AH too drunk to pick up the kids from school
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
AH too drunk to pick up the kids from school
Well at least I"m not panicked. I"m not even surprised, really, But I am going to make sure this doesn't happen again.
I called him to give him a list of things to do at the school and he was so drunk he couldn't talk. Then, he started texting me crap about when we were dating, his resentments from 1995. I deleted them immediatly, and texted him that i would pick up the kids and to not show up at the school. If he does, I'll make sure the principal or teacher gets close enough to see he's drunk.
I re-arranged my schedule to get them myself.
I"m going to give a friend of mine who works at the school $50 today and ask her to be on call for times like this. She loves my kids, has kids their age, and has told me that she will watch them anytime.
And I called my old divorce attorney. She told me to dig up the divorce papers I filed August 2008 and we would use them. Guess I"ll find them after i get the kids, feed them, do their homework with them, put them to bed, clean the house, pack the lunches and THEN site down to work at this computer for 3 hours to make up for the work I couldn't do today.
Seriously, this BS with my A business partner and my AH has taught me at least one thing. I can't rely on them. Period.
I called him to give him a list of things to do at the school and he was so drunk he couldn't talk. Then, he started texting me crap about when we were dating, his resentments from 1995. I deleted them immediatly, and texted him that i would pick up the kids and to not show up at the school. If he does, I'll make sure the principal or teacher gets close enough to see he's drunk.
I re-arranged my schedule to get them myself.
I"m going to give a friend of mine who works at the school $50 today and ask her to be on call for times like this. She loves my kids, has kids their age, and has told me that she will watch them anytime.
And I called my old divorce attorney. She told me to dig up the divorce papers I filed August 2008 and we would use them. Guess I"ll find them after i get the kids, feed them, do their homework with them, put them to bed, clean the house, pack the lunches and THEN site down to work at this computer for 3 hours to make up for the work I couldn't do today.
Seriously, this BS with my A business partner and my AH has taught me at least one thing. I can't rely on them. Period.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 9
I can't even imagine. I raised my kid 100% on my own. That is tough enough. I couldn't imagine allowing myself to depend on someone else, especially the other parent, and being let down consistently.
But - that said - I and many other single moms prove it can be done. But I must confess, it is so much easier without all the DRAMA!!
Sorry you are dealing with this. Sounds like you have a good plan though.
tlc
But - that said - I and many other single moms prove it can be done. But I must confess, it is so much easier without all the DRAMA!!
Sorry you are dealing with this. Sounds like you have a good plan though.
tlc
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I"m going to give a friend of mine who works at the school $50 today and ask her to be on call for times like this. She loves my kids, has kids their age, and has told me that she will watch them anytime.
Now aren't these angels God sent your way?
transform, I know you can make it. Breathe. Can I complain in your thread?? I am overworked and need to take care of now 8 cats! receive the electrician at 530 and somehow leave work earlier to receive him. Then the house is a mess so at least I would like to clean up a little before he arrives.. but how? there is no electricity and I can't see well enough to find my broom lol. Then try and go to my dance lesson then come back to tend to the cats and partner who all feel I don't spend time with them...
One task at a time
One breathe at a time
Perhaps looking for the divorce papers can be done tomorrow when you are less stressed? the important thing is that you are taking the decision, I would say kids/work are more important. Perhaps look for them during the weekend?
Now aren't these angels God sent your way?
transform, I know you can make it. Breathe. Can I complain in your thread?? I am overworked and need to take care of now 8 cats! receive the electrician at 530 and somehow leave work earlier to receive him. Then the house is a mess so at least I would like to clean up a little before he arrives.. but how? there is no electricity and I can't see well enough to find my broom lol. Then try and go to my dance lesson then come back to tend to the cats and partner who all feel I don't spend time with them...
