Story of a wonderful man w/ a horrible problem...
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Woodland, CA
Posts: 28
Greetings -- It's a new day and I woke up with a smile on my face! My addict's out of town for a few days and I don't have to feel scared or worry about when, or if, he'll show up. I have a breather - yeah!!
Hope 4 Always - thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Sometimes I forget that I do have strength and give up control to the crazy addict in my life. When I read your post it reminded me that I am strong and I am in control & have printed out your post and plan on keeping it with me at all times to remind me of that.
You all are so right about living with an addict and your kids. My 13 yr. old daughter told me yesterday that all she's learned from her crack addicted dad is to never trust men. My heart broke when I heard her say that. I think I finally "get it" that all this time I thought I was doing a good thing "keeping the family together" for her sake, when in fact, it was the worst thing I could have done. She can't get out of here, away from the craziness, and it's up to me to protect her and I don't think I've been doing a very good job of that by staying with the addict. She told me she quit caring about her father when she was in the 6th grade when she first became aware of his drug problem. And of course, he blames me for turning her against him which I know is classic behavior of an addict....never take responsibility for his part of the upheaval or craziness his drug use has caused his family. It blows my mind how he cannot, or refuses to, see the chaos his drug use has caused us, people he claims he loves more than anything. (but obviously he loves crack more!)
I have a question - since I'm new to this forum, where do I get a guide to what the initials used in your postings are, for example, I think "AH" means Addicted Husband, but I can't figure out what some of the others are.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your words of encouragement and lessons!
Hope 4 Always - thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Sometimes I forget that I do have strength and give up control to the crazy addict in my life. When I read your post it reminded me that I am strong and I am in control & have printed out your post and plan on keeping it with me at all times to remind me of that.
You all are so right about living with an addict and your kids. My 13 yr. old daughter told me yesterday that all she's learned from her crack addicted dad is to never trust men. My heart broke when I heard her say that. I think I finally "get it" that all this time I thought I was doing a good thing "keeping the family together" for her sake, when in fact, it was the worst thing I could have done. She can't get out of here, away from the craziness, and it's up to me to protect her and I don't think I've been doing a very good job of that by staying with the addict. She told me she quit caring about her father when she was in the 6th grade when she first became aware of his drug problem. And of course, he blames me for turning her against him which I know is classic behavior of an addict....never take responsibility for his part of the upheaval or craziness his drug use has caused his family. It blows my mind how he cannot, or refuses to, see the chaos his drug use has caused us, people he claims he loves more than anything. (but obviously he loves crack more!)
I have a question - since I'm new to this forum, where do I get a guide to what the initials used in your postings are, for example, I think "AH" means Addicted Husband, but I can't figure out what some of the others are.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your words of encouragement and lessons!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 32
Lightseeker-
I didn't mean to imply that's what you were saying. I'm sorry about that.
For me I think it's just really important to be clear as to what the rules of the game are depending on who's playing. The rules become more complicated and the playing field messier when there are kids involved. Kids get far more stressed out and confused seeing Mommy or Daddy stressed out and confused and it does effect them in the long run.
Parents tend to see their kids as smarter and more intuitive than other's kids, but they won't know for sure how all of this drama will effect their kid until it's too late and the damage has been done. And who really wants to test their kids in this way?
So, all I meant to do is just add a "sub rule" to your post. That's all
I didn't mean to imply that's what you were saying. I'm sorry about that.
For me I think it's just really important to be clear as to what the rules of the game are depending on who's playing. The rules become more complicated and the playing field messier when there are kids involved. Kids get far more stressed out and confused seeing Mommy or Daddy stressed out and confused and it does effect them in the long run.
Parents tend to see their kids as smarter and more intuitive than other's kids, but they won't know for sure how all of this drama will effect their kid until it's too late and the damage has been done. And who really wants to test their kids in this way?
So, all I meant to do is just add a "sub rule" to your post. That's all
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 32
For Cher, whose story started a firestorm of talk, and for all who have participated-
A very big thank you from my friend who has been dealing with her cousin. She had a chance this weekend to read much of this thread and some other stuff around the site.
