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This is getting out of hand....

Old 04-13-2011, 01:49 PM
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This is getting out of hand....

Ok...so I left my ABF about 6 weeks ago and have been staying at my parents since. For the past little while, I have kept communication open and even the chance of a reconsiliation open as well with my ABF. He says that he is attending AA meetings and working on getting a job.
He has been becoming increasingly 'clinggy', sending me email after email stating how much he needs me and loves me and can't live without me.
Last weekend, according to his father who is staying with him, he threatened to kill himself. So his dad texted me asking me to do something and I just ignored it....he was ok in the end. I have also seen on facebook that he is sending messages to numerous old collegues, distant family members etc. stating that "this is an emergency in the name of love, my heart is breaking, call me right now or I will kill myself".
I told him last weekend (after the threat) that I am DONE, completely done, I can't take this anymore. The last few years, all I've been doing is surviving and making sure that he's ok. He doesn't have much family or even friends around, and I am worried about him. But I just want to move on already. All my things are still at the apartment that we shared, and I am scared to go and get them. His dad is out of town for the next 10 days and I would like someone on 'his side' to be there for him when I go get my things, I too, will be bringing some family with me (safety issues).
I really don't know what to do at the moment, this has just become so out of control, so WEIRD! It's like a bad movie.
Any suggestions are truly appreciated..
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Old 04-13-2011, 02:14 PM
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If you have people on your side of the family willing to go with you, then set a date to get your stuff and let your ex know when that will be. He will have the opportunity to have someone from his family be there, but if he doesn't do that, oh well, too bad. You can still get your things safely and then be done with it. You are very wise to get away from this guy. He has some fairly severe issues and there's no way you can help him with those. Please take care of yourself.
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Old 04-13-2011, 04:15 PM
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If it is 'safety issues' then I would give him a date, and then instead of family have a pollice officer come with me instead, so that I could retrieve my belongings safely.

But, that's just me. 'better safe than sorry'

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-13-2011, 04:51 PM
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There is nothing you can do for him.
yYou have to let go and let God take care of this.

He needs help, and you did your best, had to leave, and fear for your safety.

You do not have control over his life or choices, and you dont want it.

Im sorry that you are hearing about it all, though. Anyway to block all of his comments, posts?
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:07 PM
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Stop caretaking this grown-ass man. Good Lord. Just show up with your family for safety, get your stuff, and move on. It doesn't end until you end it.

And go to Alanon. A lot, and for a very long time.

Good luck,

Cyranoak
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:18 PM
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I'm glad you decided to get out of your toxic situation. That is the first step to getting yourself back. The best thing you can do is distance yourself and have little contact or none at all if you can manage. It can be so hard watching someone from a distance self-destruct. Especially someone that you care a great deal about. However, it is alot more tolerable and easier to heal that way. You were not put on this earth to make sure he is ok or show him the way to a better life. That's his job. Good luck on getting your things from your apartment and please make sure to have family or friends with you when you go for safety reasons as well as emotional and moral support.
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Old 04-14-2011, 06:11 AM
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If he ever threatens suicide *to you directly* again, call 911 and let the pros take care of him. If he's serious, then he'll be in good hands. If he's messing around trying to manipulate or get attention, he'll think twice about pulling something like that again.

As for your stuff, arrange for "an escort" to go pick it up and then go NO CONTACT (as in, defriend him on FB, block his email, block his number, and if anyone mentions him to you, politely tell them that you do not wish to discuss him any longer thankyouverymuch). You already know you don't want this toxic person in your life. Now it's just a question of taking action.
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Old 04-14-2011, 03:22 PM
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I agree you should be very, very careful.

Men who threaten suicide are at great risk for taking others with them. When we do lethality assessments on abusive men, suicide threats push the overall risk to the woman WAY up.
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Old 04-14-2011, 07:59 PM
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I also vote for a police escort rather than a family member. As Lexie said, best to err on the side of caution.
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Old 04-14-2011, 09:24 PM
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I also vote for a police escort. With family, he's likely to pull the suicide threat...if he does that with a COP there, well...they're trained to take care of that.

Good for you in getting out of this toxic situation!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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