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I did something bad...

Old 05-07-2007, 07:01 PM
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Unhappy I did something bad...

Hi. Some of you may have seen my other post askingif my husband is a addict.
Well i think he is and now I am sure of it. this is really bad, but we are separated an dI found out his email password. I totally cannot trust him from lies in the past and on his email I found a message with him asking this dude to send him 5 xanax bars in the mail for his birthday! I feel so sick about it !I cannot tell him I know because he will get mad at me for looking at his email, which i know is wrong. He is such a liar. He told me he was nbot using anything right now except drinking and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I am so upset. I need help!
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:07 PM
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What a shame--see what we find when we snoop--sometimes it is a good thing--sometimes not--Do you have any plans for the future? Are you going to stay?Why is he ''just'' drinking?.How awful for you to have to deal with this all alone--my heart goes out to you.Be safe and keep posting!
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:12 PM
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thanks., i just found out that he asked for 10. i really do not think i am going to stay after finding out that crap. I know snooping is bad. I do not think he should drink either. he thinks it is fine b/c he does not do it excessively. i see a problem. i really do not know what to do about this new found info. it is eating me up
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:14 PM
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Sometimes people can become a sick as the individual in question. You have a right to protect yourself..... Ask him to explain it, it doesn't matter now how you found out..but be careful, that in itself can become a full time job. Do NOT waste your time & energy. Give him an ultimatum you can stick with!
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:15 PM
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i'm sorry that you had to find this out and that you fear saying anything to your husband, but now that you know, it might be time for you to figure out what you will do to make a better life for yourself. even if you did confront him, he still probably won't quit until he's ready. there is nothing you can do or say to make his want to stop, he has to do that on his own. you can help yourself to feel better by focusing on you and your life with him or without him. have you gone to any meetings yet? take care of you, and allow him to do the same. still praying for the both of you.
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:35 PM
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so should i confront him? i know he will be pissed, but then it can help me move on with my life because I really think i want a divorce now after this happened. it just makes me so mad that he lies and does this crap behind my back. and he wonders why i do not trust him. i have told him that if he is going to use drugs, i do not want to be with him. why can't he just tell me that is what he wants! we are supposed to go to a marriage counselor on wed.
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:37 PM
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i am also supposed to take him out for his b-day, a week early on fri. now i do not even want to go to dinner with him
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:38 PM
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Don't beat yourself up about snooping. We have all done some really crazy things due to our loved one's addiction. Now you know that he lies, now you know he is not clean. Time to make a plan for yourself. The alternative is to keep doing what you are doing and keep driving yourself crazy. Believe me it is not a nice place to be and it does not change a thing with the addict. If I could go back and have a do over, I would have let go a lot sooner with my AD. That is the one piece of advice that I would give anyone who loves an addict. Let go and let God. I am sorry that you are hurting. I know the feeling. Sending some big hugs your way, Marle
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:39 PM
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i think that you have to do what you feel is best for you to do, and if that means that you want to confront him then do so but do it with caution since you think that he'll be angry, just keep yourself safe. if all he's gonna do is be pissed, my question to you is, are you pissed enough to care less about him being pissed? do what makes you feel better.
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:43 PM
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thank you all. i guess i am pissed enought to care less about him being pissed. i do not know how to say it though. do i just flat out tell him?
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:47 PM
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i have not gone to any meetings yet, but this week would be a great time to start. obvioussly he does not care about me that much if he is continuing to use and try to get drugs sent in the mail to him. i just thought if he cared about me enough he would not do that.
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:54 PM
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his parents are in such denial too. they do not think he has a substance abuse problem even after one marriage counselor we tried told him he did. of course he hated that man and never wanted to go back. i just wish they knew he was doing this crap. i so much want to tell them but i won't.
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Old 05-07-2007, 07:57 PM
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i am just letting out steam here. i wonder if i can even sleep tonight. i am so ANGRY!!!!
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Old 05-07-2007, 08:01 PM
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He could love you with all his heart but his mind is all about drugs. You can't compete with drugs. When you think that parents are willing to lose their children and still continue to use drugs, you have to know how powerful addiction is. It beats everything, even love. His addiction is not about you and he is not doing it to hurt you. You are just unfortunate to love an addict. That is what happens. That is why it is so important to take care of you. If love were enough to beat addiction, there would be no addicts in this world. Hugs, Marle
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Old 05-07-2007, 08:43 PM
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am talking to him right now. did not say anything yet, but on the topic. not sure if i will.
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Old 05-07-2007, 09:04 PM
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McDOO is right. We get as sick if not sicker and crazier than the addict! It's difficult not to snoop when you suspect something. I did it for 6 years. Each time Id find something, I would hide it away as though one day, when I had enough "evidence" I could lash out at him in anger while holding all the evidence.
Looking back, I didn't need all that "evidence". Knowing that he was an addict was all I really needed. (now the financial end is another story all together)
I needed to get the obsession under control, and take a hard look at myself and what my real motives were. It was like I was collecting pain and agony in a box to hide under my bed, look at when he wasn't home, get angry and hurt, then lock it back away again till the "big day" came and I could use it all against him. I would walk around with hurt in my heart and anger at why he would do this to ME.
How messed up was my head!
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Old 05-07-2007, 09:17 PM
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thanks, well i spilled the beans. now he is pissed, blaming it all on me, saying it was illegal for me to hack into his email account. was yelling at me so much I hung up on him. he daid f... you to me which really hurts me
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Old 05-07-2007, 09:19 PM
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he keeps calling me.. i am not answering.
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Old 05-07-2007, 09:21 PM
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also said he was just joking when emailing that dude about the xanax. uggh!
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Old 05-07-2007, 09:23 PM
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let him call! make him wonder. Just make sure you are safe, you can't trust them and you could be hurt.
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