She and her cousin lived together and the cousin told her that no plans for the guy to move in were going to happen for a while. Well, that changed in only a week. Apparently, he will be moving in by the end of the month. She has decided she’s going to stick it out with him through his “recovery”.
A big blow out ensued, and long story short, I have myself a roommate. And that’s fine. We roomed once before and there were no complications.
Anyway, my friend feels pretty betrayed and pissed off about all of this, but she feels better that she doesn’t have to live with this up and down, and round and round thing anymore. You can’t help but get sucked in when you’re living in that situation. And it’s such a slow process that by the time you see what’s really been happening, you’re way further in than you wanted to be.
Lightseer’s post about doing what we have to do made a big impression. My friend then resigned herself to do what she needs to and that is to not to let herself get dragged in anymore.
So, we have a success story. One less person being pulled down by an addict.
My absolute best to you Cher. I hope however your story goes that you are healthy and happy in the end
And HopeFer…? I’ll see you latah! Thanks.
A very big thank you from my friend who has been dealing with her cousin. She had a chance this weekend to read much of this thread and some other stuff around the site.
She and her cousin lived together and the cousin told her that no plans for the guy to move in were going to happen for a while. Well, that changed in only a week. Apparently, he will be moving in by the end of the month. She has decided she’s going to stick it out with him through his “recovery”.
A big blow out ensued, and long story short, I have myself a roommate. And that’s fine. We roomed once before and there were no complications.
Anyway, my friend feels pretty betrayed and pissed off about all of this, but she feels better that she doesn’t have to live with this up and down, and round and round thing anymore. You can’t help but get sucked in when you’re living in that situation. And it’s such a slow process that by the time you see what’s really been happening, you’re way further in than you wanted to be.
Lightseer’s post about doing what we have to do made a big impression. My friend then resigned herself to do what she needs to and that is to not to let herself get dragged in anymore.
So, we have a success story. One less person being pulled down by an addict.
My absolute best to you Cher. I hope however your story goes that you are healthy and happy in the end
And HopeFer…? I’ll see you latah! Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Woodland, CA
Posts: 28
This is how my addict has affected our child -- she begged me to send her across the country to a boarding high school this Fall because (#1) She's sick of Dad's drug problem, and (#2) She's afraid if she stays here any longer that she's going to grow up to be a drug addict.
I don't blame her wanting to get as far away from this craziness we deal with every time he relapses...he knows why she wants to get away, knows it's because of him, but still -- WON'T STOP USING!! I can't fathom being so addicted to something that totally destroys your marriage and your relationship with your one and only child.
But on second thought - I guess in a way I can because apparently I've been "addicted to the addict" or I would have gotten out a long time ago. Hmmmm, now my behavior is starting to make sense and I'm beginning to see the light...
I don't blame her wanting to get as far away from this craziness we deal with every time he relapses...he knows why she wants to get away, knows it's because of him, but still -- WON'T STOP USING!! I can't fathom being so addicted to something that totally destroys your marriage and your relationship with your one and only child.
But on second thought - I guess in a way I can because apparently I've been "addicted to the addict" or I would have gotten out a long time ago. Hmmmm, now my behavior is starting to make sense and I'm beginning to see the light...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 65
Keepthefaith-
Ah, if it only took living in a different location to solve every problem, huh?
I’m impressed with your daughter. I, too, am sorry she thinks running will make it all go away, but her plan at 13 is to run away to school? To *school*? At *13*? Wow. That’s worth dabbing some sweat off your brow!
I’m childless by choice, so I can’t speak to you Mommy to Mommy. But I can speak to you as former child to former child and woman to woman. No matter how difficult the changes you’ll have to make over the next days, weeks or months, you’re giving your daughter one of the best gifts a Mom can give and that’s teaching her that *she* can define and redefine herself and her life when *she* sees fit.
It may not seem important, but that’s a powerful tool many women don’t realize they have.
