megsykreeg

Wow... so sorry you are going through this. If he's actively drinking will he even show up? I'm sorry but when my hubby drinks, he's not present for anything... completely checks out of life. The last time he drank was back in October when his mom was dying. Got so bad I had to take our 18 mos daughter and leave. Then didn't want him to destroy our house so called the cops to get him to leave. Wouldn't give him his keys or credit cards or anything. Paid for a hotel and told him to sober up. Took 3 weeks but he finally did. I wouldn't have married him though while he was actively drinking. When we got married, he had been sober for 2 years. But we didn't have any kids at that point either. I understand your fear and sadness. My heart aches for you because I've been there. Loving someone so much you don't want to be without them. But I've found sometimes letting them go helps them reach bottom.

SadInTX

my ex is a compulsive gambler and has alcohol issues...we were together for 12 years (on and off)..he is the father of my two boys...at one time we were engaged, but we never got married. I lost money on deposit for the reception. I had already bought the dress. I eventually stopped wearing my engagement ring...I knew deep down that I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life with him...I finally had enough and told him to move out..My boys were ages 3 & 4 at the time. I knew I could handle it since I felt I was handling it all on my own even when he was there. It was a relief actually. I am just sharing what happened to me. But you have to decide what is best for you and your kids. Trust me, it doesn't get better, it gets worse...my AH just got a DWI and he still got drunk and drove his car a week later...insane. Have you talked to him about how his drinking makes you feel? Maybe he is in denial like my AH...maybe if he hears you out...but he is going to have to stop because he wants/needs to...so sorry you are going through this.

Understand

Sadintx and megsykreeg you both raise some great points. I have been so close to leaving for the last 2 years. He knows how I feel. He is in denial. He still doesn't realise that his drinking affects us all. We've spocken so many times about it. He usually gets aggressive and defensive. Protecting his drinking. But every now and then he hears me. I think..... Then a week later he's back at it. So now at last I'm leaving. It feels good. But I'm worried about so many things child care. Money. Loneliness. The kids. But being alone for these few weeks will show me that I can do it. Show me if I am better off financially emotionally and that I can manage child care and work. Until I do it I will always think I need him. I know I can do it. To be honest I don't really care if he stops drinking or not. This is about me. I would love him to stop but would I ever trust him? What would our relationship be? With no trust? The lies. The deception. Could you ever trust them? I think he might be smoking pot now too. I hope I can stay strong. I'm frightened of being lonely. You know how they have a tendency to isolate you from your friends. How do you get them back? It's a big world out there! Here I come!

Hopeworks

Alcoholic mates do tend to cause us to isolate as dealing with active addiction swallows up our lives and leaves us exhausted and drained. Even answering a simple "how are you" from a friend makes us tell a lie as we smile and say "fine" while inside we are falling apart and trying to keep our fingers in the holes in the dike.

It gets better.... Much better. Time is our friend and the day comes when we wonder what ever held us back for so long when the handwriting was on the wall all along.

Kboys

((((Hugs))))) to you Understand.
You are one strong lady!!!
I'm happy for you.
Hang in there!!!

PHIZ007

Not much to add and I agree with much of what has already been said.

I am sorry for the difficulties you have had.

I am married with three gorgeous children. My husband is an alcoholic and drinks 365 nights a year...regardless of anything else that's happening. He is so far functioning in that he works very hard and financially provides for us.

However there is not much left for us between his work and his drinking. It sucks! I feel like I have been single parenting for 14 years......

I am not afraid of being on my own...as I have been on my own for years. I am just not quite sure yet how I am going to get there yet...my plans are being made for me and the children to live apart from him as the nightly drinking is unliveable with.

SR and Al Anon keep me sane. I wish you the very best. Keep going step by step.

I also have it on good authority that the peace at the other end is fabulous and that's what I am working towards.

Take care all the best to you and your children Phiz

Refiner

^^^THIS^^^ Fly free, Understand! Fly free!

Understand

I'm feeling strong now! I hope I still feel strong when he returns from interstate! Phiz I hope you find the courage one day. Maybe a friends words or a comment from one of your kids might turn that light on inside your heart. Until that day we are all here. Are you an Aussie in the UK or a pomme in Aussie. I'm a pomme in Aussie which also makes things harder to leave as there is no family support. but we make our own way and find support in other ways. Keep safe and keep in touch.

PHIZ007

Let's keep that support and strength going between us all!

We CAN do this!

I am a Brit back in England now....lived in Australia for 12 years so my husband and children are all Australian and I have dual.

I moved back to the UK in 2010 due to my mums I'll health. She passed away Last year.

I know all about the difficulties of being so far away from your folks having had three children in Australia. It's tough....

Although things have been very difficult since returning to the UK after so long away I am glad to be back to help and support my dad and also be closer to my sister and her family and of course my long term friends.

I miss Australia big time but won't leave my Dad now plus don't want to move the children across the world again!

All in all I am glad to be 'home' although home to is also Australia now!
I totally understand how hard it is being so far away without the family support.

I also knew as my husbands drinking got worse I needed to be home here in the UK.
Overall I am pretty happy here, and as I posted earlier For now we have to be under the same roof and due to Al Anon and SR I am coping so much better.
Wishing you the best of luck....sometimes I feel so strong about it all and the next day not so much BUT overall I am heading in the right direction.

It sounds like you are too so all the very best to you. Take care Phiz

kudzujean

" the biggest lies we tell are to ourselves. "

I think that is so true!