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OMG! I am so upset, hurt, confused..

Old 07-01-2010, 03:44 PM
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I am so sorry for your pain. What a kick in the teeth!
The first mistake, putting faith in a recovery A who's in AA when you have a history of being with addicts. When you've had all these wild rides with addicts, make sure the next man has no past addictions at all.
Addict or not, his actions are pretty sick.
You did dodge a bullet and yes a blessing, but words like that don't add any comfort to you right now.
Take this as a sign you need to work on yourself. Keep us posted.
again, wow! I would freak the heck OUT!
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Old 07-01-2010, 08:00 PM
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It's only gotten worse. He wasn't around to see his son leave tonight. No one could find him. His phones are off. He is with that chick, I guess. He is so far gone. He text me at 0300 this am, so 0600 his time, it just said, "hi" I didn't answer. His roommate has an eviction paper on the door for him. How does this happen. His ex wife just called me, she is so afraid the next call will be someone saying he is dead. I can't even believe this. She kept telling me that they aren't even friends, but he told her how much he loves me and can't wait to move here and have a life with me. Of course all this took place when he was totally sober and had been for a long time. I guess I just keep praying. I don't want him to be dead. I am just sick. Just really devesatated and sick.
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Old 07-01-2010, 08:06 PM
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(((Hugs)))
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Old 07-01-2010, 09:27 PM
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D.E.T.A.C.H.

Give yourself a break Kat. You cannot fix this and you are making yourself sick. Sometimes the best thing for everyone involved is to stop answering the phone and stay out of the madness.

Think of your girls first. They need their moms full attention. They have no one else.
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Old 07-01-2010, 09:59 PM
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stay out of the madness
.

He is no where near what you want! Where is that thread on Magical Thinking?
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Old 07-01-2010, 09:59 PM
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Thank you. I am trying. Now he is missing, no one has seen him since yesterday. He did send me a text at 0600. I just want him to be alive. It's so hard not to care. ya know?
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Old 07-01-2010, 10:02 PM
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I don't want him, not after all this. I am so sad. But, this cannot be a part of our life. I just want him to be alive and get help. That is my only prayer for him right now. I will be fine.
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Old 07-02-2010, 03:33 AM
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Who says you have to stop caring? He's a person you love with a sickness. I think it's great that you care and want him to be ok and this is so new, of course your emotions are all over the place.
Get through these first stages of shock and grief first and then it's possile to apply detachment and feeling happy he's gone.

You will be fine, you'll be more than fine, just take it moment by moment.
My ex had some shocking actions and when I discovered his secrets, it took me weeks to absorb it all in.

Keep posting
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Old 07-02-2010, 05:30 AM
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Originally Posted by mrphillipctrs1 View Post
.

He is no where near what you want! Where is that thread on Magical Thinking?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...king-zone.html
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Old 07-02-2010, 05:57 AM
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Hang in there kat. Take care of yourself and the kids. It is okay to care if that person is alive or not, but from a distance. You are doing the right thing by staying no contact. He is a big boy and he is responsible for himself, not you. If he falls he falls. It is not for you to rescue the alcoholic, because you can't. Be there for your kids, stay strong, as others have said come here and vent if you feel a need for contact. Hell come here for any reason. There is wisdom and caring here.
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Old 07-02-2010, 06:49 AM
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Lots of good support and replies from everyone. Feel that all around you.

I know how you can struggle with wanting to know "what's going on", I've been there many times with my son. But if you can just walk away from that phone, for even a little while, spend time with your kids, a friend, the tv or a book, you do have your own life to live.
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Old 07-02-2010, 07:05 AM
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Sending you hugs today Kat...
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Old 07-02-2010, 07:53 AM
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It's only gotten worse. He wasn't around to see his son leave tonight. No one could find him. His phones are off. He is with that chick, I guess. He is so far gone. He text me at 0300 this am, so 0600 his time, it just said, "hi" I didn't answer. His roommate has an eviction paper on the door for him. How does this happen. His ex wife just called me, she is so afraid the next call will be someone saying he is dead. I can't even believe this. She kept telling me that they aren't even friends, but he told her how much he loves me and can't wait to move here and have a life with me. Of course all this took place when he was totally sober and had been for a long time. I guess I just keep praying. I don't want him to be dead. I am just sick. Just really devesatated and sick...I am trying. Now he is missing, no one has seen him since yesterday. He did send me a text at 0600. I just want him to be alive. It's so hard not to care. ya know?
I am going to give you a little tough love here, the kind my X-addict BF gave me when I was flipping out over him. He said to me three simple words that slapped me silly (not physically). He said straight to my face: "Get. A. Life." Yes it hurt like hell. Yes, it seemed the CRUELEST thing ANYONE could say to me, especially him after all he had "put me through." I realized later on that it was the damn truth and the fact that he said it was a tremendous, unselfish, act of love. So, in that light, here is my feedback to you:

Why are you and his ex-wife and his roommate and whomever else you are talking to in his business in the first place? He JUST got married - so why WOULD he answer the phone? How does being out of communication with people for ONE Day constitute "missing"? Why WOULD he want to be found? He just got married. If I had just gotten married, I wouldn't want to be communicating with anyone either. Who exactly has this gotten worse for? Certainly not him. It has only gotten worse for you because you keep yourself in his business. He's not dead, he texted you twice and let you know he is not dead.

If you want to get better, get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting and stop being all in his business and stirring things up with his roommate and his ex-wife and whomever else.
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