Children Find Selfie Porn on Dad's Phone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
The issue seems to be a failure to protect children from adult content.
The dv worker seemed to feel that xah exposed them to that photo on purpose.
I have no way of knowing. But this is about this particular xah, who has a looonnnggg history of exposing the children to traumatic/dangerous situations. I have 10 divorce pages on this subject. There is a pattern established over their lifetimes.
Never in this way before, but he's diverse. The lawyer says perverse.
If xah hadn't done so many other rotten things to the kiddos, I would have been more inclined to follow my initial feeling, which was to do less.
Anyway, campground staff helped ne. Things unfolded relatively peacefully, and I am thinking I will let xah take them for some of the day tomorrow but in the eye of the public.
I hate being the police. I had been plans for my free time today.
Briefly, I explained to the children that Dad broke the rules and now hopefully he will have learned to follow them so there won't be more problems next time. They understand and they are okay. Really fabulous, actually.
The dv worker seemed to feel that xah exposed them to that photo on purpose.
I have no way of knowing. But this is about this particular xah, who has a looonnnggg history of exposing the children to traumatic/dangerous situations. I have 10 divorce pages on this subject. There is a pattern established over their lifetimes.
Never in this way before, but he's diverse. The lawyer says perverse.
If xah hadn't done so many other rotten things to the kiddos, I would have been more inclined to follow my initial feeling, which was to do less.
Anyway, campground staff helped ne. Things unfolded relatively peacefully, and I am thinking I will let xah take them for some of the day tomorrow but in the eye of the public.
I hate being the police. I had been plans for my free time today.
Briefly, I explained to the children that Dad broke the rules and now hopefully he will have learned to follow them so there won't be more problems next time. They understand and they are okay. Really fabulous, actually.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
The teens say they will be scarred for life. Why does he give the children his phone to play with, letting them stumble on his photos of his bottom half? Along with downloaded shots of young women and all, mixed in between photos of his travels and our children playing in the treehouse, grandparents' visits and such?
What makes it worse is that DD7 was crying leaving me this morning.
She is too young to be able to protect herself or express and defend herself when necessary. And she is such a nice person. She wants everyone to be happy and will easily sacrifice herself without thinking.
This is serious, and I am glad, Pippi, that you are taking prompt action under police advise to get your kids out of there.
I would strongly suggest that you get a legal record/documentation of this today while the kids memories and feelings are strong by having them interviewed by the police and/or a domestic violence worker. Your AH has probably removed the pictures from his phone by now.
Lethe, I don't get where you are coming from. This is not an accidental viewing of a parent in the bathroom or showering. This is highly sexualized pictures of the genitalia of their father, interspersed with what I take, from Pippi's description, to be nude or worse photos of young women.
There is never any reason, any necessity for children to be exposed to that. There is a sanctity to raising a child and protecting them from experiences that they are not developmentally ready for. Young children should not be in a sexualized environment. It is not something they can or should grasp. Seeing your father and young women is especially disturbing to a 14 year old girl who is grappling with the beginnings of her own sexuality. This may be child porn. Maybe a 17 year old is old enough and through enough of coming to terms with their own sexuality as an adolescent to not be as harmed. But even then it is a destructive, uncaring, damaging act on the part of their father.
Take it from someone who was sexually abused by her father - it is trauma to be exposed in any way to this.
This is a man who has fallen so deeply into alcoholism and mental dysfunction that he has already shown a profound distaste for and perhaps incomprehension of normal boundaries and normal behavior within a marriage and as a father. If he is fooling around with young women - literally or by distance - it is something that has to be taken into account as a scary precursor. I would hope your lawyer would pursue this strongly.
ShootingStar1
What makes it worse is that DD7 was crying leaving me this morning.
She is too young to be able to protect herself or express and defend herself when necessary. And she is such a nice person. She wants everyone to be happy and will easily sacrifice herself without thinking.
This is serious, and I am glad, Pippi, that you are taking prompt action under police advise to get your kids out of there.
I would strongly suggest that you get a legal record/documentation of this today while the kids memories and feelings are strong by having them interviewed by the police and/or a domestic violence worker. Your AH has probably removed the pictures from his phone by now.
Lethe, I don't get where you are coming from. This is not an accidental viewing of a parent in the bathroom or showering. This is highly sexualized pictures of the genitalia of their father, interspersed with what I take, from Pippi's description, to be nude or worse photos of young women.
