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Old 11-01-2014, 06:28 PM
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I have a 7th grade education. spelling is a problem for me. thinking on what to say is a problem.(how to answer a post, or what to say in a post) I guess I was a dumb drunk.

Drinking use to be a problem. As for right now it's not.

I'm sure my spelling and wording will get better, because of SR
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Old 11-01-2014, 08:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Ursula745 View Post
I am a member of the grammar police. I don't correct people, but it does go through me.

I have to admit that if a post is hard to read or doesn't contain punctuation or paragraphs, I do not read it. My mind cannot take it; too painful...Sad, huh? It truly does make me dizzy, and I hate that because sometimes people need helpful responses, but I just can't do it.

Hi, All ~

After 16 years of sobriety and continuing work on my spiritual recovery, I'm happy to report that my grammar pride has been right-sized.

Today, I take a 'wall of writing', open a WordPad doc and drop it in. I then break it into paragraphs etc. and read away. Punctuation and spelling no longer irritate me - and sometimes it's humorous.

I came to care more about possibly missing something I might need, or in missing an opportunity to encourage someone else, than maintaining that particular resentment. I actually used to feel offended/disrespected when someone sent what I saw as 'sloppy writing'. Like they didn't care enough to send their very best. <bg> It was *personal* - until it wasn't anymore. And I came to see that many folks don't talk or write because of their own shame surrounding lack of communication skills - and to not speak up in AA is not utilizing a major recovery tool: "What I say/write is what *I* most need to hear."

Seeing a spelling or punctuation error in one of *my* posts used to mortify me. No more. I figure it's good practice for some other grammar perfectionist just starting out in sobriety. <g>

One of the most helpful truisms learned in AA was, "Pride covers shame." Seems the more items that have shame wrapped around them and that I drop off in 4th-5th Steps as they pop up in online AA groups, the nearer to earth I get. <s> AA...whatta deal!

I'm not done yet, of course, but I sure hope to one day fully live the line, "we have ceased fighting anything or anyone." Uh, that would include my mother. <s> I feed Hope.

Best to All,

Pamela
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Old 11-01-2014, 08:31 PM
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Not everyone is highly educated , some children have to attend the local possibly not so 'good' schools , many children have problems with learning , it is not laziness , it is just what comes naturally

If my GS ever comes on a forum when an adult ( he is Autistic ) and people won't even READ his posts because his grammar isn't correct I would find that extremely hurtful and even offensive / judgmental

I am not saying I am never judgmental but it could be HURTFUL to others and make them feel bad about themselves and self conscious , even though it's 'just your thing'

Perhaps it is a perfectionist thing , but I don't know how to fix it , would just say look at the bigger picture and the heart of a person and feel compassion for people who don't mind their p's and q's some people can just about GET THROUGH THE DAY let alone be BOTHERED about if their grammar is correct! x

Eg homeless mans sign ''pleese fed me aint etain all day lorng'' that would drive you MORE MAD than the fact that the lives of so many have become so helpless and hopeless and it is a SAD situation and I DON'T mean the spelling or the ruddy grammar ;-) lol
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Old 11-02-2014, 02:47 AM
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Cool

Originally Posted by cazzap06 View Post
...Not everyone is highly educated...
It's the supposedly highly educated folks that seem to tick me off from time to time; not on message boards, but irl.................: news casters; political pundits; ministers; and don't even get me started on college athletes...........lol

My lasts peeve is the misuse of the pronoun 'I' as in sentences such as...........:

"This is truly a blessing for my wife and I."

My wife and I......................? Really.............?

Whoops, I did it again..........................

(o:
NoelleR
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Old 11-02-2014, 05:15 AM
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Originally Posted by NoelleR View Post
It's the supposedly highly educated folks that seem to tick me off from time to time; not on message boards, but irl.................: news casters; political pundits; ministers; and don't even get me started on college athletes...........lol

My lasts peeve is the misuse of the pronoun 'I' as in sentences such as...........:

"This is truly a blessing for my wife and I."

My wife and I......................? Really.............?

Whoops, I did it again..........................

(o:
NoelleR
Hi Noelle,

Your post made me laugh. I would in no way consider newscasters or college athletes "highly educated." A few are, but not the majority.
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Old 11-02-2014, 05:33 AM
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Originally Posted by MissFixit View Post
Hi Noelle,

Your post made me laugh. I would in no way consider newscasters or college athletes "highly educated." A few are, but not the majority.
LOL..........I guess I shouldn't have said 'highly educated,' but...........'college educated,' as college degrees are required now for those positions................

