Sadintx and megsykreeg you both raise some great points. I have been so close to leaving for the last 2 years. He knows how I feel. He is in denial. He still doesn't realise that his drinking affects us all. We've spocken so many times about it. He usually gets aggressive and defensive. Protecting his drinking. But every now and then he hears me. I think..... Then a week later he's back at it. So now at last I'm leaving. It feels good. But I'm worried about so many things child care. Money. Loneliness. The kids. But being alone for these few weeks will show me that I can do it. Show me if I am better off financially emotionally and that I can manage child care and work. Until I do it I will always think I need him. I know I can do it. To be honest I don't really care if he stops drinking or not. This is about me. I would love him to stop but would I ever trust him? What would our relationship be? With no trust? The lies. The deception. Could you ever trust them? I think he might be smoking pot now too. I hope I can stay strong. I'm frightened of being lonely. You know how they have a tendency to isolate you from your friends. How do you get them back? It's a big world out there! Here I come!