Ah, if it only took living in a different location to solve every problem, huh?
I’m impressed with your daughter. I, too, am sorry she thinks running will make it all go away, but her plan at 13 is to run away to school? To *school*? At *13*? Wow. That’s worth dabbing some sweat off your brow!
I’m childless by choice, so I can’t speak to you Mommy to Mommy. But I can speak to you as former child to former child and woman to woman. No matter how difficult the changes you’ll have to make over the next days, weeks or months, you’re giving your daughter one of the best gifts a Mom can give and that’s teaching her that *she* can define and redefine herself and her life when *she* sees fit.
It may not seem important, but that’s a powerful tool many women don’t realize they have.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Originally Posted by hope4always 
My “crystal ball” you spoke of was spending one day reading a support group. That’s all I needed to make my decision. Did it hurt to do it? Immensely. But I wasn’t going to put my life and everything I had worked for up for grabs for a guy who *might* have to lose everything he had worked for for crack. And it was the best thing I did because he DID lose it all.
I’m living the future I intended to live and he’s living an addict’s future as we speak.
I’m living the future I intended to live and he’s living an addict’s future as we speak.
How did you walk away? Did you tell him, or did you just cut off contact?
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Woodland, CA
Posts: 28
Hope4Always -- Thank you so much for your posting. Reading your words really make me feel better.
Yes, I am impressed and proud of my 13 yr. old and the goals she has for her life. She's a ballet dancer and wants to go away to a boarding school where she does her academics in the morning, then gets to dance all afternoon. Her goal is to be in a ballet company, teach ballet or end up on the stage in NYC!! Told me she doesn't want to stay here and go to the local high school with all the "stoners", (as well as to get away from dad's drug problems).
I'm lucky in that I have a warm, open, loving relationship with her - all we've had is each other through some pretty rough times and I think that's made us closer. I may regret getting involved with my addict, but I will never regret having her, which was the result of getting involved with him, so I guess that's the bright side to this dark cloud of addiction we've been dealing with for so long.
I know I have to be a strong role model for her and I thought I was doing that staying in this marriage "till death do us part, for better or worse", but I realize staying is doing her (and me) more harm than good. I don't want her looking back on her life saying "Why didn't Mom get me the hell out of there".
Yes, I am impressed and proud of my 13 yr. old and the goals she has for her life. She's a ballet dancer and wants to go away to a boarding school where she does her academics in the morning, then gets to dance all afternoon. Her goal is to be in a ballet company, teach ballet or end up on the stage in NYC!! Told me she doesn't want to stay here and go to the local high school with all the "stoners", (as well as to get away from dad's drug problems).
I'm lucky in that I have a warm, open, loving relationship with her - all we've had is each other through some pretty rough times and I think that's made us closer. I may regret getting involved with my addict, but I will never regret having her, which was the result of getting involved with him, so I guess that's the bright side to this dark cloud of addiction we've been dealing with for so long.
I know I have to be a strong role model for her and I thought I was doing that staying in this marriage "till death do us part, for better or worse", but I realize staying is doing her (and me) more harm than good. I don't want her looking back on her life saying "Why didn't Mom get me the hell out of there".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 115
One of the others in these forums had to remind me at one time, "What about the other vows that you said?" Until death do us part occurs when an active addict refuses to better themselves... you are staring at death doing you part in the face because addiction has only one ending. That vow has been broken all ready... what about the other vows?
What about loving? Cherishing? Honoring? Love in a marriage occurs when self and spouse is put above the addiction disease. What about fidelity? There is no "getting him back" when the mistress is addiction and denial combined because he is not willing to lay these vices down and put his own life as priority.
Please, please do not forget that you also made these vows.. .to love, honor, cherish... but you cannot give these three to a husband if you do not love, honor and cherish your life and the life of your children. As you have been given charge of a daughter, you must rescue her by rescuing yourself.
