headed and overall fatigue.

And second night free of nightmares - I surely has some dreams, but don't remember them.

Also when I am about to fall asleep, and if some gloomy thoughts start attacking me, I imagine, that I am standing at a big train station. And my thoughts are passengers. It's time for them to leave the station. They are packing into railway cars and leave. And finally there's just myself.

Every night I add up some details. How the lights of the last train are moving farther and farther away till they die out. And the lights are shut down at the station. And everything is silent and peaceful.

Well, it's Friday night. I am still too weak for boxing, so I am going to treat myself to delicious tea and watch some moovie.

Have a great Friday, all)

HeadLump

What fantastically powerful imagery! That is just lovely

Enjoy your evening, MB

MidnightBlue

Hi, all)

Feeling better and better - no nausea, no nightmares. And can tell that my focus is improving. Even made it to boxing!

And I am hitting 20 months sober today!

I think I deserve some nice treat after all this.

See you all later)

HeadLump

Congratulations indeed, MB! 20 months by itself would be huge but you've had to face so many painful and difficult things along the way. I hope you're truly proud of you - I think you're amazing! ♥♥♥

Dime

I was in serious trouble a few years ago. I had already been sober for a few years but I still felt as helpless and I was when I was drinking. I discovered the county I was living in had a program to help those who couldn't afford to get any help. I went down to the county office, talked to a few people and got immediate help. I got to see a Pdoc right away, he prescribed meds for me and assigned a Therapist that I got to see once a week for an hour. Since I was broke all of this help was completely free including medications. In the end the Therapist turned out to be a very intelligent, caring person who seemed to understand me right away. I never left her office without feeling 100% better. Out of all the other Pdocs and Therapists I have ever seen she was #1. I'm so glad I didn't give up!

venuscat

on 20 months sober Midnight!!!

Love V xx

Dee74

Congratulations from me too MB

D

MidnightBlue

Hi, all)

Dime - Thank you so much for sharing your story. I finally turned to help to the public office too. It doesn't have so comprehensive help program as yours, but it is still helped a lot. I am also glad I didn't give - and pushed through this mental state when I didn't care about anything.

Well, it's 11 a.m., and I am already back from the gym after a killing legs workouts. I can distinctly tell that my focus has improved considerably. I am finally able to think about what I am doing at the moment, without my thoughts experiencing the Big Bang every second. I so much hope this effect of meds will last!

See you all later)

MidnightBlue

Venus, Dee - Thank you so much!!!

Jeni26

Well done on 20 months MB...you are a real inspiration to many on how to stay sober through tough times.

Love to you

Gilmer

Many congratulations, MB!

MidnightBlue

Thank you, friends)


I treated myself to manicure today. And since deep blue color was the first bright vision I saw when waking up the first day after taking anti-depressants, I chose this color for my nails)

Going to bed early tonight.

Need to work out the plan how to deal with life issues step my step...I think...Ok. One thing at a time.

See you all)

HeadLump

That colour looks stunning, Midnight!

Aellyce

Hi Midnight,

Very happy to hear about your progress, on and on. You are doing so much better than I did in the past when I was severely depressed, just curled up on my cocoon, not seeking help. All that wasted time. Your story is very inspiring to me in this context: if it ever happens to me again, I'll definitely go and see professionals. Thanks a lot for sharing with all of us.

Also, I second Jeni: BIG congrats on staying sober through all this. That is a great achievement.

Your nail color of choice is very nice - I love to have my nails painted to all sorts of blue shades, too. And blue has been my first fave color for everything in my whole life. I also like the idea of how you chose the color - it has a special meaning for you. It's a very good idea to treat yourself to small things like this - takes so little (although, to be honest with you, for me often these appointments take a lot because I never want to go before I'm there) and yet it can be very rewarding, also lasts a few days. I also like to play with my hair color; have tried a great variety and all sorts of combinations in my life. Something else that I'm very into is spas. Some of the best relaxing days in my life were spent in spas, all kinds...

Keep up the good work and keep posting. You will be able to tackle those issues, just focus on them one-by-one.

MidnightBlue

Hi, all)

Last night I had quite hard time falling asleep. I think I am getting adjusted to meds, and they don't "knock me out" any more. It's surely easier for me to fall asleep, but the "wow" effect is somewhat fading away.

Yesterday my ex dropped by, asked how I was feeling, and all. And somehow our conversation shifted to my brother, and family matters in general. I kind on dwelled on my family, and "opened it up" emotionally again.

Later on I was absolutely pissed off that I am still supposed to talk about it. No more! I am officially closing it, and everyone can go ...somewhere far away. I don't care a bit if someone understands me, gets it, or what. End of story.

Anyway, I couldn't get these thoughts out of my head.

My "train station" vision didn't help. But I was not ready to give in. I expanded it. Ok, so, one of my trains got stuck. Something's wrong. I can see these disturbing thoughts which are behind closed doors of the railway car. They are staring at me.

Ok. I am calling technicians: "Will you, guys, please, come and fix one of the cars. It's way off schedule. I want it out of the station".

While they are checking and fixing it, I am going to the roof of the railway shed, and watch the sunset. Sun seems so big and so close. And I can almost touch its rays.

I can't say that it magically made all the thoughts disappear. But it surely diminished my worries. And I finally fell asleep.

I felt somewhat little bit down today. But...One step at a time.

Spent an hour in the swimming pool cruising non-stop.

I need a plan.. Plan of actions to support effect of my meds.

I am having an appointment with the therapist tomorrow. Maybe, she will help me with it.

Ok. That's about it for today.

Send me some positive vibes, friends. I want my smile back tomorrow morning!

Hugs to all)

See you.

hopeful4

MB..I love your nails and I want to congratulate you on your sobriety. That is wonderful!

It is quite normal to have up and down days in life, I do know that smile will be back!

Have a blessed day!