There is never any reason, any necessity for children to be exposed to that. There is a sanctity to raising a child and protecting them from experiences that they are not developmentally ready for. Young children should not be in a sexualized environment. It is not something they can or should grasp. Seeing your father and young women is especially disturbing to a 14 year old girl who is grappling with the beginnings of her own sexuality. This may be child porn. Maybe a 17 year old is old enough and through enough of coming to terms with their own sexuality as an adolescent to not be as harmed. But even then it is a destructive, uncaring, damaging act on the part of their father.
Take it from someone who was sexually abused by her father - it is trauma to be exposed in any way to this.
This is a man who has fallen so deeply into alcoholism and mental dysfunction that he has already shown a profound distaste for and perhaps incomprehension of normal boundaries and normal behavior within a marriage and as a father. If he is fooling around with young women - literally or by distance - it is something that has to be taken into account as a scary precursor. I would hope your lawyer would pursue this strongly.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
hopefully he will have learned to follow them so there won't be more problems next time
I would call this passive aggression except he's using children, so it's not passive. I'm not getting why you will let him take them tomorrow as long as it's in public. Contact with him is hurting them. He is hurting them, on purpose (I agree with the DV worker - it's a real stretch to think this is accidental. He knew what was on the phone.)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Btw, xah initially refused to release the children. The campground manager had taken it upon herself to let me hang back while she explained I was there to get them. He went up to me and wanted an explanation. I told him we would communicate later by email and that I had sent him one that morning ( saying that I was aware the children had seen inappropriate photos on his phone and he must not let that happen again). He refused to release them.
I went to the manager and she advised me to go directly to the police. I was about to go but then xah released them to me.
I stayed so calm in front of xah and the manager and children!!! I feel like a professional. I saw right through him, didn't feel scared, and stayed the course. Happy with my growth as a person who can suddenly keep in control and express myself kindly and simply. Hiw did I finally succeed to this place? Yay!
I went to the manager and she advised me to go directly to the police. I was about to go but then xah released them to me.
I stayed so calm in front of xah and the manager and children!!! I feel like a professional. I saw right through him, didn't feel scared, and stayed the course. Happy with my growth as a person who can suddenly keep in control and express myself kindly and simply. Hiw did I finally succeed to this place? Yay!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Pippi, PLEASE don't let your children go back to spend time with their father tomorrow or anytime, especially since it is not required by the terms of your custody agreement.
The only way your children will have to understand this is to believe that you think this behavior on his part is okay, is not damaging, and not dangerous.
With such strong feelings expressed by your kids about how upsetting and horrible this has been for them - they used the words "scarred for life", PLEASE don't discount them by having "life with dad" going on as usual the next day.
You need to have a record NOW of what happened by having your children interviewed today by a dispassionate party who can hear and testify to what has happened.
I will send you a PM.
ShootingStar1
The only way your children will have to understand this is to believe that you think this behavior on his part is okay, is not damaging, and not dangerous.
With such strong feelings expressed by your kids about how upsetting and horrible this has been for them - they used the words "scarred for life", PLEASE don't discount them by having "life with dad" going on as usual the next day.
You need to have a record NOW of what happened by having your children interviewed today by a dispassionate party who can hear and testify to what has happened.
I will send you a PM.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
I know that my dad didn't hide his porn stash from us. I was reading penthouse letters when I was 14. Of course, when I was a kid many of my friends had dads who kept playboy and other porn in the bathrooms as reading material so I didn't think much of that box of porn under the stairs until i got older and realized how it messed with my own sexuality.
For my own son; he saw a frontal chest shot of me 3 years ago. I had taken the pic, sent it to my AH via phone and he put it on his computer. He didn't hide the file very well and my son found the pic and automatically came to me crying saying that dad has a girlfriend. Ugh, I was mortified! And, I was ticked that AH didn't out the pic in a locked file or do a better job of hiding it, etc. Then I had to explain to our son that the pic was me as I didn't know any other way around it other than the truth. I apologized it him and talked to my AH about making sure he does a better job of protecting his kid. I also realized that risqué pics of myself weren't worth it if he wasn't going to be careful so I never did that again.
Pippin it sounds like you re doing a great job of advocating for your kids! Sending you hugs today!