One task at a time
One breathe at a time
Perhaps looking for the divorce papers can be done tomorrow when you are less stressed? the important thing is that you are taking the decision, I would say kids/work are more important. Perhaps look for them during the weekend?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South Africa
Posts: 330
This is such a progressive disease that most of us turn out to be alone - parents with no support from their other parent. There comes a time (without recovery) that you cannot rely on the chemically addicted parent whatsoever to be with your children. This sucks. In" normal divorce" cases there are 2 parents and responsibilities with children can be shared. The acceptance of this can be a driving force that moves us into a stronger recovery. It helped me when I realised that my children need me healthy - I have a responsibility towards them - not him. My STBXAH is a big boy !
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thanks Guys.
Last night was a fiasco. I turned the phone off, he drove over here-drunk-and walked into my house. I got him out ASAP. He called the house phone land line repeatedly and when I didn't answer that he came back. My youngest, who has anxiety in general anyway, was crying that he was afraid Dad would die from drinking. Then he was afraid he would die because AH let him have some beer at his house, but I gave him his Garfield book and he felt better.
I finally got AH out of my house, told him we would talk tomorrow when he's sober and he swore at me and said, "when you aren't visably stoned around the kids you can judge me," which I assume he means when I'm stoned from the drugs I take when I have endometriosis. I dunno. Isn't that funny? That I actually try to understand what he means? Silly girl.
At least I don't feel hooked in or sorry for him. Thank God!
But I do feel like the using A's in my life are spiraling out of control. Just found out our A business partner will be at the mediation we set up the the lawyer Monday morning. He wasn't coming, then he wouldn't return our calls. I had the lawyer call him and he gave him the whole list of how we've wronged him, that he now doessn't want to let go of the paper, but he'll do it if we buy him out for ten thousand dollars. Which is absurd. Really. Matt (the lawyer) asked if he would buy us out for the same and he said no.
When I first started working with him, in November, he told me he was under so much stress that he'd started drinking again after 12 years. Why didn't I run then? Why didn't I at least put two and two together and expect this madness with him?
I've thought about that a lot over the last few days during this bs drama with him. I think it's denial, yes, but my denial is narcisisstic. I think, well that's his problem, not mine and I"ll just leave him to deal with it.
Next time I'll run for the hills.
Last night was a fiasco. I turned the phone off, he drove over here-drunk-and walked into my house. I got him out ASAP. He called the house phone land line repeatedly and when I didn't answer that he came back. My youngest, who has anxiety in general anyway, was crying that he was afraid Dad would die from drinking. Then he was afraid he would die because AH let him have some beer at his house, but I gave him his Garfield book and he felt better.
I finally got AH out of my house, told him we would talk tomorrow when he's sober and he swore at me and said, "when you aren't visably stoned around the kids you can judge me," which I assume he means when I'm stoned from the drugs I take when I have endometriosis. I dunno. Isn't that funny? That I actually try to understand what he means? Silly girl.
At least I don't feel hooked in or sorry for him. Thank God!
But I do feel like the using A's in my life are spiraling out of control. Just found out our A business partner will be at the mediation we set up the the lawyer Monday morning. He wasn't coming, then he wouldn't return our calls. I had the lawyer call him and he gave him the whole list of how we've wronged him, that he now doessn't want to let go of the paper, but he'll do it if we buy him out for ten thousand dollars. Which is absurd. Really. Matt (the lawyer) asked if he would buy us out for the same and he said no.
When I first started working with him, in November, he told me he was under so much stress that he'd started drinking again after 12 years. Why didn't I run then? Why didn't I at least put two and two together and expect this madness with him?
I've thought about that a lot over the last few days during this bs drama with him. I think it's denial, yes, but my denial is narcisisstic. I think, well that's his problem, not mine and I"ll just leave him to deal with it.
Next time I'll run for the hills.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
Do you have concerns about AH picking up the kids and driving under the influence with them in the car? This episode is really divine intervention in that you knew in advance he was too drunk to pick up the kids. In the future, you may not be so lucky.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 583
transform
I know I had to just move on like my wife isn't here to help anymore and I took control of all the kids arangements. Having a sober wife around was a bonus but not counted on. Doing that helps keep my anger(expectations) in check. It does 100% suck having to do this but peace of mind is around more since I've done this as I don't have to worry about my 7 year old waiting at school crying because mommy passed out and never picked her up.
