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Valentine's Day

Old 02-13-2011, 07:32 AM
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Valentine's Day

Anyone else send themselves something for valentine's day? haha. I did. But to my house, not my office to make a scene or anything.

Last year for Valentine's day I bought my EXABF gourmet cookies, cooked a special meal that he said he wanted...all while he watched NASCAR and got drunk. We didn't have s*x. He got me nothing. He did nothing. When I said, "We're not even going to sleep together?" he stared at me blankly. A few days later he told me that he did it on purpose to be mean. My ex tended to build up resentment over stupid little mistakes, imperfections and do things like that to punish me. And it was X amount of years ago today his ex-wife left him. The day before Valentine's day. So I'm sure she was expecting a Valentine's day like I got or something. NASCAR and drinking always took priority over V-day when were together.

This year, I couldn't care less that I'm alone because being alone and sending myself flowers is better. But I wonder how anyone could be mean on purpose like that. Anyone else ever have that experience?
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Old 02-13-2011, 07:39 AM
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Well I plan on going out later today to buy myself something because I deserve it. I do know that I will at least get a card or something tomorrow from my husband but I will actually enjoy a piece of jewlry I plan on getting myself today. I have begun to spoil myself and it feels really good
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Old 02-13-2011, 07:42 AM
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Enjoy your flowers I should have done that! I might stop and get some next time I'm in town!

Nothing on purpose like that but I never got Valentine's presents. My birthday was mostly forgotten until I started reminding the kids when they were old enough to get it because they felt so bad to forget it one year.

In our 16 years together I really only got one gift that was special or meaningful, one that was given because I was considered and loved.

The thing is, I don't really care if I get gifts. They talk about the different ways people feel loved - gifts is not one of mine. However, in looking back, it was a clue about his way of handling our relationship (self focused - didn't consider me). Gifts are still not important to me but in the future I will certainly look to see if I'm considered.
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Old 02-13-2011, 07:44 AM
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Well for years now, since we are both divorced, and although our relationship is not real 'warm and fuzzy' my sister and I do send each other a Valentine's Day Card and some little gift. It seems to 'perk' us both up.

Other than that, I helped the grand kids, get their cards ready to 'hand out' at school on Monday and that was fun!

Valentine's day has never been a big deal with me, even when I was married. I have always thought it was a 'retail' merchandiser's holiday to make more money.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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Old 02-13-2011, 07:47 AM
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Yep, another Hallmark Holiday. I'd much rather get flowers or a gift on some random day when they aren't expected.
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Old 02-13-2011, 07:49 AM
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We have a fair number of Indian scw here, one of the guys in his early 20's-Babu-wanted to put a Valentines Day sign on one of the trucks.

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Old 02-13-2011, 08:00 AM
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Goldengirl, lc1972, Suki, Thumper, Sailor, Laurie, have a blessed Valentine's day & everyday! Sending you & everyone on this forum my love & gratitude. So glad you are all here!
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Old 02-13-2011, 08:02 AM
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I totally agree ...
I doubt rabf realizes thats its valentines
All i want is to feel apprecicated, & feel some love from him
Is that asking too much ? i dont think so
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Old 02-13-2011, 08:09 AM
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I also think Valentines Day is kind of a made-up for retail day, as I subscribe to do random niceties versus a forced one. But my RAH was always very good with gifts and being thoughtful...he just leaned toward punishment in other areas versus the openly hostile, in-your-face ignoring a holiday or birthday. I am the one who struggles with that. I really tried to ignore our last wedding anniversary. That wasn't very nice of me, looking back now. But I had trouble acknowledging I was "happy" to have married him because at that time, I was deeply regretting it.

I am going to get my daughters some chocolates and my Mom some flowers and go to an Al-Anon meeting for myself. But...I did splurge on a new cashmere sweater for myself this weekend. I just love cashmere! And being February, everything is on sale right now so some good deals to be had on winter clothing. Well...for me this is a sweater I can also wear in July on a cool, rainy day! I thought it was time to treat myself to a little something luxurious.
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Old 02-13-2011, 08:24 AM
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it is nice to be able to pause and celebrate each other in a relationship, sometimes with work and family etc, etc it can be easy to put that off, at least valentines day is an annual reminder. That is how I feel about it. not bothered about gifts and cards necessarily (I didn't get them anyway) but spending time together was important to me. I am happily single and therefore not at all bothered about not getting/giving anything for valentine's day. But it is a useful reminder to look after self: I love flowers, I may get myself some flowers after valentines, because I am way too cheap to spend the inflated prices on the day
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Old 02-13-2011, 08:32 AM
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It's a day of love and this will be the first V day in years without my ex and I'm ok with that.
I will love my family, my amazing friends, my cats. But most importantly, I will love ME!

:-)

Happy early Vday all, Love you with as much love as you have
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Old 02-13-2011, 08:57 AM
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I'm thinking I might buy myself some jewelry! to me!

My husband was always ridiculously generous before losing himself in alcohol. He constantly sent flowers to my work, which used to drive my co-workers crazy! After alcohol took over...nada...nothing for Christmas. I'm not expecting anything from him tomorrow. I doubt he even knows its Valentines Day.

My Dad has never bought my Mom anything for the past 45 years...ever...for birthdays or any occassion. She happily buys whatever she wants "from him." Guess I'm there too now. Oh well. At least I'll get what I want!
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Old 02-13-2011, 09:02 AM
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XABF always got me flowers on Valentine's Day, and we always did something "special".
We would have gone to dinner last night, if we were still together.