For my own son; he saw a frontal chest shot of me 3 years ago. I had taken the pic, sent it to my AH via phone and he put it on his computer. He didn't hide the file very well and my son found the pic and automatically came to me crying saying that dad has a girlfriend. Ugh, I was mortified! And, I was ticked that AH didn't out the pic in a locked file or do a better job of hiding it, etc. Then I had to explain to our son that the pic was me as I didn't know any other way around it other than the truth. I apologized it him and talked to my AH about making sure he does a better job of protecting his kid. I also realized that risqué pics of myself weren't worth it if he wasn't going to be careful so I never did that again.
Pippin it sounds like you re doing a great job of advocating for your kids! Sending you hugs today!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Ok. You are probably right.
The children were sad to leave the campground. They were about to have a campfire. DD7 cried for a couple of minutes. I felt correct in my behavior, but sorry to break up their activities.
DS17 was there, and xah asked DS17 why I was taking them, making DS17 feel profoundly guilty. DS11 said his father told him that I was making up lies.
*sigh*.
The children were sad to leave the campground. They were about to have a campfire. DD7 cried for a couple of minutes. I felt correct in my behavior, but sorry to break up their activities.
DS17 was there, and xah asked DS17 why I was taking them, making DS17 feel profoundly guilty. DS11 said his father told him that I was making up lies.
*sigh*.
Guest
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,968
Children do Not have a Voice! We are the caregivers of our children and given
a responsibility to Pay Attention . The key word is Children..not a commodity
to be set up to accept an adults selfishness!. Selfie explains itself..it is selfish.
a responsibility to Pay Attention . The key word is Children..not a commodity
to be set up to accept an adults selfishness!. Selfie explains itself..it is selfish.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
It looks like ur children would love a
good, healthy, fun, exciting, stress free
camping trip or campout.
It would be a healthy memory that they
will and can treasure for yrs to come.
Maybe you can give them that trip of
a lifetime.
A tent, campfire, smores,
songs, roasted hotdogs....good clean
outdoor fun.
You can also camp out in ur backyard
which can also be fun.
I also agree with others to not let
ur children be or go with the father,
because what im getting from your
shares, is that he sounds manipulative
and sick. Sick in his actions and words.
However, that is just my thoughts.
I would want some stability in my childrens
lives and not being placed on a rollercoaster
ride of emotions, being pulled in all directions
between 2 parents.
If u have that many sheets of paper on his
past behavior then he is not a stable, reliable,
honest, healthy parent in their lives.
Children, teens in the middle of adult
situations is not healthy for them. How
do you feel about that?
Im glad you took this situation into ur
hands and reached for help to get ur
precious children home safe and sound.
I hope you continue to work with authorities
or those familiar with situations like this
where children are involved or maybe in
danger that would further cause them
and you emotional stress or turmoil.
We're here for you too in SR.
good, healthy, fun, exciting, stress free
camping trip or campout.
It would be a healthy memory that they
will and can treasure for yrs to come.
Maybe you can give them that trip of
a lifetime.
A tent, campfire, smores,songs, roasted hotdogs....good clean
outdoor fun.
You can also camp out in ur backyard
which can also be fun.
I also agree with others to not let
ur children be or go with the father,
because what im getting from your
shares, is that he sounds manipulative
and sick. Sick in his actions and words.
However, that is just my thoughts.
I would want some stability in my childrens
lives and not being placed on a rollercoaster
ride of emotions, being pulled in all directions
between 2 parents.
If u have that many sheets of paper on his
past behavior then he is not a stable, reliable,
honest, healthy parent in their lives.
Children, teens in the middle of adult
situations is not healthy for them. How
do you feel about that?
Im glad you took this situation into ur
hands and reached for help to get ur
precious children home safe and sound.
I hope you continue to work with authorities
or those familiar with situations like this
where children are involved or maybe in
danger that would further cause them
and you emotional stress or turmoil.
