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RAH calls Alanon...A Brainwashing Witch Hunt...

Old 04-13-2011, 07:45 PM
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RAH calls Alanon...A Brainwashing Witch Hunt...

RAH calls today. He wants to talk about MY kids (his step kids) and
I told him, that will no longer be a conversation with me...

He replied "Well, I have helped raise them since they were little"
I told him "Well, Thank You, your job is now complete"

He replied, "WTH? are those alanon people teaching you? It sounds like
a big brainwashing witch hunt to me. What do they do, sit around
and tell you to dump my ass?"

OMG...The poor me crap...
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Old 04-13-2011, 07:56 PM
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HAHAHA so many A's think that! Like the speaker I saw the other day, who was thankful that his wife had never been to Alanon. If he only knew how he would be forced to stand on his own two feet if she was in her own recovery.

I've heard that a couple times, how A's think that all we talk about in those rooms is how we can s**t on the A in our lives. If the were absorbing any of their OWN recovery in AA, they would know how the programs are so similar, and how it works. But then again, they are sick, and will blame anything if they don't get their way.

Good for you for not engaging!
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:13 PM
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BobbyJ-Good for you holding your ground with RAH.

I'm getting the poor me stuff-Just got the 2nd "I miss you" email from EXABF in which he says (among other things) "I felt that you went to Alanon to understand addiction".... The whole email shifted the blame all on me, my issues, not once mentioning that he was drinking when all of this stuff happened three weeks ago.

I went to AL-Anon for me, for my recovery. I've also got the same line as your RAH gives you about brainwashing-that they were there to advise me to break up with him. My ex says the same about AA (they're a cult) and that's why he refuses to attend.

What they fear is that we are embracing recovery, learning to set boundaries, to say no, to understand manipulation, blame shifting, all of their "brainwashing techniques" and how to deal with them.

I detached by going no contact and hard as it has been not to hit that "reply" button and let loose, I have stood my ground. I'm not getting back on the crazy train only to be derailed by him once more.

Hang in there, BobbyJ!

Big hugs coming from me and puppy dog to you.....
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Old 04-13-2011, 10:54 PM
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Oh puke.

I got this same BS. QUACKING!

Ignore him. If Al-Anon works for you, keep doing it. To hell with him.

Nuff said.
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Old 04-14-2011, 04:25 AM
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Nothing scares an addiction like someone seeking health.

Remember, the disease WANTS to be in control--it's threatened by AA, Al-Anon, therapy--anything that is gonna do it damage.
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Old 04-14-2011, 07:22 AM
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I have to say that as a recovering alcoholic in AA, as well as someone who lives with an alcoholic, my empathy is firmly in the Al-anon camp. I can't believe the BS that alcoholics dish out (even if they're in recovery apparently). I'm finding the path to health far more difficult from this side of the fence than it is to continue moving forward in my recovery from addiction.

My hats off to all of you - you're teaching me so much on these boards about the importance of healing..
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Old 04-14-2011, 07:34 AM
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My XAH always said to me "is that what the sewing circle is telling you? Who is telling you this stuff?" ugg. First of all, I don't sew. Second, Really?????? Apparently we aren't able to form our own opinions or views.
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Old 04-14-2011, 07:56 AM
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more a 'life cleansing' than 'brain washing'.
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:05 AM
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Ugh, my RAH is doing this with my therapist instead of Al-Anon. Thinks she's turning me against him, haven't helped me at all, etc. Nope, I'm just learning to be healthier through Al-Anon and my therapist. It's just not working in your favor.
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:07 AM
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Remarkable isn't it how the "focus on your own recovery" doesn't apply to the A when they want to judge and be paranoid about what goes on in al anon.

I've received all the same quacking from my "R"(not)AH and have invited him to come to al anon since his father and brother are both alcoholics. He refuses to of course and says it's not bc he doesn't want to but bc I have "poisoned" the group against him. SURE!
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Old 04-14-2011, 09:39 AM
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My sponsor tells a different story/

When her RAH had a major relapse just out of rehab, she feared for her safety, she locked him out, changed the locks, and shut off her phone.

he went to the streets, living in his car for a few weeks.

