BobbyJ-Good for you holding your ground with RAH.
I'm getting the poor me stuff-Just got the 2nd "I miss you" email from EXABF in which he says (among other things) "I felt that you went to Alanon to understand addiction".... The whole email shifted the blame all on me, my issues, not once mentioning that he was drinking when all of this stuff happened three weeks ago.
I went to AL-Anon for me, for my recovery. I've also got the same line as your RAH gives you about brainwashing-that they were there to advise me to break up with him. My ex says the same about AA (they're a cult) and that's why he refuses to attend.
What they fear is that we are embracing recovery, learning to set boundaries, to say no, to understand manipulation, blame shifting, all of their "brainwashing techniques" and how to deal with them.
I detached by going no contact and hard as it has been not to hit that "reply" button and let loose, I have stood my ground. I'm not getting back on the crazy train only to be derailed by him once more.
Hang in there, BobbyJ!
Big hugs coming from me and puppy dog to you.....