We're here for you too in SR.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 175
Just my opinion here, and I'm taking the position that the exposure to those pics was accidental. I'm not too sure why this warranted removing them from the campground and creating a scene. I understand you are concerned about what happened, but I don't know if this was the right way to go about addressing it. After all, he has court-ordered visits so what was really accomplished here? Kids sometimes see things they shouldn't (ever walk in on your parents doing it? Ugh) but it doesn't mean the whole thing has to turn into a drama and tears. Your kids are grossed out and confused about what they saw, but saying it's 'traumatizing' is a bit much. You said yourself they seemed to be enjoying the campground - they have coping skills here, and you can help them use them.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by allysen 
Just my opinion here, and I'm taking the position that the exposure to those pics was accidental. I'm not too sure why this warranted removing them from the campground and creating a scene. I understand you are concerned about what happened, but I don't know if this was the right way to go about addressing it. After all, he has court-ordered visits so what was really accomplished here? Kids sometimes see things they shouldn't (ever walk in on your parents doing it? Ugh) but it doesn't mean the whole thing has to turn into a drama and tears. Your kids are grossed out and confused about what they saw, but saying it's 'traumatizing' is a bit much. You said yourself they seemed to be enjoying the campground - they have coping skills here, and you can help them use them.
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wash D.C.
Posts: 321
I'm going to say something inappropriate here, and won't be popular...but some people here will agree with me, even though it's not the most moral thing.
Protecting our children from the Alcoholics in their lives is difficult. You are fighting against the court systems, the family, sometimes the children's own wishes, and often against our own misguided sense at how much "important" it is to have the alcoholic be a part of the children's lives.
This incident is ammunition in that battle. Use it thusly.
Protecting our children from the Alcoholics in their lives is difficult. You are fighting against the court systems, the family, sometimes the children's own wishes, and often against our own misguided sense at how much "important" it is to have the alcoholic be a part of the children's lives.
This incident is ammunition in that battle. Use it thusly.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
DD14 is the one who daid she'd be 'scarred for life'. She is a total drama queen, my girl, but she also meant it.
The children were sorry to miss the campfire, but rosy-cheeked and happy at home after a nourishing dinner and laughter amongst each other.
Thinking about my rare face-to-face with xah. Boy, he is not well. There was hardly any life in him. Wearing a 20-year-old shirt, extremely thin and limp looking. Like he had no blood in his veins, air in his lungs, fight left to give. Maybe I haven't grown much stronger. He's grown so weak!
I am afraid for him.
I am not a prude, folks. I just know that xah seems to do things carelessly...again and again and again. He isn't stupid. And I am not as stupid as I used to be, although I am just beginning to see the ways of the world. What a naive person I had been! Perfect for xah to get away with sooo much for sooo many years. He once commented how f**king gullible I was. That always stuck with me. One of a handful of rare honest moments from him.
Wondering what tomorrow may bring. Will he resurface? Fly back to the US? Where is he now? Still at the campground, after me telling the manager that I needed to take the children from him?
Why couldn't he just follow the rules for a change, like most of us do. Even if he was being sloppy with his phone. He has a suspended criminal complaint against him here. He has judges, lawyers, police all over his life. If any of us were him, we would make da*ned sure our phone was squeaky clean before handing it to anyone. Honestly.
The children were sorry to miss the campfire, but rosy-cheeked and happy at home after a nourishing dinner and laughter amongst each other.
Thinking about my rare face-to-face with xah. Boy, he is not well. There was hardly any life in him. Wearing a 20-year-old shirt, extremely thin and limp looking. Like he had no blood in his veins, air in his lungs, fight left to give. Maybe I haven't grown much stronger. He's grown so weak!
I am afraid for him.
I am not a prude, folks. I just know that xah seems to do things carelessly...again and again and again. He isn't stupid. And I am not as stupid as I used to be, although I am just beginning to see the ways of the world. What a naive person I had been! Perfect for xah to get away with sooo much for sooo many years. He once commented how f**king gullible I was. That always stuck with me. One of a handful of rare honest moments from him.
Wondering what tomorrow may bring. Will he resurface? Fly back to the US? Where is he now? Still at the campground, after me telling the manager that I needed to take the children from him?
Why couldn't he just follow the rules for a change, like most of us do. Even if he was being sloppy with his phone. He has a suspended criminal complaint against him here. He has judges, lawyers, police all over his life. If any of us were him, we would make da*ned sure our phone was squeaky clean before handing it to anyone. Honestly.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
OMG.
Xah just wrote to me from the hospital. The campground manager called the police after I left, according to him because she was worried about him as I had been 'so nasty' .
The police required a medical evaluation and sent for an ambulance.
