PurpleWilder

OK. So growing up, NOBODY was allowed over to our house. No one in my family was an alcoholic, but my dad was a chronic womanizer who tried (and sometimes succeeded) to sleep with the wives of anyone my parents came in contact with. My mom was a chronic hypochondriac and bitter as hell about it all - my standard joke is that my mom is not prejudiced; she hates everybody. I remember summer vacations - 2.5 months long - when I played with no other children but my sister and went no where but to family members' houses.

Now, I am a chronic loner. During my childhood, I had no control over that. Now, I seem stuck with it. It suddenly occured to me today that I wouldn't be so crushed about certain people deciding they didn't want to be around me anymore if 1 person equalled, say 1% of the friends I have instead of, say 10%.

I want to find things to do to meet people - not necessarily in a romantic way (although that would be nice) but I don't know what that would be cause of my crazy work schedule (overnights) and the fact that circumstances have me with my 2 kids almost 24/7. I am gonna have to have a hard talk with the ex about taking them again on alternate weekends like he is supposed to, which he hasn't done in 9 months - but I digress...

Places other than meetings. Or church - I am closer to Pagan than anything. Thanks.

LaTeeDa

Community college classes, volunteer organizations, clubs (gardening, photography, pets, books, whatever you're interested in). Heck, I even started going to city council meetings for a while just to get out and get involved.

L

Jess01

Having parents like that would definitely change your perception of the world.
Are you clear with who you are and how you think? Do you know why you are a loner? As we grow up we depend so much on our parents to teach and guide us into life. If we do not get correct messages then inevitably it will lead to confusion and error of judgements in our adult life, thus leading to unhappiness.

What has helped me to overcome these difficulties is therapy. It can be hard to find a good therapist but when you do all the pieces start falling together. Reading self help books can help, but they can also confuse you more.

Also listen to what your feelings and thoughts are telling you. If you want to go out and meet more people that’s a positive sign. It can be scary and daunting at first, but if you don’t put yourself out there then you will never know.

Recognise what interests you have and join similar groups. Join a social club. Get in touch with old friends. There is so much to do and discover

wicked

maybe this would be a place to start.
explore paganism, find some like minded people to discuss it with.
i think that would be fascinating.

beth

PurpleWilder

I also realized today that my extreme "lonerism" makes it easier for creeps - like alcoholics, addicts, and emotional f*%kwits to sorta "cull" me from the pack. To a social predator, I look like a good, easy meal!

A good network of friends would help me keep my head on straight on the rare chance that I do meet someone.

dollydo

I too am a loner, however, never lonely. Only child raised by my A mother.

I keep so busy, not enough hours in the day to complete all my stuff. I take gourmet cooking classes, make miniature projects, grow orchids, have dinner with my friends & family (many times at my house), play on the computer, read and when I can squeeze it in, travel. Oh, yeah I also work 45 hours a week, forgot that!

Write down what you like to do, and, what you would like to learn to do. Make a plan, search out the activities you would enjoy. Once you get the ball rolling, you will make friends, just works out that way!

roxiestone

I keep an activity calendar in Google. Every time I run across something interesting, I add it to that calendar. Libraries offering reading, concerts, museum lectures and the like. Most are free or inexpensive. Pack a picnic lunch and go to a local park. Anything. Get yourself on foot with people around.

I grew up in a chaotic situation where there was a lot of shame and I thought I was a loner. Turns out, that was a completely external thing that I had internalized. I find I am happier when around people - I mean just having people in the vicinity, etc. But the big point was that I was self-identifying myself as a loner based on factors other than the truth. It was more a habit than something that was making me happy.

CatsPajamas

I have met the most amazing people when doing volunteer work. There are a variety of projects, programs etc and most can use help at all hours of the day and night!

And I totally understand what you're saying about attracting A's - I swear I used to have some sort of GPS device that led me straight to them and them to me! All I can tell you is this - as I got healthier and learned more about myself, understood my history and decided to make different choices, I started to have healthier people in my life. It's a process, but it's a good one.

Thumper

My life is busy so I get a little (maybe a lot) mentally exhausted if I try to do to much. I do recognize that it isn't totally healthy to have zero friends/acquaintances though and not really the example I want to set for my kids.

I'm in a very small town so options are somewhat limited until you already have friends but I decided to take an open position as board member for the Youth Center. It is a planned way to have contact with others/meet people - and not to overwhelming with the amount of time needed. It meets once a month for an hour and some other work through out the year but certainly not a weekly thing.

I have to find babysitters to watch the kids as I can not count on their dad for that. Expensive - plus, I work all day. I don't want to spend to much time away in the evening. This was a hurdle for me because I have never, ever, in my life, hired a babysitter for a non-work activity until I decided to do this.

How old are the kids? Once they are older, if they get involved in activities, you'll meet people through those things as well.

nodaybut2day

I am an only child and naturally, I tend to just want to be alone. It has its pitfalls though...over the years, I've found myself rather "phobic" about meeting new people.

To remedy this, I try to make myself attend activities where I know I'll meet new people. When I just had my daughter, I went to a local breastfeeding clinic for a weekly meeting. After a while, I knew all there was to know about nursing, but I kept going for the socialization it brought me. I'd chat up some new moms, we'd exchange emails and phone numbers, and then I'd make sure I follow up with them within a week. I generally find that these days, people are socially lazy and won't go out of their way to create a bond of friendship unless it's easy. Also, there are a lot of shy people out there who don't have the guts to reach out and make new friends. So I try to take that first step; I find it's therapeutic for me as it forces me out of my shell a bit. I put myself out there, make a call, plan an activity with someone new, and see where it leads.

Venturing out once or twice a week is all it takes for me to feel like "I've got a life". The rest of the time, I work, I take care of my little one, and I take refuge at home to spend some quality time with myself. It's a nice balance I'm happy with.

safetygirl

As someone else said, we do not know how old your kids are ... but take them on a walk around your neighborhood, or to the playground. My kids are 12 & 8 and are involved in baseball and hockey ... there are ALOT of single parents at those events. Make youself look nice and put on a smile and start talking to people!!
Also, don't ditch your kids on the ex if the kids don't want to go there ... being a good mother needs to be your first priority.
Good Luck