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Old 05-07-2007, 09:29 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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thanks to both of you. i am safe. i am staying at my sister's. he was just being so mean to me and saying the nastiest things before i hung up on him. then he was trying to get me to send him one of the emails i saw. no way! i am afraid he is going to try to do something legally to me. can he?
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Old 05-07-2007, 09:35 PM
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No! You can't get any legal done most times when it needs to be! I've called the police so many times and they "can't" "wont" "didn't see it"

Don't worry, he is yanking your chain!

Get out before you have anything else to loose. Life is to short and the are SO many other fish in the sea
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Old 05-07-2007, 09:50 PM
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here is an email he just wrote me.:

"its really messed up that you hacked into my email....this time you cant even use the excuse that it was open..this is first degree right here...you knowingly went and tried a password that you thought may have worked with what motive???? to read my emails...intellectual property that belongs only to me.....im gonna call a lawyer in the morning and ask if that is acceptable behavior for two people who are separated, LIVING IN SEPARATE LOCATIONS.,.,,,,its not like you could even use the "oh his email was already up" excuse....you effed up this time and you need to realize that I am keeping tabs on all this illegal **** that you are doing to me..and you have no leg to stand on because all of your evidence against me was obtained illegally and you know its inadmissable in courth......

you need to be careful. very careful. "
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Old 05-08-2007, 12:10 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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First, keep in mind that although it may be inadmissible in a criminal court, but not necessarily in a divorce court.

Second, tell him you are not looking to go to court, so you are not worried about admissibility. Tell him you are worried that you are married to an addict that is in denial and won't get help.

Bottom line show him you mean business, and that you will go to any lengths to find out if he is using. Then turn the tables back on him: Does he mean business? If so he can do a number of "legal" things to prove he is not using - voluntary drug tests, for example.
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Old 05-08-2007, 04:28 AM
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Most important you are safe, no contact should be your goal. Don't worry about his idle threats regarding the email. They are just that, worry about your safety, he's is an addict and he is not thinking clearly.

By tomorrow he will be doing what addicts do, crying and begging for another chance.

Be strong.
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Old 05-08-2007, 04:45 AM
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I am sure he will not be crying and begging so I do not need to worry about that.
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Old 05-08-2007, 04:58 AM
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Well, that's good one less issue to worry about.

Have a good day,
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Old 05-08-2007, 06:56 AM
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sound like a threat and he is mad because he is caught, red handed. regardless of how you found out, he is out of the closet and doesn't like it. His problem!
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Old 05-08-2007, 06:58 AM
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let it grow!
 
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thinking about you, lunagreen. take care of yourself. k
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Old 05-08-2007, 07:09 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Hi, we haven't met. My addict is my soon-to-be ex husband, and I did the Sherlock Holmes thing for 20 years. Wasted a lot of time and energy doing something that made absolutely no difference, except to make me as sick as he is.

He is just doing what we call 'quacking' around here. Take a deep breath and think about it, do you REALLY think he is going to tell anyone that he asked someone to send him drugs illegally? Who does that really make look bad? Not you, but him. He is just trying to scare you into compliance. My AH used to tell me all the time what a judge or a lawyer or our pastor would say about our relationship. It was all pure BS.

You need to understand that you DO have a choice here. Addicts keep us in line by getting us to believe that we don't have a choice and have to let them have their way. Stop covering up for him. Let him feel the consequences of his behavior. That is the only thing that will help him in the end.

Addicts keep using until the pain of using becomes greater than the pain of getting clean, and for some of them that takes a really long time, if it ever happens at all. Your choice is whether you want to gamble on it with your own life. If I had a 'do-over', as someone above said, I would've cut my losses with AH a long time ago.