He says he is fine but that this is going to be expensive. He wants to see the children tomorrow.
That's what he writes.
He just fell to pieces, didn't he.
Mental breakdown?
I am going to be praying for him.
Xah just wrote to me from the hospital. The campground manager called the police after I left, according to him because she was worried about him as I had been 'so nasty' .
The police required a medical evaluation and sent for an ambulance.
He says he is fine but that this is going to be expensive. He wants to see the children tomorrow.
That's what he writes.
He just fell to pieces, didn't he.
Mental breakdown?
I am going to be praying for him.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Pippi, im sorry that I don't know all your
story, but could you let me know if by xah
means he's your ex alcoholic husband? Does
that mean you are divorced? And is he in recovery
or still drinking or a drug addict? I was just
wondering.
Thanks pippi, as I follow along with you
and your situation.
Stay safe and strong.
story, but could you let me know if by xah
means he's your ex alcoholic husband? Does
that mean you are divorced? And is he in recovery
or still drinking or a drug addict? I was just
wondering.
Thanks pippi, as I follow along with you
and your situation.
Stay safe and strong.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Their behavior often goes in cycles. This sounds like the "poor woeful me" cycle, combined with a CYA (Cover your a**) that YOU caused his medical "issues" (which didn't apparently turn out to be anything) by your BAD behavior at the campground, which, (according to him) is now verified by the campground manager.
If this is exactly the behavior that it would take to dispute any charges you might make against him, and I personally think it is, don't be gullible.
He may be thin and shopworn and tired and old and woebegone, but he's still smart as h*ll.
ShootingStar1
If this is exactly the behavior that it would take to dispute any charges you might make against him, and I personally think it is, don't be gullible.
He may be thin and shopworn and tired and old and woebegone, but he's still smart as h*ll.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Sounds like he is quacking big time. I wouldn't believe a word of what he says other people thought, nor be intimidated into handing over the kids.
It's interesting how fast they slide down, once it starts. I've been following your story for awhile Pippi. Your XAH (STBXAH?) used to be strong, handsome, and manipulate cops and judges so well you felt powerless. Now, he's thin, raving, and in and out of the hospital. Really sounds like my ex (although even my kids haven't had to look at selfie porn). Is yours still working? It's a good thing you haven't had him cosign the lease on a more expensive place. My guess is he will soon be jobless just like my former six-figure-earning XAH.
It's interesting how fast they slide down, once it starts. I've been following your story for awhile Pippi. Your XAH (STBXAH?) used to be strong, handsome, and manipulate cops and judges so well you felt powerless. Now, he's thin, raving, and in and out of the hospital. Really sounds like my ex (although even my kids haven't had to look at selfie porn). Is yours still working? It's a good thing you haven't had him cosign the lease on a more expensive place. My guess is he will soon be jobless just like my former six-figure-earning XAH.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
You hit that nail Shooting Star! Wow. Whamee.
I wish you were my lawyer!!!!!
Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.
So. Now I am getting a fuller view of what went on.
He sat there in that campground doing nothing but weeping in front of campers after I took the children home. They got the manager but no one could speak enough English. So the manager called the police, who work around the corner. They were concerned about his state and called an ambulance.
At the local country hospital, the Spanish intern on duty gave him a 20 minute mental health evaluation. Xah told his sob story, intern bought it and let him go.
Xah called me walking along the road back to the campground that he wanted to know if he could see the children tomorrow. Or he was going north for work.
I spoke to him. On the phone. Nicely. Because I didn't want him to hurt himself tonight.
I feel like I just ate dog poo. Sickening.
But he is alive. And smart as h*ll.
I wish you were my lawyer!!!!!
Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.
So. Now I am getting a fuller view of what went on.
He sat there in that campground doing nothing but weeping in front of campers after I took the children home. They got the manager but no one could speak enough English. So the manager called the police, who work around the corner. They were concerned about his state and called an ambulance.
At the local country hospital, the Spanish intern on duty gave him a 20 minute mental health evaluation. Xah told his sob story, intern bought it and let him go.
Xah called me walking along the road back to the campground that he wanted to know if he could see the children tomorrow. Or he was going north for work.
I spoke to him. On the phone. Nicely. Because I didn't want him to hurt himself tonight.
I feel like I just ate dog poo. Sickening.
But he is alive. And smart as h*ll.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
