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Stupid codependency: what is wrong with me?

Old 07-25-2013, 04:16 PM
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Stupid codependency: what is wrong with me?

My ah has been talking about moving out mainly because he's not getting any and because he knows there's some FIT women out there who will be turned on by the fact that he plays tennis. Obviously, I don't fit this bill for him because I may be fit, but I'm not turned on.

Anyway, I am feeling the old codependency crap rear it's ugly head. He may very well choose not to move, it seems to be part of his rants and raves and mutterings more than anything and there's no real conversation about it. It's like he's musing about it, but doesn't want to put the effort in. But, what I feel is really what this is about. I feel like I want to cling, I feel like I am sad and like I'm really losing something. In reality, I'd be losing financially and my kid will have stuff to work through. He's made it clear, through his actions, that he isn't going to put any effort in towards positive change so I've been just working on getting my son's schedule set for next year, putting my resume together, and coming up with a new budget and looking for places to cut just in case the bottom falls out on me quickly. Anyhoo, I am a bundle of craziness today and just was looking for support before I drag myself to a meeting later tonight.
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Old 07-25-2013, 04:28 PM
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Nice job keeping a cool head and planning for the worst! Wow nice tantrum, like a little kid who isn't allowed to play with his favorite toy. Sheesh.

Sounds like things are pretty bad if he's saying such nasty things. Don't forget it's not a reflection on you and keep planning and making sure you are ok and safe.
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Old 07-25-2013, 05:13 PM
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Originally Posted by ZenMe View Post
Nice job keeping a cool head and planning for the worst! Wow nice tantrum, like a little kid who isn't allowed to play with his favorite toy. Sheesh.

Sounds like things are pretty bad if he's saying such nasty things. Don't forget it's not a reflection on you and keep planning and making sure you are ok and safe.
Thank you! I just want to make it clear, too, that I'm not acting on any of my 'feelings' knowing full well that feelings aren't fact and that they can change quickly. For now, I feel dependent, heartbroken, sad, depressed, etc but I know that things are ever changing and that includes me. I'm just feeling this pull to 'fix' things, to put on my happy face and pretend that all is well, and to make it all better for him. I know, from experience, that that's not the answer.
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Old 07-25-2013, 05:18 PM
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You are recognizing these feelings & that's great.
Good for you for planning for your future too.
Big hugs.
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Old 07-25-2013, 05:47 PM
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Liz, put on that happy face, tell him to go if that's what he wants, but do not try to fix yourself and agree to do things that aren't good for you, just so that he will be happy.

It isn't the answer. You have been there and done that. It didn't work. Just another manipulative tactic of his so he can have his cake and eat it also.


Edited to add: That was a quick response that I gave you. It was an immediate reaction. I was p!ssed for you.

My ex did this to me so many times. Yep, if he wasn't getting it from me, he wanted to get it elsewhere. This after the numerous times, I told him if he was nice to be he would probably be getting it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good that you are getting your ducks in a row, and you are preparing for the end, if needed.

I am sorry that you are feeling sad, and depressed. I know how much it would hurt me when mine said those thing.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))
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Old 07-25-2013, 06:03 PM
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I love how you have made a decision to not allow these feelings of yours stop your progress. I think you have handled it well. You are recognizing that you have these feeling and are choosing not to react toward them.

Reading your thread has really helped me today. Thank you.

Hugs.
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Old 07-25-2013, 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted by MTSlideAddict View Post
I love how you have made a decision to not allow these feelings of yours stop your progress. I think you have handled it well. You are recognizing that you have these feeling and are choosing not to react toward them.
I wholeheartedly agree. Well done, Lizatola.

I don't see anything wrong with you at all; I think you are handling your feelings brilliantly.
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Old 07-25-2013, 07:15 PM
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ok, just for me if my chosen partner said he was gonna leave cuz I wasn't putting out....I would help him pack and send him on his way with a box of condoms. adult mature life partnerships aren't based on SEX....they are based on the merging of souls...the venn diagram of souls...i'm still me, you are you, but between us we create a special space. and that special space between us is our joint safety zone....when WE are WE (not US), WE are going to be ok.

anything heavy that we try to carry or drag is made EASIER if we have someone else to help us carry and drag. this goes well only IF both are going in the same direction at roughly the same speed. joint effort. everybody on the same team.

if my "carrying heavy things" partner no longer WANTS to carry our selected heavy things, nothing matters except the fact that I now have an unmanageable load to carry by myself.

so it's best I put it down. not stand there and wait for my carrying partner to return, OR look for another to carry a load that was never their load...but just PUT.IT.DOWN.

let it go. let go. let it be. move on.
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Old 07-25-2013, 07:46 PM
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I think I am going to put this a little crudely.

He threatened that he was going to get pu$$y if you didn't put out, you didn't fold. You didn't tell him to go ahead and do it, but you didn't fold. You didn't give into his manipulative bs. Good for you.

Next time maybe consider telling him to go ahead and "get it", then pack his bags for him, or throw them out the window as he is leaving. Then change the locks !!!!!!!!!
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Old 07-25-2013, 07:57 PM
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Originally Posted by amy55 View Post
I think I am going to put this a little crudely.
Oh, dear. We must start rationing amy's construction workers. This is a day when they DIDN'T take their shirts off.

Hang in there, liz. On second thought, just hang loose. And let go!
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Old 07-25-2013, 08:15 PM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
Oh, dear. We must start rationing amy's construction workers. This is a day when they DIDN'T take their shirts off.

Hang in there, liz. On second thought, just hang loose. And let go!
[email protected] lexie, no they wore their shirts today. It was a really bad day for me.

Hoping shirts are off tomorrow.

Liz, you are doing really well. Now tell him to shut up, or get out.


Ps Lexie, stop making me spit water on my computer. I might just have to sue you for a new computer.
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Old 07-25-2013, 10:24 PM
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Originally Posted by amy55 View Post
[email protected] lexie, no they wore their shirts today. It was a really bad day for me.

Hoping shirts are off tomorrow.

Liz, you are doing really well. Now tell him to shut up, or get out.


Ps Lexie, stop making me spit water on my computer. I might just have to sue you for a new computer.
I need to find me a good construction site around here, except they're all from south of the border here and not my type. I am going to Vegas in a few weeks, maybe I can see some shirtless men there, LOL? I already know there are plenty of places to go to find shirtless women, but again....not my type!

Thanks all. I called a program friend today who is in a similar situation and we were able to laugh and cry tonight together. I needed that.
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Old 07-25-2013, 10:34 PM
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Glad that you will find some comfort.

If not can always come visit me and watch my construction workers. (lol)
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