AG
I know I had to just move on like my wife isn't here to help anymore and I took control of all the kids arangements. Having a sober wife around was a bonus but not counted on. Doing that helps keep my anger(expectations) in check. It does 100% suck having to do this but peace of mind is around more since I've done this as I don't have to worry about my 7 year old waiting at school crying because mommy passed out and never picked her up.
AG
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 17
I have the same concern with my wife picking up our kids every day. I know that she has picked them up when she was drinking. I could tell from texts and phone calls. I don't know how to handle this. Do I tell the teachers to watch it? She was drinking (secretly) at a playgroup last Friday and one of the wives had to call me to tell me she was driving our kids and my wife home. She was not aware of her problem until that day. I worry daily about drinking and driving. Any advice? Call police, teachers, who else?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Sting 
I have the same concern with my wife picking up our kids every day. I know that she has picked them up when she was drinking. I could tell from texts and phone calls. I don't know how to handle this. Do I tell the teachers to watch it? She was drinking (secretly) at a playgroup last Friday and one of the wives had to call me to tell me she was driving our kids and my wife home. She was not aware of her problem until that day. I worry daily about drinking and driving. Any advice? Call police, teachers, who else?
I told her the next day (she never came back that night) if she ever EVER got in her car after drinking again, I would not hesitate to pick up the phone and call the police.
I would never be able to live with myself if I knew she were driving under the influence, I did nothing, and she ended up killing herself and/or others.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by transformyself
My youngest, who has anxiety in general anyway, was crying that he was afraid Dad would die from drinking. Then he was afraid he would die because AH let him have some beer at his house, but I gave him his Garfield book and he felt better.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
I encourage the calling of police if you know someone is driving under the influence - whether that someone be your child, your ex-spouse, or current spouse. In fact, Sting I would hope that I would see her get into a car intoxicated, so that I could make the call. If we cross our fingers and hope nothing bad will ever happen, or do things to get in the way of their consequences, it is just that much more difficult for everyone to really see there is really a problem.
Transform, are you locking the doors of the house at all times - whether you're there or not? Does he have a key? If so, what if you changed the locks? (I know, I know, you're not divorced yet)
When it rains, it pours.
Transform, are you locking the doors of the house at all times - whether you're there or not? Does he have a key? If so, what if you changed the locks? (I know, I know, you're not divorced yet)
When it rains, it pours.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Jesus Wept!!!
What with dad's and mum's too drunk to know what end is up, but happy to drive their precious kids around in a car, Transform's nutcase materializes like the darn Cheshire Cat, having driven over there drunk, accuses HER of drug use, and her son freaks out because dad once gave him a bit of beer...
And people watch Days of our Lives for excitement? For sheer drama, real life with an A knocks those shows off the radar.
The wonder is that anyone involved with some of the folks I hear of here, isn't totally demented by living with such stupidity and chaos, and that they can actually get to where they take action for their own and their loved one's sakes.
I am grateful that I never had to deal with a drunk and kids, and do not have anything like this to face, and I have such respect and admiration for those who are trying to cope with this nightmare.
Thank God, for SR and the listening, help and support this site gives.
God bless
What with dad's and mum's too drunk to know what end is up, but happy to drive their precious kids around in a car, Transform's nutcase materializes like the darn Cheshire Cat, having driven over there drunk, accuses HER of drug use, and her son freaks out because dad once gave him a bit of beer...
And people watch Days of our Lives for excitement? For sheer drama, real life with an A knocks those shows off the radar.
The wonder is that anyone involved with some of the folks I hear of here, isn't totally demented by living with such stupidity and chaos, and that they can actually get to where they take action for their own and their loved one's sakes.
I am grateful that I never had to deal with a drunk and kids, and do not have anything like this to face, and I have such respect and admiration for those who are trying to cope with this nightmare.
Thank God, for SR and the listening, help and support this site gives.
God bless
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