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OMG! I am so upset, hurt, confused..

Old 06-29-2010, 04:25 PM
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OMG! I am so upset, hurt, confused..

I posted for the first time yesterday. My fiance that lives on the East coast and was moving here in Aug. We had plans to get married in Dec. He relapsed and has been on a drinking binge all weekend. His roommate's girlfriend just called me. I have not heard from my fiance since yesterday when he was still in love with me. OK, so his roommates girlfriend just called me and said, that my Fiance called from some hotel and needed to be picked up. He said, "we need you to come get us." She said, who is "we" He said, "Me and Lori", then he told her they got married last night. WTF? He met some chick in a bar and was on a three day drunken binge and finds some other drunk girl and marries her? Holy Cow? I am disgusted, shocked and amazed. You guys this guy sober, had promised himself he would never marry again. When I came along, I truly am the love of his life. We were together when we were young, and reconnected on FB. He has a ring for me on layaway. I PICKED it! He has a checking account and savings account that he opened for us. We have money put away for his move, and our wedding. I called his ex wife. She is a recovering alcoholic too. She said, she thought that me in his life was going to really be the thing that kept him sober. She then told me that she thinks his disease is progressing so rapidly and getting worse to the point that he is truly insane when he drinks. She told me not to take the getting married to some stranger chick personallly. She is sure he will come out of his drunkeness and freak out when he realized what he has done. I jut had a two hour conversation with her. She was wondeful. and reassured me that every thing happens for a reason, and it will become appparent soon. She said, maybe this happened so you do go to Alanon, because of my growing up with and alcoholic dad, and having a 18 year old son that is a drug addict.

I am sick, I am going to throw up!? This is so hurtful, and so disgusting. I don't know what I am going to do to calm down and stay sane myself. Help.

:rotfxko
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Old 06-29-2010, 04:46 PM
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You are trying to rationalize active alcoholic behavior. I am sure that he will wake up and realize what he did, but he has to get out of it himself. Let him fall flat on his face on this one. Take care of yourself, and give him the dignity to clean it up himself.
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Old 06-29-2010, 04:52 PM
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OK, I am trying. I am just so hurt. So sad,and feel like such a fool. Thank you so much for replying. I need this support right now. Thank you.
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Old 06-29-2010, 04:54 PM
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I am so sorry for your pain. This is truly hurtful and disgusting, and this guy does NOT deserve you.

Yes, he probably will freak out about this all and probably soon. And no, you should not take it personally. I do hope that when he does freak out about it, you are not there to be his shoulder to cry on when he is spewing "i'm so sorry"...
He does not deserve to have contact with you ....AT ALL.

Take care of yourself.
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Old 06-29-2010, 04:55 PM
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Well, I had this whole big response typed out and POOF it was gone..kinda like him.

I am sorry, however, he did you a big favor, so accept it and move forward.

He is an alcoholic, and as all are, impulsive.

Be thankful that the "New Bride" is for now, stuck with him.

Do something special for yourself, take a hot bath, pour in the bubbles and light the candles.

Tomorrow is a new day, embrace it.

Hugs,
Dolly
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Old 06-29-2010, 05:01 PM
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I agree with the others. He didn't do anything TO you, he just did what drunks do. He's crapped the bed now! He is married and it won't be as easy to undo as it was to do.

You, on the other hand, are very, VERY lucky. You really dodged a bullet. You will probably hear from him again at some point with a sob story and begging your forgiveness. I truly hope you will not fall for any of it. Hang in there, it will get better and one day not too far off, you will realize how lucky you have been.
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Old 06-29-2010, 05:07 PM
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Yes, Suki is so right, you will hear from him again, don't fall for all those crock tears, it's all BS.
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Old 06-29-2010, 05:10 PM
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OK, thank you. His facebook page still has a picture of my kissing him, and his status is "engaged to me." What a joke. I have never felt so foolish in my life. I am blocking his FB right now. Thank you everyone. I am a mess right now.
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Old 06-29-2010, 05:10 PM
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I am sorry you are going through this, but truly hope that this is the start of your recovery. If it's not, this guy will be back, or it'll be another one right around the corner. I agree with the ex..Alanon is where you need to be.
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Old 06-29-2010, 05:15 PM
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Kat,

Don't be so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes, the key is to learn from them.

