One of the others in these forums had to remind me at one time, "What about the other vows that you said?" Until death do us part occurs when an active addict refuses to better themselves... you are staring at death doing you part in the face because addiction has only one ending. That vow has been broken all ready... what about the other vows?
What about loving? Cherishing? Honoring? Love in a marriage occurs when self and spouse is put above the addiction disease. What about fidelity? There is no "getting him back" when the mistress is addiction and denial combined because he is not willing to lay these vices down and put his own life as priority.
Please, please do not forget that you also made these vows.. .to love, honor, cherish... but you cannot give these three to a husband if you do not love, honor and cherish your life and the life of your children. As you have been given charge of a daughter, you must rescue her by rescuing yourself.
The best lesson that I can give my children is to let them see me correct my mistakes, and correct them fully and completely. Please also understand that one anonymous tip and a search of your home or any of your property, and if anything illegal is found, your choice with your daughter will be taken away and she will be in the care of the state while you are being prosecuted for your husband's addiction. The likely scenario is that he will be prosecuted first, and you will be left for later because his is the greater crime; however, while you are sitting incarcerated as well, what would become of your daughter as she is either with relatives or in foster care? How will her dreams be fulfilled at that point?
I do not mean to frighten you, but I do hope to offer some accountability for your choices to stay with an active addict who uses in the home (or if he uses when he drives). I am speaking to you as one mom to another, and we as moms must admit our own powerlessness over this addiction and we must be the ones to set boundaries in order to protect our children. I say to myself all the time "put your foot down and do not pick it up."
Yes, it hurts but the hurt is nothing like how it would hurt if I were to lose my children or even compromise their ability to stay with me due to hubby's addiction. I am going through seperation from my addict husband who I love dearly as well. I have to put my foot down and not pick it up as well. It was very painful to come to the realization that although hubby said he loved me and the kids, love does not jeopardize the ability for the kids to live with their mother. Active addiction jeopardizes the children's ability to live with you and this is a very important factor for you to consider.
It is ok if you fail in front of your children, as long as you pick yourself up and fix yourself. That is the best life-lesson you could possibly live out. Best thoughts and much love to you on your journey.