QUACKERs.... Part 3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 229
RAH : I drank because
a. you were depressed and I didn't know what to do
b. we were not getting on well
c. I had alot of stress at work with x
d. i had alot of stress at work with y
e I had alot of stess at work with z (you get the picture)
f I just wanted to forget a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h .........depending on which day it is
a. you were depressed and I didn't know what to do
b. we were not getting on well
c. I had alot of stress at work with x
d. i had alot of stress at work with y
e I had alot of stess at work with z (you get the picture)
f I just wanted to forget a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h .........depending on which day it is
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 199
AF just recently...
#1: "You just want me to be perfect. That's why I stayed on the streets when you offered me a place to stay for a few days before my temporary housing came through."
My answer: "Asking someone to NOT drink in their home, clean up after themselves and be respectful is not expecting perfection out of someone. It's called responsibility."
#2: "I almost died the other night because I went off the antidepressants that YOU made me take. I had to go to the ER. I was crawling on the floor and vomiting. See? This is just what you wanted."
My answer: "I made you take antidepressants? No, that is something you decided on with your doctor. By your own admission, they were working well UNTIL you kept your daily drinking up, wasn't truthful with the doctor, wasn't taking them consistently."
Cue the pity party for him. (insert eye roll)
#1: "You just want me to be perfect. That's why I stayed on the streets when you offered me a place to stay for a few days before my temporary housing came through."
My answer: "Asking someone to NOT drink in their home, clean up after themselves and be respectful is not expecting perfection out of someone. It's called responsibility."
#2: "I almost died the other night because I went off the antidepressants that YOU made me take. I had to go to the ER. I was crawling on the floor and vomiting. See? This is just what you wanted."
My answer: "I made you take antidepressants? No, that is something you decided on with your doctor. By your own admission, they were working well UNTIL you kept your daily drinking up, wasn't truthful with the doctor, wasn't taking them consistently."
Cue the pity party for him. (insert eye roll)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
You are one smart cookie.
I'm laughing my butt off at your response. 😂
I'm laughing my butt off at your response. 😂
Originally Posted by bringiton 
My AH decided the amount of sugar I was eating was just as bad as the amount of alcohol he was drinking. I pointed out I could still drive and take care of children after eating chocolate. I told him I would switch to sugar free and he could switch to non alcoholic beverages. He wasn't up to the challenge : ).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 27
AH had already finished one bucket of beer at the local bar/grill and goes to the bar to get a single beer, so he says. Comes back with another bucket of beers (5) and claims "I asked for a beer and the bartender gave me the whole bucket" I said, well why didn't you just tell him you only wanted 1 and give him the bucket back. AH: well, he had already made it so I couldn't give it back. Really???? Quack.
And a few weeks ago, went to the grocery store and he goes to pick up his customary 12 pack when he stands there comparing the prices of the beer and grabs the 18 pack. Says "it's cheaper" to buy a larger quantity and of course he won't drink it all. Flash forward 8 hrs, all 18 are gone. Quack!
And a few weeks ago, went to the grocery store and he goes to pick up his customary 12 pack when he stands there comparing the prices of the beer and grabs the 18 pack. Says "it's cheaper" to buy a larger quantity and of course he won't drink it all. Flash forward 8 hrs, all 18 are gone. Quack!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 20
Going through my divorce and here is a quack on the discovery paperwork :
Question: why should you be granted more than 50 percent of the community property:
1) she left me when she was done using me for my money (he is making three times the money he was making when I married him). I wonder why I would leave him now !
2) she married me for her citizenship. Ummm I have been a citizen for over 15 years and have known him for only 6 out of those !
His attorney must be an alcoholic too!!
Question: why should you be granted more than 50 percent of the community property:
1) she left me when she was done using me for my money (he is making three times the money he was making when I married him). I wonder why I would leave him now !
2) she married me for her citizenship. Ummm I have been a citizen for over 15 years and have known him for only 6 out of those !
His attorney must be an alcoholic too!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 22
I’m so glad I’ve found this thread! I guess you gotta see the humour in things sometimes right?