The best lesson that I can give my children is to let them see me correct my mistakes, and correct them fully and completely. Please also understand that one anonymous tip and a search of your home or any of your property, and if anything illegal is found, your choice with your daughter will be taken away and she will be in the care of the state while you are being prosecuted for your husband's addiction. The likely scenario is that he will be prosecuted first, and you will be left for later because his is the greater crime; however, while you are sitting incarcerated as well, what would become of your daughter as she is either with relatives or in foster care? How will her dreams be fulfilled at that point?
I do not mean to frighten you, but I do hope to offer some accountability for your choices to stay with an active addict who uses in the home (or if he uses when he drives). I am speaking to you as one mom to another, and we as moms must admit our own powerlessness over this addiction and we must be the ones to set boundaries in order to protect our children. I say to myself all the time "put your foot down and do not pick it up."
Yes, it hurts but the hurt is nothing like how it would hurt if I were to lose my children or even compromise their ability to stay with me due to hubby's addiction. I am going through seperation from my addict husband who I love dearly as well. I have to put my foot down and not pick it up as well. It was very painful to come to the realization that although hubby said he loved me and the kids, love does not jeopardize the ability for the kids to live with their mother. Active addiction jeopardizes the children's ability to live with you and this is a very important factor for you to consider.
It is ok if you fail in front of your children, as long as you pick yourself up and fix yourself. That is the best life-lesson you could possibly live out. Best thoughts and much love to you on your journey.
What about loving? Cherishing? Honoring? Love in a marriage occurs when self and spouse is put above the addiction disease. What about fidelity? There is no "getting him back" when the mistress is addiction and denial combined because he is not willing to lay these vices down and put his own life as priority.
Please, please do not forget that you also made these vows.. .to love, honor, cherish... but you cannot give these three to a husband if you do not love, honor and cherish your life and the life of your children. As you have been given charge of a daughter, you must rescue her by rescuing yourself.
The best lesson that I can give my children is to let them see me correct my mistakes, and correct them fully and completely. Please also understand that one anonymous tip and a search of your home or any of your property, and if anything illegal is found, your choice with your daughter will be taken away and she will be in the care of the state while you are being prosecuted for your husband's addiction. The likely scenario is that he will be prosecuted first, and you will be left for later because his is the greater crime; however, while you are sitting incarcerated as well, what would become of your daughter as she is either with relatives or in foster care? How will her dreams be fulfilled at that point?
I do not mean to frighten you, but I do hope to offer some accountability for your choices to stay with an active addict who uses in the home (or if he uses when he drives). I am speaking to you as one mom to another, and we as moms must admit our own powerlessness over this addiction and we must be the ones to set boundaries in order to protect our children. I say to myself all the time "put your foot down and do not pick it up."
Yes, it hurts but the hurt is nothing like how it would hurt if I were to lose my children or even compromise their ability to stay with me due to hubby's addiction. I am going through seperation from my addict husband who I love dearly as well. I have to put my foot down and not pick it up as well. It was very painful to come to the realization that although hubby said he loved me and the kids, love does not jeopardize the ability for the kids to live with their mother. Active addiction jeopardizes the children's ability to live with you and this is a very important factor for you to consider.
It is ok if you fail in front of your children, as long as you pick yourself up and fix yourself. That is the best life-lesson you could possibly live out. Best thoughts and much love to you on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 65
I am so angry right now I can’t see or speak. I can barely type.
I was given a “gift” by my addict during the time there was trust in the relationship. Nothing life-threatening, but a life-long gift.
I just got a call from a guy friend of mine. He’s just a friend. He was never involved with an addict, but he now has been diagnosed HIV positive some *10 YEARS AFTER* a relationship with an absolutely wonderful girl who had been *BRIEFLY* involved with a *NON-INJECTING CRACK ADDICT*. She had ended it immediately upon knowing about his addiction.
I am so very angry and hurt and incredibly scared for both he and I.
Please people. PLEASE. PROTECT YOURSELF. GET TESTED. OFTEN.
Please people. PLEASE. PROTECT YOURSELF. GET TESTED. OFTEN.
Please people. PLEASE. PROTECT YOURSELF. GET TESTED. OFTEN.