(((HUGS)))
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Old 05-08-2007, 07:36 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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i am sorry & both glad you found out about this.just because he is in denial does not mean you have to be. just take care of yourself & be safe.i will be praying for you & him too.maybe this is just what he needs in order for him to find his recovery.hugs,
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Old 05-08-2007, 02:08 PM
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Thanks to everyone for your support. I going to my husband's apt. and get the rest of my stuff from there(there is not much). I am also giving him his mom's engagement ring back. We are getting a divorce. I am really sad, but I know it is right.
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Old 05-08-2007, 10:54 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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I don't know that going TONIGHT is a good idea... he sounds like this could be a dangerous thing for you.

Wait. Pray. More shall be revealed.


My sponsor tells me this all the time... and I have one very smart sponsor.

I hope you will stay with your sis tonight... get a good night's sleep. Things sometimes look different in the morning... and NOTHING can be solved tonight.

PS - He is blowing smoke ..."first degree"... first degree WHAT? Snooping? Jeeeze... yeah, like our jails are FULL of those sort of dangerous felons. Gah... don't let him do this to you, take yourself out of the picture.

((hugs))
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Old 05-08-2007, 10:55 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Just saw the time stamp - you probably already went. Be sure to post again and let us know how you are doing...

((hugs))
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Old 05-09-2007, 01:56 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Well, it looks to me like he is possibly threatening you, which IS illegal, and could be reported to the FBI. That is a very vague threat at the end, but it's a federal crime because e-mail goes across state lines. If you give him that information he might just want to let the whole thing drop. It's so funny in these relationships we have with addicts it's like we are bitter enemies half the time if not more. Sigh...

I recently snooped on a man I was interested in online, finding him on a couple of adult sites, and he acted like I'd committed murder one. I actually didn't have to 'violate his privacy' to find that stuff because he himself put it out there in the public arena. But boy did he ever raise a stink about it.
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Old 05-09-2007, 10:13 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Let him go. Let him do what he needs to do and you should do the same. If you are seperated, then "be" seperated. Never mind him or his drugs. Take the time to recover. Work on YOU.
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Old 05-09-2007, 11:21 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Thank you all for you support. So, I went last night with my sister and her husband to get the rest of my stuff and give his mom's engagement ring back. He was fine, acting with little emotion. I said, "Here is your mom's ring." and all he said was "OK." Later on last night he called and apologized for the threatening email he wrote me. He said he barely remembers writing it because it was after he took his ambien. He said he does care about me. And he was trying to tell me that he was joking when asking for the xanax. I do not believe that for one second. I am kind of sad, but also relieved. I am ready to stop worrying about what he is doing and to think about ME!
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Old 05-09-2007, 11:24 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
let it grow!
 
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good choice, lunagreen - your recovery is the priority now. blessings, k
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Old 05-09-2007, 08:00 PM
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Originally Posted by LUNAGREEN View Post
Thank you all for you support. So, I went last night with my sister and her husband to get the rest of my stuff and give his mom's engagement ring back. He was fine, acting with little emotion. I said, "Here is your mom's ring." and all he said was "OK." Later on last night he called and apologized for the threatening email he wrote me. He said he barely remembers writing it because it was after he took his ambien. He said he does care about me. And he was trying to tell me that he was joking when asking for the xanax. I do not believe that for one second. I am kind of sad, but also relieved. I am ready to stop worrying about what he is doing and to think about ME!

Good to hear that things have resolved lunagreen. Thanks for mentioning that about the ambien, I have a friend in recovery who takes that and in their case it is very obsviously mood-altering, to the point where I actually had to tell them so because I couldn't live with myself, so thanks for sharing that, it makes sense to me but still, he is the one that needs to be careful about what he sends through e-mail.
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Old 05-10-2007, 05:28 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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OK, well, lets talk about illegal. Mailing controlled substances through the mail is a federal crime constituting of several different charges: interstate trafficking, mail fraud, receiving a controlled substance..the list goes on.
Do not talk to him. Do not have any contact with him. If you dont' have a lawyer get on ASAP. Quit letting him jack with your head girl, you are smarter than that. And get divorced quick before he gets busted and there goes all the property you might have gotten in the divorce. (seizure by the feds)
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