I was helping my now ex boyfriend pack up his apartment (he prioritised booze over rent) and while I was trying to get him to put things in boxes he kept running away. When I had him cornered he proceeded to wedge himself behind the fridge. He emerged quickly after proclaiming it was not “his most comfortable alibi ever”.
He was so frustrating but oh my lord I loved his humour.
I was helping my now ex boyfriend pack up his apartment (he prioritised booze over rent) and while I was trying to get him to put things in boxes he kept running away. When I had him cornered he proceeded to wedge himself behind the fridge. He emerged quickly after proclaiming it was not “his most comfortable alibi ever”.
He was so frustrating but oh my lord I loved his humour.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
Smart dog. That totally reminds me, my ex once came in from "walking the dog"- he made a HUGE deal about it- with an empty leash. The dog had been inside the whole time, sleeping right next to me on the couch when my ex came staggering in, dragging the empty leash, ranting about how the "dog" took forever to poo and that's why he was gone so long. The 30 rack of beer stashed under the back porch had NOTHING to do with it. It was all the invisible dog and his invisible dookies.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 6
Soon to be ex AG works at a club, and would come home early in morning blackout loaded and loud, waking me up when I have to get up early in the morning.
Rather than not drink after work every night, she would said 'I have to stay out, because you get mad at me because you're such a light sleeper! What am I supposed to do, go to a community center? We should get you some ear plugs!'
Rather than not drink after work every night, she would said 'I have to stay out, because you get mad at me because you're such a light sleeper! What am I supposed to do, go to a community center? We should get you some ear plugs!'
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
(this is already on another thread but probably belongs here too)
Ex files application in court asking for (essentially) unrestricted access to Kid. Access is currently restricted because of DUIs and dangerous alcoholic crap. Application is full of heartfelt statements about how mean mommy (me) is keeping him and his little girl apart because - well, just because I can. Court hearing set for last week.
The day before court, ex's lawyer can't find him. The day of court, ex is a no-show. Judge is not pleased. Nobody is pleased. Ex's lawyer says that ex is ... having dental surgery, which renders him unable to communicate except presumably in grunts. My lawyer (very good lawyer but possibly a bit naive) wonders aloud "Why would someone schedule a root canal when they know they have to be in court, and they are the plaintiff? I think this is not entirely credible". I cannot disagree.
(for context: ex has explained positive breathalyzer tests by claiming that he is using special fluoride mouthwash which he has to hold in his mouth for three minutes leading to a false positive for alcohol. Breathalyzer manufacturers confirm that the only way to get repeated positive results with mouthwash is by drinking quarts of it. This "fluoride treatment" obviously wasn't very effective if he now needs a "root canal". Perhaps what he really needs is a new "dentist").
Ex files application in court asking for (essentially) unrestricted access to Kid. Access is currently restricted because of DUIs and dangerous alcoholic crap. Application is full of heartfelt statements about how mean mommy (me) is keeping him and his little girl apart because - well, just because I can. Court hearing set for last week.
The day before court, ex's lawyer can't find him. The day of court, ex is a no-show. Judge is not pleased. Nobody is pleased. Ex's lawyer says that ex is ... having dental surgery, which renders him unable to communicate except presumably in grunts. My lawyer (very good lawyer but possibly a bit naive) wonders aloud "Why would someone schedule a root canal when they know they have to be in court, and they are the plaintiff? I think this is not entirely credible". I cannot disagree.
(for context: ex has explained positive breathalyzer tests by claiming that he is using special fluoride mouthwash which he has to hold in his mouth for three minutes leading to a false positive for alcohol. Breathalyzer manufacturers confirm that the only way to get repeated positive results with mouthwash is by drinking quarts of it. This "fluoride treatment" obviously wasn't very effective if he now needs a "root canal". Perhaps what he really needs is a new "dentist").
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Originally Posted by Sasha1972
Breathalyzer manufacturers confirm that the only way to get repeated positive results with mouthwash is by drinking quarts of it.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 168
Me: (in bed) you reek of alcohol, it’s coming out of your pores.