I was given a “gift” by my addict during the time there was trust in the relationship. Nothing life-threatening, but a life-long gift.
I just got a call from a guy friend of mine. He’s just a friend. He was never involved with an addict, but he now has been diagnosed HIV positive some *10 YEARS AFTER* a relationship with an absolutely wonderful girl who had been *BRIEFLY* involved with a *NON-INJECTING CRACK ADDICT*. She had ended it immediately upon knowing about his addiction.
I am so very angry and hurt and incredibly scared for both he and I.
Please people. PLEASE. PROTECT YOURSELF. GET TESTED. OFTEN.
Please people. PLEASE. PROTECT YOURSELF. GET TESTED. OFTEN.
Please people. PLEASE. PROTECT YOURSELF. GET TESTED. OFTEN.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Woodland, CA
Posts: 28
Kids&me - Thank you for your post and for saying some things I really needed to "hear". I never thought about my husband getting arrested, I guess because he doesn't use at home, altho I'm sure he's high when driving, etc., and the thought of my daughter being taken away is too much to bear.
I like your comment about "putting your foot down and not picking it up"....I will keep that in my mind as I'm preparing to meet with my lawyer today.
God bless you and thank you for your posting.
I like your comment about "putting your foot down and not picking it up"....I will keep that in my mind as I'm preparing to meet with my lawyer today.
God bless you and thank you for your posting.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Woodland, CA
Posts: 28
Hope4 -- Oh My God ---- your posting is frightening! Not only do I have to worry about where I'm going to live, how I'm going to support myself & my daughter, where I'm going to get a job, how I'm going to sell the house, pay the bills, etc. -- now I have to think about this!!!
Of course, my AH says he has never "cheated" on me, but I never really believed that, and after reading numerous postings about what crack addicts do on a binge, I for sure don't believe him. The thought I was ever intimate with him is sickening to me and makes me want vomit!!!!!!! I so much wanted to believe him that I always gave him the benefit of the doubt where infidelity was concerned, but I think I've always known in the back of my mind he cheats - why should he be any different than any other crack addict when cheating seems to be what crack addicts do! (I guess some things are just harder to admit to yourself than others.
Boy, this "disease" doesn't leave any stone unturned does it?)
Your friend is in my thoughts and prayers.
Of course, my AH says he has never "cheated" on me, but I never really believed that, and after reading numerous postings about what crack addicts do on a binge, I for sure don't believe him. The thought I was ever intimate with him is sickening to me and makes me want vomit!!!!!!! I so much wanted to believe him that I always gave him the benefit of the doubt where infidelity was concerned, but I think I've always known in the back of my mind he cheats - why should he be any different than any other crack addict when cheating seems to be what crack addicts do! (I guess some things are just harder to admit to yourself than others.
Boy, this "disease" doesn't leave any stone unturned does it?)
Your friend is in my thoughts and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I'm so sorry to hear what happened. Those are the risks we take I guess. But I cringed when I Read your warning.
People, getting tested often IS NOT going to protect you from your addict. And if you are in a MARRIAGE with an ADDICT, your vows might still mean something to you, but they mean nothing to them. They have chosen CRACK. It's like selling your soul to satan.
I know it's hard to let go of someone. It's hard to believe someone you loved and trusted can be completely dishonest and stab you in the back. But that is what crack addicts do. They are clinically insane when using. They have no morals. They only care about getting high and all the weirdness that goes with it.
So protect yourself for real. At the very least a condom.
You cannot trust an addict.
Please people. PLEASE. PROTECT YOURSELF. GET TESTED. OFTEN.
People, getting tested often IS NOT going to protect you from your addict. And if you are in a MARRIAGE with an ADDICT, your vows might still mean something to you, but they mean nothing to them. They have chosen CRACK. It's like selling your soul to satan.
I know it's hard to let go of someone. It's hard to believe someone you loved and trusted can be completely dishonest and stab you in the back. But that is what crack addicts do. They are clinically insane when using. They have no morals. They only care about getting high and all the weirdness that goes with it.
