killerinstinct

Finally feel like I am getting ontop of things. I'm excited but scared to get out of victim mode. Is this normal.. It almost makes me want to go back to the old me and almost makes me feel bad for starting to get over EXAH. God it's been so long and so hard.. But I can see hope for my future.

smc92va

Yes it's very normal. The chaos and craziness is what we become accustomed too. After years of chaotic, abusive relationships- your actual brain chemistry changes. It is natural to be fearful of the unknown. I woman in my Nar-Anon group put it really well last night- "when a storm of chaos occurs, we are told to respond with calmness. As we watch the addict slowly kill themselves, we are told to detach peacefully with love. These are not normal reactions, they are not in our nature- they have to be learned." She went on to say it is not something that happens overnight. She said it had taken her over two years to be able to detach from her son and slowly find moments of serenity. So keep at it- and know that this is not a quick and easy process. Make sure you are getting support any and all ways you can(through Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, friends, family, counselor or therapist, etc. And be sure to give yourself credit for taking steps to end an unhealthy relationship in your life. Please know you are not alone. Best of luck, hugs, and good vibes.

CodeJob

Hello KI,

I think for me, I take a lot of peace in the length of time between my Codie freak out sessions. At first I became aware even though I could not stop myself. Then I started realizing in the middle and struggled to slow down, intervene, stop, or at least shut my mouth. Then I started seeing my thought processes BEFORE it really ramped up. Sometimes I was able to avert completely.

I still have Codie freak out sessions. I am not perfect. But they are usually lessons on what is deeply important to me and things I need to reflect and analyze more deeply. They are no longer daily living for me and I am deeply grateful.

All the best,

dandylion

smc.....that is a beautifully expressed post....and, it is soo true!

dandylion

Florence

Me too. For me this was a major turning point, along with realizing that I had a habit of choosing unhealthy relationships with toxic and unavailable people (and dumping any decent people I happened to date) from the very get-go.

One day I opened the newspaper to see that my very first boyfriend from junior high was convicted of murder in a drug deal. Murder. My first boyfriend. Murder.

Later on, I had a child with a Narcissist, and one with an active alcoholic. I was turning to my NPD mom for support and really unhappy when I took her advice trying to "do the right thing."

Maybe I was dealt a crappy hand, but I kept trying to play it instead of trading in my cards and learning new tricks.

Taking responsibility for my choices was empowering, and helped me to realize that I could choose new things, better things, better people, better paths. And if I made a mistake, I still had choices. I'm not perfect, but I have choices.