Him: it’s not alcohol. I ate sauerkraut yesterday.
Another night we are walking home from a night out. He is drunk and stumbling badly.
“I think the factory didn’t make these shoes right. The soles won’t stay still for my feet to sit on them.”
Oh bless his heart.
Him: it’s not alcohol. I ate sauerkraut yesterday.
Another night we are walking home from a night out. He is drunk and stumbling badly.
“I think the factory didn’t make these shoes right. The soles won’t stay still for my feet to sit on them.”
Oh bless his heart.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 168
Oh no he guessed my secret!!
The night I was so tired from working a ten-hour day and fell asleep in my clothes...in bed, at 9 pm...
ABF: (stumbles into bed totally plastered at 3 am) I knew it! You are a lesbian and you are into kinky sex! I know your friend Heather is a lesbian and you two are into S and M!!! Blah blah..blah...
Me: what are you talking about?
ABF: You're wearing a belt!!!
Oh crap, I need to learn how to hide my kinky S and M lesbian belt from now on...
ABF: (stumbles into bed totally plastered at 3 am) I knew it! You are a lesbian and you are into kinky sex! I know your friend Heather is a lesbian and you two are into S and M!!! Blah blah..blah...
Me: what are you talking about?
ABF: You're wearing a belt!!!
Oh crap, I need to learn how to hide my kinky S and M lesbian belt from now on...
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 168
Originally Posted by whowho
"I guess I just never thought I was an A because I thought that was someone who wakes up with the shakes." (I mentioned A being a progressive disease)
"I sometimes go a day without drinking and I don't get withdrawl, so I must not be an A."
"I just really, really like the taste of wine."
"I'm drinking less than I used to."
"What about our friend xxx? You don't think he has a drinking problem do you?"
"Everyone else we know drinks a lot."
"I can stop anytime I want. I just don't want to."
"I do better work when I'm drinking. It calms me so I can focus on tedious tasks."
"I'm not a mean drunk."
"I've never missed work because of drinking."
"If you told me I couldn't drink anymore I wouldn't lie and hide it. My personality is that I would have to show you that you can't tell me what to do by drinking in front of you."
"I realize that everything I'm saying could be taken as an A trying to justify his drinking. It's really a no win position."
H: Two drinks a day just seems really low and arbitrary to me. There's gotta be room a little leeway.
Me: Maybe. But I'd hardly call the difference between 14 drinks a week and 35-40 a "little leeway."
Me: Well, we know for sure you have a history of alcohol abuse.
H: ehhh (with a sort of/not really gesture)
Me: It says right here. (showing him his medical history from the doctor)
"I sometimes go a day without drinking and I don't get withdrawl, so I must not be an A."
"I just really, really like the taste of wine."
"I'm drinking less than I used to."
"What about our friend xxx? You don't think he has a drinking problem do you?"
"Everyone else we know drinks a lot."
"I can stop anytime I want. I just don't want to."
"I do better work when I'm drinking. It calms me so I can focus on tedious tasks."
"I'm not a mean drunk."
"I've never missed work because of drinking."
"If you told me I couldn't drink anymore I wouldn't lie and hide it. My personality is that I would have to show you that you can't tell me what to do by drinking in front of you."
"I realize that everything I'm saying could be taken as an A trying to justify his drinking. It's really a no win position."
H: Two drinks a day just seems really low and arbitrary to me. There's gotta be room a little leeway.
Me: Maybe. But I'd hardly call the difference between 14 drinks a week and 35-40 a "little leeway."
Me: Well, we know for sure you have a history of alcohol abuse.
H: ehhh (with a sort of/not really gesture)
Me: It says right here. (showing him his medical history from the doctor)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 168
Oh so that’s where you were
ABF gets off work at 3 every day, goes to the bar and drinks till 7 or 8.
One morning he promises me he will not drink after work. Comes shuffling home, drunk, stinking of beer, around 9.
Me: where were you? You said you wouldn’t drink.
XABF: no, I said I wouldn’t go to the tavern. Those are 2 different things.
Me: ok, where were you? You seem drunk.