So protect yourself for real. At the very least a condom.
You cannot trust an addict.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Fort Myers, FL
Posts: 161
Originally Posted by hope4always
I am so angry right now I can’t see or speak. I can barely type. [...]
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Sorry if I seem a little dense, but could your clarify a bit? Do you think you were exposed by your friend, or your addict? Perhaps others with more experience will comment, but I'm not sure every exposure results in automatic infection. We'll all be waiting with you for the results of your testing. Sending you a whoosh of love...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 65
That was hastily written, kitty.
It’s not just sex with an addict. It’s with anyone. Addicts are not the only people who may or may not have disease. A good and loving person sleeping with another good and loving person who may have slept with someone who they thought was a good and loving person and the game changes.
However, if someone decides they want to stay with an addict or someone who has “tasty” desires, even if they are using protection, then you had better prepare yourself to get tested. REGULARLY.
I had written once before, intercourse and dirty needles are NOT the only way to pass many, MANY diseases. Most curable, some not. But sex and the intimacy game is more complicated than ever before.
My friend, who’s like my brother, and I lost his girlfriend, who was like my sister, to AIDS. We all knew each other growing up.
In college, she went to surprise her then beau only to find him not alone and smoking crack. That was it for her.
She and my friend, those kind of people who you just know will eventually end up together, got together. She didn’t find out later what she had. And she died.
So, he’s been testing for years. It’s been in the back of out minds, but you just figure it’s going to be okay. It has become routine. Test. Negative. Test. Negative.
I just got back from seeing him and he found out 6 months ago. Finding out for him was like losing her all over again, and now the same now for me. I’m pissed as all hell he didn’t tell me so we could have gone though this together, but his reasons were just and I respect them. And him.
When I saw him I grabbed him as though that would be enough to squeeze this garbage out of him. I’m crying my ass off with such angry and defeated tears, and *he’s* telling *me* it’s okay. And with that f’ing smile on his face. I could just punch him.
On my way home, all I could smell was the faintest hint of his cologne that was left on my shirt. It was like smelling memories of better days, gut-wrenching days and then better days again. That damned cologne.
I know he’s going to be just fine. This is not a death sentence. But it just makes me so f’ing angry that even though she dumped that f’er, she’s gone, but his legacy lives on.
It’s not just sex with an addict. It’s with anyone. Addicts are not the only people who may or may not have disease. A good and loving person sleeping with another good and loving person who may have slept with someone who they thought was a good and loving person and the game changes.
However, if someone decides they want to stay with an addict or someone who has “tasty” desires, even if they are using protection, then you had better prepare yourself to get tested. REGULARLY.
I had written once before, intercourse and dirty needles are NOT the only way to pass many, MANY diseases. Most curable, some not. But sex and the intimacy game is more complicated than ever before.
My friend, who’s like my brother, and I lost his girlfriend, who was like my sister, to AIDS. We all knew each other growing up.
In college, she went to surprise her then beau only to find him not alone and smoking crack. That was it for her.
She and my friend, those kind of people who you just know will eventually end up together, got together. She didn’t find out later what she had. And she died.
So, he’s been testing for years. It’s been in the back of out minds, but you just figure it’s going to be okay. It has become routine. Test. Negative. Test. Negative.
I just got back from seeing him and he found out 6 months ago. Finding out for him was like losing her all over again, and now the same now for me. I’m pissed as all hell he didn’t tell me so we could have gone though this together, but his reasons were just and I respect them. And him.
When I saw him I grabbed him as though that would be enough to squeeze this garbage out of him. I’m crying my ass off with such angry and defeated tears, and *he’s* telling *me* it’s okay. And with that f’ing smile on his face. I could just punch him.
On my way home, all I could smell was the faintest hint of his cologne that was left on my shirt. It was like smelling memories of better days, gut-wrenching days and then better days again. That damned cologne.