The thing is, I didn't want the overinflated flowers, and I didn't want the expensive dinners, I just wanted to do something nice and quiet for just the two of us, something that didn't cost an arm and a leg and wouldn't "require" me to send him half my next paycheck to help offset the costs.

I am looking forward to a nice quiet day tomorrow.

I thought about getting myself some flowers for tomorrow, but right now I have so many houseplants (I feel so bad, but I'm waiting for them to die so I can throw them out )

So, I think my plan this year is to buy a lot of chocolates for myself on Tuesday.
The day after Valentine's Day is the holiday, as far as I'm concerned - National Half Price Chocolate Day! Now that is something I can sink my teeth into.


Thank you for this thread goldengirl. You have also reminded me to call my parents and wish them a Happy Anniversary. (They got married the day before V-Day. My father always jokes that if he were smart, he would have waited two days, and saved a bundle.)
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Old 02-13-2011, 09:57 AM
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Thumbs up I agree!

Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
Yep, another Hallmark Holiday. I'd much rather get flowers or a gift on some random day when they aren't expected.
When this happens is when you know your loved and considered!
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Old 02-13-2011, 10:03 AM
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Starcat, I don't know why but I am cracking up hysterically that you have many house plants & that you are waiting for them to die. Is it appropriate for me to find this really funny?
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Old 02-13-2011, 10:20 AM
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Originally Posted by yorkiegirl View Post
Starcat, I don't know why but I am cracking up hysterically that you have many house plants & that you are waiting for them to die. Is it appropriate for me to find this really funny?
I swear, XABF insisted on collecting a lot of things. Houseplants was one of them. I think he had a houseplant fetish.

I found a home for the Poinsettia my parents got me (poisonous to cats or I would have kept it).
The ivy in the bedroom died, as did quite a few others.
So now I'm down to seven, including the remaining ugly bonsai he picked up, because apparently there's some law you can't have a Betta fish without putting bonsai next to it, and then a mini bonsai next to that, and then a fake even more miniature bonsai next to that...

Have I mentioned I live in a one-bedroom apartment with three windows?
They're all lined up in the living room, squashed in so much I don't know how they can get any sun between each other's shadows.

The only one I really want to keep is the snakeplant, and maybe two others, whichever ones survive the longest.
I'm not neglecting them (too much, anyway), I just don't like them, and it doesn't take long for them to get all straggly looking and ugly. So I'll take care of them, but hope they die off quickly.

I think I'm running a Houseplant Hospice.

And that's why I don't want flowers for Valentine's Day.
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Old 02-13-2011, 11:20 AM
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StarCat, I'd be happy to come take care of your plants for you. I can guarantee I'd have most of them dead within a month. I think I have a gray thumb or something.

I bristle when I hear people say "Valentine's Day is just a made-up Hallmark holiday" because I said it for 20 years to sort of comfort myself and tell myself I was being ridiculous when I was upset that RAXH did jack sh*t for me every year. Except demanding sex, of course.

This Valentine's Day, I'm spending in work meetings all day (boy, do I know how to have fun or what???? ) and then I was teasing Loverboy about the fact that he's pulled a group of people together to go out to dinner on Monday night. I'm like, "Dude -- I travel 3,000 miles to spend V-Day with you, and you invite Joe and Jack and Joan to go out to dinner with us? WTF?"

See, I think here's the thing for me: I don't particularly care about Valentine's Day now that I know I'm in a relationship where I'm appreciated every day of the year. And frankly, when I was married to RAXH, it wouldn't have mattered if he had bought me diamond rings on V-Day. Because I would still have known the marriage was awful.
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Old 02-13-2011, 12:57 PM
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My honey went out at night and bought me some ibuprofen for my headache the other night and also came home with a box of chocolate covered cherries. Not one of my fave candies..but is there any such thing as bad chocolate? LOL We split the box and ate 'em all. LOL

This isn't as big a deal to me as it once was. I need to work on being more thoughtful and romantic towards him rather than vice versa!
I should change and put on fresh bedding and give him a free home spa treatment and etc.
Actually cook a whole real meal...I have been slacking and letting him do most all of the cooking.

I will plan on us grabbing some after Valentine's Day chocolates...loved that idea. I have bought myself enough flowers in the past to not feel deprived on that score. He has bought them at random times too..yes, they were on sale but that is fine.
I will be far more interested in planting some in the yard!
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Old 02-13-2011, 01:56 PM
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If I get something for Valentine's Day I will be shocked! He will probably just tell me that he didn't know if he was allowed to spend the money a/k/a "I spend so much money on beer and toys that I wasn't sure we had enough money in the account..."
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Old 02-13-2011, 02:11 PM
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This is my new husband and I's
2nd Valentine's and our 2nd
married Anniversary.

My ex spouse and I ended our
25 yr marriage very civil and we
both have gone our separate ways.

I met my new husband at an AA
meeting one morning, one neither
one of us had ever gone to before.

We dated, got engaged and married
on Valentine's Day riding our Harley
to the JP for a very simple yet meaningful
ceremoney. That night we got tattoos.

Both my husband and I live life
simple with fun. We get what we
need when we need it at this stage
in our life.

Tomorrow is our special day and
just being together sober means more
than anything.

We were out and about today so
we went out for a nice meal and
bought some new red sateen sheets
for our bed. Ill put them on our
bed tomorrow so we can have new
sheets to sleep on after I get a new
addition to my center chest heart
tattoo.

Our big gift is adding on to our Harley
for our Daytona Trip in March.

We love holidays because we love
being with each other and sharing
those little joys and blessings in
recovery together.

PS... I enjoy get something for
myself all the time. It's fun.
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