XABF: I did not drink. I got bored at work and left at noon. Then I went to my x wife’s house. I still have some tools in her basement. I had to organize my tools.
Ok, he had to organize tools in his ex-wife’s basement for 9 hours. Not drinking. Sheesh, I can’t believe how suspicious I can be sometimes!
One morning he promises me he will not drink after work. Comes shuffling home, drunk, stinking of beer, around 9.
Me: where were you? You said you wouldn’t drink.
XABF: no, I said I wouldn’t go to the tavern. Those are 2 different things.
Me: ok, where were you? You seem drunk.
XABF: I did not drink. I got bored at work and left at noon. Then I went to my x wife’s house. I still have some tools in her basement. I had to organize my tools.
Ok, he had to organize tools in his ex-wife’s basement for 9 hours. Not drinking. Sheesh, I can’t believe how suspicious I can be sometimes!
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^^^^^^Sailor....I can't stop giggling.
Please keep these stories coming....they are funny as *ell!
I still remember a story of one wo man on this forum....sounds simple..but, I giggle every time I remember it....
Her husband came home from an AA meeting and told her..."We have great news! I am not an alcoholic...I am an abuser"......
(I am sure that she wanted to call out a band).....
Please keep these stories coming....they are funny as *ell!
I still remember a story of one wo man on this forum....sounds simple..but, I giggle every time I remember it....
Her husband came home from an AA meeting and told her..."We have great news! I am not an alcoholic...I am an abuser"......
(I am sure that she wanted to call out a band).....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 168
From my previous XAB...I have dated 3 and they are all the same 😊. Hopefully I’ve learned my lesson.
—Drunk XABF falls down a flight of stairs in my house. “Hey Sailor? There’s something wrong with your stairs!”
Like what?
—“Either they are all different sizes and you didn’t tell me or else you just waxed them.”
Crap, I forgot to warn him about my staircase of secret sizes!
Or this—after one drunken rant he stands out in the middle of the street and yells, at 2 am, at the top of his lungs, “You F$$&&&g C&&&t!”
The next day I say I didn’t like him calling me a f...... c... out in the street so loud the neighbors turned their lights on.
His reply? “No I didn’t, I was singing a song that goes, my name is Freddy Blunt! You misheard me! You always think the worst of me!”
Sheesh! I should have known it was the old Freddy Blunt song!! Of course!
And the bonus quacking round...
I was out of town and he invited a buddy over. I came home and buddy was passed out on the couch, XABF was on the floor, face down. Lifts his head to look at me and I see a little blood and a front tooth is missing.
Me: what happened to your tooth?
Him: My buddy started attacking me, and punched me in the mouth!
Buddy: Dude! You fell asleep standing up! Then you finally fell over!!
It’s weird, but I kind of believe the standing up story???
—Drunk XABF falls down a flight of stairs in my house. “Hey Sailor? There’s something wrong with your stairs!”
Like what?
—“Either they are all different sizes and you didn’t tell me or else you just waxed them.”
Crap, I forgot to warn him about my staircase of secret sizes!
Or this—after one drunken rant he stands out in the middle of the street and yells, at 2 am, at the top of his lungs, “You F$$&&&g C&&&t!”
The next day I say I didn’t like him calling me a f...... c... out in the street so loud the neighbors turned their lights on.
His reply? “No I didn’t, I was singing a song that goes, my name is Freddy Blunt! You misheard me! You always think the worst of me!”
Sheesh! I should have known it was the old Freddy Blunt song!! Of course!
And the bonus quacking round...
I was out of town and he invited a buddy over. I came home and buddy was passed out on the couch, XABF was on the floor, face down. Lifts his head to look at me and I see a little blood and a front tooth is missing.
Me: what happened to your tooth?
Him: My buddy started attacking me, and punched me in the mouth!
Buddy: Dude! You fell asleep standing up! Then you finally fell over!!
It’s weird, but I kind of believe the standing up story???
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 168
Originally Posted by dandylion
Sailor.....you definitely could not make this stuff up!!!!!lol...lol...lol....
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