I know he’s going to be just fine. This is not a death sentence. But it just makes me so f’ing angry that even though she dumped that f’er, she’s gone, but his legacy lives on.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
That was hastily written, kitty.
I think we are on the same page.
Getting tested does not protect you from disease.
I'd like to think that being married was a safe bet for sex is safe. But when your spouse is an active drug addict, you are at a higher risk than other married couples.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 65
What *I* wrote was hastily written. (yeah, that's a smile)
We are totally, completely and 100% on the same damned, ugly page.
Getting into a relationship these days almost requires, an interview, references, background check, drug test and HIV test. This is the legacy for the future.
You want to hear the*really* funny, dirty little secret? I was not a promiscuous person. Know why? Didn't want disease. Go f'ing figure.
(yeah, that's a smile)We are totally, completely and 100% on the same damned, ugly page.
Getting into a relationship these days almost requires, an interview, references, background check, drug test and HIV test. This is the legacy for the future.
You want to hear the*really* funny, dirty little secret? I was not a promiscuous person. Know why? Didn't want disease. Go f'ing figure.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 65
Sandrawg:
Oh, no. He was on notice. He knew I was getting tired of it all, and then I said do it again and that’s that. As I had mentioned earlier, he, too, said he knew it was his fault it was over, which just mad me angry.
He did call me everyday, not begging me to take him back, but sounding like we were still as close as were once were, which is just as bad. Supposedly, he was getting help, too. Very confusing. After a while I put the kibosh on the talk.
So, it isn’t easy even though you know it’s the best thing for you. The seasoned manipulative addicts (not all are), know exactly what they need to say and do to any one person to keep their foot in the door. It’s up to us to stomp on that foot and lock the door shut for our own protection.
Sailorkaren:
All it takes is once, just like getting pregnant. And the more you do it, the higher the risk. And my "gift" is from my ex.
Of course I’ve been tested! The day I knew the results were to come in was like a lifetime of stress in a day. Every minute waiting for that phone call was intense.
I was so wiped-out after I got the good news I went to bed. Best night of sleep I had had in a long time.
Oh, no. He was on notice. He knew I was getting tired of it all, and then I said do it again and that’s that. As I had mentioned earlier, he, too, said he knew it was his fault it was over, which just mad me angry.
He did call me everyday, not begging me to take him back, but sounding like we were still as close as were once were, which is just as bad. Supposedly, he was getting help, too. Very confusing. After a while I put the kibosh on the talk.
So, it isn’t easy even though you know it’s the best thing for you. The seasoned manipulative addicts (not all are), know exactly what they need to say and do to any one person to keep their foot in the door. It’s up to us to stomp on that foot and lock the door shut for our own protection.
Sailorkaren:
All it takes is once, just like getting pregnant. And the more you do it, the higher the risk. And my "gift" is from my ex.
Of course I’ve been tested! The day I knew the results were to come in was like a lifetime of stress in a day. Every minute waiting for that phone call was intense.
I was so wiped-out after I got the good news I went to bed. Best night of sleep I had had in a long time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 65
I just wanted to apologize to anyone following this thread for that incredibly selfish post of mine yesterday about “the news”. There’s a time, place and way to express things and that didn’t even come close to hitting any acceptable mark.
I would like to be able to contribute *constructive* advice in a *constructive* way and there was nothing constructive about that post. I’ve had to work very hard at channeling that anger and energy when that particular topic comes up into something positive, not negative. Apparently, I need to get on top of that a little more.
So, I’m sorry to Cher and all who have contributed here.
I would like to be able to contribute *constructive* advice in a *constructive* way and there was nothing constructive about that post. I’ve had to work very hard at channeling that anger and energy when that particular topic comes up into something positive, not negative. Apparently, I need to get on top of that a little more.
So, I’m sorry to Cher and all who have contributed here.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Woodland, CA
Posts: 28
Hope4 - Thanks for the apology but I feel there's nothing to be sorry about ---- and I, for one, feel that you've contributed tons of constructive and positive posts and advice....I've gotten much comfort from reading your words and for that I'm grateful.
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