NWGRITS

Ask how many members here have made that exact statement and you will get a strong showing of hands. It's ok. Really. You are new to this part of the whole deal. No one expects you to see the light on the first visit and become the poster child for recovery. We are here to lend an ear and share our experience, strength, and hope. As we say in Al-Anon, take what you like and leave the rest. Nobody knows where you will be tomorrow, a week, a month, or a year from now. Not even you. Just be open to considering your options, is all we ask. There are plenty of members who are sticking by their A's. What they've done for themselves though, is to arm themselves with the knowledge and tools they need to take care of THEM while their A does THEIR thing. It's all about preserving our well being in the midst of living in hell.

LosingMyMind

I also have started to suspect that perhaps his medication for depression possibly has a part to play in his sudden extreme increase of intake. Yeah there were problems before he went on his meds but nothing like this at all. I'm not sure if anyone here would have much experience with depression etc but I know that while your body settles into the dosage and type of medication it can make you feel worse before you see an improvement. Does anyone have experience with that? Could it be a possible reason why things have gotten so bad so quick?

It seems to coincide with when he started taking the medication.

choublak

Well, if he's drinking while taking the medication, it's not going to work right anyway.

LosingMyMind

I know. It's a bad combination and it scares me to think what it could mean.

HopefulinFLA

I am so sorry you are feeling so badly right now. I understand completely as I've been there many times. Loving an alcoholic is difficult and heart wrenching.

A couple of months ago I was feeling much like you are on a fairly frequent basis. I felt like my anxiety was consuming me, I felt sick all the time. I found this blog Through An Al-Anon Filter and I didn't just read it, I inhaled it! It really helped my gain some perspective and calmed me down.

Nothing that you've done or not done has any bearing on his drinking. It is absolutely not a reflection of you. Nothing you do is going to change it, only he can do that. Some A's do find sobriety and go on to lead happy lives, and many don't. I hope for your sake that he does, but only time will tell. It sounds like you love him very much.

About what you said about crying before, DO IT. It always makes me feel better, it's a release. So cry your heart out if you want to.

I'm glad you found us here on SR. Keep coming back and posting often. It really helps.

m1k3

Is there hope, best answer I can give is I don't know.

I do know that mixing alcohol and depression medicine is a no-no. My wife used to drink and take Xanax. On the days she did that you knew the crazy train was in town.

I'm sorry to say that there just aren't any clear cut answers here except for learning how to take care of yourself. That one I can vouch for, it works.

Right now you are sitting in the outskirts of Hell. So, take your time before making any long term choices. Read here, check out Al-Anon and be patient. You don't have to make a decision to leave but neither do you need to commit to staying with him forever at this point in time.

Your friend,

LosingMyMind

I have never been one to let love go easily, although neither do I love quickly.

By the time I allow myself to give my heart after being burned so many times it really is everything to me.

LosingMyMind

Thanks everyone for the help. I know I'm all over the place.

I am going to try and sleep perhaps.

m1k3

Losing, here is a thread I highly recommend reading. It will give you a good idea of where others have been and what your future could be. It is not an easy read, but it is even worse to have lived it.

edit, it would have helped if I added the link.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html

Your friend,

BoxinRotz

Ahhhhh yes.... the hope. You will find that here.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html

It's a long one. It's only been 8 weeks today and still going.

dancingnow

I am not a doctor nor in the medical profession so I can't answer this question.

What I do know is that my RAH is sober now for almost a year and it took 3 years for him to get to this point. He had a lot of help - medication, counseling, AA. He has stated many times - he can't drink, he doesn't want to drink. He is just now feeling what it means to not drink and how his life is changing.

My point - I did not help him at all to get sober, in fact I was mean, nasty, ugly, sick, insane. Thankfully I got my own help.

I am married over 25 years, it was hard to let go to what I truly don't know. Just starting to feel some hope for rebuilding our relationship.

If I wasn't as sick as him I probably would have left a long time ago. I almost did when I started to regain myself and to feel that peace that comes with working on yourself. We are both getting healthier each day and it may work.

So sorry for your pain. I know God loves you and made you beautiful and wants what is best for you no matter what happens with your A. (((HUGS)))

NYCDoglvr

What saved my sanity was Alanon and I recommend it. I learned that what I thought was love was really need. Later I realized I couldn't possibly love someone I don't trust or respect and that I had to deal with my codependent issues in order to heal. I'm sorry about your pain, I've been in the same place and it's torture. But life can get a great deal better when getting the incredible support of the Alanon fellowship.

Danae

you don't seem uncooperative, just in pain and trying to figure things out!

Mike makes some great points. Also...we are here for you while you try to figure things out, if you just want to vent or to connect.

LosingMyMind

Thank you all so much. I can't express enough how much it means to not be alone anymore even though right now physically I am.

He never made it home to me last night. I don't know where he ended up. I can only assume he is at work today and is safe but that means we are in for another nightmare tonight when he finishes work.

Do interventions work? What is involved? Is it even worth it?

I have found an alanon meeting in my area but am so scared of attending. I don't know if I have the strength to go alone but I can hardly expect a friend to accompany me.

I am in so far out of my depth.

LosingMyMind

Do I try to make contact to find out what happened last night and see how he feels and know he is safe? Or do I wait for him to contact me?

I see it being either I **** him off for contacting regardless of my intentions or risk pissing him off for what will probably be viewed as me not caring about his welfare.

honeypig

You have nothing at all to fear at an Alanon meeting. All there have stood in your shoes and none will judge you or look down on you. The meetings I have been to have been filled with respect, sharing and compassion. I would be willing to bet you will leave feeling totally accepted and supported. More than that, you will meet people who have walked thru this hell and have come out the other side. You'll see a tremendous amount of experience, strength and hope, from people who were once just as scared and confused as you.

Check out this thread for more info on what Alanon is like. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ings-like.html

As far as fear of attending alone, certainly you can ask a friend to go with you, if you have someone you would be comfortable asking. If you don't have anyone like that, contact your local Alanon office. Many times, if you are a nervous newcomer, arrangements can be made for an experienced member to pick you up and give you a ride to the meeting or to meet you there so you don't have to walk in alone.

And what is with this "I don't have the strength to go to Alanon"? You have had the strength to live with an alcoholic--trust me, it is way harder to do THAT than to go be among friends you just haven't met yet at that meeting.

honeypig

And exactly how concerned was HE about pissing YOU off by not coming home all night?

BoxinRotz

We are damned if we do and damned if we don't! This is alcohell.

LosingMyMind

I just want what is best for him and wish I had the power to make him see it too.

I hate this demon that has worked it's way into our lives. I hate what it is doing to both of us. I hate that it is so hard to remove myself when my heart is screaming out in protest.

He is a good man, a loving partner, a fantastic father... Until the bottle calls.

LosingMyMind

Even if this is a success story after a while, how could I trust enough that there would not be a relapse when things are more complicated and there are more children's lives in the mix?

I know this answer already. But it tears me apart because I don't want that life. But I also do not want a life where I put my children at risk.