She was a mess. Scared, guilty. ...How could she do this?

Her alanon group was not enough, at the time, she said, she needed to know more.

She went to an AA meeting of known old timers, across town, where she knew her A would not have gone.

She was crying uncontrollably and was asked to speak.
She told how he tried, and he relapsed, and how he was still committed to recovery, but was struggling, and was manipulative, and had become physical with her,

She cried and spoke. They listened silently, and when she was done speaking, she expected silence.

But they applauded her,and hugged her. And told her she was brave.

they were old timers. They got it.

BTW, he got back to the program, is 9 years sober. they both work their programs and have 2 kids.
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:33 AM
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I would take what RAH said as a compliment, a sure sign that YOUR recovery is WORKING FOR YOU!!!!!
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Old 04-14-2011, 04:39 PM
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Awesome...

God they hate it when they can no longer control us. Good for you.

He's a ****-ing idiot. How much helping did his drunk ass do? I'm fairly certain he hurt a whole lot more than he helped.

I loved reading your post. Strong women rock.

Thanks,

Cyranoak
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Old 04-14-2011, 04:53 PM
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Pretty sure I need my brain washed real good after living with an addict.more like a powerwash...Team Alanon!
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Old 04-14-2011, 05:11 PM
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I saw such business from my EX as that of fish thrashing in the bottom of a boat. One last attempt at getting back to his sense of normalcy tugging against reality.

I never told my EX I was studying the twelve steps or seeking recovery, though I spent a lot of time wanting to make such an announcement. He certainly would have thrown it in my face is the same pedestrian way. I don't regret keeping it to myself one bit.

Good for you for not engaging in the quacking or in may case, in the thrashing!

Alice
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Old 04-14-2011, 05:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Buffalo66 View Post
My sponsor tells a different story/

When her RAH had a major relapse just out of rehab, she feared for her safety, she locked him out, changed the locks, and shut off her phone.

he went to the streets, living in his car for a few weeks.

She was a mess. Scared, guilty. ...How could she do this?

Her alanon group was not enough, at the time, she said, she needed to know more.

She went to an AA meeting of known old timers, across town, where she knew her A would not have gone.

She was crying uncontrollably and was asked to speak.
She told how he tried, and he relapsed, and how he was still committed to recovery, but was struggling, and was manipulative, and had become physical with her,

She cried and spoke. They listened silently, and when she was done speaking, she expected silence.

But they applauded her,and hugged her. And told her she was brave.

they were old timers. They got it.

BTW, he got back to the program, is 9 years sober. they both work their programs and have 2 kids.
About 12 or 13 years ago, when my AH was my ABF, there was a night when he went on a rant and stormed out of the apartment we shared. I called the AA hotline and the person at that end of the phone, walked me through an incredible conversation. It was the first time I had ever attempted to do anything for myself with AA or Al Anon (I couldn't find Al Anon in that particular phone book). It is a "Higher-Power-Send" (in my words, Godsend) that we can cross over, AA to Al Anon, and enhance each other's understanding.

Thank You!
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:08 PM
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Just had to update you on my witch hunt (Its' almost funny)

The brainwashing witch hunt must be really bothering my RAH.

He calls again today, "Lets talk about this"
I replied "WTH are you talking about?"

He replies "Your witch hunt friends"
I replied "Well, I have a new set of friends and I just love them"

He replies "Oh, thats good, they are good hearted people, just like in AA.
Im thinking since my day off is tomorrow, maybe I will go see if I can find
a AA class around here"

I replied "Oh, that would be nice. Well, gotta go. Talk to you later"

((15 minutes)) later I get a text from him that reads:
I have read the big blue book 2 times and my favorite paragraph is on 417.
Nothing absolutely nothing happens without God.


((30 minutes)) I get another text from him that reads..
"Oh, meet some friends today, if its nice tomorrow, we are going to take
off on the Harley's"

So, Im thinking the bar must be 45 minutes from his job?? LOL
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