(o:
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Old 11-02-2014, 06:38 AM
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I'm a teacher, so errors jump out at me. In casual written conversation (like Internet message boards), I'm not going to be pedantic though. Judging someone's grammar or usage just gets in the way of attending to their message. If I put the conventions of the written language before the meaning, then I miss a chance for meaningful interaction.

The thing is, although I know that many people don't like to recognize it, dialectical differences are not "wrong".

Language has rules, but rules gradually change. That's because the users of a language are what drive the usage. Words get into the dictionary based on frequency of use and duration, not by some big board of brainiacs adding words they think we should use. It's the users of a language, despite level of education, that drive that language over time.

Sometimes lack of punctuation can definitely cause problems with meaning. If you've ever seen the "don't be a psycho, use commas" memes, sentences like "I like cooking my family and my pets" or "Lets eat kids" illustrate why proper use of commas can keep others from misconstruing your intent. Lol

The only exception for me is when someone is bullying others. There was recently a thread here where the OP was making fun of others. Openly laughing at others while misusing the language leaves you open to criticism. In that case, I would point out that if you're trying to be superior then your grammar should reflect your purpose.

Otherwise, it's all good to me, yo.
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Old 11-02-2014, 09:33 AM
  # 88 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by cazzap06 View Post
Not everyone is highly educated , some children have to attend the local possibly not so 'good' schools , many children have problems with learning , it is not laziness , it is just what comes naturally

If my GS ever comes on a forum when an adult ( he is Autistic ) and people won't even READ his posts because his grammar isn't correct I would find that extremely hurtful and even offensive / judgmental

I am not saying I am never judgmental but it could be HURTFUL to others and make them feel bad about themselves and self conscious , even though it's 'just your thing'

Perhaps it is a perfectionist thing , but I don't know how to fix it , would just say look at the bigger picture and the heart of a person and feel compassion for people who don't mind their p's and q's some people can just about GET THROUGH THE DAY let alone be BOTHERED about if their grammar is correct! x

Eg homeless mans sign ''pleese fed me aint etain all day lorng'' that would drive you MORE MAD than the fact that the lives of so many have become so helpless and hopeless and it is a SAD situation and I DON'T mean the spelling or the ruddy grammar ;-) lol

Hi, Cazza and All ~

I'm new to SR and seeing so many recovery branches in one place is really neat. Long before I became an alcoholic myself (40 y.o.), my father was an alcoholic. I didn't come by the 12 Steps through Al-anon, but I would hope that the Steps are practiced in a similar way. If I'm out of bounds here for Al-Anon practices, please let me know.

There are good reasons why I was encouraged to stick to my own experience, strength and hope rather than opinon/feelings/reactions about a topic. When I begin sharing opinions and passing out guilt trips, others go on the defensive. I get nailed and others have defenses that are likely to come up and impede the healing process.

It took getting my toes stomped on more than once to get the principle down, but I finally understood: "The object is to clean up *my* side of the street and leave yours alone." I can't work on me from 'over there'. Occasionally, I still have to sit on my fingers when something 'over there' looks inviting but I can't *identify*. <g>

"Opinions are useless; experience everything." Having a *reaction* to a topic and having *experience* with a topic are often different things (though not always because sometimes I react to something that I'm currently denying that I do <g>). Isn't AA interesting? <s>

Another aspect of the 'perfectionist grammar' topic that came to light, for me, was that I had a life-long envy of the minds of the typical male. I had three older brothers who never let me forget that I was a girrrrrrrrl. My one brother had difficulty with spelling (to this day, degrees and all, still spells the way it sounds). My greater apitutde with spelling, etc. gave me 'positive self-esteem' as a child - school became my 'first addiction' in life. Good grades always made the yucky insides feel better. My first 'filler' for the hole-in-the-soul. ;-)

Of course, as I learned doing the 12 Steps, positive self-esteem and negative self-esteem are two sides of the same coin. I only got positive self-esteem by squashing others/'better than' attitudes and the negative side was wallowing/depression of perceived/actual inferiority.

The stuff I've learned in the 12 Step Process that could have been taught in school and saved us a lot of grief is astounding, to me.

Best to All,

Pamela
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Old 11-04-2014, 07:31 PM
  # 89 (permalink)  
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I'm fascinated by the posts on here! What began as a gripe by me really brought up a lot of interesting stuff... I think my perfectionism over issues like grammar is a combination of part normal pet peeve and part weird judgmental codependent stuff...

In any event, I'm very grateful each time I post here because my thinking on whatever I post is always challenged in some interesting way. So thank you!
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Old 11-04-2014, 07:59 PM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Someone explain to me whether I am just a totally, utterly judgmental b*itch OR whether I am not alone in this....