I would suggest no contact of any sort, there is really nothing to say, and, any communication will only upset you more. He is not worth your time or attention.
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Old 06-29-2010, 05:21 PM
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Kat, you didn't do anything wrong, so don't feel like a fool. You had no idea anything like this would happen. I'm sure it was a huge shock to get that call just out of the blue. Go ahead and be sad for a while. Get it out. Then do something nice for yourself and move on. He made his own mess and now he can deal with it. You have better things in your future, I can guarantee you that.
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Old 06-29-2010, 05:25 PM
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The only thing I can add the the excellent posts above is to get your money out of that joint account if you have any in there. Then take your name off it.

Sorry you are having to deal with this. You did the right thing by blocking his facebook and that shows real strength on your part!
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Old 06-29-2010, 05:26 PM
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Thanks, I guess I just have to get myself through the stages of grief right now. I just regret ever finding him on FB right now. I cannot even begin to explain how it seemed to be such a blessing. I had been praying for a long time for a guy to come along. I described him in my mind and Tim was it. I prayed for whomever God would send me would be healthy, and sober. (I have had my share of relationships with drinkers, but no one this bad.) So, when Tim and I found each other after all these years, and he said he was sober and going to AA. I was thrilled. I thanked God over and over. So, this is just so difficult to wrap my mind around. I feel like the joke is on me, ya know?
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Old 06-29-2010, 05:35 PM
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Katfsh, I found my XA on Facebook too, I was soooooo happy when I did. We went to HS together and I was so happy I found him. I thought it was meant to be.
Then I found out on Facebook that he went back to his EX.....before deciding to let me know.
The first man I have ever loved.
And he will not be the last!

I have since deleted my FB account. I'll meet a man the old fashioned way.... in a coffee shop
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Old 06-29-2010, 05:47 PM
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Unfortunatly, many who find others via the internet are in for a big surprise.

To me, most of what is posted on these sites is pure fodder.

Anywhoo, time will heal you, give yourself time all the time you need.
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Old 06-29-2010, 05:56 PM
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Stay strong! I am so very sorry for the pain you are feeling right now, but THE very best thing you can do for yourself is stay strong and do not let yourself engage in his sob story when he contacts you, because he WILL say all the right things to suck you back in. It is what they do, instinctively. Please stay strong...come here for support.

As painful as this is right now, consider yourself lucky, blessed, that this has happened. You are not married to him and you can learn much from this about yourself and FOR yourself. Don't beat yourself up, you are not a fool. Addicts are exceptional liars.
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Old 06-29-2010, 06:15 PM
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I went online and transferred my money from our savings to the checking. Then I ran to my personal bank and deposited a check. Just praying he stays drunk long enough so he doesn't go online and look at the account. God has to be with me on this one!! I hope.
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Old 06-29-2010, 06:27 PM
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Good girl!

You might want to also remove your name from the joint account so you can't be held responsible for any transactions or overages he makes.
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Old 06-29-2010, 06:36 PM
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Wow -- What a kick in the gut, Kat!! Like others have said, you should get down on your knees and thank your HP for doing you this BIG FAVOR!!!!

I think you'll be just fine -- especially as you absorb this lesson and grow in wisdom. (((HUGS))) I know it's not easy right now, though, and I'm sorry you're going thru this pain. We're here for you.
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Old 06-29-2010, 06:47 PM
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Thank you. I can't stop crying. I have been through worse,(divorce with 4 kids, and then an abusive relationship) but right now after all the hope I had and trust I put into him, I am so sad. Just really, really sad, and alone. He has been my best friend. I feel like it was all just a big fat joke. I trusted him to love me. I trusted him to stay sober, I trusted him. Right now, I am trying hard to accept this, and trust God. It is without a doubt, a struggle.
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