It's purely platonic with he and I by the way.
As a grammar nazi, I'm sure you meant to use object pronouns in your prepositional phrase (instead of subject pronouns):

"It's purely platonic with him and me, by the way."

Although I *notice* grammar errors, I don't judge them as much as I used to. I have discovered that when I am disturbed, the problem is with me. I can only change myself. Becoming less judgmental was top of the list for me. I am human and I make mistakes. You are human and you make mistakes, even dreaded grammar mistakes like the one above.

We are each a work in progress.

ps - my favorite is the common misspelling of "definite". Definate, defiant, and all the other spellings for that word that people can imagine. grrr! lol

Glad you are here.
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:09 PM
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I definitely have a problem with definite and each time I write it I check my spelling. And no matter how many times I read the rules for "effect" and "affect", I am always paranoid and end up avoiding them all together. Whenever I start to judge others on their spelling or grammar, I remember how many rules I'm not clear about myself. I still love language though and find the discussion interesting.
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Old 11-07-2014, 09:00 AM
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I just posted this, and am not sure if it is correct:

Originally Posted by Coldfusion View Post
Welcome, Hombre!

I hope you really use this site for all it's worth.
For all it is worth? For all its worth?
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Old 11-07-2014, 09:09 AM
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Good question. Looking forward to the answer.
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Old 11-07-2014, 09:16 AM
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My husband and I had a conversation last night about a friend of ours. I told him that she occupies this space that in her mind is how everything is supposed to be. The people on the one side of her are stupid and simplify things too much. The people on the other side just make issues more complicated than they need to be. But like in Goldilocks, the opinion she has on any issue you discuss with her is juuuuuust right. And, I said, it annoys the living curd out of me because I am exactly the same way.

And then I thought about this post. Because when people don't know the difference between their and there, it gives me hives. And when people say you can't dangle your participles -- well, that's just being a total grammar nazi and means you need to get a life! But the spot I occupy, right inbetween, is juuuuuust right!!!

I'm slowly getting to a point in my life where I'm OK with the fact that I'm far from perfect. And I think that's a big win in the fight against codieness -- not the accepting I'm imperfect, but the accepting that I always will be imperfect. Giving up the striving for perfection. Giving up the (subconscious) idea that if I just attain perfection in the areas of A, B, C, and D which I have identified as areas that need work, I will be happy.

So I'm OK with getting irritated by spelling and grammar errors. (Of course, only the ones I am irritated by -- the right ones... ) I'm OK with having that "flaw" in my personality. I've gotten to a point where I can separate the spelling errors from the person, and get irritated with the errors without judging the person. I don't think "oh what a complete moron" when I see an error, I think "oh there's that error again, it always irks me."
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Old 11-07-2014, 09:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Coldfusion View Post
I just posted this, and am not sure if it is correct:



For all it is worth? For all its worth?
it is = it's
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Old 11-07-2014, 09:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Coldfusion View Post
I just posted this, and am not sure if it is correct:



For all it is worth? For all its worth?
Too funny that this is turning into a Grammar LESSON thread!


I think you could go both ways with this.


For all it's worth. (For all it is worth.)
For all its worth. (For all the worth belonging to it.)


Opinions?
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Old 11-07-2014, 09:43 AM
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Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
I think you could go both ways with this.

For all it's worth. (For all it is worth.)
For all its worth. (For all the worth belonging to it.)
Agreed.
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Old 11-07-2014, 02:14 PM
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I wasn't counting, and I'm trusting that you all love me enough not to hunt down my most recent post, but I think I just hit the edit button in excess of 20 times. A record, maybe?

I'm sure I left a ton of errors, but I just had to get out.

Walk away.

Get on with my life, man.
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Old 11-07-2014, 08:18 PM
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Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
Too funny that this is turning into a Grammar LESSON thread!


I think you could go both ways with this.


For all it's worth. (For all it is worth.)
For all its worth. (For all the worth belonging to it.)


Opinions?
That's what I was wondering. I can see either way. I think the years of Latin lessons made me interested in the way language is structured, even though I have no intention to perfect it. Amo Amas Amat
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Old 11-08-2014, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by wackybunny View Post
That's what I was wondering. I can see either way. I think the years of Latin lessons made me interested in the way language is structured, even though I have no intention to perfect it. Amo Amas Amat
OMGosh too funny - I took Latin for 3 yrs in HS & allllllll these years later I still focus on the (Latin) roots of words first when I read/encounter them for the first time in order to try to decipher meaning. It's crazy how some of that stuff sticks!
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